i'm dr orion taraban and this is psych hacks better living through psychology and the subject of today's short talk is the balance of attraction the balance of attraction is a concept that i came up with to explain certain emotional dynamics within romantic relationships the concept is predicated on a fundamental axiom which is no two people can like each other exactly the same amount seems reasonable enough yeah no two people can like each other exactly the same amount now one of the corollaries of this axiom is that in any romantic relationship one person likes the other
more and one person likes the other less if you accept that attraction is unequal this conclusion is inescapable we can call the person who likes the other more the adorer and the person who likes the other less the adored the adorer and the adored adorers get to be with the one they love and the adored get to be loved by the ones there with i'm going to say that again adorers get to be with the one they love and the adored get to be loved by the ones they're with it's not possible for one person
to occupy both of these positions simultaneously that said in any given relationship it's certainly possible for each person to vacillate between these two positions from day to day or even from moment to moment however it is also generally the case that over time the dynamics of a given relationship tend to become fairly established that is in most relationships there is the person who tends to occupy the position of the adorer more often and there is the person who tends to occupy the position of the adored more often and here's the thing these two positions are
actually value neutral it's not better to be the adored than the adorer and vice versa there are pros and cons to each position it may not seem that way but as we'll see in future episodes the desirability of any one position is really based on two things what a given person is looking for in a relationship and which provides a better fit for that person's personality and temperament so stay tuned got some thoughts on the matter feel free to drop a comment below and if you'd like to schedule a consultation you can reach me at
psycaxpodcast gmail.com thanks for listening
