So, it's late night, and this boat is in the water near the shore. This family on the boat is being held captive by a bunch of masked goons with pew-pews, and they're scared—really scared. Now, the dad, just thinking on his feet, spots a gas can, and just when the moment is right, bam!
He grabs it, rips the cap off, and douches one of the goons with gasoline. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a matchbook, lights a match, and two of the goons go up in flames. So, why is this family being held captive?
Well, it all starts with this former Playboy model, Jane. Jane is now a housewife; she lives in England, but honestly, she's miserable there. One day, she gets online and comes across a website where you can buy an island.
On the site, she finds a little private island for sale for only £170,000, or about $200,000. Now, the island is small; it's off the coast of Nicaragua, hours away from everything. You have to take like two boats to get there, but whatever—Jane is still like, "I want to buy this island.
" And so she does. She takes the money her family has in savings and buys it. Soon enough, Jane, her romantic partner Phil, and her three kids all move across the world to this new tropical paradise.
Now, the island itself—it's cool, but it only has one shack on it, no running water, no electricity, of course. But this family doesn't care; they are going to rough it because Jane and Phil have come up with this whole plan to turn this place into a scuba diving resort. Sounds great!
So, bam, bam! They get right to work building their dream, and Phil starts by hiring some local workers to help with construction. They end up hiring this local dude, Teodoro.
Now, Teodoro is going to run the construction crew; he's an ex-guerilla fighter—he's kind of a badass—and the whole family just loves him. In fact, the family loves him so much that eventually Jane starts smashing with him. Now, I assume Phil has no idea this is going on—he's too busy hiring the rest of the crew.
Now, to make it worse, Teodoro—I guess Jane just isn't enough for him—because then he starts smashing with one of the cooks Phil hired. Then, somehow, Jane learns that Teodoro is smashing with the cook and gets jealous. She fires him and also bans him from the island.
Teodoro is pissed; he leaves, then comes back a little later and demands his job back. Jane is like, "Hell no! " It's a whole mess, and I honestly don't know if Phil is mad about the affair.
There's no record of his reaction, but I assume he's mad. But Jane's problems are just beginning because local indigenous people are not happy about the family being on the island. They feel like it should be public land.
Then local environmentalists get mad too because of all the construction work. One day, a bunch of boats approach the island, and protesters carrying machetes storm the whole place. It is wild!
But Jane, she isn't budging. I mean, this is her island; she is invested, and nothing is going to convince her to leave. Until one night, the whole family is asleep in the shack, and then suddenly, the generator cuts off.
The family is in complete darkness, and then boom! The door busts open, and a group of masked goons enter the shack. They’ve got pew-pews, and the goons force the family out, starting to march them on the beach toward their boat.
They make the family get on it, start it up, and drive away. During this ride, they start demanding a million, which neither Jane nor Phil have. I mean, they sunk all their savings into buying this island.
But strangely enough, one of the goons, when he talks, his voice sounds familiar, and the family recognizes it. It's Teodoro! But all of them are too afraid to call it out; they don't want to get shot.
Phil knows if he doesn't do something soon, this isn't going to end well for them, so he looks around for something to use as a weapon. He spots a gas can, waits, and when the moment is right, bam! He grabs it, rips the cap off, and douches one of the goons with gasoline.
He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a matchbook, lights a match, and the whole boat goes up in flames, including two of the goons. Phil yells at his family to jump off the boat, and they all do it. Phil is the last to jump, and his arm catches fire, but he jumps overboard to put it out.
The whole family makes their way to the shore and sprints into the trees. Bang, bang! Gunshots follow them as they run away, and finally, they find a place to hide in some bushes.
But one of the goons is following them; he wades through the trees, looking around, and suddenly, he finds Phil there hiding. The goon looks right at him, points his pew-pew at him, and pulls the trigger. Click, click—he's out of ammo!
So Phil and the family panic, get up, and run further into the trees. When they're tired and can't run anymore, they hide in a nearby swamp and wait there for hours until. .
. Morning, and that's when they spot a passing fishing boat. The fisherman gives them a ride to the hospital.
Now, the family reports all of this to the local police, and about a week later, Teodoro and the goons get arrested. The police question them, and pretty quickly, a judge lets them go without charge. The whole thing is declared an employment dispute.
I know I read that the system there is pretty corrupt, but meanwhile, back on the island, the family is traumatized and miserable. They are just ready to leave this place and go back to England. But Jane—this is her dream—she doesn't want to leave, and at her insistence, they all stay and suffer.
Pretty quickly, Phil develops a life-threatening respiratory infection, and his health rapidly starts to decline. He and the kid beg Jane to leave the island, but she still refuses. Eventually, Phil's health gets really bad, and that is when he finally convinces her to let the island go.
They leave and move over to Bluefields, Nicaragua, to be closer to medical services. Unfortunately, about a month later, due to the respiratory infection, Phil has a massive asthma attack and he doesn't survive. Eventually, Jane and the kids sell the island, and they end up moving back to England.
That's a sad one. Shout out to Phil.
