[Music] if you have the ability to love love yourself first Charles Bukowski so last week I was in Utah and while I was there I did some guided breath work which I'd never done before and honestly was a little skeptical at first but I try and keep an open mind and gave it a shot happy I did it ended up potentially being one of the most important things I've ever done and I want to share why because this breakthrough or aha moment if you will was exactly what I needed when I needed to hear it
so this episode's going to be a little different than usual but I feel compelled to pass it along so to set the scene I arrive with a friend of mine to the instructor Jen's location she gave us an overview kind of explaining what the next hour is going to look like and handed me a notebook to write down my goal for the session and the notebook becomes pretty important as the story goes on but I opened it and I wrote what I'd like to use this session to reflect on it happened to be uh the
walls that I have a tendency to build around myself right that day that felt like the most pertinent Obstacle of my life I saw it as an opportunity to push back against that reality that human beings love to create normal and then latch onto it and that's not ideal because when we do that we stop looking for places to grow we stop pushing we stop seeking to live life to the fullest in other words we settle and so I wrote that down I closed a notebook laid back on this incredible uh fuzzy blanket and the
music got turned on we began the breathing pattern in in out in in out Jen started guiding us verbally taking us back to a conversation with our younger selves the journey had begun and this is the part where things get really interesting because my thoughts really did feel like some strange mix of dreaming and hallucinating just from breath work but at some point she referenced the need to let go and said the words you know we weren't meant to suffer or hold on to suffering and that really cut deep because I know there are so
many places where I've rationalized continuous suffering in my life I'd speculate that in some way we all do when the hard thing or the uncomfortable thing you know when they stop being stepping stones and instead just become the way things are becomes a concession hey this doesn't feel good but it's my life this person holds me down but it's how things are I don't like doing this every day it eats at me but hey life am I right that's learned helplessness it hides in the corners and the nooks and crannies of Life subtle enough that
we don't give it much thought and I imagined very vividly climbing down a ladder placed on the edge of this Dark Canyon that went straight down down everything my entire landscape was black and white there was Zero color except for the Rays of light barely visible at the bottom all the way down as I descended into the canyon the colors that get a little stronger a little brighter as if every step put a little more Vibrance into my life each move down made things a little clearer the latter becoming quicker and quicker eventually turning into
a slide that brought me down to the base of the canyon or upon landing and standing up everything was illuminated fields of sunflowers waterfalls birds chirping the sun shining and it was there in that moment I realized my intention for the class the one I wrote down in that little notebook well it missed the mark not in the sense of being incorrect or wrong necessarily but it it simply wasn't enough see at the root of it all or at the bottom of that Canyon existed life with the courage to love yourself not just accept yourself
not just be okay with your existence but love yourself with all your faults and your struggle with all your mistakes and your history [Music] became clear to me how much changes when you love with all your heart the person staring back at you in the mirror the opinions of others they do not guide your decision making how could they how could others know you better than you in fact those opinions are part of the black and white landscape to be left behind at the top of the mountain the consistent suffering you've become accustomed to the
Learned helplessness you endure that's not acceptable to someone who truly loves him or herself loving yourself means pushing away that which is not you it's finding that ladder down to the beautiful world of authenticity and Truth The Magic of being aligned with what really matters and what's funny is I can talk about breaking down barriers they should be broken down I can talk about stepping into in fear because it should be confronted I can talk about finding a way out when we're stuck in a way up when we're down I can talk about all of
that every day of my life but none of it matters if you don't learn to fully love the reflection in the mirror more more than you ever thought you could think about the gift you could give to that younger version of yourself think about what you could give to those close to your family your friends think about what you could do for the world if you left those black and white concessions behind you and lived a life true to yourself it is of course not always easy but I learned that day that it is the
North Star it's what we build upon so before we ask how to shape the world around us maybe we should be asking how do we embrace the one within us maybe we should learn to love ourselves so deeply that those walls don't need to be broken down because in time we'll learn not to build them up in the first place we'll learn that in a world of black and white it is acceptance and trust and confidence and love that gives it color foreign [Music] Brown Jr he says nothing is more expensive than a missed opportunity
I tend to agree with this I also think it's interesting that these missed opportunities are also the most difficult if not impossible to quantify all right so if you think about our common understanding of progress or growth it's a sacrifice right it's doing X brings us why doing the work gets the result it's a simple formula and you can show your proof you can work backwards right I started working out one hour a day six months ago this is what I look like now the cost was one hour a day the result well this is
what I look like now but what's the inverse of that thinking what's the cost of not doing the work or starting the journey or taking the steps see we don't think about that we don't think about the opportunity cost our instinct is not to question the actions we don't take I was listening to an old lecture from my Jim Rohn who I love because he's such a practical thinker he's got ideas you can literally you know you know plug right into your life and uh he had an amazing point he was talking about a conversation
with an old friend in which he asks his friend who apparently watches a lot of TV he says hey what is that TV cost friend says well I think it's like 500 dollars Jim says no I don't think so it's for instance yeah I bought it 500 he says no I think it's costing you about 40K a year why well not because of what he paid for the item but because of the opportunity cost [Music] what his time using that TV could be reallocated to that's what's so incredible about that point it's like just because
you don't have something doesn't mean you aren't in fact losing out on it time is our most precious of commodities its utilization is the gateway to transformation it should be protected and you know the intent of the message is not to walk around panicking about every second you know of every minute but more being aware holistically how recklessly we use our time I don't know if you've ever looked at uh the screen time usage on a cell phone before going to bed at night it's terrifying right some of it was necessary but I mean a
lot of it wasn't and what does that cost what is two hours a day of not moving towards a dream or goal costume what about when it accumulates and it becomes 14 hours a week or roughly 56 hours a month or times 12 672 hours a year I mean these numbers start to get eye-opening [Music] right all it takes is a little awareness and we see how often we dispose of time like it's it's valueless everything we do is a cost because in doing it we are making a decision to not be doing something else
with that time foreign I want to emphasize that I'm not suggesting that we walk around like robots clocking in clocking out checking boxes so we don't ever waste a minute right is uh as the great Keith Urban says the best days of my life for all that wasted time you know we should explore and enjoy and love and laugh and experience life but that awareness makes us more intentional with those Pursuits with our work time and our play time it forces us in a way to prioritize to ask ourselves what we want instead of only
looking at progress like this vending machine where you put an X and Y comes out well we can ask ourselves what happens if I don't put an ax what happens if I keep it in my pocket what won't come out what could have existed that now won't see just because you don't see something slipping away that doesn't mean that it isn't and the immediate the world in front of you unfortunately won't remind you of that that's a bell you have to ring yourself you have to peel back the what am I doing and unveil the
what could I be doing what could I be creating what could reality look like maybe you think about it and you find that you're right where you want to be and that's great maybe you realize you've accepted a tolerable existence at the expense of an ideal existence in which case I also have great news you can change that and you can change it now we have to understand that you don't only have what's in front of you you also possess a reality unseen and undiscovered so don't let the former cover up or diminish the latter
don't lose the possibility of tomorrow with the distractions of today don't forget the cost of inaction with regard to those things that truly matter [Music] just go sure things will feel strange at first abstract at first wrong at first [Music] it's incredibly difficult to separate from the past it's hard to detach from the deeply rooted biological Whispering of hey at least you knew what to expect back there [Music] but that whispering has preservation in mind not happiness and at some point we need to stop preserving that which is not ideal so go the walls that
once existed they'll crumble and this will be startling at first shocking at first intimidating at first it's incredibly difficult to watch foundational structures crumble around us especially when you know you are the one that Lit the fuse it's hard to walk away from the faint murmur stating hey this was your home how dare you leave it [Music] but those words they have status quo in mind not growth and home is an idea you take with you it's no set of parameters just go the stories you told yourself the narratives you thought were forever will prove
to be nothing more than the end of an underwhelming chapter [Music] this will feel abrupt at first unfair at first will leave you deeply unsatisfied at first it's incredibly difficult to realize that happily ever Afters aren't linear they're cyclical it's hard to walk away from the voices pleading with you not to turn the page stating that because their realities will remain the same so must yours [Music] for those aren't the characters with whom you'll emerge Victorious some movies must be recast the setting reimagined the hero reinvented and so it should be known that your greatest
strength as the little steps that you are capable of taking the little decisions you are capable of making remember safety is not safe when it keeps you from what you need [Music] and the wrong Nows have a tendency to evolve into the wrong Forevers the small concessions well they become the big mistakes so if it's a sign you're hoping for let this be it if there's a time you're waiting for let now be that time if it's someday you are dependent upon let today be that day as doing nothing is in fact a decision but
only one of many One path laid out before you one single grain of sand where the edge of today's world touches the shores of tomorrow's sometimes it's about the ability to stand up face The Horizon and just go go because it's only upon going that you realize you're capable of the journey you finally see in yourself the strength you've longed for it's in going that you realize yesterday's situation wasn't even really the problem it was your fear of the unknown of leaving that situation it was living with the devil you knew instead of potentially having
to face the devil you didn't that's what happened to your wings they just felt safer tucked away but it's in going that we acquire perspective the tragedies the devastation the things that kept us awake at night they really weren't that bad but how are we to know when you build walls around yourself what's within them becomes your entire world it's in going that you create yourself and while everything you need is already beating in your chest the great unknown before you is the water to that seed the key to that door what you fear is
exactly what you need and so the beautiful dance through life goes on not beautiful because of its Elegance it's rarely that but beautiful because of its promise its malleability beautiful because we get to move without answers in order to find answers beautiful because what we become is directly proportional to what we're willing to endure that means that the universe doesn't judge it doesn't know us by our failures or our mistakes but by our courage our courage to face all of these things and move forward anyway to relentlessly explore the resilience of the human spirit an
infinite light in an otherwise finite World abridge that is built beneath our feet in real time what a a weight off of our shoulders to know this we don't have to get it right we just have to step out the door trusting that we will pick up enough pieces to put together something meaningful we just have to go and in the world it opens up just like that leave the old embrace the new simple you think to yourself well yeah of course the best things in life are always simple always have been always will be
we just imagine them to be difficult [Music] we have a knack for making simple decisions into complex matrices of cause and effect pros and cons wins and losses we learn to think for years until we finally come to the brilliant realization that happiness that meaning that a life well lived comes when we think less ready fire aim there is no perfect path just an adjusted course an endless series of change of learning that falling is just a road sign indicating where we need to go next can't plan for that horse that doesn't exist no you
leave who you were yesterday behind and you set sail they'll ask you where do you see yourself in five years and you'll think who knows but not here it couldn't be here it must be somewhere evolved where pieces of the world shaped your outlook and became the armor that you now wear new game new rules new expectations new people new places and what really changed well how you view yourself it's funny how it all works how things come together when we look over our shoulders like it was meant to be to be the way things
are now you could very easily have stayed dreaming looking out that window wishing you could leave hoping for answers that didn't exist [Music] and so the complex now feels as simple as we meant it to we move forward not knowing but trusting and we look back with the sense of understanding and a confidence that was built over time in the game of life there are people who go and people who stay people who build and people who don't I'm not saying everything will be perfect or everything will immediately snap into place how could I but
what I am saying is that in moving forward we pull back the curtain on the opportunity that is available to us we move from the physical limitations of the bodies we walk around in and towards the infinite power of the Mind that powers them we become who we were always meant to be how do we know what that is well not until we look over our shoulders of course so go go make your mistakes go learn your lessons feel your moments of pain in your moments of bliss your times of doubt and your times of
certainty because in doing so you will have done the very thing so few people get to do with their limited time on this planet truly live so go just go [Music] someday the things that you currently don't understand will make sense someday the big things you're dealing with won't seem so big anymore someday the doubts you have about yourself will be revealed as false someday you'll see that the things you worry about didn't matter at all someday you'll see that the road before you wasn't something you had to walk flawlessly but rather something you had
to trust and believe in someday you'll look in the mirror and see that you had it in you the entire time that there was nothing you needed or should have been hoping for yeah someday someday that will all be true but what about some days from the past I remember years ago thinking someday I would venture out into the world someday I'd speak my mind someday I would start my own business I would surround myself with people who believed in what I believe someday I'd make a little more money have a little more time to
do what I love someday I'd have all that and as I look around I realize it looks a lot like someday but guess what as we grow so do our some days it's a chase that never ends there's always something more there's always something bigger and better and the problem is not the ambition the problem is forgetting that in so many ways you've dreamed of being where you stand right now you have arrived you're not the same person that 10 years ago was throwing some days out into the universe know you have grown you have
learned you have evolved [Music] and why does this matter it matters [Music] because without acknowledging how far you've come you cannot acquire the strength needed to go where you must go when you don't feel good enough it's often because you haven't looked over your shoulder and opened your eyes the evidence is right there it's hiding in plain sight there's proof that you've been there that you've faced demons and conquered them endured your battles and overcame you did that and at one point not that long ago you couldn't say that you had you weren't yet that
person but things are different now what you have today was once only that hopeful someday it was a fleeting thought it had no merit and no value yet you brought it to life look what you've done understand how far you've come how you ran when you could you walked when it was possible you crawled when you had to and continued on to arrive at a someday that is right now you my friend are a maker of things unseen an architect of tomorrow's and some days so don't you dare don't you ever entertain the delusion that
this gift suddenly stops now suddenly the burden is too much the mountain is too tall no what you do is overcome that is who you are and you've done it for you you've done it for the ones you love and in some cases the ones who didn't even understand but you kept going marching through the fires of Hell to turn some days into right now and I get to the road before you is uncertain there's no way to know exactly how life will unfold but that's besides the point a bird can predict every gust of
wind it's going to encounter it spreads its wings takes off and adapts because it can because it always has because that's what it does I'm not advocating that you should have all the answers no I'm suggesting that you trust yourself to find them to move forward into the haze that surrounds you to make sense of the seemingly illogical bring about reality from the Make-Believe someday you will have what you're aiming for but Here's to Never Letting a today go by without realizing that you are always living out us someday from your past you are always
arriving and leaving simultaneously accomplished and the students crossing the finish line and on the starting block with another Race Around the Corner another chance to stretch your legs and reach for the heavens if you ever forget that that you find it within yourself to look over your shoulder to remember what you once asked for and to appreciate the journey that you have undertaken you did that now onward you go you have more some days to bring to life thank you [Music]
