My Birth Parents Didn't Help Pay for My College, but Paid for Adopted Son's Education

greetings my name is Marty and I'm currently a senior in college majoring in linguistics my relationship with my parents has never been perfect they were always okay but their love and affection were lacking I could have accepted it if that was just their way but it stun because I knew they were capable of being loving and supportive parents as proven by my adopted brother Mason they showered Mason with more affection and attention than they ever did with me their biological son don't get me wrong I believe in giving an orphan child a loving home but

it's hard not to resent them for neglecting my emotional Ms our differences became unbearable when I entered College Mason was still in high school while I had to fend for myself covering my tuition and living expenses at the mere age of 18 facing substantial Financial challenges I reluctantly approach to my parents for help hoping for some support however they coldly refused claiming I was old enough to provide for myself they argued that the responsibility was to make me self-sufficient having already cared for me until High School it felt like they had abandoned me treating me

like a mere foster child and tossing me aside when I came of age I worked two jobs struggled through my courses and even resorted to ghost writing and teaching language classes to make ends meet I fought hard but it was a constant battle my dream was to surv survive until graduation after which I planned to secure a full-time job and pause my education until I could afford it meanwhile back at home Mason lived a life of luxury every holiday he received extravagant gifts including a car something I had begged my parents for but was denied

I saved every penny for my tuition while he enjoyed their financial backing without a worry in the world this year as Mason prepared for college my parents not only paid his tuition but also covered all his expenses from his dorm to his car's Insurance the disparity between their treatment of us was a harsh blow I couldn't bear it any longer borrowing a friend's car I drove home finding their nonchalant attitude about the situation infuriating when I unexpectedly appeared my mother fainted concern but it was too little too late the resentment I felt towards my parents

and the unfairness of their actions had reached its break point I could have mistaken my mother's expression for concern but it wasn't Thanksgiving or Christmas and she had made it clear that those were the only times I was welcome in their home I couldn't help but confront them asking why they were supporting Mason financially especially after essentially abandoning me when I started college my dad grew tense but explained that Mason's major was in music a difficult feel to find stable work in initially they felt compelled to assist him I had worked odd jobs and waited

tables to put food on my table majoring in linguistics their excuse felt Hollow that night I told my parents that they needn't worry about setting another plate for me they could give everything to the son they loved more walking away I was crushed unable to comprehend why they never loved me my resentment towards Mason grew I recalled moments when my parents had showered me with attention taking me out to play and my mom cooking my favorite breakfast then they brought Mason home and my life changed I resented them for adopting an orphan boy and leaving

me to fend for myself after struggling through college and years of hard work I finally achieved the financial stability I craved I graduated got a car paid my rent in advance and saved some money life was tough but it was finally Good Karma was cruel but it also had a way of balancing things things out 3 years later Mason called me in the middle of the night begging me to pick him up from California while I lived in Chicago reluctantly I agreed sensing fear and sickness in his voice when I arrived I found him in

a pitiful State unkempt soaked from the rain and his eyes bloodshot as he hugged me and began crying I knew what was coming he was begging for money despite my hatred for him his desperation almost evoked pity but I stealed myself against it I asked him to explain his homeless situation but all he did was plead for money claiming he owed it to someone who would kill him if he didn't repay I had neither the time nor the money for this but he was still my brother I couldn't just abandon him we grew up together

I had known him since he was just 3 months old despite my frustration I decided to take him to my place hoping we could discuss his situ situation there he fell asleep within 15 minutes of the drive I ended up driving him to my parents house the journey took about 40 minutes from Chicago I felt it was necessary for my parents to see the result of all the money they had poured into Mason perhaps it was a move of both concern and retribution but deep down I knew I was wrong too upon my arrival at

my parents house around 2:00 in the morning I was nervous the last time I had spoken to them was when I confronted them about their parenting since then there had been silence even my mother who lived less than an hour away never bothered to visit or check on me but now they could see the consequences of their choices I rang the doorbell and it took 15 minutes for my parents to come downstairs dressed in their robes they glanced at me then at Mason who was barely aware of his surroundings surprise flickered in their eyes not

for Mason's state but for my unexpected presence they were aware of Mason's struggles with drugs I brought Mason inside laying him on the living room couch and then explained the situation to both of them they looked pained I was about to leave when my mother stopped me insisting I stay for some coffee despite the palpable tension I decided to stay compelled by a desire to understand the complexities of the situation with Mason we sat at the kitchen table and my mom began explaining the situation apparently Mason had dropped out of college and a year later

he joined some trouble or rather trouble caught up with him the authorities called Dad informing him that Mason had damaged campus property and had to pay for it my dad did pay but he was deeply disappointed he confronted Mason urging him to come home and enroll in a community college at least completing his education before finding work however Mason refused and tried to sever ties then the worst happened some thugs came to our house threatening my dad that they would harm Mason if their money wasn't returned Dad paid them off attempting to bring Mason home

but he fled 2 days later they found him in California where he had fallen into drugs my mother began to cry at this point revealing that they had placed him in a rehab facility in California 4 months ago that was the last time time they had seen him before I brought him back home I had no immediate solution to offer so I left but I can't deny that I felt a strange sense of relief when both my parents hugged me and invited me to dinner this Thanksgiving I wondered if I was wrong for feeling a

twisted sense of Joy over my brother's downfall not the aole I wouldn't even blame your brother it's your parents who are at fault they driven a wedge between their sons due to their misguided parenting you helped your brother which shows you're a good person well your brother's life is in Ruins and you're happy that your mother wants to invite you for dinner it might seem Petty and mean but I'd say you're not the aole if you can't understand the concept of empathy my dad and stepmom have weighed too many kids and I a 15-year-old female

have a biological sister who is 13 we also have seven adopted siblings three boys and four girls most most of whom have some issues living with them is like walking on eggshells this story centers on Abby the oldest of the adopted kids at 15 they just took Abby in a few months ago and they're in the process of adopting her before Abby my dad and stepmom claimed they were done fostering and adopting kids however they made an exception because two of the girls they adopted 3 years ago are aby's biological sisters I have to say

Abby is probably the most challenging among the adopted kids she doesn't talk much when we're all together she just sits next to my stepmom or one of the nannies she's also quite possessive about her things for instance if she has a pack of cookies and I'd eat one she won't touch them anymore and will look for something else to eat the same goes for video games she enjoys playing Minecraft and will let us join her but if we mess with anything she's built the entire world becomes ruined for her to addess her eating habits my

dad and stepmom put a snack bar in aby's room because there are days when she won't leave her room and sometimes won't allow anyone in they hope this will encourage her to eat on those days I once checked out aby's room when she was in therapy and noticed she had a stash of really good snacks in there she's also a music enthusiast and owns a collection of headphones including airpods Pro airpods Max two different kinds of bow headphones and another kind that I can't identify Abby came with one of the Bose's headphones but the rest

were gifts for my dad stepmom and their family she's constantly obsessed with having her headphones on and ensures they're always charged one day Abby my stepmom and my sister were hanging out in my dad's room I needed headphones but couldn't find mine so I ventured into aby's strictly off limits room an area accessible only to my stepmom and one of the nannies I borrowed her airpods Max and grabbed a fruit rollup and a bag of cookies from her snack bar I intended to charge the headphones and return them once I was done using them when

Abby discovered someone had been in her room she threw a tantrum it took my stepmom and the nanny the entire day to calm her down they eventually found out I had entered her room and tried to reprimand me I felt Abby was overreacting and if if anything she should be the one facing consequences for her tantrum in response they attempted to ground me feeling unfairly treated I called my mom and explained the situation she came to pick me up to avoid my grounding due to aby's Outburst now my dad is upset with me for breaking

the rules and going to my mom to escape punishment I wanted to know if I was in the wrong I messed up I was in the wrong it's apparent now Abby might be autistic sick or might have suffered from abuse in her past there's a reason her room is off limits a reason she acts the way she does what's worse it seems like she's never done anything to Warrant such casual disregard for her boundaries if I were your dad I would insist you stay at your mom's until you're ready to apologize and accept your grounding

I would also extend the grounding for playing the card of going to your moms to avoid punishment you're the one at fault here foster kids especially when new to a family can be very difficult struggling to adapt that doesn't make you or her a bad person however what makes you wrong is going into her room knowing it's off limits stealing not borrowing her things you know she won't use things that others have used and you went behind everyone's back to get what you wanted shifting gears my mother passed away last year and we're nearing the

end of the legal process in just a few weeks over the past 6 months my husband has been eyeing a range of things that on a regular day we definitely cannot afford normally he have to use credit or save for weeks or even months it's fine to wish for things or work towards Treats but he hasn't made an effort to save for these costly purchases instead he's been pressuring me for updates on the legal process and asking how much longer it'll take I've given him very little to no information because at this point things could

still change significantly creditors might emerge claiming money is owed and so on he's not the most responsible person with money I've managed our finances full-time for the past three years because he has a history of sabotaging our financial goals and blowing our budgets my plan is to use half of my inheritance to move our family into a house I intend to save 40% to help my children in the future for their graduations College trips or their first cars and maintain a small emergency fund this was something we couldn't do before because my husband kept giving

money to the side of the family depleting our accounts and leading us to homelessness three separate times I understand the importance of helping family but it's difficult for me to grasp the idea of allowing my three children and wife to become homeless just because an adult family member can't be responsible enough to pay their own bills or stay out of legal trouble I fear waking up one day to find out that every scent of my inheritance has been spent behind my back I would like to open an account in my name and proceed with the

plan I mentioned earlier my husband has made it clear that he intends to spend the money on new vehicles tech gadgets and other items solely for himself not for our children or to secure our family's future when I discuss investing or saving for our children's future he dismisses it climing life is too short for such considerations his response is that our children should work for what they want when they become adults which seems contradictory given his recent actions I'm certain that if his parents pass away we'll be responsible for paying off their debts and covering

any unknown costs out of our own Pockets financially speaking I started my marriage completely debt free and I've worked hard for years to help my husband achieve the same status however in in the past decade he has paid off his parents credit card and IRS debts they live paycheck to paycheck and believe saving money is pointless I'm not sure if I'm making the right choice but I simply want my children to experience the same happy and stressfree childhood I had am I in the wrong here not the aole seek legal advice to set everything up

in a way that prevents him from having any claim to the money open a separate account without his name on it and avoid putting his name on the house deed regarding the debts of his parents if you are in the US you won't have to pay them it comes out of their estate and if there's no money in the estate it doesn't come from your family's funds you might consider lying to him about the amount and the timing telling him it's a fraction of the true amount and that it will take 2 years to receive

this would give you time to figure out how to safeguard the money from his impulsive spending consult the lawyer soon as nothing prevents him from opening new credit cards and charging extravagant purchases with the intention to pay them off using your inheritance