do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm we learn about the importance of being generous sharing and acting with virtue to build a strong character stoicism teaches us to think clearly and thrive in life regardless of circumstances however this doesn't mean that we should sacrifice ourselves often setting ourselves on fire to warm others being always available overly helpful and seen as kind can be great for those receiving such generosity but what about yourself how do you feel when your generosity knows no bounds in a world where we don't always receive what we
offer we encounter generous people who exhaust themselves in every way the stoic way of thinking has reshaped my life and provided emotional resilience therefore I will share seven situations resulting from excessive kindness and generosity and how in practice we establish limits in our lives based on stoic knowledge before we begin I would like to thank you for clicking on this video this was the first step on your journey to improve your life through stoicism if you are new here please like And subscribe to the channel statistics show that only 3% of my audience is subscribed
to my channel so if this content has helped you in any way I ask you to subscribe and hit the notification Bell one don't set yourself on fire to warm others stoics emphasize the importance of living in accordance with reason and virtue these principles guide actions and decisions in the pursuit of a meaningful and ethical life setting boundaries in our relationships is crucial to maintain and preserve balance avoiding compromising our authenticity and well-being for the sake of others sometimes by reaching out or offering help without realizing it we volunteer ourselves for suffering this reminds me
of a story that happened on a farm between the Friendship of a horse and a donkey and I would like to share it with you one night the horse confided in the donkey about the hardship of its routine tirelessly plowing from dawn to dusk facing the heat of the day leg fatigue and the harness hurting its neck meanwhile the donkey enjoyed rest and had no major responsibilities able to relax all day the donkey was a good friend and understood the horse my dear friend he responded you indeed have a heavy workload and I would like
to help here's what you can do to take a day off in the morning when the farm hand comes lie down on the ground and let out the loudest groans you can so he thinks you're sick and unable to to work the horse followed the advice and the next day the farmand reported to the owner that the horse was sick and couldn't be used in the plow the farmer then ordered the donkey to take over the task for the entire day the donkey who only wanted to help His companion was forced to do the horse's
work that night the donkey was exhausted and injured while the rested horse wanted to thank him you are a good friend thanks to your advice I could rest all day the donkey lamenting retorted I on the other hand am like many generous Hearts Who start by helping a friend and end up being forced to take on their tasks have you ever felt like the horse in your life share your story in the comments it's crucial as in the story we often want to help someone so much that we spare no effort stoicism teaches us to
practice self-re reflection meaning always questioning our immediate reactions and striving to live by reason this process prevents impulsive actions promoting choices aligned with our values as epicus one of the most well-known and wise stoic philosophers States in his discourses when you are about to start some task stand for a moment and reflect on the nature of the task you are about to perform you will do your task with greater security if before you begin you say to yourself I want to accomplish this task and at the same time I want to keep my moral purpose
in harmony with nature stoicism trains us for a new way of thinking and the lesson here becomes clear if you want to help a friend do so but in a way that their burdens are not placed on your shoulders stoics teach us to cultivate balanced relationships where both parties contribute fairly and neither is sacrificed excessively in summary the maxim don't set yourself on fire to warm others aligns with stoic principles of living rationally cultivating balanced relationships and avoiding excessive sacrifices that may compromise your integrity and well-being in all dimensions of your life two reciprocity has
an expiration date offering in our best and expecting nothing in return is genuinely Noble as stoicism emphasizes but often when we give we find ourselves expecting others to reciprocate with the same level of generosity regardless of what you do or have done for someone it's essential to understand that reciprocity has an expiration date even if that person is very grateful at the moment and tells you that they will never forget your help most people completely forget what they received over time sometimes we create expectations about others actions carrying the certainty that someone would never act
a certain way or that we can count on someone for everything regardless of what happens to us in a way we expect recognition and reciprocity however when such expectations are not met the problem arises and we feel devastated and betrayed therefore a avoiding placing our happiness in others actions giving without expecting too much in return protects us from disappointments and teaches us about emotional Detachment providing greater Peace of Mind according to the stoics the problem starts with our expectations when we presume that others will respond the way we do we become entirely vulnerable it's natural
to expect reciprocity but stoicism reminds us that we don't control others actions only our own actions and reactions epic titus's wisdom in his discourses emphasizes this there are two rules to keep ready that there is nothing good or bad outside my own choice and that we should not try to lead events but follow them epictetus's quote reinforces the idea that we have to accept events as they happen without creating illusory expectations or trying to control them and recognize that good and bad are related to our rational Choice therefore when being generous be aware that reciprocity
may not always come let's avoid creating expectations because often expecting reciprocity can lead to discouragement frustration and disillusionment the key is to focus on what you can control ensuring that your actions are genuinely productive and that you don't waste your time on things you have no power to change stoicism teaches us that true wealth lies in our ability to give without expecting anything in return finding joy in the act of giving and preserving our Peace of Mind regardless of others reactions is a fundamental principle therefore let's learn to focus on actions within our reach cultivating
detached generosity that brings inner satisfaction even without the guarantee of recognition or reciprocity three received requests have no limits if we go back a few centuries we will see that some royalty had attendance to dress them comb their hair and perform basic personal hygiene tasks this lack of sense and boundaries seems absurd to us today however looking at your own life within your day how often do people ask you for favors that they could do for themselves people naturally expect something from us stoicism helps us Define limits and provides us with means to make them
real in our lives the practice of moderation one of the stoic virtues becomes a guide amid numerous demands help and Limitless requests stoicism advises us to balance our generosity instead of passively accepting unlimited requests and favors by acting with moderation we maintain control over our actions avoiding patterns that wear down our emotional well-being when we constantly take on others responsibilities we not only overwhelm ourselves but also prevent others from growing and facing their challenges this is evident in a story about a mother and her adult daughter in a small town the mother despite being elderly
lovingly cared for her sick daughter preventing her from taking on her responsibilities for years the mother had been taking care of her sick daughter preventing her from taking on her responsibilities the daughter depended on her mother for everything and when she did get up it was only for basic needs as she never left her daughter alone the mother always postponed her routine checkups and exams unfortunately one day the mother fell ill suddenly and passed away this left many people concerned about the daughter's well-being now without her mother's care after her mother's death the daughter surprised
Everyone by resuming her life normally showing how excessive care despite good intentions and love involved can hinder personal growth this dilemma doesn't just affect others but also ourselves constantly taking on others responsibilities and neglecting your own needs imprisons you in a cycle of one-sided giving in this Dynamic only one person is giving while the other is only receiving this pattern de plates your energy and undermines your emotional well-being completely practicing moderation in generosity donating in a balanced manner allows us to maintain control over our actions avoiding habits that wear out our emotional balance if we
get used to giving constantly those who benefit from our generosity May begin to expect and desire to receive more and more receivers have no limits no matter how much you do it will always seem insufficient it is crucial to practice generosity but it is also vital to establish clear boundaries and balance the way we offer help to preserve our peace and well-being we encourage others to take on their own responsibilities and grow as individuals remember the wisdom of Emperor Marcus aelius when he shared these words in meditations a man's job is to stand upright not
to be kept upright by others in this delicate balance we discover true generosity that benefits both others and ourselves senica a renowned Statesman writer and stoic philosopher left a significant Legacy by sharing his wisdom through letters including his Reflections on friendship and genuine Connection in relationships in his words he emphasizes he who begins to be your friend because of the benefit will also cease because of the benefit a person attracted by some reward offered in exchange for their friendship if he's attracted by something in Friendship Beyond friendship itself senica highlights the importance of cultivating true
bonds devoid of external motivation being excessively generous can result in superficial connections motivated by specific interests whether Financial or something we can do or offer often we condition our value on what we can offer and not on who we are either out of fear of judgment not wanting to displease or not feeling deserving of something excessive generosity can often be a way to express this conditioning and in compensation we end up expressing excessive gratitude and dedicating ourselves too much to others stoicism in practice emphasizes the importance of self-sufficiency and internal control allowing you to build
a solid foundation on principles that do not align with this Behavior our sense of value worthiness and satisfaction are internal feelings that must come from within therefore we have to work on our self-esteem and belief belief about ourselves constantly this Dynamic is not limited to Friendship but extends to all aspects of our relationships whether professional personal or social building connections driven by interests creates a fragile Foundation that certainly does not withstand small changes or minor challenges as epicus reminds us in prosperity it is very easy to find friends in adversity there there is nothing more
difficult we must establish our relationships based on accepting who we are including our flaws and qualities in this way we build connections that not only allow us to grow but first and foremost recognize and accept our true Essence stoic principles encourage a more solid and authentic approach where genuine connection develops from Mutual understanding and respect for fun fundamental values your priorities take a backseat the main goal of stoicism is to live a life with virtue to achieve this it is necessary to constantly improve our character and learn to master our emotions giving us direction to
reach our best version however when we overload ourselves with others responsibilities we are heading in the opposite direction it is crucial to establish limits in our relationships and prioritize our responsibilities to preserve balance and avoid compromising our authenticity and well-being for others if you feel suffocated by others priorities it is possible that you are avoiding something internal that causes pain and fear when we engage in others responsibilities we end up neglecting our own leading to neglect of our own lives in a way it is easier not to face our internal limits and fears and use
this as a justification for the time we dedicate to others priorities however the price of this incessant dedication is high you lose yourself in the process and realize that your own life is being forgotten due to excessive concern with others problems your inner voice is drowned out and sooner or later facing the quietude of your own being the pain and fear you tried to avoid return with intensity it is essential to recognize that attending to our own needs and priorities is not selfishness but a form of self-care and preservation of authenticity the stoics teach us
that setting limits and living in accordance with virtues is not only an act of self-love but also a path to a meaningful life Cicero one of the most prominent stoic philosophers expressed this reality when he said of all the days of our life few are dedicated to ourselves the next time you feel tempted to get lost in constant service to others take a break acknowledge the uncomfortable emotions that arise in solitude and welcome them with compassion allow yourself to be authentic in your desires and needs establish healthy boundaries and learn to say no when necessary
you will find that by honoring your own authenticity you not only enrich yourself internally but also can offer balanced and genuine generosity to others therefore it is essential to learn to distribute your time and knowledge efficiently as well as understand the importance of putting on your own oxygen mask first this way you can help others more meaningfully without ignoring your own needs you have have now reached the halfway mark of the video I congratulate you for trying to become a better version of yourself and I also humbly ask you to leave a comment as it
helps my channel immensely if you do not know what to comment just write mind over body so I know you reached this far and don't forget to subscribe for more content like this now back to the video four being seen and treated as fragile stoicism encourages us to develop inner strength and self-control cultivating a healthier mind establishing boundaries and practicing self-discipline when you offer excessive help over time instead of being seen as authorities or collaborators ironically this can create the opposite impression in this context the lack of boundaries makes you vulnerable people perceive this fragility
and instead of respecting you they may begin to take advantage using and exploiting in various ways they start to see you as someone who is always ready to help always willing to take on any task without questioning as a result they exploit and abuse this willingness leading to situations of exhaustion and complete frustration when you start saying no firmly but respectfully something surprising happens people begin to perceive you differently you cease to be someone willing to accept everything without questioning and become a person who values themselves enough to set limits deserving to be treated with
dignity and consideration this change in perception is crucial because by uttering that simple word you transform how others see you you overcome your mental obstacles and become a strong person capable of defending your own limits and consequently worthy of respect ultimately respect comes not only from what you do for others but also from how you treat yourself Cicero one of the greatest writers and stoic philosophers of his time already knew this truth when he told us what you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you by setting boundaries and practicing
self-discipline you send a clear message to the world you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect therefore the next time you find yourself in a situation where your limits are being tested remember the strength contained in that small word no by uttering it you are defending yourself and reaffirming your own value you will encounter many challenges as you implement these changes in your life our actions send messages to the world and the people around us if you are willing to help unconditionally it is natural for people to approach you only when they need something
this can bring challenging consequences such as some friends who used to enjoy your company starting to exclude you from parties social events or small celebrations and only remembering you in situations that require help consideration seems to exist only when they need a favor the this pattern of behavior may seem cruel but from A New Perspective it is not so surprising people usually prefer to invite close friends family or those with whom they maintain genuine and balanced relationships for leisure moments excluding colleagues or collaborators this change in how we are treated can be disconcerting and entirely
unfair but that's how it works you find yourself in a position where you offer help help with an open heart only to feel excluded in moments of relaxation this selective treatment can hurt generating feelings of disillusionment and betrayal however from a stoic perspective this Dynamic is a test of discernment that challenges you to recognize who truly values your friendship and appreciation and who is merely taking advantage of your generosity five we will see who our true friends are we must pay attention to the actions not the words of those around us it is important to
remember that stoicism does not encourage cynicism or distrust but rather the cultivation of a deep understanding of human nature by practicing discernment we can choose to help those who truly need and will appreciate our genuine support in doing so we preserve our energy and Surround ourselves with people who value US for who we are not just for what we can offer stoicism gives us tools to thrive in life by working with the mind this challenge provides an opportunity to practice stoic self-discipline by setting clear boundaries and deciding how to invest our energy and time by
keeping our generosity balanced and directed towards those who truly value our help we can live according to stoic principles finding peace and satisfaction in the complexities of Human Relationships setting your boundaries is a simple process but without practice it can leave you disoriented about where to begin acting let's explore strategies to avoid being used by people first strategy eliminate the fear of saying no ask yourself what the root of your fear of saying no is often this Behavior has its roots in childhood when we are repeatedly Tau thought that if we are not nice no
one will like us these concepts are internalized as unquestionable truths imbued with fear and recorded in memory however stoicism emphasizes the importance of introspection and continuous questioning in the pursuit of a meaningful life full of purpose today we are adults with the power to make decisions about our lives understanding that fear was installed in childhood when you did not have the conditions to question the truth of threats frees you from these possible conditioning studying stoicism we learn tools to understand our emotions and to stop and think about our responses to life instead of allowing Instinct
and Habit to control them saying no in situations where you feel overwhelmed or when the request is unfair is a way to exercise self-control second strategy pay attention to your feelings stoicism teaches us to pay attention to our thought processes understand our emotions and cultivate a healthy mind this stoic tool works on our self-reflection and self-awareness when you pay attention to your feelings it becomes possible to identify if you are dedicating yourself excessively and emotionally draining yourself allowing adjustments to find find a healthy balance reflecting on how you feel when helping others considering both yourself
and others priorities is crucial generosity should bring a sense of satisfaction almost like walking on clouds if on the other hand you find yourself overwhelmed lacking energy irritated or used it is time to pay attention to your feelings when something that is not an obligation causes is so much discomfort it is imperative not to deceive yourself and understand how the assistance you offer impacts your well-being third strategy see yourself as a priority sometimes we become experts in the weirdest and most unusual subjects and do not take care of ourselves following the stoic principles of self-discipline
and self-respect it is essential to set aside time and space to take care of yourself stoicism is the study that takes care of our souls and the more we practice it the more we learn to take care of ourselves so do not neglect yourself take care of your health your body your emotions notice yourself see yourself as a priority this is something you should take seriously embrace yourself forgive yourself for mistakes for failures and see this coming year as an opportunity for stoic restarts choose an activity that is just for you and in this space
of time be generous with yourself respect this set limits and do not feel remorse about saying no if someone wants to invade this time you can always offer help but always make it clear that your availability will be limited because you have a life to take care of fourth strategy identify the takers following the stoic principles of self-discipline and discernment it is important to recognize which relationships benefit you and which by distancing yourself from people who constantly drain your energy and do not contribute positively you are taking care of your own well-being and applying stoic
self-control in your relationships takers are people who always demand more whether it's attention constantly complaining to you your time or even money borrowing a credit card and not honoring payments even if you try to help it is most likely that you will become exhausted and people cannot get out of the same situation we cannot fall into the illusion that our Good Deeds change someone each of us carries within ourselves the will power for Change and no one can open that door except ourselves maintaining this type of relationship resembles a parasitic Dynamic with the taker draining
the host until dry stoics believe that bonds of affection can extend to all of us humans and it teaches us to have psychological strength to modify them we control our ability to choose kindness and generosity in the same way we control control our ability to discern and use Temperance to balance our relationships if we give too little we seem selfish and stingy while if we give too much we end up completely drained of energy time and probably money too stoicism teaches us balance moderation to think and analyze our actions and I hope this video teaches
you not to donate too much of all your resources and for get your fundamental goal which is to have an extraordinary life and if you donate too little it teaches you to use generosity wisely as senica reminds us with his words kindness is a treasure a benefit should be kept like a buried treasure to be Unearthed only in case of necessity nature invites us to do good to everyone wherever there is a human being and now you've reached the end of this lesson if you enjoyed our video like it subscribe and comment so that YouTube
knows that these types of videos are for people like you and we can continue creating similar videos in the future
