You Need To Stop Being A Simp

today I'm going to teach you how to stop sing and as we explore the Psychology and Neuroscience of sing we're going to learn a lot of cool stuff along the way we're going to learn how to stop hating other simps arguably how to stop hating yourself and even how to stop hating women for the women in our audience we're going to teach you a little bit about the psychology of only fans addiction so that you can better understand the men around you and if you're really unlucky you can also better understand people like your boyfriend

the day that the term simp was invented was a dark day for the internet because basically what we did is observed that some men were being kind to women and that apparently was unacceptable so what we started to do is take the men who were kind to women and denigrate them insult them we added a label we invented a word of simp and we started crapping on dudes who were nice to women and so if we really want to unpack how that whole thing happened we have to actually start in a really weird place which

is how Beatles have sex in 2011 there were two researchers who got the IG Nobel Prize for observing Beetle sexual behavior now we got to take a step back for a second to understand what an IG Nobel Prize is so there's the noral Nobel Prize which celebrates gigantic advances in different fields of Science and literature and things like that but many years ago someone came up with something called the IG Nobel Prize which is also really interesting research that actually advances the field but is on topics that are kind of a little bit sus so

these two researchers were actually studying something really interesting which is they observed that Beatles were having sex with glass bottles and they were really confused this was kind of a confusing thing right because why on Earth is it that Beatles are having sex with bottles something in their brain is getting sort of miswired and they're exhibiting mating behaviors towards inappropriate mates hm does that sound familiar it turns out that this research although kind of ridiculous was actually quite revolutionary and it opened up a whole new realm of real psychological research about humans especially around mating

and pornography and what we ended up discovering was that we get addicted to sexual things when they meet something called a supernormal stimulus so if we sort of look at General mating you know I will look at someone and I will be attracted to them you will look at someone like me and you will see that I have my button unbuttoned and that will make you sexually aroused right so there are some things that we can kind of do and even if you look at things like literally people undoing buttons or having you know low

necklines what we're actually doing is exposing the people around us to a more hyper stimulus right so if you sort of think about cleavage you can have covered cleavage or you can have mildly visible cleavage or you can have visible tits and what we sort of discovered about human beings and people who make pornography sort of figured this out is that the more extreme the stimulus there's like a normal stimulus of how you would normally see cleavage every day but then the more extreme the stimulus is the more it actually excites people and if we

look at people like simps or people who start sing for other people what we sort of discover is that this aspect of supernormal stimulus is absolutely at play so in the past people have always been aroused by whatever they've been sexually ared Ed by and then we started doing things like making pornography and pornography in its earliest forms wasn't even visual we're talking about writing dirty letters like 600 years ago sending letters where you sort of describe what you want to do to someone who's like 3 months of travel away and then what happened is

we started taking black and white photographs and we turned them into color photographs then we added motion and with each of these steps different parts of our brain are getting activated and engaged which means that the pornography is more more arousing and we sort of draw more of a connection towards that thing and recently what's started to happen is we've added other layers of supern normal stimuli so for example in the past even if I watched pornography I couldn't really like interact with the person that I was watching but nowadays with platforms like only fans

or even streaming platforms we've started to add other layers of human connection and relationships that result in something that's more like sing which is not purely a sexual or pornographic relationship this is a relationship that has emotional connections it has social connections and we're sort of triggering these parts of our brain with supern normal stimuli so let me give you all an example if I watch a streamer so the streamer may be physically attractive in some way which makes perfect sense or even an only fans Creator and I may get some amount of sexuality right

on Twitch there was this whole period of hot tub streams and people were sort of being sexually provocative but now I start to add other elements of a real relationship so other elements include things like casual interactions daily interactions I'm watching this person's stream every day and if we think about a real relationship real relationships involve daily casual interactions it's not just all love and games and and sex and fun it's also like have eating while your partner is eating it's seeing them on a daily basis it's hearing them talk about their day but streaming

and only fans don't only give us that they also give us the opportunity for interaction so now I can be noticed by this person and when I get noticed by that person and even this can be really interesting because they're noticing me when they have hundreds of viewers right so I get a lot of special attention and if we think about a real relationship a big part of that is special attention so in this way we're also scratching another itch and there are also other things that are even more engaging that sort of delude our

brain into thinking we have a real relationship and this these are things like emotional vulnerability and intimacy so we can watch a streamer who is confessing that they're having a really hard time they're crying we sort we were sort of with them in this very intimate private and vulnerable moment and so the more of these boxes we check the more areas we are taking normal interactions like I'm watching someone on TV and we're adding these other stimuli to them in fact we're adding these super normal stimuli and as we add these super normal stimuli we

start to get into almost an addictive space and if you find yourself sing over someone else there's a good chance that you check a lot of these boxes you have a lot of sensory input but that you also have regular interactions they may even be somewhat one way that sometimes you can feel really special and important to the other person like when they cry on your shoulder because they're significant others treating them like crap and all they want is someone who's really nice and listens to their problem and you're sitting there and you're like here

I am you're sharing that emotional vulnerability you're sharing that intimacy and it almost tricks your brain into thinking that you all have a romantic relationship in the worst cases we actually see this being taken advantage of by platforms like only fans or only fans creators so there are a lot of women that I've talked to who will sort of notice that their partner seems to be like into to only fans and it's very threatening it leads to a lot of insecurity but the most important question that I hear women ask is why am I not

enough for you I don't understand why you can't ask me or to do the same things that you ask this Anonymous person and that's what's so devastating because in a real relationship there are normal safeguards but when you look at something like only fans this is a secret right I have this dirty little thought or this dirty little sexual fantasy which I feel kind of embarrassed about but with the protection of the anonymity of the internet I can ask someone else or pay someone else to kind of engage me in this fantasy and then I

sort of get this dirty little secret kind of thing that sort of sexually is enticing and then of course there's actually pornographic material involved so that's also sexually enticing so once again what we're doing is we're sort of scratching those it itches in a artificial way and this is why dudes get addicted to only fans because I get noticed I ask them for things and they give me things back there's even a transactional or reciprocal part of the relationship right because I'm giving them something and they're giving me something which is a normal part of

a human relationship so even if we look at something like only fans addictions what we're really seeing is that there are men out there who are sort of engaging this stuff and women could be engaging too and that we're scratching a lot of these super normal stimuli itches but we're also sort of scratching these itches of stuff being done behind the scenes stuff being done secretly which kind of ties us together right because when you're intimate with someone what is the definition of intimacy that means you and I are the only two people on the

planet that know that this is happening so they kind of scratch that itch and then there's also a lot of vulnerability involved right I'm going to share something deep and dark that I feel embarrassed about and I can't actually share it with my partner because I'd have to see them the next day what if they judge me about it whereas with an only fans Creator they get paid not to judge you they get paid to indulge the things that you were embarrassed about and even if they do judge you you can just go find a

different only fans creator and so we start to see that this activation of the supern normal stimulus leads to a lot of unhealthy behavior and if you are sing over someone because you're sort of getting all this thing you're getting noticed you're sort of sharing these intimate moments you're seeing them you're physically attracted to them what do you do about it one of the most common things that people do is take the red pill so every person who is a simp hater was once a simp just about every single person I've talked to who has

taken the red pill their journey start starts with trauma related to a woman I was in love with this person and they cheated on me I was in love with this person and they took advantage of me and then any human being will look at themselves and start to wonder okay like how did I get into this situation how did I waste three years of my life how did I end up paying this person's rent for six months and I never even like they were never even my girlfriend and now they're dating someone else I've

invested so much into this and I've gotten burned so bad and if you think about how do you protect yourself from that there's a really simple way you take the part of you that loved this person you take the part of you that was intimate and cared for this person and you start to demonize it you start to hate it because the part of you that falls in love is the same part of you that got into trouble and then you've got kind of a tricky problem right because this is a part of it's a

part of you and so this is a part of you that theoretically is supposed to be good and how can you protect yourself from it you have to start demonizing it I hate myself I'm so pathetic for falling in love you know I'm such a weak beta because I fell in love love in this is what the red pillars say right love is like they call it oneitis so they take this normal human emotion and they create new terminology that is condescending and denigrating towards it and the bizarre thing is that this actually helps them

in a lot of ways let's remember that red pill actually offers people a lot of very positive support it offers men a community it encourages them to take care of themselves to put GA your life to you know become a whole human being on your own the problem is that in order to sort of fuel that they have to demonize this one part of them which is their capacity for love and this is also why we sort of get simp haters on the internet and even if we come back to the terminology of simp the

terminology of simp is a denigrating terminology it's an insult it's something that you say to knock someone down a Peg and so now what's happening is I hate the part of myself that loves women or loves people or loves or is vulnerable and then this is a very important principle of psychology the things that I hate Within Myself are the things that I will hate the most in other people there are studies that show that if I hate if I myself am a cheater I will be paranoid about my partner cheating on me the things

that we feel in here we project out onto the outside and then we sort of demonize it out there this is also why a lot of people who are homophobic will sometimes get caught doing things like fting other men in public restrooms right so there this is a psychological principle called reaction formation where if I hate a part of myself that hurts right because I'm hating a part of myself and what I can do to that hate is I can take it outside of me and I can send it towards someone else and then I'm

hating that object out there instead of hating myself which then feels psychologically kind of more dissonant I less dissonant right so it's more cohesive that oh yeah all these losers out there if I can hate the losers out there I don't have to let hate the the loser in here so this is absolutely one way to deal with it but in my opinion it's maladaptive over time because essentially what you're doing is taking a normal healthy part of you the part of you that falls in love and you're basically demonizing it which means that you

may be able to get laid you may be able to put together your life you may even find Community with other men but anytime that you fall in love you're actually going to retreat away from it and we've even done interviews with people that sort of highlight this point and so in my opinion it's kind of like a double-edged sword right because if you let this part of you run wild you will actually end up getting burned taken advantage of Etc but if you demonize yourself this part of yourself you may protect yourself from getting

taken advantage of but you're still not going to be able to have a full healthy relationship and in fact the most healthy relationships where you love them and they love you and your partner y'all are Partners you're actually going to retreat a away from and so if we kind of come back to this idea of sing how do we actually fix this in a healthier way and it turns out that what we really need to do is just address the supernormal stimuli we need to understand that sing is not love it's actually an addiction because

all of the research that we have on supernormal stimuli are really related to addiction what we've really discovered is this is the way in which our brain gets addicted to something and in the case of the Beetles and the beer bottles essentially there were some features of brown pitted beer bottles which tricked the Beetle's brain into thinking that this is a beetle because the be what Beetle sort of processes and what it sees is we were looking for something brown we're looking for something that has pits in it and we're looking for something that you

know when I touch it has like grooves and stuff like that and so as we check these boxes and then the beer bottle is very very Brown and it's also very very big and it has these very very extreme pits The Beatles got kind of tricked into trying to mate with the beer bottle and this is this is exactly what happens when we s we these supern normal stimuli trick our brain into thinking that we are in love when it's not really love it's actually an addiction so the way we want to fix this is

actually really simple we want to stop all the supernormal stimulus from entering our brain so what this sort of means is a couple of basic things so the first is stop being intimate with this person so if there are things that you share with this person only or there are secret things that they share with you don't do that anymore the problem is that when this happens that part of your brain that gets confused about love will start to think that this is love that you're feeling when what you're actually feeling is an addiction they're

scratching that itch in a way that's actually unhealthy the second thing that we're going to do is stop things like casual contact because once again in a healthy relationship I see this person at their best at their worst and everything in the middle I get to see them when they haven't showered I get to smell their bad breath I get to do all of these casual normal things with them and the more that you have casual normal interactions with this person the more that your brain will think that you're in love and then of course

there's sensory stimuli so the more that we expose ourselves to the through the sense organs to this person the more we see them the more we hear them the more we DM them the more we talk to them the more we stalk them on social media all of these things will will trick our brain into thinking that this is a relationship now if I tell you just stop interacting with them right which is the successful advice on the Internet by the way which is like cut all contact go no contact and why does that work

it works because people have sort of figured out without understanding the principle that the more we engage in these supernormal stimuli the more likely we are to lose control and become addicted and so even if I were to tell you this it doesn't necessarily make it easier right you may have tried going no contact and that's where we're going to teach you something really interesting so I want you all to pay attention as you start reducing your your stimuli what happens within you because if this is real love then it's going to look different from

an addiction if it's an addiction what we're going to see is withdrawal right so if I stop being emotionally vulnerable with this person and I also set boundaries with them that like hey I'm not in a good head space to like handle sort of this emot this level of emotional stuff with you right now I'm sorry if you do that what you're going to notice is that you're going to experience withdrawal you're going to miss it you're going to feel bad about yourself you're going to need it oh no I'm so sorry I'm here for

you tell me all of your deepest darkest Secrets you're going to start to Crave that degree of of sort of emotional connection you'll also go through withdrawal around sort of like a lack of casual interaction which may sound weird because it's not important right it's just casual interaction but if you go two or three days without talking to this person you're going to DM them and then you may even do things like you'll start watch if they're streamers you'll you know watch them again if they're on social media you're going to look at pictures of

them and you're going to do all of these things to satisfy your addiction because once you stop getting that stuff you're going to start inducing cravings and withdrawal and this is the key thing to understand that's not love love is a couple of different things love is first of all it's reciprocal it tends to be two-way right I love my kids my kids love me and if one of those pieces of Love kind of disappears it kind of falls apart the other thing about love that separates it from addiction is love is about the other

person right so when I really love someone someone I do things for them I'm willing to sacrifice for them and this is exactly how we sort of end up in the simp realm right is that we start sacrificing for the sake of this other person so isn't that love no there's a big difference because in sing you are actually looking for something if you really pay attention to yourself the the reason that it's an addiction what separates love from an addiction is an addiction you're looking for something from this person and this is why you're

so damn frustrated that they don't give it to you this is why you hate them this is why we start start hating women because they don't give us what we need and we also start hating ourselves because damn it why am I so addicted to this crap I'm not I'm giving everything and I'm not getting anything in return so we build up all of this resentment that is the picture of an addiction if you truly loved this person you would be okay letting them go because their happiness is more important than yours and that's where

things get kind of tricky right because you tell yourself that you tell yourself oh I care about this person their happiness is more important than I mine so I will continue to suffer I will continue to support them but that's actually the addiction it's very subtle but I want youall to really pay attention to the difference because even when you're doing all that stuff how do you feel about yourself and are you able to walk away because if you truly love them you don't need to continue to engage with them you can actually let them

go live their lives and you can just be happy with them for a distance but it's that addiction that doesn't allow you to let them go wants you sort of is hungry for more of their stimuli more more of their intimacy more of that casual contact more of that vulnerability and so this is the key difference right love is reciprocal love prioritizes the other person but when we're sing and we're sort of addicted to another person it's kind of weird but that that sense of sacrifice actually becomes a way to fulfill our own emotional needs

and when we sacrifice to fulfill our own emotional needs what ends up happening we sacrifice over and over and over again and we get taken advantage of because sacrifice in this sense makes me feel good because I'm a tragic lover oh my god I've given up everything for you and that sort of feels good right it satisfies this addiction it's not real love if you guys really pay attention you'll see that it's hunger it's an addiction hey all' if you're interested in applying some of the principles that we share to actually create change in your

life check out Dr K's guide to mental health it combines over two decades of my experience of both being a Monk and a psychiatrist and distills all of the most important things I've learned into a Choose Your Own Adventure format so check out the link in the bio and start your journey today so this is where at the end of the day if you really want to break free of this cycle you've got to start by cutting down that supernormal stimulus and pay attention to whether you go into withdrawal or not the other thing to

consider is that if you're someone who has hated women and continues to hate women and hates other simps I want you to really pay attention to whether this if this is what's going on is the reason that you hate women because you yourself are vulnerable and are not able to control yourself that you yourself become addicted to them and one of the easiest ways to let go of an addiction is to start hating it right if I'm like if alcohol is ruining my life I'm going to hate alcohol I'm going to hate video games I'm

going to hate DOTA and League of Legends Valor I'm going to start crapping on it because that's the only way that I can break free but even in that case it's kind of tragic because what you're really doing is in your attempts to conquer an addiction you're sacrificing your ability to actually have a healthy and meaningful relationship so if that's the case for you I want you to go back and revisit some of this stuff think through it think about what was was this really what was going on that I was addicted to this person

and if you were addicted to that person and as you've developed confidence and as you form so social connections I know it's crazy but you can learn to love again you won't be the same pathetic beta simp that you were back then you've grown as a human being so love is something that you can actually risk because you are a resilient and good person and most of all you don't actually have to hate women anymore right because the reason that you hated women was because it was the way that you conquered your addiction to women

which makes perfect sense but that's not their fault that's your personal weakness which means that it's your responsibility to fix and as you fix it you'll stop Bec com a simp and hopefully learn to love again