JESUS HEALED ME FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ANOREXIA AND...

hey everybody God bless you I'm excited for you to watch this new testimony we recorded this uh recording actually in India we know Lydia we know her leadership we know her husband and we've seen the transformation in her life through a life surrender to Jesus Christ we want to encourage you to watch the entire testimony all the way through there's a lot of parts in this testimony that may be a little hard to listen to there's a lot of focus in the life before Jesus but it is an accurate representation of what's going on in

many people's lives and so that's all I wanted to come on here and do is encourage you to watch the entire testimony through I'm telling you it will bless you so watch it like it comment down below if there's any part that impacts you or speaks to you we'll be reading the comment section God bless you guys enjoy it so the more I had to go to these hospitals the more medication I would be put on it felt like every time I would go in I would come out with a new medication they tried almost

everything by the time I was about 21 I have been over 25 medications and so I think from about that moment I decided that yeah I'm going to have to continue to live like this and I'm going to have to figure out a way to either live like this or figure out got a way to not live there was one moment one night where I just told him how angry I was especially when he would pray or when he would make me pray it made me so angry and I hated that it made me angry

because I wanted to want to pray and so Samuel led me in a prayer that night and I repeated after him and somehow everything just got lifted off I grew up in the to church my parents were married but they divorced when I was five but my mom would take me to church she was a Christian or is a Christian and my dad is not I did not see my dad growing up and when I was seven I had a traumatic event happen which kind of turned my world upside down literally I went from being

a very happy peaceful joyful child to more of an anxious child more of a like suspenseful like I didn't trust people that well I would say I was still pretty happy for the most part I still laughed and smiled and played with my friends but I still had a lot of a lot of inner turmoil going on that a lot of people didn't know about so when I was 8 years old I was put into therapy and and that was very traumatic for me I remember figuring out where I was being driven to and I

had a panic attack for the very first time at 8 years old I was begging my mom not to take me there I didn't want to go I didn't want to talk about anything that I had gone through I didn't want to have to speak it out loud so that's kind of where all of my problems all of my hurt and pain started and then I believe I was only in therapy for a short time and I hated it I hated therapy but then I got out and I you know continued with my life I

was pretty normal uh all throughout school until I was around 15 um I started getting depressed and I didn't really understand why too much I started just having no motivation sleeping all the time I couldn't focus in school I was actually diagnosed with ADHD um when I was a sophomore in high school I had a teacher tell my mother to take me to my doctor to get me tested and put on medication so that's actually the first medication I was put on was when I was either 15 or 16 they didn't really understand that I

I was just very depressed I didn't have ADHD I didn't I just was really sad I was really hurting inside myself and I didn't even know myself how to explain it I went when I went to the doctor later my doctor asked me if I was depressed and I thought no I'm definitely not depressed there's the first medication and then around 17 in when I switched schools when I switched to a public school something happened that really really triggered my depression I had a friend pass away really tragically even though I was already feeling depressed

before that that really triggered something in me I started hurting myself very very badly all the time I was using eating disorder behaviors I was just not doing well and so one day my school counselor I did something in school um to myself and the school counselor made me go see a therapist so my mother picked me up from school that day and she drove me to a therapist she knew and I remember begging her not to I was so scared because of the therapy that I had to do when I was 8 years old

and so I could continued to see that therapist for about 2 years and during that time I was also put on another medication shortly after I started and that was my first anti-depressant and that somehow even made me feel worse it began being even more suicidal I started using even worse ways of hurting myself I would have to be taken to the hospital all the time I would be put in psychiatric hospitals and I felt absolutely no hope for anything like there was no point no point in living at all even though I knew there

was a God and I was very scared to die in some ways I was only scared to die because I thought I would be sent to hell so that fear really did keep me alive even when I tried my best to die so the more I had to go into these hospitals the more medication I would be put on it felt like every time I would go in I would come out with a new medication Lydia this might sound a little redundant but what was this medication doing to you whether good or bad what was

it doing anything to you yeah so I've I have tried about every single type of psychiatric medication so so like anti-depressants somehow would make me even more depressed even more suicidal and the doctors would realize that those weren't working well so they would try a different type like a mood stabilizer and that would make me sleep all the time and then antis psychotics and those would either make me very mean and aggressive or they would also make me sleep all the time so the doctors really didn't know what to do with my medication they tried

almost everything by the time I was about 21 I had been on so many different meds I have been up into this point over 25 medications psychiatrically by 2014 I had tried to end my life two times the second time I got sent out of the State because the local Psychiatric Hospital wouldn't take me anymore cuz I was too much of a risk so I got sent to another state where they took away all my freedoms and made me feel so out of control and they were so really wanting to calm me down so they

would try all these different pills like every day if one pill didn't work it was just another one I believe a lot of the hospitals just didn't didn't want me to make make any noise almost they just wanted to sedate me because of how anxious and how like kind of wild I was almost like I just had no emotional control I think that the medication really messed up my mind especially starting on such at such a young age medications that you're not even supposed to give someone at that age they were saying okay this medication

isn't working let's increase it I come back two weeks later I tell them I feel even worse okay let's increase it there was a medication I was on that was the highest dose for a fully grown man of one medication it was so hard it was so hard and I just felt so numb at times as well like I felt out of my mind almost and I also felt too much like my moods were still all over the place but somehow the doctors thought that it could be working still or they would find a medication

that would that would cure me that would make me better so I was in the psychiatric hospital that was in my state at least 13 times within a year and a half because I would have to just go in all the time and then again in 2014 they had to send me out of state from that out of state hospital the one that just kept trying medication after medication while I was there decided that I was too unstable especially with my eating disorder that they had to send me out to somewhere else so they sent

me to a whole another state without even letting me go home first they just sent me to another state across the country to an eating disorder rehab abilitation Center and they also again tried many medications during that time and I was just so depressed still no matter what they did no matter what kind of therapy they gave me I was still so depressed and so the last week I was there I basically just stayed in bed no matter who tried to get me to leave to get me out I would stay in bed and so

eventually they told me that they could no longer keep me there because of my depression so it's interesting one treat one Psychiatric Hospital says they can't keep me there because of my eating disorder that Treatment Center that they send me to says they can't treat me because of my depression so it felt very hopeless like nobody could help me nobody could fix what was going on in my mind and so I think from about that moment I decided that yeah I'm going to have to continue to live like this and I'm going to have to

figure out a way to either live like this or figure out a way to not live and so from that treatment center on I went to an eating disorder Rehabilitation treatment six different times each in different states and they would just continue to send me home because of my depression no matter what meds they tried and in 2017 was my last attempt to end my life it was the final straw had hit and I don't even remember what was the final straw what happened that made me decide yes this is it but that night my

mom was at work and I took the pills I took way too many pills my mom came home a little later I was kind of unconscious so I don't remember what the time between was but I remember being laying on the couch and my mom coming in and her looking at me and my vision is very blurry and I'm kind of going in and out she comes closer and she says what did you take and then I'm out I wake up and there's either a firefighter or an em mess person there and they're asking what

my name is and I tell them very quietly I say Lydia and then I wake up about 3 days later in the ICU I woke up so confused I had a tube down my throat I was intubated because I couldn't breathe on my own I was told later that they didn't know if I was going to even be able to walk again they told me that they put the tube in too big of a tube in and so they didn't know how I was going to sound when I spoke or if I could speak but

most importantly I wake up and I am so angry at God more so even angry at myself like why did this not work I did everything I was supposed to this was supposed to work and it didn't and I was so upset and people would come in to visit me I was there for about a week I believe cuz they were just making sure all my like my levels and my organs and everything were fine from the overdose and they would come in and talk to me and I couldn't even look at them at some

of them my therapist came in and saw me I stared at the TV like the whole time I couldn't talk to her I was so ashamed I couldn't do anything anything right I couldn't even end my life which seemed like it was going to be so easy I knew what to do and that was kind of the start of everything that almost dying that third time was the start but it did get bad again but it didn't get that bad after the ICU they sent me to a psych Hospital in the state that I lived

in and from there they sent me to a Christian Treatment Center a Christian Rehabilitation Center mainly for people who have addiction problems not specifically for things like depression and eating disorders and trauma but they they took me for some reason and they took me off of all of my medication I got there and they just cold turkey I'm off and it was such a shock for my system I didn't know where I was really they took away all my privileges and I was just so confused and so hurt and so broken because about two weeks

before I thought I was going to die I didn't even think I would be alive this Christian Treatment Center that I was sent to they were very very dark in a way very much like you are a sinner and that is who you are there is no hope for you but you have to pull yourself up and you have to live like this you have to live in shame because you should be ashamed at everything you've done because of who you are at one point they did an exorcism on me or they said they would

were doing an exorcism on me where they held a Bible to my chest and they would slam on my back yelling get out get out get out and I was crying I was so confused I I thought I'm like is this if this is Christianity then what am I doing like this I don't believe Jesus is like this I knew Jesus was loving I knew he was caring even if I didn't feel it all the time I had read my Bible enough I had sang enough worship songs I'd went to Christian School I'd went to

church all my life I knew who Jesus was who he was supposed to be and that Treatment Center was not it and So eventually maybe two weeks later I had had enough I had a very bad panic attack and the director put me into what they call the prayer room I believe and it's just it's just a small little room with a small table and a chair and at that moment I was crying so hard and the voices in my my head were so tormenting like I felt like through each ear was just hearing all

these voices at the same time and I couldn't make out exactly what they were all saying but they were all so hard they were so dark and painful to hear all these lies that I did believe about myself that I didn't want to believe about myself but I did and I wanted them to stop so I sat on the floor and I just slammed my head into the floor and the whole building heard it so the director heard it and she came in with the pastor that worked at that Rehabilitation place and they decided to

take me to the hospital and they took me to the hospital and I was seen I don't remember too much besides them leaving and then waking up in a strange room and at that psychiatric hospital that the hospital sent me to they put me back on two of my original medications one of which was an antis psychotic because of how out of control I felt and all my uncontrollable thoughts they thought that medication would work for the for a short time at least and so a couple days later after using that medication I called the

director of that Rehabilitation Center again and asked them if I could come back because I felt better so I thought it'd be okay if I went back and the director said you sound a lot better now that you're on medication you're not coming back and she recommended I went to another Christian Rehabilitation Center that is connected to them that is out of state that does allow medication and so I went there and I sat there in the office with their director and also a therapist that worked there and within about 10 minutes that therapist looks

at me and says you have bipolar and you are going to be on medication for the rest of your life and I was in shock and so I left I didn't admit myself into that rehabilitation Center and I went home so besides medication in pill form I was also given two different types of treatments two different alternative treatments one was a ketamine nasal spray that was pretty newly used in treating treatment resistant depression which is a type of depression that medication doesn't help much so I did that and that didn't work very well well I

ended up overdosing on it they would send it home with me and I would just misuse it and I ended up overdosing on it and having to be literally carried to my mom's car and carried into the hospital where I was told I could have suffered respiratory depression I could have stopped breathing from that later in 2020 I was given another option for treatment I was given the option of CCT which is electr convulsive therapy where they put you under anesthesia and they put these holes or handles to your head and literally electrocute you in

your temples and I did that several times such a weird thing to be given and I didn't really understand what was going on I thought that was my only hope while I was under anesthesia during the ECT treatments my mom and all of her Bible study were saying prayers for me prayers of protection that all of my brain would stay stay alive stay like completely whole and not be messed up by these um this electricity that was going through it in January of 2020 I went to India for the first time and I was actually

very excited to go a couple from my church had announced it that they were going to India and I told my mom that I needed to go and I'd always wanted to be a missionary of some sort I remember being four years old coming home from school and my mom asking me how was school and I told her when I grow up I want to learn Spanish so I can be a missionary in China and she bought me Spanish tapes so that I could be a missionary in China so it was really exciting to be

able to go to India and it went really well that first year I was still pretty heavily depressed but I still found joy in the trip and so in 2023 I was able to go again and also during that time right before I left I heard that I was going to meet my husband while I was in India and I thought is this wishful thinking is this really God God but somehow I still really knew I really did know it was God and when you say just to clarify when you say you heard this is

this is just you personally hearing from God or somebody like telling you me personally hearing from God like alone by myself I heard from god wow that I would meet my husband while in India and so I get to India in January of last year a young girl on our team I had told the team about what I had heard from God and this girl says can I tell Uncle yesupadam that you're looking for a husband and I I just say yes I didn't think she would actually do it because usually she's more shy but

she did it and Uncle says oh there's some good Germans coming I thought okay this will be interesting so the next day the German team came and a man from Switzerland also came and we were all sitting in uncle's office and the American team was already in there and the German team was already in there and I was sitting down this man from Switzerland comes in and Uncle says oh this boy needs a seat and so I automatically just give him my seat and then a little bit later throughout the team meeting Uncle says out

loud to everybody I hear there's a girl here looking for a husband and I was so embarrassed I was like oh no no no no and then he points to the Swiss boy his name is Samuel and he says this man needs a wife and it was so awkward but I feel at that moment I knew I knew it was going to happen with that I knew that was was going to be the man I was going to marry there was this one particular day where Samuel and I sat together during a children's program and

we had a really long really good talk getting to know each other and Samuel refers to that as our first date and so that's a very special moment and then from there we still spend time with each other and the last day the day that the American team was supposed to go back home Samuel and I are sitting at the breakfast table and we are exchanging phone numbers and I gave him a hug and I surprise him with that hug right when we're putting our stuff into the vehicle to go to the airport Auntie Monica

says that the American team needs to go back to Uncle's office and we don't know what's going on what's Happening and so we go to his office and Samuel is sitting there with some of the other German team and you Eric uncle is saying some things and ask Samuel what he wants to say how he's feeling and Samuel talks about his confidence and his peace that this is God that we are supposed to be together and Uncle asks me and how do you feel girl and I say I feel the same was this the first

time you you said this yeah oh wow yeah and without even thinking it was I feel the same I didn't even have to think about it it was such a beautiful moment and then we leave the American team leaves and then the next month I fly out to Germany and we get engaged at the church there and it was such a beautiful moment as well and Lydia before you you move on there right at any time did you communicate with Samuel everything that you were going through oh very very little I think he knew I

was on medication he knew about the scars on my arms I believe I told him about my attempts to in my life but I don't believe I ever really completely explained to him the struggles in the darkness I went through the thoughts in my head anything like that I think I might have made it out to be something I struggled in the past with and that I didn't still still struggle with so you guys get engaged we get engaged so we're in Germany and I am having panic attacks every single day I am taking anxiety

medication every single day I didn't tell him I was taking these medications these extra medications for my anxiety but I still did so fast forward to July we get get married and then everything kind of comes out everything about me he learns more details about me he already told me he didn't like medication before we got married but I didn't believe that he would actually want me to get off them he I didn't know he want it really expected me to get off medication I'd been on them for 11 and 1/2 years when we got

married and I found out he was actually serious I kind of freaked out a little bit I was telling him I'm I don't know who I am without medication I don't know if I'm going to like who I am without medication I already feel so out of control in my thoughts enough that I can't imagine how horrible I'll feel without them so we had our honeymoon in Vermont and uncle yesupadam was there as well I decide to just start coming off one of my medications just one and I try to do it very slowly very

carefully cuz I wasn't using a doctor to watch me I wasn't doing it the way I was supposed to in medical terms I was still doing it safe and during that time during that honeymoon I became almost really defensive almost verbally aggressive I would say I would argue all the time I would be offended by everything like with Auntie trying to teach me how to serve my husband I didn't like that I didn't like her telling me what to do and this is yesup Pam's wife right yesup Pam's wife Monica she would tell me what

to do I felt like she was attacking me but especially with yesup Uncle yesupadam I thought he was really out to at me like I would verbally fight with him about things and he would just be very calm and I would be almost yelling and then I would go upstairs to the room and take medicine and the anxiety medicine what was what was Samuel's reaction to all of this I mean this is all new all fresh he's from a completely different country that's probably more peaceful than America you know what was his reaction as he

was seeing you in this way he didn't outwardly show much reaction to it actually he was very very calm very quiet seeming but I feel like I scared him and maybe I didn't but that's the internal thoughts I was having during the panic attacks I would have a couple times in Vermont he did help me through them but I still felt so horrible but I still wanted to get off the medication because I felt like Samuel expect expected me to get off the medication so I wasn't doing it really for myself I was doing it

to please Samuel so I did that in Vermont coming off one and then about a month or a month and a half later I heard God tell me don't take your morning medication and I was really thinking to myself like I do not want to not take this medication but I did I did come off of it I took myself off of of it and about 2 days later then I told Samuel that I had taken myself off of that medication and then maybe a week later I decided okay I con off two of them

it's time to come off the third and that was the scariest one for me because it was the same medication that I thought would control my wild intrusive hurtful painful thoughts I thought they would all just come back but I got off of them all three of them and again 2 days later I told Samuel I had stopped the other one and so from coming off of them the first maybe one and a half or two months my mood was a little up and down like I would be very very happy and full of energy

and joy to be very depressed but I think one of the changing moments that really did stop that was Samuel praying for me out loud with me and he doesn't know this really I don't think but there was one moment one night where I just told him how angry I was especially when he would pray or when he would make me pray it made me so angry and I hated that it made me angry because I wanted to want to pray and so Samuel led me in a prayer that night and I repeated after him

and somehow everything just got lifted off and it was such a weird beautiful moment that I wasn't expecting at all and from that moment on everything started to really change I no longer felt depressed like the Depression had completely gone with my eating disorder I was positive that I was 100% recovered and from before then I never thought I would recover from my eating disorder I'd always always thought I would have a little piece left but it was gone and it was so interesting to me how prayer how God could do that I knew he

was all powerful I knew he was everything but really surrendering really letting everything go letting Samuel Lead Me letting Samuel take some of this control that I thought I had and also giving everything to God I had picked up my entire life and I moved to a whole another country and the last piece was letting those medications go letting that piece of my life go and I did it and now life is so so cool it's the best thing ever I am so happy I am so joyful like Joy is from the Lord and so

I feel the Lord with me I feel his peace and I feel his Joy and I get so emotional some days when I think about that when I think about how my life was so dark and it was so miserable and hopeless and I felt like God had completely shut down heaven and wasn't even looking at me anymore to really feeling his presence really seeing the light and feeling so much so much everything I can feel and with the medication it completely took any kind of feeling away now Lydia you you've gone from taking over

25 right 25 medications doctors telling you uh that you'll be on this forever MH uh shock therapy and today you can sit here and testify that you are free now if you could speak to your younger self uh in that dark place in that hopeless place what what would you say to yourself from where you're at now I would just say surrender you don't have to be in control you don't have to protect or defend yourself all the time that you can trust that God does have his best interest in mind for your life that

you don't have to hurt yourself you don't have to you don't have to feel that pain anymore just because of things that happened in the past because Jesus Took that and I would just tell myself that surrendering is the best option praying reading the Bible surrounding yourself with people that will uplift you Lydia who is Jesus to you what is he not to me he's everything he's my best friend he's the great physician he's my healer just the love of my life my my father he's my father the Lover of My Soul now Lydia you

you mentioned to me the fact that you could actually see God as a father today is an amazing miracle in your life oh yes can you talk to us a little bit about that of of what God did in your heart with that so seeing God as a father has always been a really big struggle for me and I could never really connect with that part of God the one of the father because I never knew what a father was I guess and I knew what a father shouldn't be but God the Father really just

showed me his love and that I am a child I am his child and he does love me he does want the very best for me and then I don't have to fear him I don't have to fear a abandonment I don't have to fear hatred or misuse or anything like that that he is a father and that he does love me more than anything else he loves me and he he finds joy in me he Delights in me and I think that's so beautiful so I've been able to refer to him as my father

now just in the last few months and Lydia you mentioned your mom praying for you Bible study the Bible group praying for you uh what's your relationship with your mom today in this uh New Life Walking With Jesus it's really good I think she's very very happy about how everything turned out she loves my husband she thinks he is very amazing and she willingly let me leave the whole country with this man that I've known for 6 months because she trusts me now and she trusts Samuel but most importantly she does trust God and she

trusts that I am I am good I'm not the same so my relationship with my mother is very very good yes she's a wonderful woman Lydia we've decided to do this recording because I've personally seen the transformation in your life you know from being in India together last year to seeing you in Vermont to seeing you here today so uh just thank you for sharing for being vulnerable and uh we're excited to see what God is going to do in the upcoming years uh through you and through Samuel for the people who are watching who

may be in that same place and maybe saying Lydia I want to experience the joy that you're experiencing I want to be able to come off those those pills I want to be able to say that I am free could you just pray for those who are watching I would love to Father God I lift up these young people to you that are struggling that have gone through so many dark and horrible things that they they feel like you don't care and that their only options are to either hurt themselves or to take medication because

they feel like everybody else has also given up on them and I pray that you keep them Lord keep their bodies healthy their brains healthy safe from the effects of the medication God until they can get off because through you all healing is possible through you nothing can harm them God you chose them you love them please keep pursuing them Lord just like you did for me in Jesus name amen amen Lydia any last words for those who are watching your testimony right now I would just say it again complete surrender is the best option

God loves you the father loves you even if you don't have an earth father the heavenly father absolutely adores you so keep pursuing him he will keep pursuing you [Music]