A very curious characteristic of human beings is their desire for being liked. In the early days of mankind, the acceptance by the tribe was necessary to stay alive. But in the current age, aside from abiding the law, we don’t need people’s validation in order to survive.
Sure, the approval of other people is enjoyable and can be a pathway towards opportunities on a personal as well as a professional level. But spending our energy on seeking approval also comes with a price. If there’s anything that holds us back from being authentic, it's when we design our lives with the purpose of appeasing others.
We can see this in many ways, shapes, and forms. But the more we value opinions, the less we value our own inherent worth. Regardless of what our consumerist society wants us to believe: self-worth is really something that we decide for ourselves.
If we decide that our worth depends on how others perceive us, then this is what we sign up for. Our sense of wellbeing becomes dependent on what other people think, and because this is not up to us, it’s a slavish way to live. In the end, we aren’t the ones who decide what our “masters” think about us.
And when they, despite our efforts, don’t like us anymore, our self-worth is destroyed. Moreover, by seeking validation we lead lives that are not our own. When we are sensitive to peer pressure, we may engage in activities that we, in reality, don’t really like.
This may be listening to certain music, using substances, and even supporting certain political or religious views, just so our environment approves of us. Sure, by doing this we become part of the herd, but we also aren’t being authentic, because we hide who we truly are. Aren’t we deceiving ourselves this way?
Aren’t we lying to our environment? At the end of the day, a person that lives authentically, and doesn’t care about what others think, gains more respect than someone whose only goal is to appease. This is because people are often attracted to those that are unapologetically themselves, and, ironically, these individuals usually don’t care too much about the fact that people are so attracted to them.
That’s the paradox. That what clings, repels. That what moves freely, attracts.
If we learn self-validation, we show the world that we have worth. We begin to trust in ourselves and our judgments. We discover that we don’t need other people to decide whether or not we have value.
And, we also become capable of giving genuine approval to others; not based on groupthink and consensus, but based on our own hearts and minds. We can say no when everyone says yes; not because we want to be special, or rebellious, but simply because we stay true to ourselves. We can allow ourselves to feel hurt, without the need to prove the validity of our suffering to others.
We can walk away and mean it because we know that we don’t need them to be whole. When we stop seeking approval, we make our true colors come to the surface. And the approval that comes at us naturally, simply for what we manifest by just being who we are, is directed at us, and not at this mask that makes our true selves invisible.
Isn’t it much better to be appreciated by one person because of who we are than to be loved by thousands, because of who they want us to be? As Jim Carrey once said and I quote: “Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form.
” Thank you for watching.
