Visiting Daniel 5 Years After He Said, "I'll Never Be Happy Again" (Schizoaffective Disorder)

- [Chris] How would you introduce yourself if this is somebody's first time meeting you? - Hi, my name is Daniel James Nepveux. I am a US Army veteran, and I'm a kid at heart, and life is hard, but it's freaking awesome at the same time, and I'm a very confusing person with a brain with a thousand different miles in different directions.

And if you would just take a moment, I know I can be offputting with that talk. Strangely, if you take a moment to get to know me, I promise, man, I can make you laugh, I promise. It doesn't matter who you are.

It doesn't matter what culture you're from, what age you are, what sex you are, what gender you are, I don't care, I like people having a good time, and so if people can laugh, trust me, I'm happy. - [Chris] Five and a half years ago we first met. I interviewed you about your mental health disorders and millions of people around the world saw it.

You had a great impact on the world. In that interview to start, I asked you, "Do you think you will ever feel happiness again? " And you said, "No.

" Do you believe you still possess the ability to be happy? - No, I know that sounds weird, 'cause I'm like half-smiling right now. I don't, right now.

Maybe there's a way to get it back, but, no, I don't think I can experience joy, I don't. - [Chris] Well, here we are, five and a half years later. .

. - A grizzly beard added upon my face. - [Chris] A big old beard is now on your face.

- Curly hair, older, wiser dumber at the same time, yes. - [Chris] Were you correct? Do you feel happiness or no?

- I absolutely do. I do. And they're fleeting, but happiness is fleeting, but, man, I take those opportunities and I am thankful for them.

- [Chris] Did you think you would have moments like that back when we first met? - No, no. No, I didn't.

I had complete loss of any hope. I think I struggled along out of sheer will, and I am a very stubborn redhead. That's what kept me alive, I think.

Honestly, it was just will, and I love my mom. That's what kept me alive. I loved life, and something one day just kind of clicked, and it was a steady down, down, down, down, and trying to hide it, you know?

'Cause you don't really know that you're going down and tell people you realize that you're not happy with anything. Like nothing makes you happy. You used to be happy all the time, and now everything that made you happy is just tiresome.

- [Chris] What would you say the ratio is of percentage of time you feel joy to percentage of time you're struggling with your mental health? - That is directly correlated with how often am I seeing people I like. That it really is.

If I'm alone and isolated, and I do that to myself constantly still, I struggle with that. It's bad, it still gets very bad, like I don't want to give a rosy impression that, "Oh, life is good. I'm a lumberjack, living in the woods of Texas and enjoying furry animals all the time.

" I am a lumberjack, I live in Texas, I have a lot of furry animals, and I love the woods, but a lot of times those woods have shadows, and those shadows bite. And I'd say fifty-fifty, and, trust me, mm, I'll take that, I will. That's the lottery right there.

Fifty-fifty is the lottery for me. - [Chris] Do you think about the future? - I haven't for a really long time.

In fact, the future, I guess it still doesn't really exist, but it's really scary thinking about the future. It's one of the worst things for me to do, because I'm convinced, and all I see is usually just a road of nothing, nothing. Just every morning, the same sun coming through the same window at the same time, to wake you up to the same day of the same pain, of the same extreme boredom, of the same frustrations, and you see where this goes.

(laughs) And so, I am trying really hard not to, I'm trying to find a way to be comfortable with the present, because I'm not, I'm not comfortable with the present. I'm not comfortable with the past. I'm definitely scared to death of the future.

- [Chris] If there's somebody watching this video who's in a similar head space to where you were five and a half years ago, what would you say? - That's a hard one. Honestly, if I were to meet me at that time, I would listen to everything, I would, actively.

(sighs) Again, I love people, I do. People are so interesting, they're fascinating, and I would listen to him. I'd let him get through what he is been through.

He'd tell me about it, I would empathize. I would, actually. .

. By the way, actively listening to someone and just hearing words is different. Try and listen.

And when he'd finished, I would say, "First off, brother, I feel you. That is awful, it really is. There's not going to be an adequate way for me to say how awful your life is right now.

I wanna preface that, okay, Daniel? Okay, Daniel. " Second, be bold in your attempts to live.

If you wallow in the darkness and you refuse to swim against the current, you will drown. It will happen. But where's the fun in that?

Do it for you. Don't do it for anyone else. That's important.

If you're doing it for someone else, you will fail. Do it for you, but do it. Like, it's an ever-reaching darkness from which there is no escape, but there's light there, you can find it.

You just gotta get through it, man. Now there we are, look. - There we are, like it never ended.

(Daniel chuckles) - Except, you look better than you did five and a half years ago. And I look like the. .

. Oh, can I show you my license? Do I have my license?

I don't have it on. I look like the black and white "Wolf Man" movie in my license, like my hair's (grunts), and my beard's (grunts). - I think your beard and hair make you look distinguished and quite handsome.

- Merci beaucoup. - Exactly, that's the style these days. (Daniel speaking in a foreign language) - Every single, almost, I would estimate every single day I've received messages from people all over the world, every country asking me, "How's Daniel doing?

" Your interview across our platforms was viewed I think over 40 million times, (Daniel groans) and it just resonated with people from every corner of the world. Why do you think that is? - I have a sarcastic answer, I'm keeping it to myself.

Can I say my sarcastic answer, and you cut it out if it's too rude? - Sure. - 'Cause no one had anything better to do that day?

I don't know. (laughs) I don't know, I don't. People are just unbelievably kind, and the way they connected, I still don't understand it, I don't.

The way people, the messages. . .

I'm no longer scared to open my messages, 'cause I've realized I've, in my five and a half years, or five years whatever, I've maybe received like, six, seven, eight unkind messages. Every single other one, is just people saying, "I relate and I connect. " And I did not think that would happen.

I thought I was a kind of a really weird, odd ball, you know? Like, just an odd ball. So I think people were just gonna be like, "Oh, that's a nice crazy person, change the channel.

" - Well, I think that's a good message for other people out there who struggle with their mental health. That here we have a guy who, I think you'll admit, you struggle a lot. You shared your story very openly, and you were met with love and warmth.

Do you mind sharing all of your mental health disorders? - Okay, so we got them zeroed in finally. - [Chris] Has it changed over the years?

- Yes, because they were just throwing things at the wall at the beginning. There was just so many, and I didn't even understand what they were saying. I was like, I don't.

. . Brent, what are these words?

What are these acronyms? I was lost, like I had no idea what was going on. They were just saying things like personality disorder, or schizoaffective, like seven different things, I think in the beginning.

Now, it's pretty simple. Severe depressive disorder, schizoaffected bipolar type, with panic attacks. - [Chris] Do you still struggle with psychosis?

- Quite often? - About, I'd estimate, two or three years ago you called me, and we had a conversation that I don't even know if you recall. - I don't, 'cause I don't know what you're talking about.

- I think you might have been in active psychosis. - Ah, shoot. Okay, let me have it.

- And I'm happy I could be there for you during that time. I'm not letting you have it. I thought I could share the story, and you could share- - You have absolute permission to.

- Okay, yeah, I just wanted- - I want honesty, I want truth. When you hide it, it's so much worse. - Actually that was my first question if you even remembered it.

- No. - And you answer that you don't. Well, you called me, and you said you were driving, and you said that somebody was following you so you had to speed really fast, and you were talking really frantically really fast.

And I was like, "Oh goodness, like, he must be in physical danger driving that fast and it sounds like psychosis. " And very fortunately, I had interviewed somebody who experiences psychosis, a few days prior, and I asked her during the interview, "When you're experiencing psychosis, do you hope your loved ones and friends try to convince you that it's not true? What should they do?

" And she's told me, "If I'm experiencing psychosis and they try to tell me it's not true, I'll think they're part of the conspiracy. " So I've remembered that, so I thought to myself, "All right, I'm not gonna tell Daniel there's nobody following him. I'm just going to help him get safe.

" So I said, "Daniel, it sounds like you're going through a lot. I think you should pull over to the side of the road and put on some music you like. What's your favorite song?

What's the song that helps you feel calm? " - What answer did I give? 'Cause I have an answer right now in my head.

- I don't remember the song. - "Bridge Over Troubled Water. " - I honestly don't recall the song, it might've been that, but you listened, and I could literally over the phone, states away, feel your heart rate calming down.

Do you remember that at all? - Not even a flash. I have zero recollection of that.

- Okay. Thank you, though. - Yeah, of course.

- Thank you. - I think it would be helpful if the audience understood that we've become friends over the past five, five and a half years. - Heck, yes.

- So it's not uncommon for us to correspond. That's the only time I recall us talking on the phone while you were in active psychosis. But do you have any feedback for me?

Did I do everything right? Anything I could do better next time? - How did you get me to pull over?

- I just told you, I said, "Hey, like I think the safest thing you could do right now is to pull over, try to regulate your breathing. " I could almost hear like you were having a panic attack, and "Just put on a song you like. " So I didn't even acknowledge the fact that you thought somebody was chasing after you.

- I think you did very well, like very well. It's not just that you'll think they're part of the conspiracy, that's not often what I think, what I think is they're not listening. They don't know, and I will fight harder to convince and I'll bring all this proof, and they'll be like, "Okay, that's great, Daniel, but, it's not real.

" I'm like. . .

You know, instead of saying that, just say, "You know what, it might be real, I don't know. I'm not there with you right now. It might be real, but even if it's real, do you think it's safe to be driving this fast on the highway talking to me on the phone, or do you think it's safe for you to pull over, 'cause even if someone's following you, you know what?

They'll pull over behind you and they'll stop too, and then you'll both just be stopped. " Something like that, but. .

. Yeah, you did great, you did great. - Now, in this moment, do you know nobody was chasing you?

- Yes, absolutely, I am sure no one was chasing me. I'm sure it was. .

. Man, I wonder how I got home, like, I hate those. .

. This is the stuff that scares me the most is when I'm having a psychosis or when I'm coming out of a seizure, like really bad cluster of seizures that put me in the ICU and intubation and everything, people, a few days later will be like, "Hey, so you wanna talk about what you called me about? " Check my phone.

"We talked for like an hour? " What, oh no. It's so mortifying.

- Do you lose time? - Time, space, everything. (Daniel sighs) There is no orientation for you, 'cause you don't know what the hell's going on.

- [Chris] Would an example of full-blown act of psychosis be when you called me and thought somebody was following you? - Yes, I would say, for me that is a full psychosis 'cause I did not understand that, "No, they're not real, no, I'm not in danger. " I was still.

. . 'cause psychosis doesn't mean you're on some cloud, and you're not in the "Tellytubby" commercial with a bunch of weird aliens thinking, "Oh, I'm on Earth.

" It's a melding of reality, fantasy, fear, the unknown, but it makes perfect sense to you. It is real life, and you no longer understand that it's not real life. That is to me what I call full psychosis.

- Do you still struggle with thoughts of paranoia? - Every day, every day, every day. - What are those paranoid thoughts typically?

- They come in different forms. Some can be more extreme, more jarring than others that. .

. (Daniel sighs) I'm getting excited just talking about. Not excited, that's the wrong word, but my heart rate rises.

Like a less extreme one would be that the woman that I just ordered my. . .

very manly, venti hot chai tea latte made with sweet cream and extra whipped cream on top Starbucks drink. She just noticed that I really don't have any teeth and she's really upset at me. She doesn't like me, she hates me now, look at her.

She hates me. I hate me, look at me, I don't have any teeth. Dude, how old are you?

Like, I'm in my late 30s. You look like you're in your 90s. (sighs) I hate my life.

That would be more of a like minor kind of thinking people's thoughts for them instead of giving them a chance just to be nice to you. - You convinced yourself that this lady hates you because of something that you are self-conscious yourself about? - I am supremely self-conscious about my oral problems.

- [Chris] What is schizoaffective disorder, and how does it impact you? - Okay, I'm gonna do my best here, and, I'm sorry. To me it's funny, 'cause I mean, I served in military intelligence for several years, and I can't describe mental health very well.

(laughs) Okay, schizoaffective, what it is, the best way I can describe it is it's schizophrenia mixed with either depression and bipolar. It's a melding of the two. It's not all three really, but it's either schizoaffective bipolar, which is what I am, or it's schizoaffective depressive, and it's schizophrenia and depression, or schizophrenia and bipolar.

- [Chris] But you also have major depressive disorder? - Yes, it's like separate. .

. Like I said, I don't understand things. There's so many people in lab coats with words, and it gets very confusing and you don't know anymore.

I'm doing my best. Yes. (Daniel sighs) Basically, I'm just a really messed up person who's the triangle, which is schizoaffective bipolar but also severe depression.

And that means, not segments and phases of depression, we're talking months-long, deep unending depression, but because I have bipolar and especially severe insomnia, mania, I also get moments of, during those very long depressive orders that never end, I also get moments of like, imagine a heart rate. It's like depressed, depressed, depressed, heart rate. That was Daniel for about 10 days of no sleep.

Super energetic, get a lot of writing done, I feel great, and then die. The mania part of the bipolar, I'm kind of in that right now, 'cause I've been awake for like, I take it two and a half days. Nothing compared to what I've done in the past, but, yeah, I'm a little manic right now, so my brain is firing on too many cylinders, and it's difficult for me to focus on a single thread.

- What are some signs to others that you're manic? - If you can't keep a darn conversation thread going with me for more than like 20 seconds before we're diving. .

. Like, let's say, the question you just asked me, "How do you. .

. " What was the question? See, there it is, there's a sign right there.

I don't know what we're talking about right now. - And I just kind of smiled a little bit, 'cause you're finding humor in it. - I think it's funny too.

It's annoying, but you know what? It's me, take it or leave it. - Do you try to intervene though when you're feeling manic?

Is there anything you do to prevent yourself acting dangerously and taking on more risks than you should? - I just did it. I took a breath, 'cause I realized I was like going off in too many directions.

I just like, ah (breathing deeply), I need one more, yeah. - [Chris] How long do your cycles typically last between mania and depression? - Usually something like a week to 10 days of mania.

Usually accompanied by like zero sleep, severe insomnia, and then three weeks or so longer, sometimes up to like seven, eight weeks, like, there is no regular schedule. Does that make sense? So, one month it could be, hey, 10 days of mania, 20 days of depression.

Hey, I'm feeling better, I'm not sleeping, but, hey, I'm happy I'll take it. But then it's like four months of depression without any ups, and you just want to die. But then, Chris sends you a weird, awesome "Lord of the Rings" meme GIF thing on Instagram, and you're like, "That is the best thing I've seen in the last three weeks.

" I'm so happy you sent that. And for a moment you're okay. - [Chris] There is nothing weird about the memes I've sent?

- Oh, there's some of them. (laughs) No, but I'll say it's like, you know when you climb that rope, I was gonna say at infantry school. Now, on a playground where you got those knots, right?

The getting through the difficult times is like starting that rope where the knots are further apart, and you really gotta strain to hold the knot with your feet locking, and you climb up and you go another knot. But as you climb and you get more confident and you understand how climbing a rope works, the knots become closely placed and it's more comfortable. And by the time you get to the top, you're ready to do it again.

That is the cycle of depression, mania, psychosis. It's always gonna be hard at some point, but at some point it's always gonna be easier. - [Chris] Do you prefer.

. . - Are you about to ask me if I prefer mania or depression?

'Cause people ask that a lot. Was that the question you were gonna ask? - [Chris] I was going to ask that, and then I thought a better way to phrase it may be, when you're depressed, does mania feel like a welcome escape?

- Yes, I'm gonna be honest, like, everyone's different, everyone feels different. If I have a choice, I will take mania, even though I embarrass myself constantly, people will be like. .

. I'll realize I work on a minute 10 video for 14 straight hours. (laughs) But, man, when you've gone for four or five months.

. . I don't have the words for severe depression.

For me that is the worst. I'll take psychosis, 'cause at least that's interesting. Even if it's horrifying 99% of the time, it's interesting.

Sometimes it's really pretty and nice. I'll take mania, 'cause I talk too much, but, I love the night too. Those endless hours of the night where the rest of the world is asleep, but no one bothers me for like five hours.

Those nights are special to me, even though it's mania. I know it's not natural. I know it's not healthy.

Those five hours are mine. I'll take that any day over depression. I have nothing good to say about depression, other than just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

It's not forever, really, nothing's forever, not even life. Literally, nothing's forever, not existence. The universe will end one day.

So, you have to save yourself. Even if it's gonna be a billion years, it's gotta end at some point. - I just wanted to add a bit of context for this interview.

I hope you're okay with me sharing this? That I came here to meet Daniel, and you told me you're in an active manic state. - No, I didn't.

- He did not tell me that, nevermind. - I told him that several times. You'll see me literally say the words.

You know, it doesn't matter if I'm manic, at this moment right now, I'm comfortable and I'm happy. - I'm comfortable and happy too. (palms slap) Do you think it's.

. . Do you understand why I would add that context though?

- I actually appreciate that context, because if it's a viewer who doesn't know me or doesn't know anything about bipolar or mania at all, they may just see something. . .

you know, honestly someone made a mistake or something like a drug, because it feels like that, I guess, I don't know. I appreciate the context, 'cause a lot of people will think that's me always like that, confusing, ranting, jumping point to point. It's like being on a river and you have a little bunch of rocks to jump across, but instead of a nice little line, they're just scattered, and you're trying to find your way to the other side of the bank.

- I just thought of something I wanted to share with you. - Yeah. - Our friendship has kind of made me reevaluate all types of different things.

For example, the other day I was going for a jog, and it was the middle of the day during like a weekday, so there weren't a lot of other people out and about. And I was running by a lady, and she looked really disheveled. To be honest, she kind of looked homeless, and I was running by her, and the closer I got, I noticed she was just kind of yelling into the abyss, and there was nobody else around her, so it's not like she was communicating to anybody.

So, I started to like think, "Oh, she might be having some kind of like mental health crisis. " I just kept jogging, and then as I got closer, she looked at me and yelled, "You are not real. You can't be real.

You weren't here a few seconds ago and now you're here. " And then, it really confirmed for me that she's having some type of mental health crisis, and she might be like confusing what's a hallucination and what's not. I mean the thing is when you're like living your life and you're just going for a jog.

. . - That could be frightening, by the way.

I'm sure people- - Yeah, I didn't feel frightened. It can be frightening. - It's the reason why for you being a good human being and learning about people with these disabilities, but most people it's gonna scare 'em.

Let's just be honest, let's be real. That's gonna scare the average citizen on the side of the street taking a jog. - Yeah, it definitely would scare a lot of people, and I don't hold anyone.

. . - No.

- In any type of judgment if they would be scared by that. - Absolutely not, it's a gut reaction. - But the thing is, like, that happens.

I understand what's probably happening, but I just keep on jogging. What am I gonna do in that moment? Because if every person out there you see like that, there's many, many, many more who are going through the same thing.

- That's a horrible fear of mine. It's a real possibility one day, being a homeless person, for me. But losing my mind down the streets, please die before that, that's all I ask.

I don't want that. I don't want it, I don't want it. - If you are in that situation where you're experiencing psychosis on the street, what do you hope others do?

- Okay, it's a sarcastic answer, because I'm manic, it's dark humor. But let's say I yelled at someone, right? Those exact words that were yelled at you, "You're not real, you weren't here.

" So if you go, "You're here now. " Honestly, if the other person just stopped and said, "But I could be real," and then ran off, it makes me so happy to think that someone would do that. But, dammit, sometimes you need something to zap you out of the moment you're in, and, like you did fine.

And there's probably nothing you really could have done other than call for help and just be like, "Hey, someone's here having distress. " - But then you don't know if calling for help puts them in an even more dangerous situation, so I just kept on running. But I've been thinking about that a lot.

- I think we all have personal decisions we have to make when confronted with moments like that. And I think you did the right thing for you, you did the right thing for her with how you felt in that situation, and I think you handled it well. I would've handled it differently, but that's just because- - What would you have done?

- Exactly what I just said, I'm not kidding. Like I would've stopped and been like, "But I could be, right? " Just to see if they can converse with me, just to see, are they mentally capable of talking with me in any rational way?

And you'd be surprised sometimes even in psychosis it will be like, "You're talking. " Sometimes you can logic your way out of insanity. I know that sounds insane, but for me, that's what helps a lot, a lot of times is if people will just take a moment to.

. . (Daniel sighs) It's so difficult, 'cause everyone's so different, I can't speak for other people.

I can't speak for that woman, I can't. What's good for her is bad for me. - [Chris] Tell me about your hallucinations.

(Daniel sighs) - God, they're very good questions. It just takes me a second to gather my thoughts, because it's like someone saying, "Oh, you read 'Fellowship of the Ring,' tell me what it's about. " Do we have like 10 hours?

But I'll do my best to do it. They're not all bad, first off, I want to preface this. They are not all bad.

- [Chris] What's the percentage though? How many are positive? How many are negative?

- That's where it sucks. 80% negative, 20% positive. - [Chris] What are the negative ones like?

- There's a guy called The Yellow Man. He is a humanoid figure made of charcoal bark off a dead tree. That's what his skin's like.

His nails are. . .

It sounds ridiculous. They're human teeth. Okay, he had like six fingers.

Do I have six? Wow, Daniel, you counted your fingers, 'cause you didn't know if you had five or six. Oh, it's a long day.

(Daniel chuckles) Gimme one second, I'm sorry. Everything's okay. I am just overwhelmed, I'm sorry.

Happy overwhelmed, but overwhelmed. Sometimes you can't differentiate, and I can't say words when I'm overwhelmed, between bad or good overwhelmed, it's just overwhelmed. - [Chris] Do you often not talk about this stuff so when you have the chance to, it can feel overwhelming?

- (sighs) Yeah, I write it, but I write it abstractly, and I take my time with it, and it's almost. . .

it's more of a, "Hey reader, this is kind of what it feels like, I hope you get something from this," but directly talking about it, it's taking me back. - Now that you've been on both sides of the fences, a person with some pretty serious mental health disorders who tended to hide them, now to a person who's very outwardly expressing their struggles, which side is better? - Open honesty, leave your fly down when you put your jeans on, be you.

- Why? - Be you as long as you are not hurting people and being rude. Let me be clear about that.

(laughs) - Why is it better to share your experiences and what you struggle with? - We see us through a glass darkly, but how are we expected to. .

. how can we expect other people to know to see through that foggy, uncertain glass without giving them a bit of a window to look into what it's like for us? How can we expect people to treat us the way we want them to, expect them when we don't communicate to them that we need that or want that?

I know it's easy to hate everybody. Everyone hates everybody now, let's just be honest. I'm sure.

. . - I don't hate you.

- I hate you. No, I do not. (Chris laughs) No, I don't know where I was going.

I had a word and a thought. Can you grab that thought for me? It's a thumbnail.

- Yes, the question was why is it better to share your experiences rather- - The glass darkly, got it. We can't expect people to behave and treat us the way we want if we do not take that one moment to be courageous and say, "Hey, this is a weird thing, man, but would you mind doing this? " Or just being like.

. . "No one listens, no one's hearing me scream," and that's true, 'cause we scream in the dark alone.

The inside-out man eats us each, one by one in silence, and we wait in line like kids in a kindergarten fire drill to be devoured by something we have no control over. How about someone turn on the light, and we all say, "Screw this, turn around. Let's go talk about this and leave this line.

" Communication is the key to making life better in all aspects every time. - [Chris] What do you think when you go back and watch that first video we filmed together? - I don't watch it.

Okay, yeah, mm. I am so happy that I met so many good people. Without that interview, I wouldn't have the enormous leaps in my life.

Don't worry, I'm still drowning every other day, but, darn it, I am breaking the surface of the water too. And people are there, there's people in my life that I met because of that interview. There's moments I wouldn't have had, there's trips, there's adventures.

But watching that is. . .

yeah, that guy in that video is a lost soul, and watching it puts me back in that chair. I don't like that chair, so I avoid it, I don't watch it. I'm glad people do.

I'm glad people still connect with it. I still get messages every day from people who just saw it for the first time, five and a half years later. - [Chris] Are you still a lost soul?

- Absolutely, but I have a compass, a topographical map. I've got a partner with me now, and, I'm okay being lost for a little bit. I will find my way.

- [Chris] Do you think the same way when you're not manic? - A lot more depression. Not so much.

. . A lot more darkness, difficulty to see the light, but I still see it, because, again, because of that first video, there's people to remind me that there's light.

- After your first interview, there's a lot of people out there who care about you. What would you like to say to those people? - You know, I love language, all languages.

I think the written word is one of man's greatest achievements. I think language, it's beautiful. It gives us a way to express ourselves.

I don't know what to say to you guys. (chuckles) I am a writer, and I love expressing myself in ways that people can understand, but you guys have literally. .

. You've changed me in how I expect people to treat me. I expect more now.

I expect people to treat me with respect. Give me a chance. I expect people to just be a decent human being for once.

And that was because of you guys. I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't think I wanted it.

I didn't think I cared about it before, I fully expected shoe heels and "Get away from this freak. " (Daniel sighs) If you think about that, that's amazing. You guys literally changed how my brain works in a wonderful way, and I think, heck, yeah, thank you.

- What do you expect now? - I expect decency. I expect friendliness.

I expect you to laugh at my inappropriate jokes, especially when they're ill-timed, not correct, out of left field. Just give me a sympathy laughter, I expect that. I expect compassion.

I expect emotional connection. I expect profound connection with a few people now. I have people in my life now.

I have people in my life now.