Found Out My Wife Was Cheating When I Came Home to Our Crying Baby in a Dirty Diaper, then our...

found out my wife was cheating when I came home to our crying baby in a dirty diaper. Then our daughter said she knew all along and her mom told her the guy was her real dad. I, 35M, met my now soon to be ex-wife, 33F, during uni 12 years ago.

She already had kid when she was 19, but the dad left as soon as she started uni. We were dating for 3 months before I met her daughter, Lisa. I remember seeing her family for the first time.

I was nervous meeting her parents, but when I saw a little girl beside her mom, I was confused. I asked her if that was her little sister or a cousin of hers, and her answer shocked me. When she told me that that's her daughter, I thought I misheard her or something.

At first, I wanted to dump her for hiding something so crucial from me, but she kept on begging for me to stay, and eventually I relented, and soon enough, I started to fall in love with her daughter and wanted to be her father figure. Our bond grew stronger over the years, and in early 2019, before the pandemic hit, we got married. In late 2021, I adopted Lisa.

And in early 2022, my wife gave birth to our son, Mark. After my son was born, my wife made the choice to stay at home for the time being, and I was completely fine with that. Everything was going perfectly until a few months ago.

I started noticing my wife increasingly spending time with her friends. At the time, I didn't say anything since. In my mind, being at home all day probably meant eating at her, and I didn't want to seem controlling.

The thing that made me suspicious was her constant texting and going out of the room for calls. She never did that for anyone besides this one friend of hers. I asked her about it, but she gave me some vague answers about gossip.

The moment that took it too far, though, was when I came home last week and saw her outside talking on the phone. This wasn't out of the ordinary. I remember seeing my son on the floor crying alone.

I was pissed at my wife for just leaving him alone in the house, but when I went to pick him up and smelt the horrible stench coming from him, I was beyond furious. His diaper seemed like it hadn't been changed since that morning. I quickly changed his diaper and rushed outside with him in my arms.

I was beyond pissed. I snatched her phone from her hand and bolted back inside. I locked my wife outside to have a talk with his friend of hers alone.

I had my suspicions about who it really was. And when I heard a male voice calling out her name and asking who was there, I immediately knew what was going on. He ended the call as soon as he heard my voice.

I then proceeded to lock the front door to make sure my wife couldn't enter the house at all and proceeded to screenshot as much of their chat as I could and then sent them to myself before deleting them on her phone. About 5 minutes later, she was still banging on the glass door leading to the backyard. I reluctantly opened it and was met with a smack in the face.

Remember, all of this is happening while I'm holding my toddler in my arms. As soon as she realized what she just did, she apologized profusely, started crying, and tried to hug me. I pushed her away and told her to meet me at the dining table.

I told my daughter to quickly take care of the baby so me and her mom could have a quick chat. I just kept it simple. I told her this was her only chance to even have a sliver of chance of getting me back.

If she [ __ ] up this talk, it was over on the spot. No lies, nothing. She kept on trying to apologize and to say it wasn't that serious.

I reminded her that she not only [ __ ] me over, she could also have easily done serious harm to our son by leaving him alone in the house like that. I then simply asked who for how long and did they [ __ ] She replied with her ex- boss, Daniel. 6 months.

And she didn't answer the last one. So I kept on reminding her that this was her last chance. She then just simply nodded.

I then asked her if they used protection to this. She started crying and started begging me for forgiveness. She said she would block him then and there.

Would never contact him again. I could [ __ ] any woman I want from now on. Yada yada.

I guess Lisa heard the commotion and came downstairs. I told her to go back up, but she just walked to my wife and asked her if I knew about Daniel. Up to this point, I was calm, but upon hearing this, I swear even I started tearing up.

I asked Lisa if she knew all along and she said yes. At this point, I'm full on crying and I asked her why she didn't tell me. She responded with because unlike you, Daniel buys me the things I want without having to beg.

I then asked her how she could possibly do this to her dad. She responded with, "You're not my real dad crap. " My wife screamed at her upon hearing what she said.

At that point, I couldn't bear any of this anymore. I just grabbed my son and got into the car. Me and my son are currently staying at my parents house.

I've basically been drinking myself to sleep every day. Thanks to the saint of a mother I have, my son is being taken care of right now. I'm beyond hurt.

I've canled my ex-daughter's private school tuitions, all her extracurricular activities, and I've contacted a divorce lawyer. He's going to serve my wife this Friday. My wife and Lisa have been blowing up my phone non-stop with apologies.

I simply responded with, "Get a lawyer and tell that ungrateful thing of yours to start calling Daniel her dad. I'm downing her. " And then I blocked my wife.

I didn't respond to Lisa. I just simply blocked her. I guess my wifey told our friends what her and Lisa did and now they have been texting me non-stop.

They understand how I'm feel but believe I'm going too far by divorcing my wife without hearing her out. They also keep telling me that downing Lisa is definitely going too far and she's only a kid and didn't understand what she was doing. I just can't get over the things she told me.

I've worked my ass off to give my wife and daughter luxuries I could have only dreamed off as a kid and this is how I get paid back. Lisa, 13 years old, is old enough to understand that hiding her mom's affair is bad and definitely purposely used those words to hurt me. But a part of me believes that there is still hope.

A few family counseling sessions later and we can go back to living the life I once considered a fairy tale. I'm beyond destroyed by this whole situation. A part of me just wants to see them burn in hell, but the other part of me believes there is still hope.

Am I really going too far? Is there still hope? Ida for downoning my daughter and divorcing my wife.

update. First off, Al, I just want to thank you guys for the support you guys have shown me. This past week has been the hardest period of my life.

Seeing the love you shared with the woman you considered your partner for life just vanish hit me worse than anything else. To those who have privately messaged me, thank you and please be patient with me. I have over a 100 unread messages to date and will need a bit of time to respond to all of them.

I just want to update you on the things that have happened since I posted. First of all, I'm happy to report that I've quit the alcohol. It was tough, but seeing how my life was basically falling apart due to my constant drinking really was a wakeup call for me.

As someone kindly suggested, I asked my mom to throw out all the alcohol in her house. The first couple of days were tough with me being more depressed than ever, but I'm doing much better now. As for my wife, I've had a brief conversation with her, and I have halted all divorce proceedings for the time being.

There is still a lot to navigate and a ton of logistics involved in my decision for divorce seemed a bit in the heat of the moment. I'm not saying that I'm going back to her. I'm just saying I need to re-evaluate everything again.

What she did was beyond hurtful and irresponsible. If I were to get back with her, she has to do a lot to make up for this mess. I have removed half of the money in our joint account and have stopped paying the lease on my wife's car.

I asked her the following questions. Has she been in contact with Daniel since our falling out? She said she has completely cut off contact with her ex- boss and is willing to do anything to make our marriage work.

Why did she go to him/me him in the first place? She said she honestly doesn't know. She met him at a get together her old company held and in her words they just clicked.

They started hanging out as friends and soon things grew out of hand and she started bringing him over to the house when I was at work. Did she have feelings for him while they worked together? She said she found him cute but left it at that.

They never did anything or said anything outside of work. I then started asking her questions about our daughter Lisa. Some of you guys rightly pointed out that she probably poisoned her against me.

Why did she bring Daniel around our daughter? Lisa once caught them making out on the couch. And when she threatened them to tell me, they quickly shut her up with gifts and a new phone, etc.

And soon enough, Lisa started actually started to like having Daniel around because of the gifts, etc. Did she badmouth me to Lisa? To this, she just she just went silent and started crying.

I then pressed a bit more and she finally blurted out that she started telling Lisa that Daniel was her bio dad. NGL. After this, I myself started crying and just hung up.

I did see a change in my daughter around the same time, but I just chocked it up to her being a teenager, but hearing this just broke my heart even more. I also want to thank you guys for telling me that it wasn't right to put all the blame on my 13-year-old daughter. I wasn't thinking straight at the same, and when I started sobering up, I did sort of realize the mistake I made.

I have unblocked my daughter and have been texting with her since yesterday. She has apologized to me and it seems like my wife in desperation to get me back has confessed the truth to my daughter. My daughter told me that she has stopped talking with her mother since she confessed.

I apologize to her for the comments I made about downoning her and we have planned to meet up tomorrow at the local park. I again just want to sincerely thank you guys for the support and the advice. Honestly, I couldn't have navigated this mess alone while being intoxicated.

Only God knows what would happen if I didn't reach out. I also want to apologize for the drunken rant I went on in the comments. I'm beyond embarred at the things I said.

Again, thank you all for the support and wish you all a wonderful weekend. Edit: I forgot to mention the DNA testing on my son. I do definitely acknowledge it being a possibility, but neither am I mentally in a place to be able to cope with the stress of something like that, nor am I ready to face the reality that I might look at him differently if the test turns out negative.

He'll do it eventually, but not now during this mess. Next story. friend took my master bedroom at my bachelorette party, spent the entire day hiding upstairs on her phone, then posted online how great it was while complaining to my face.

I had a very low-key bachelorette party this past weekend. It was only one day with some very chill activities, one winery, high tea lunch, watching fireworks, and going to a karaoke patio bar. There were six of us in total, and we had booked an Airbnb for the night.

The Airbnb was a house with three beds, so we'd share rooms of two people each. months ago when my mo communicated the plan to the rest of my bridesmaids. My oldest friend, oldest is in I've known her the longest since high school.

All my other bridesmaids and close friends are from university immediately started causing problems. I will preface by saying that she, let's call her bridesmaid one, is a difficult friend to say the least. She does not reach out to check in on me.

90% of the time it's me reaching out first to check in on her or try to make plans to hang out. Whenever we hang out, she will only say yes to doing what she wants to do. Doesn't matter if I don't want to do it.

If I want to hang out, I have to concede. She will usually turn me down if I suggest something new or something that wasn't her idea. She doesn't drive, so I usually have to show Fay her to slash from whatever plans we have, or I meet her at her house to hang out in her area of the neighborhood.

She definitely has anxiety problems with social activities because even if we just go for a walk for an hour to chat one-on-one, she has to hibernate once she gets home and not talk to anyone for days to recover. This is for any social activity she does, not just with me. I will also note that she has very severe food allergies like an extremely long list of very common foods to which I have always been very accommodating and I do my best to make sure she is well taken care of when we go out to eat.

I have tried to be so understanding and accommodating to her over the years, but it's gotten a lot worse in the last 3 to four years. I used to not mind it because I felt like we had a good relationship and felt like I was getting something out of it. But over the last few years, I just feel like she's been taking and not giving anything back.

It has become a taxing relationship to maintain, but I feel like I have been hanging on because she is my oldest friend and the only person I still keep in touch with from high school. Back to the bachelorette party. It was planned in a beautiful and scenic area that's about 1.

5 hours away from where I live, but quite central for everyone who was attending. She immediately shut down the plan, saying she won't come to the winery because she doesn't like drinking. She won't come to lunch because of her food allergies, and said she would take a 2-hour train ride to meet us for dinner at the Airbnb and then take the train home immediately so she could sleep in her own bed.

I understand these activities might not be for everyone, but I really didn't think I was asking for much. There were non-alcoholic options at the winery, and I chose one that was more geared towards an Instagrammable experience rather than getting hammered. Going out to lunch is not a crazy demand, nor is hanging out with me and a small group of people that she has met at my birthday parties every year for the last 8 years for the evening because it is what I want to do for my special day.

I didn't respond in the group chat to her message, but a week later, she changed her mind and decided to come. Great. I was excited that she'd try some new things and put herself out of her comfort zone.

At my last birthday party, she also became quite close with another one of my girlfriends, bridesmaid 2. So, I felt reassured that she'd have one other person she was very comfortable with. Bridesmaid 2 had actually reached out to me before the Bachelorette and said she would help babysit Bridesmaid 1 because she knew I was worried about her.

I was very grateful for this. The Bachelorette day comes around and I of course have to drive Bridesmaid 1 with me, which I didn't mind doing since I would have had to drive myself anyways. She gave me some gas money, too, which was nice of her.

Things seemed fine in the car. We chatted and caught up for like 40 minutes, and then she kept to herself for the rest of the ride. I was hopeful that things would go okay.

We did the high tea lunch and winery back to back. So, it was about 3. 5 hours of all of us out and about together.

During this time, I kept checking in on bridesmaid one, seeing if she was okay, especially at the winery because I knew it wasn't her thing. She did end up trying a few of the wines, which was awesome, but I felt like I didn't really enjoy the experience because I was more concerned about her. She didn't make an effort to talk to me or anyone else besides bridesmaid too, and most of the time she just walked by herself or kept to herself at the lunch table.

When we got to the Airbnb, she didn't help bring any of our supplies in, but immediately ran upstairs to check out the bedroom and then claimed the master bedroom for her and bridesmaid, too. Everyone was shocked, but no one, including myself, said anything because we didn't want to create conflict when we had just arrived. I think it is pretty common knowledge that even if you haven't been to a bachelorette before, the whole point is that the bride should be pampered with the best things, including the room with the biggest bed, which I would have shared anyway.

Then she asked for the Wi-Fi password, and went upstairs to decompress. The rest of us were chilling in the living room, and she did eventually come downstairs, but she just sat on her phone, not engaging with anyone for hours. We went to sit on the patio outside and she stayed inside by herself for several hours during which she made an egg post and tagged me with a caption about having the best bachelorette party ever as if it had already ended.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are still trying to continue the party and have a good time. We had planned to walk the town in the evening to see some fireworks and then go to a low-key karaoke patio bar and she was openly complaining before we even left about wanting to come home early and how she wasn't going to sleep well since it wasn't in her own bed again when she had taken the master bedroom that was meant for me. I tried to give her an out saying she is more than welcome to stay at home if she didn't want to come and she sighed heavily saying she would rally and at least come out for the fireworks.

She said it as if she had spent such a tedious day being so outgoing and engaged when she literally showed up to these events and didn't talk to anyone. She did end up coming for the fireworks and sat at the bar with us for 30 minutes before leaving early with bridesmaid too. Once they left, the other girls and I stayed out a bit later and tried to enjoy ourselves.

They acknowledged her behavior and tried to cheer me up. I ended up sleeping in the basement with one of my friends who snores like a lawn mower. I am a very light sleeper, but agreed to sleep with her since bridesmaid three and four decided they wanted to sleep together.

I didn't say anything because I'm just very used to accommodating everyone around me. I couldn't sleep because of my friend snoring, so I actually moved to the couch, but still didn't get a wink of sleep because I was so upset about how the day had played out. The next morning, bridesmaid one and two didn't come down to help us clean up the Airbnb before we checked out.

They came down with their things right when we had agreed to leave, so everything was already cleaned and packed up. Then I had to sit in the car with bridesmaid one as I drove her home and it was most awkward 1. 5 hour drive of my life.

We said maybe five sentences to each other at the start of the drive and then she sat silent, arms crossed, looking straight ahead for the rest of the ride. She didn't make any effort to talk to me and I was still really upset. So I didn't make an effort either.

I was struggling to stay awake since I hadn't slept and conversation would have helped but since she was silent I just turned up my music to keep me entertained and awake. bridesmaid one put a huge damper on the entire party and I really felt like I didn't enjoy my bachelorette at all. It was the one time in our friendship that I expected her to put me first and she didn't.

I don't think she even thinks she did anything wrong by taking the master bedroom or complaining and having an attitude the entire time she was there. I believe she thinks she did a great job by showing up. But if she was just going to be miserable the whole time, I 1,000% would have preferred she didn't come at all.

I don't think I asked for a lot at all and have been reassured by my other bridesmaids that I am not being a bridezilla which I am trying to be very careful of. Not only that, but I barely got to spend any time with bridesmaid too because she was busy babysitting bridesmaid one. In my opinion, a bachelorette is when you should happily do whatever the bride wants to do and even if you don't enjoy it, you act like you do so that she has a good time.

I understand if people are uncomfortable in really out there situations like at a strip club or something, but there was none of that tom foolery at all. We literally did the most laid-back things and I planned it like this so everyone would be comfortable. Bridesmaid one did not do this at all and instead I was worried about her and accommodating her the whole time.

It is a once- ina-lifetime event that I feel like she ruined for me. I know part of it is my fault too for not speaking up, but I really feel like I shouldn't have had to explain these things to her. I am really upset at how she acted, but I don't know what to do now.

She is a person that is very averse to criticism. And I know if I say anything to her at all, she will immediately cut off the entire friendship and drop out of the wedding, which will screw things up for us logistically. She had bought a bridesmaid dress.

We have the bridesmaids in coordinating colors with the groom's men, etc. On the other hand, I don't want her to be a drag for my entire wedding. It's a cultural wedding that is 3 days long and ruin that, too.

I am also worried that if I don't say anything now and wait until after the wedding to confront her, she will still cut off the friendship and then I'll be stuck with her in all my wedding photos. I think my ideal outcome is being able to clear the air with her before the wedding and her apologizing and acting appropriately during the wedding. But knowing her, I don't think this is feasible, which is why I don't know what to do.

I would like some outside opinions on if I am being too harsh, if I should approach her, and if so, when, how, is it better to have her in my wedding or not, etc. Thank you for listening.