hey guys welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project I am your host kimray and if you've ever wondered what actually motivates women to want to have sex with you or you're simply the kind of guy that just wants to improve uh physical intimacy within your loving relationships then definitely stick around for this show because I'm going to be sharing with you the four major motivating factors for why women have sex it's more than you think and the age differences in these mod ation and then of course I'm going to share with you why
it's really important to know this so that you guys can cultivate and build stronger more deeply Intimate Relationships now all the information I'm going to share with you today is not just what I think drives women's motivations but what is in fact um come out of a study called sexual motivation in women as a function of age and this was a study that was done by Cindy m m Lisa Dawn Hamilton Christopher Hart and the study was designed to essentially explore how the motivation for sex varies across different age groups and women but what's fascinating
is just learning in fact what motivates women in the first place now this research was published uh under the National Institute of Health so you can go ahead and read this study yourself um but it is aimed essentially to provide insight into the biological physiological and social factors that influence women's sexual drive at various stages of life now you might have your own presuppositions or ideas on what motivates a woman to want to have sex with a man in fact a lot of you guys will say well if this guy has money she's just going
to want to sleep with him but in many cases you're probably going to be wrong so what really are those four motivating factors now we're going to talk about the broad categories of those motivating factors and then give you some examples on what drives uh women to have sex under each one of those motivating factors now the first one is simply a physical motivation women have a physical motivation to want to be intimate with you okay we probably had a suspicion on that one secondly is going to be a emotional motivation for why women get
intimate with men and the ones that maybe you're not entirely aware of are thirdly women have sex with men under a relational motivation and I'll unpack that one shortly here and fourthly women are motivated to have sex with men because there are social and go goal oriented motivations that's the one when I was reading I went what so what do these things mean those are the four broad categories on what Drive the motivations for women to uh be physically intimate with men but what does it mean if a woman has a physical iCal motivation right
well of course women want to be intimate with men because it feels good there's the pleasure involved there's physical gratification of course this is a no-brainer if you're with somebody that you love you're you're good at what you do in the bedroom you're going to derive a lot of pleasure from it so women of course they want to chase that feeling too now there are things like of course the arousal that gets generated from biological factors like female hormones and our libido which is why we're going to notice shifts across the age groups but in
particular the physical motivations is sometimes just that Curiosity that desire for sexual novelty or the desire for women to want to experiment in the bedroom and try new things and then of course women are motivated to roll around in the sheets with you because she's just really attracted to you you are an attractive man that gets her going and she wants to derive uh pleasure from being with you uh in private wherever you guys do your thing right so this is what drives the physical motivation for women now when it comes to emotional motivation and
Men also experience this too right I've worked with a lot of men who are going to agree with what I'm going to share with you guys here under the emotional motivation so women will also have sex with their partners and with men because there is a desire for emotional closeness and there's a desire for intimacy now often times we feel when we're in a relationship and maybe things are lacking or we're not as close as we feel we want to be most people think okay I need to be more physically intimate in the bedroom with
my partner to achieve that emotional closeness now I have some thoughts and theories on this and I've shared it in other podcasts um but often times the motivation for a woman to want to get into the bedroom and have sex with a man is because she's Desiring not just the pleasure but she's Desiring the feeling she gets of being closer to her partner uh the desire to feel more intimate with her partner and of course women are going to want to do this because in many cases it can strengthen that emotional bond that they have
in a relationship and often times uh respectful sex can lead to people feeling really loved and valued by their partner and having sex can reaffirm irm the emotional connection that you have in your romantic relationship what makes a relationship uh different than a romantic relationship different from a really close friendship right often it's the physical many cases it's the physical intimacy so in many cases women are driven to have sex with their partners because yes the physical aspect it feels good but hugely a driving factor is because women are wanting that emotional closeness that being
physically intimate can bring now what do women uh or how do women feel motivated to have sex relationally what does this even mean well often times women are using sex as a tool now this is my thought this is not what the study says but women can use sex as a tool you guys know this right so often times women will be motivated to uh be sexually intim with you because they believe it's going to enhance the stability in the relationship she has with you or it might be a tool to help resolve conflict right
sometimes the motivation is because we think okay I want to strengthen my relationship with my partner and I can do that through sexual connection so I also think about as I as I talk through this with you guys right now there are a lot of women and this also is dependent on an individual's love language that really value physical touch and so there are some women out there that are going to Crave physical intimacy more with their male partners because that is how they experience love and safety and connection in the relationship now there are
a lot of women out there and I know you guys know this that do not have physical touch as their top love language so they're less likely in my opinion to uh use use sex as a tool to you know to strengthen the relationship they're going to uh do other things acts of service they're going to say nice things to you they want to have nice experiences with you before they're going to use sex as a tool to uh enhance the strength of their relationship so this kind of begs the question guys like if you
have a very strong desire for physical touch it's really important when you're out there dating to get a sense of where physical touch is as a priority for the woman you are dating cuz all too often I hear men say you know I'm not I'm not getting the physical connection that I was craving and it's not just about sex it's often about the cuddling the handholding the cuddling the touching the the scratching on the back it's the other things that create that physical connection right so it's really important that when you're dating you get a
sense of what the love language is and where that priority is for a woman you're dating and if it's if your priorities are not aligned then make sure you're with a partner that's open to exploring how you can meet each other's needs otherwise your desire for physical intimacy is going to be really strong and hers will be low and guess what this is this is the gap of disappointment right this happens all too often because we're not really asking those tough questions um and this is what I'm going to talk about in the end of
the show is why this is really important for you guys to understand female motivation um because it's going to encourage some really healthy com conversation that you probably are going to want to have relatively early on in your dating experience so back to the relational motivation so of course women are motivated to have sex with men because they want relationship stability they want to resolve conflict they want to strengthen that partnership and often they are doing it women because they want to maintain the commitment of avoiding relational strain right if if your needs are not
being met then and and you might leave her as a result of this or seek Comfort elsewhere Sometimes women are motivated to be intimate with you simply to maintain the commitment of avoiding relational strain it's really fascinating what really gets people opening up in this vulnerable way the motivations are very broad right I find this fascinating I hope you do too now of course women's motivation can be um as a tool for relationship negotiation or in fact managing the relationship Dynamics so sex can be a way to achieve something in the relationship other than just
the physical pleasure and physical gratification so women are motivated to have sex because there's that relational motivational component right the last category here is women are motivated to be physically intimate with you guys guys out of Social and goal orientated motivation what does this mean well same thing for you guys too growing up what about that social pressure you face from your buddies to have sex with a lot of women well women feel that too women feel a lot of social pressure expectations around fulfilling a partner's desires so sometimes a woman is just going to
be intimate with you because she's trying to fulfill your desires and of course what about the social or goal oriented motivation of having a family having sex with our partners because we want to have children that is a massive motivator for a lot of women too now what about things like external rewards sometimes having sex with our partners is because it gives us a self-esteem boost like are you guys familiar with this one if you're dating a woman and you have a great date and then you go home and you have a really intimate night
I bet that next morning that cup of coffee tastes way better than had you not been intimate cuz sometimes the whole idea of feeling desired and being intimate with someone that we are getting to know or dating or in a relationship with can give us that extrinsic validation or that external reward that we're seeking it boosts our self-esteem right now this one's fascinating under social and goal orientated motivation is that sometimes we are motivated to get intimate with our partners because we're trying to avoid negative outcomes we're trying to prevent relationship problems so this is
not extensive if you go and read the study you'll notice there's a quite a long list of other factors under each of the four broad categories but you guys have learned today that there's a physical motivation for women an emotional motivation a relational and even a social and goal orientated motivation as to why women get physically intimate with their Partners so it be interesting to know as you date and you get to know somebody what really motivates them if you understand what motivates them you can work nicely in your relationship because there's always going to
be conversations and compromise around how to have your needs and wants and desires met in a relationship in fact the most unsexy thing about a relationship or the sexy thing depending on your perspective is that when you enter into a relationship with somebody you're basically negotiating and compromising on your needs wants and desires for the remainder of your relationship so you want to get really good at having conversations about stuff like this now I want to speak to some of the age differences because the study found that there are uh the sexual motivations in women
will shift as they age of course this is often going to be correlated to hor hormonal changes um things that occur when women reach a certain age and face menopause uh changes in our life circumstances we know that the one one of the massive areas that takes away physical intimacy from our relationships is when stressful events are taking place and of course you know personal and relationship factors so broadly speaking in this study it found that young women which they categorizes 18 years old to 30 years old okay younger women were found to have higher
levels of sexual motivation often driven by curiosity it's a new experience for many of them the desire to chase pleasure and just generally the sense of sexual novelty now they also were driven and motivated these women 18 to 30 years old by external factors such as uh attraction to a partner and of course social expectations played quite a large role in shaping these younger women's sexual motivations so that's for women 18 to 30 this is what the study found now I resent this but middle-aged women someone like myself 31 to 45 years of age definitely
on the younger side here guys um this group in the study showed a more nuanced relationship with our motivation to have sex okay so although physical arousal May decline for some women who are middle-aged motivations related to emotional connection relationship stability and personal fulfillment became a little more prominent for middle-aged women okay so it's a lot about the relationship fulfillment versus for the younger women it's a little more about social pressure and Novelty and curiosity right middle-aged women 31 to 45 um actually a lot of them reported an increase in sexual motivation due to a
greater sense of self-awareness that they have about who they are in their bodies and confidence okay so getting older isn't all too bad right now for older women which they categorize in this study as 46 and Beyond uh while sexual motivation generally decreased with age in this group many women remained very sexually active and very motivated by that intimacy and companionship right the study highlighted significant role of relational and emotional factors as well as for women who are older a shift towards prioritizing quality over quantity in sexual experiences whatever that means to you guys right
so why do you want to know this why do you want to know what motivates women to have sex and you're probably as you're listening to this I would imagine a lot of you guys are going I wonder what my motivation is clearly stereotypically the world says that men are very motivated by the physical pleasure but as a coach who's worked with men for many many years I am very well aware that men are also very emotionally motivated to have physical closeness and intimacy with their Partners in fact many men that I have worked with
report feeling very unsatisfied in their relationship not because they were having not having sex with their Partners but because the physical closeness the just the touching the cuddling the hugging the being near one another the little squeeze as you walk past was happening less and less and that wasn't making them feel good right so why do you want to know this why are you listening to me and why is this important for you well obviously when you understand that things like emotional connection for women is often a very very key motivating factor then you can
understand and you can learn to focus on nurturing that emotional closeness with your partner which is very likely going to lead to a more fulfilling and consistent consistent sex life right if you're waiting for a woman to always want to have sex because she's uh she's acting on her desire you may sometimes be waiting a little while but if you understand that the emotional component is huge for women then you know if things are a little strained in the relationship or if you haven't really been intimate in some time and you recognize that emotionally you're
not feeling that close to your partner well lean in here guys because this is what's going to get you to what you're Desiring from the relationship by working on the elements that she is also Desiring chicken egg who goes first is up to you guys to figure out now of course understanding these motivations is going to improve your communication because knowing that motivations will generally shift with age um and with different life circumstances is really going to allow you guys to communicate more openly with your partners about what you need about what you desire um
and if your motivation guys is physical but also emotional or relational then you may actually end up saying to your partner hey it's been a while since we've been intimate together and I really would like to be intimate with you because it makes me feel close to you and I love you and whatever you might be saying to her right so it's going to improve your communication it's going to Foster Mutual understanding it's going to reduce a lot of miscommunication and frustration because guys the Gman Institute says that couples that talk about sex have better
sex and have more sex so go ahead here's your permission to talk about it now of course when you talk about it when you understand it it's going to enhance your physical intimacy so when you recognize that women are not just motivated by the cologne you're wearing or how sve your hair is and how good you're looking and how many times you you know pumped iron at the gym you're going to be able to create more meaningful and intimate experiences because you understand how uh your partner is feeling emotionally you understand how women are feeling
secure and valued in the relationship and this will strengthen your physical connection and of course all of this just plays into simply improving your long-term relationship satisfaction because maybe early on in your relationship you don't feel you need to address the physical intimacy because it's happening consistently and you feel like it's great but big life stress events take place and you realize that that's not happening as often well if you're not addressing it and you're not talking about the things that are feeling unfulfilled in your relationship then nothing is going to change about them so
I hope you guys feel a sense of confidence to talk about intimacy with your partners um this is a huge part of the work that I do with my one-on-one clients is really helping them to honestly recognize that their needs and wants are totally valid and help them structure how to have those uh conversations and how to communicate with their long-term Partners or with women their dating um that they don't want to commit to until they get a sense of where is this will woman's willingness to talk about these things to so I hope this
has been a fascinating interesting episode for you guys to listen to lots of different motivating reasons for how to achieve that physical Intimacy in your relationship uh please drop your comments below about what you have noticed in in your relationships or even questions that U maybe I can help you out with around how to approach this subject when you're getting to know a new woman or maybe you're already in a long-term relationship um and if this is something that you're struggling with or you struggle to have communication on your dates or in your relationships with
women about tough subjects such as sex or money or other things then I encourage you guys to jump on a call with me this is what I do with my one-on-one clients it' be my honor and privilege to to get to know you and support you too um but please share this episode with someone who probably needs to know what motivates us women across age groups to have sex with handsome lovely epic dudes like you see you next week ciao
