How To Control Your Anger - Seneca (Stoicism)

Seneca says we shouldn't control anger but destroy it entirely for what control is therefore a thing that's fundamentally wicked lucious aeneas Seneca was a prominent Roman philosopher and playwright who published several essential works about stoicism he counseled emperor Nero and thought that anger is a temporary madness and that even when justified we should never act on the basis of it because it affects our sanity Seneca wrote a book specifically on anger called des IRA which defines and explains anger within the context of stoic philosophy and offers advice on how to prevent and control anger and

that's why in this video we're going to look at ten ways we can control our anger from the teachings of Seneca number one recognized that anger is destructive Seneca says we shall prevent ourselves from becoming angry if we repeatedly place before our eyes all angers faults and form a proper judgment of it the first step to dealing with anger is recognizing how problematic this emotion is we believe Aristotle's way of thinking that anger is not always bad if one is angry at the right time and in the right context then anger can sometimes be justified

Aristotle Ian's claimed that virtue lies in navigating the middle course between extremes concerning anger they thought that the virtuous compromise is good temper which lies between the unvirtuous poles of a racer bility that is too much anger and lack of spirit that is too little anger however according to the Stoics there is no such thing as a good degree of anger but it doesn't mean that one has to be passive in the face of injustice human nature for the Stoics is that of a social animal capable of reason it follows that to live according to

nature means to apply one's reason to social living anger is unreasonable and it damages society hence it is unnatural in the stoic sense Seneca thought that anger was a vise with few if any exceptions the three main reasons Seneca lists r1 anger makes you a slave when were angry we're a slave to that anger we're more likely to make mistakes that we'll end up regretting later anger blinds us to the future and the consequences of our actions in the moment effectively overriding our rational or higher selves and making us slaves to our own subconscious anger

makes us act in a way that feels gratifying in the short term but takes us away from our long term ideals to anger cannot be slowed down according to Seneca anger is a binary emotion the emotion of anger has a forward momentum that is far more extreme than other emotions the moment you realize you're angry you're already under its control when you're in the middle of acting out anger you don't pay attention to any other course of action and move headlong into a path of destruction and chaos you don't want to be calm when you're

angry anger justifies its own existence and three anger is contagious Seneca says that anger influences a mob like behavior anger is well known for its ability to spread through a social group more than any other passion and when anger is present the individuals become one larger angry organism and seem to work perfectly together with the unified vision of havoc now that we know how destructive anger is we need to lessen our attachment to this emotion pushing away from anger or disliking it is just the start but we also need some end goal to move toward

that goal according to the stoic philosophy of life is the attainment of tranquillity which is the state of peace and quiet number to recognize your anger triggers and learn to control them in the words of Seneca and so the best course is to treat the sickness as soon as it becomes apparent at that time as well giving oneself the least freedom of speech and curbing emotion Seneca advises us to be mindful about our anger triggers that is to be aware of the events and situations that make you angry this is important because you'll respond more

effectively to your anger when you feel prepared for it if we practice mind this will not only be able to detect the macro buttons that trigger our anger but also see the specific thoughts that arise and lead to that emotion of anger the benefit of this is that we'll be able to catch and neutralize them far earlier here are some common anger triggers being treated unfairly for example someone cutting in front of you in a queue or your boss gives you an inaccurate evaluation at work responding to time pressures and frustrations by leaving a bit

late for work and running into traffic or someone texting you while you're working experiencing dishonesty or disappointment such as your partner cheating on you or your boss failing to give you the raise you were promised encountering threats to self-esteem like receiving a bad grade or getting rejected running into prejudice and discrimination for example racial or ethnic differences or a disability and finally getting attacked such as being mugged or domestic violence or even just random accidents anticipating the possibility of anger increases your ability to express it more constructively hence the more mindful we become about our

anger the more we'll be able to slow it down in the earliest stages of its onset number three just wait according to Seneca the greatest cure for anger is to wait so that the initial passion it engenders may die down and the fog that shrouds the mind may subside or become less thick anger is a poor guide to happiness anger interferes with problem-solving and good judgment and makes you rash and rigid in your thinking while fear drives us to flee anger drives us to confrontation anger motivates revenge and retaliation this is why even the most

respected intellects can be reduced to repetitious exploitive --zz when enraged hence whenever you feel you're about to get angry remove yourself from the situation that's provoking you or withhold all actions until you feel yourself in a completely tranquil state of mind sit on that angry email for a day or two before sending it walk away from a fight whenever possible and seek advice from a calm ideally neutral third party before taking any style action if you still wish to carry out the angry actions when your karma then by all means go ahead they may coincide

with self-interest but chances are you won't want to in the heat of anger you're likely to make decisions you'll regret try reading meditating or some other activity you find relaxing go for a walk a bike ride or do some stretching this can relieve the tension in your muscles and help you relax according to the American Psychological Association deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to reduce the intensity of your anger even something as simple as waiting or counting to 10 or repeating a word or phrase that's calming to you such as relax or let

it go or take it easy all of these can help soothe angry feelings anger is an emotion and emotions do not last forever all of us will get angry from time to time but using these strategies will help you control your anger and express your feelings in a way that's more beneficial to you and to others number four use art and music to calm the mind as we learn from Seneca hot-tempered people should avoid studies that are demanding or at least engage in one's not liable to end in exhaustion the mind should not occupy itself

with heart tasks but should be given over to pleasurable arts let it be calmed by reading poetry and charmed by the tales of history let it be treated with a measure of gentleness and refinement if you're prone to frustration and anger Seneca believes finding art or music that soothes you will prove beneficial in your pursuit of a tranquil mind in modern times we call this form of anger management expressive Theory expressive Theory encourages people to yell scream and pound pillows to get out their built-up anger the pillows represent the people from their past and their

unresolved anger issues the term expressive therapy also refers to using creative arts as a method of managing anger this type of therapy is also known as creative arts therapy and expressive arts therapy proponents of using expressive therapy as a method of anger management but that the body will heal through a combination of creative expression and the use of imagination during an anger management counseling session or class therapists help identify the anger triggers and unresolved anger issues although there are many types of expressive therapy for anger management the most common ones are music therapy art therapy

dance therapy drama therapy and writing therapy nearly any type of art can be calming music is a universally loved art form that has the capability of causing an emotional and physical reaction in the listener it can make you feel more energetic happy or sad when music is used as a form of expressive therapy in managing anger it's used as a mood stabilizer when you feel angry turn on the radio or listen to tracks on your phone and it will help you relax number 5 see yourself as an offender Seneca says let us put ourselves in

the position of the man who's making us angry in point of fact it's an unjustified estimate of our own worth that causes our anger and an unwillingness to put up with the treatment we would happily inflict on others trying to see yourself in others is a great exercise for how to deal with anger when we get angry we're typically outraged at the actions of others but in all likelihood we've acted just like them at some point in our lives ask yourself how many times have I acted badly have I ever acted violently have I ever

said mean things to someone I later regretted have I ever manipulated someone as humans we all share more similarities than differences we've all acted in regrettable ways and then realized later that our free will is not so free but is in truth owned to a large degree by our passions number 6 heal rather than punish Seneca asks us how much better is it to heal a wrong than to avenge one vengeance takes considerable time and it exposes a man to many injuries while only one causes him resentment we always feel anger longer than we hurt

when someone directs their anger towards us it's very common to want to take revenge to punish people for their wrongdoing this is the idea behind having a prison system when someone breaks the law we deal with that law breaking by punishing them in the hopes that they'll reform and stop acting in those harmful ways unfortunately what often happens is that people come out of prison as worse offenders than when they went in the point of having prisons is to punish people who've committed offenses that is it's about revenge but the most advanced prison systems in

the world usually to be found in Scandinavian countries are based on the entirely different axiom that the point of prison is to reform the criminal to improve him morally and to eventually allow him to rejoin the broader society from which he's currently excluded and in doing so prevent a recurring offense this is perfectly in accordance with Senecas belief that being angry at someone only adds further damage to the situation while discretion allows healing and at the same time recognizes that there has been an injustice this is a very constructive attitude when carried over to interpersonal

situations involving anger as it puts the victim in a more powerful position as healer rather than Punisher the act of revenge carries with it connotations of anger if anger is bad then the goal should be to rid anger both in ourselves and others number 7 choose your friends wisely Seneca says choose men who are honest easygoing and have self-control the sort who will not arouse your anger and yet will tolerate it according to research by social psychologist dr. David McClelland of Harvard the people you habitually associate with determines as much as 95% of your success

or failure in life but Seneca realized this truth thousands of years ago anger spreads faster than fire hence if you know you're prone to anger then you should not surround yourself with friends who trigger that anger or provoke you the provoker is someone that provokes someone in order to get a response or some type of reaction whether someone knows that they're a provoker or even if it's on some hidden subconscious level they're capable of just as much damage as someone that's abusive a provoker could be from our friends from our colleagues or even our family

members many times in those relationships we even feel a struggle to leave because we get so used to a person and even when they're toxic we stay it's important to keep control over our lives and remember that the goal is to achieve tranquility of mind for which we need to be happy in all of our relationships including our friendships and our family relationships so to surround yourselves with people that bring more joy into your lives instead of creating more misery and turbulence for you Seneca also advises us to resist the urge to be curious if

we want to keep a peaceful mind even if you're surrounded by the most amazing people you're curious to hear what your friend said about you or curious to read the messages of your partner who is texting someone attractive if your goal is to maintain a tranquil and undisturbed mind you should not want to seek out information that will likely cause you despair number 8 don't seek reasons to be angry to quote Seneca it makes you angry that a slave has answered you back or a freedman or your wife or a client you then go on

to complain that the state has been deprived of the freedom of which you have deprived those under your own roof we always give too much importance to ourselves we live in a world of comfort and luxury this eventually weakens us and makes us soft and thin skinned we grow up spoiled and learn to expect things from the world and then get angry when those expectations aren't met we get angry at almost every minut thing we get angry when we misplace our things when we get cut off by bad drivers or when one of our friends

makes an inappropriate joke at such times anger makes us feel perversely good it makes us feel free but these are all parts of life and if we get angry every time our expectations about reality aren't met we will surely live an angry existence in order to deal with daily anger triggers the Stoics practice venca land- visualization they visualized the worst case scenario and all the things that could go wrong so that they would be ready for whatever may come but also grateful for the times when negative occurrences were absent don't seek reasons to be angry

instead seek reasons to be calm number nine use self-deprecating humor Seneca asks us what should a wise person do when given a blow same as kaito when he was attacked not fire up or revenge the insult or even return the blow but simply ignore it if we feel that we simply must say something in response to an insult the Stoics recommend that we engage in self-deprecating humor Seneca points approvingly Takei toes use of humor to deflect a particularly grievous insult Kato was pleading a case when an adversary named Lentulus spat in his face rather than

getting angry or returning the insult Kato calmly wiped off the spit and said I will swear to anyone Lentulus that people are wrong to say that you cannot use your mouth self-deprecating humor is a practice in which we insult ourselves even worse than the insulted it by turning an insult into a joke we prevent the insult from taking root in our psyche where it will cause us to experience needless anguish by laughing often insult we're implying that we don't take the insulter all his insults at all seriously this belittles them and denies them dominance over

the situation it's therefore a response that's likely to deeply frustrate them and hence a humorous reply to an insult can be far more effective than a counter insult would be number ten practice self-reflection and in our final quote from Seneca for this video he tells us all our senses should be trained to acquire strength they are by nature capable of endurance provided that the mind which should be called daily to account for itself does not persist in undermining them when you reflect on your own character and actions you'll gain a greater sensitivity or mindfulness towards

how do you think and what triggers you into negative emotions you can start by keeping your anger Journal an anger diary or journal can be a useful tool to help you track your experiences with anger make daily entries into your diary that document the situation's you encounter that angered you in order to make the diary most useful there are particular types of information you'll want to record for each provoking event such as what happened that gave you pain or made you feel stressed what was provocative about the situation what thoughts were going through your mind

on a scale of 0 to 100 how angry did you feel the purpose of your diary is to help you identify patterns of behavior and specific recurring elements that really push your buttons with daily self-reflection you can understand the ways in which you experience anger and plan strategies to cope with your emotions in more productive ways if you enjoyed this video please do make sure to check out our full stoicism playlist and for more videos to help you find success and happiness using ancient philosophical wisdom don't forget to subscribe thanks so much for watching [Music]