[Music] something really wonderful happened this last week and it happened because for like the last two years since I started crappy childhood fery I was basically only using YouTube to host the videos featured in my blog posts and I'd never really given a thought to the possibility that some people would find the videos on YouTube and get into those and never even go to the blog so a couple weeks ago because of mystery algorithms a whole bunch of YouTube viewers evidently discovered my crappy childhood fairy Channel and they've been viewing and subscribing and signing up
for my course on healing childhood PTSD and the coolest thing of all is they've been getting all up in the comments section and sharing with me their stories virtually all of them every person in the comments is exquisitly kind and they're telling me and everyone reading about their lives and what they've tried for healing and the recommendations for what's worked best and what's not been that helpful to them and there's just this strong sense of people coming together to figure this out and help each other and it is the most beautiful most rewarding thing to
happen so far in my career and I am so moved so thank you everybody for coming on to the channel and thank you for your comments I also wanted to give a little hello to the two or three haters out there who said mean things in the coms comments like this one person whose response to the whole crappy childhood fairy thing was to say shut up you dumb fraud and I wanted to say oh my God you must have been reading the fears and resentments I wrote the other day I totally get it but luckily
I do follow this daily practice that I teach and I'm not at the effect of those self-hating thoughts anymore I'm myself and I try to be helpful by telling the truth which I didn't used to do because I'd be just so knocked back by comment that might be negative that I I couldn't even bear it so when childhood PTSD was running the show I used to have to get silent and I couldn't afford to be myself the price of criticism was too high and thank God there is a way to get free so that's what
I wanted to talk about the mindset that I've observed in myself and other people that leads to getting free I see it in the comments and um I've been wanting to give some encouragement to to some of the folks who maybe are showing signs of having a less powerful mindset toward their healing despite being great people with good intentions but I noticed there are basically two general mindsets and one category are the people who are very willing to try everything out there and they're usually very familiar with their symptoms their diagnosis whether it's PTSD BPD
ADHD bipolar depression anxiety and so on and they're very tuned into to what happened to them and then there's this second category of people who maybe feel almost impatient with the story of what happened like they've told it too many times and they just want to move on and what they're concerned about is just how to stop having these same problems over and over again of disregulation and overreacting and making self-defeating choices around things like who they date and what kind of behavior that they put up with from other people they want to get past
whatever is going on inside that's holding them back and they're very tuned in to what that is and if you watch my videos or read my work you can probably guess which perspective I think is going to help people recover better and it's the second group now I'm totally behind the need for all of us to get clear about what happened how we think it affected us what the science and what science and medicine know about that but there can be a tendency and it's a human tendency on I think it's exacerbated sometimes by well-meaning
people in the helping professions to just stay really focused on what happened and a lot because there's this Paradigm out there that talking about what happened is going to somehow alleviate the damage that those events caused I think facing reality is essential it gives us the impetus to change but it doesn't itself change anything that's my experience and a lot of other people's experience too what I believe really can cause change is first to deal with just the mechanical problem of brain disregulation from past trauma we get triggered we go out of sync within ourselves
and it gets really hard to perceive reality in a reliable way to see what what is our role in creating a problem and what is truly awful behavior from someone else because if we think it's all our fault we might cling to that person anyway and even more so healing depends on our own willingness to change the self-defeating behaviors that almost all of us with childhood PTSD have struggled with childhood was hard but it's the stuff I did later that was really causing the problems in my life and I had to deal with that without
learning it from my family of origin without getting the memo on how you're supposed to do this how you're supposed to act how to manage those intense feelings without shooting my mouth off and ruining relationships and jobs and opportunities that were in front of me that's what I had to learn I learned to get calm inside and then to get along with people better connect with them or separate from them when that was called for for people like us these things are like rocket science so that's the thing I wanted to say in this video
acknowledge what happened notice the hurts but accept that even if we could time travel back to when these traumas were happening we still wouldn't be able to change other people so there's no point to focusing too too long on the past we can only be here now and we can only change ourselves and that's an opportunity not to miss it's huge we can change it's my experience that we can change radically in fact if we stay tuned in to when we're disregulated and then ask ourselves how we can care for ourselves through positive actions when
disregulation is happening it's this not the past that will offer you a chance even if it takes a little while to become your true true self and really live it's all right here [Music]
