Transcriber: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: Reiko Bovee Hey. (Laughter) Hi there. (Laughter) What's going on?
What's going 'round? (Laughter) OK, OK, OK. I like to flirt.
In fact, I may have been born to flirt, but, for me, flirting always leads to questions. So, here's a few for you. What do you think: Am I a man or a woman?
And, given that, whom do you think I want to flirt with? And how do you think I want you to think of me: Heterosexual, homosexual, male, female? And do you need to know the answers to those questions in order for it to be OK for me to flirt with you?
I mean, the real questions. OK. Well, me, I'm not so crazy about claims on reality.
What I'd much rather do is tell you a story. Stephanie Arnold was my undergraduate theater professor. Smart, feminist, compassionate, she was the kind of teacher that made you genuinely want to try to impress her.
And when you were good -- I mean really, really good -- Stephanie Arnold gave you the nod. (Laughter) But in 1989, Stephanie Arnold had a problem. Her department was in chaos.
All hell was breaking loose. The actresses were crying in class, the actors were skipping rehearsal, fights were breaking out. Stephanie Arnold was not happy.
And at the heart of it all was one student, and that student was me. (Laughter) Now, in 1989, I was your pretty typical Northwest College chick. I wore hippie skirts and cowboy boots, I had long flowing hair, I liked Open Mic Poetry Night, and flirting -- with everyone.
But, when push came to shove, when flirt met the futon, (Laughter) I confused people. See, I didn't look like a guy; but I didn't act like a girl. The girls didn't expect me to hit on them, the guys didn't expect me to be the one who didn't want to spend the night, and nobody expected all three of us to -- Well, you get the picture.
(Laughter) In the end, they all wanted to know, "What are you, really? Heterosexual, homosexual, male, female? " I just didn't know what to tell them, and, unfortunately, that was a problem for all of us.
So, one day, I tried an experiment: I walked into the theater with a completely new look. In my military flat-top and man's suit, I have to say I felt sexier than I ever had before. On the street, three different people had called me "Sir".
In the green room, that girl who'd never given me the time of day winked at me and finally said "Hi". And on that faithful day, Stephanie Arnold herself walked out of her office, looked me over, smiled, and, for the very first time, gave me the nod. (Laughter) "This is it!
" that moment said, "This is the answer! " And it seemed to make all kinds of sense to my teacher, to my friends, to the people on the street -- but I still had some questions. So I did my research.
I looked up the Kinsey Scale of Human Sexual Behavior. Now, interviewing people about their sexual histories, Kinsey found that people's actions and desires are not necessarily consistent across time, and many people identify as heterosexual or homosexual, but when asked, reveal behaviors and thoughts that are really somewhere in between. So, looking at bisexuality, I found the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, which identifies seven different vectors of sexual orientation and gender identity separately, and further delineates them by one's past, one's present and one's ideal future.
Looking at gender identity, I found Egan and Perry's Multidimensional Gender Identity Model, which factors in five major components of one's sense of self. Do you think you belong to a gender category, feel typical inside of it, feel content, feel pressured to conform to it? And even: Do you feel superior to the opposite gender category?
I realized that there's a whole lot of spectrums going on, no matter who's flirting with whom. But I'm not a scientist. What I really wanted was a story.
And none of these scales and measurements really gave me the answer the theater department was looking for anyway: Who am I, really? (Laughter) I mean, in that moment, did Stephanie Arnold's nod -- Did it validate the real me? Or did my haircut and my suit jacket give me a role that Stephanie Arnold finally knew how to cast?
I mean, I know, for me, in that moment, Stephanie Arnold's approval gave me strength I badly needed to stand tall. But, at the same time, I really don't think anybody could convince me to say, "Now, I'll be a flirt. " So, truly, was I born this way?
Or, with a different kind of encouragement, could I have been something else, altogether? Now, every actor knows that the script is just the beginning of the play. And, looking at our lives, I know that flat lines are simply not enough.
So, I would like to suggest that our sexual orientation and our gender identity are not determined on a linear scale. Rather, I'd like to suggest a much more flexible model, where masculinity and femininity are different parts of an identity circle, and heterosexuality and homosexuality are different parts of a sexuality circle, and what you think I am, and what I think I am, are in constant geometrical tension, always adjusting, always in motion, making up the three dimensions of the possibility of me. Because, truly, all three circles are in motion, right?
I mean, the scale itself is always changing. What it means to be male or female changes, right? I mean, "gay" didn't use to be an identity; it used to be an activity.
And, if all of these things are true, if, really, our terms are invented as well as ourselves, then you, and me, and circumstance and biology are all in this together. And no matter who you are, no matter how typical, or how queer, we're all of us positioning ourselves, all of the time, and, at any given moment, on any given circumference, you might find yourself outside this sphere, of smack-dab in the circle, but there's always movement and there's always potential for change. So, really, why not improvise a little?
Don't be afraid to flirt with a possibility every now and then. And, in any given moment, if you find yourself witness to an exemplary version of someone else's story, don't miss the opportunity to nod. Thank you.
