This video is sponsored by the all-in-one website builder and business management software, ODU. Use my link in the description to get started for free. Tyler had just moved away from his childhood hometown.
It was his first job working for a big company in a big city, the next expected [music] step. On one of his first days in the office, a co-orker named Daniel sat next to him at one of the large desks [music] toward the side of the open floor plan. The two introduced each other and Tyler told him he was new to the city and [music] that it was his first time living anywhere outside his hometown as well as on his own.
Well, congrats and welcome. Big steps, Daniel said genuinely. Word of advice, the best way to get familiar with the city and plug into everything is to go out as much as you can.
Don't hide inside. The night life here is really the best way to do that. Just say yes to everything.
Bars, clubs, shows, events. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense, Tyler said.
Actually, you know what? You should come out with me and a couple of friends this weekend. Okay, sure.
That Friday, Tyler met up with Daniel and a few of Daniel's friends at a bar named Fool's Gold. They drank a bit, then they went to several other bars and clubs and did the same. The next afternoon, Daniel texted Tyler and invited him out again.
Tyler accepted and the night went about the same as the [music] one prior. The following weekends and soon during the weeks as well, Tyler continued to go out to bars, clubs, and show venues. Sometimes with Daniel, sometimes with other people he had since met.
At any given time throughout the week, Tyler was either completely buzzing or completely numb. He looked different. He had gained a noticeable amount of weight.
His quality of work had also lagged. So much so that at his first performance review, one of his managers, Katie, shared that there was some slack he needed to tighten up. I understand it could be a big change and acclimating to a new environment and new company culture can take time.
I find that it can really help to have strong anchors of discipline. Katie said, "Yeah, no, that makes sense. " Tyler agreed.
You know, we have a running group that many of us participate in. We go every morning. You should come.
Could be a great way to inspire a bit more structure in your life. Two mornings later, Tyler met at the running club's gathering spot. He noticed another co-orker from the same department he worked in, Andre.
Not knowing anyone else other than his manager. Tyler quickly buddied up with Andre. They introduced each other more formally and Tyler told Andre that he was relatively new to the city.
He told him he had been doing a lot of the nightlife stuff. His tone almost making it sound like it was obligatory. Yeah, man.
I get doing all that. It can be real tempting in a city like this, but that will eat you up. Best way to sustain here, honestly, is to tap into the fitness scene.
It helps keep you in check and always active. Depression can't hit a moving target, right? Yeah, true.
That makes sense, Tyler responded. In the coming weeks, then months, Tyler found himself going to the running club nearly every day. He also joined Andre in training for an upcoming marathon, often running both before and after work.
He began going to bed early every night and waking up [music] early every morning. He stopped going to bars and clubs and late night shows and events. He filled a schedule with the gym, cold plunges, saunas, red light therapy, and fitness group events and meetups.
Several new acquaintances also clued him into various [music] apps and trackers and data he could use in reference to help optimize his habits and schedule. His life was in perfect order. His decisions required less and less of him.
Tyler had lost a noticeable amount of weight. He looked different. His work performance had improved.
As that became more apparent to management, [music] he was added to a team focused on new growth related projects. A solid opportunity for a potential [music] promotion. the expected next step.
The team was led by an individual named Alex, a bald, slender, and extremely well-dressed man. A few weeks into working with Alex, Tyler had become somewhat friends with him, at least on a co-orker level. One afternoon, after a meeting, Tyler asked him if he wanted to join him at the running club the next morning.
I appreciate the offer, but I'll have to pass. I'll be working at 6:30, Tyler asked, confused. Yeah, have a lot to do and honestly I'm a bit of a hermit.
I try to stay away from the pulse of the city and closer to my own if that makes sense. I mostly just go to work, gym, home, repeat. Pretty boring.
My goal is upper management by 30s. Seauite eventually, a wife and a quiet family life, so I'm trying to be laser focused right now. Monk mode, I think, is what they call it.
Right. No, that makes sense. [music] Tyler agreed.
As Tyler began to spend more time working with Alex, he also began to go into the office earlier and leave later. He ran less, stopped doing many of the health rituals he had picked up, stopped attending many of the fitness group events, stopped going out much altogether. He focused increasingly on time by himself, his career, and his money.
Soon, he found his environment and lifestyle whittleled down to little more than that. Naturally, this made it much harder to meet people, particularly women. And so Tyler began using various dating apps.
After a lot of back and forth messaging amounting to nothing, and several dates that were duds, he met a woman named Anne. They seemed to hit it off. She was an artist, also somewhat new to the city.
She loved going out and exploring the area, checking out the art and music scenes, [music] the parks and festivals and fairs. She loved day adventures and aesthetic [music] experiences. On paper, she appeared to be nothing like Tyler, and yet they seem to work together frictionlessly.
One night, a few weeks into casually dating, the two sat [music] in Tyler's apartment, scrolling through movies and shows on various streaming apps. Anne looked bored and restless. [music] Tyler looked indifferent, almost lifeless.
"So, what do you want to watch? " Anne asked. "Good question.
" "Not sure," Tyler responded. "Well, what do you like? " "H," Tyler mumbled, thinking to himself for a moment as he continued to scroll by all his continued watching list.
Stranger Things, Squid Games, The [music] Office, House of Cards, Friends, Parks, and Wreck. You know, you should really go out more, and said suddenly. You seem like you're always home or working when you're not with me.
It's not healthy. Yeah, I know. You're right.
[music] Tyler said, "What's the point of living if you don't enjoy it, right? Let's go out. Be spontaneous.
I want to check out a new spot I came across the other day. " Okay, sure. The two got up and left the apartment.
They took a ride share to the address Anne put in. "Fool's gold. " "I think I've been here before, actually," Tyler said as they pulled up.
"Really? " Anne said, genuinely surprised. Inside, the two drank at the bar as lights pulsed around them and the droning of others voices amalgamated into a single cacophony.
"Directly next to Tyler, on his left, sat a woman, possibly in her 40s or 50s. She was clearly intoxicated and seemingly by herself. She was drinking what looked to be a Manhattan while she watched some kind of travel show on one of the TV screens behind the bar.
I hate people who travel all the time. She said loudly to herself with a somewhat raspy, slurred voice. She leaned over and looked toward Tyler.
You know, "Yeah, for sure," Tyler said with a forced laugh. "Why? " [music] Anne interrupted playfully but earnestly.
"Isn't it great to see the world and different cultures and people if you can? " For sure that's true," Tyler said with the corrective tone. The woman scoffed and turned back toward the [music] screen.
"Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Most people do all sorts of things only because they can, because it looks like something they should, not because they actually want or prefer it. I know a lot of people like that, trust me.
" The woman took a sip of her drink while staying locked onto the show. "Yeah, but not if you actually like it and choose the lifestyle for yourself. I know some people that genuinely like traveling all the time.
" Anne said back with confidence. Some people maybe, but I find most people don't like half the they choose to do. Everyone's a victim to their own bad faith.
She pointed loosely at the screen. Tyler's head moved back and forth between the woman and Anne. Yeah, I mean, it's hard obviously, [music] Anne said.
Doing what you want means inevitably risking letting other people down, annoying people, confusing them. It means you'll feel kind of aimless with no clear reference points. All the possibilities of life narrow into the one that's yours.
And it becomes real and entirely [music] your responsibility. Nothing scarier than being responsible for your own life, for how it [music] turns out, for who you are. But people do make that choice every day.
The woman grunted [music] as she took a large swig of her drink. "How about you? You got any opinion here?
" "Uh" she said, [music] gesturing at Tyler with two fingers, waving back and forth as if she was trying to swirl his name out of the air. Realizing what she wanted, he looked over at the woman and said, "Tyler, Tyler, what do you think? " In order to take and maintain better ownership over our life, [music] we must first strive to stay true to our intuitions and curiosities.
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