Why Do We Worry All The Time? | 🎧Podcast and Chill | Beginner

Hey everyone, welcome back to Podcast and Chill. I'm Gwen here to drop some useful tips. And I'm Leo here to soak up the wisdom from Gwen like always.

So Leo, have you ever dealt with those super clingy friends? H do worries count? Because man, those things are like my shadow.

Always tagging along. Oh yeah, that one friend that just can't take a hint. Seriously, doesn't matter if it's about work, health, money, what's going to happen, messing up, or who we're dating, it's always there.

Totally. Like all day and all night. And sometimes it even sneaks into your dreams and wakes you up.

Should I feel lucky to have such a devoted buddy? Uh, nah. That's one friendship you might want to ditch.

It just drains you. Gh. Tell me about it.

Worry just takes over your brain. Messes with how you think, sleep, what you decide, pretty much everything. Ever wonder why we worry so much?

Even when it's probably not even going to happen. That's the big question, right? But I'm drawing a blank.

Well, good thing we're going to figure it out today. Gwen, so why do I stress out so much about stuff that hasn't even happened yet? Well, get this.

Maybe something did happen. What? What kind of science fiction movie is this?

Nope. It's real science. Have you ever heard of Donald Winnott?

Nope. Only no Winnie the Pooh. Close, but not quite.

Winnott was a famous British pediatrician and psychoanalyst and he had this famous saying, "The catastrophe you fear will happen has already happened. " Wait, what? Like, I've already failed that presentation I haven't even given.

Leo, he's a psychoanalyst, not a psychic. He meant that when we worry now, it's often our brain reacting to something painful from way back, even if we don't realize it. So, it's like emotional deja vu.

Sort of. Think of childhood trauma as a ghost in the basement. I get it.

It's there. It's quiet, but it still haunts the house. Yep.

Like, the reason someone hates public speaking as an adult might be because they got laughed at as a kid in class. Or someone who's terrified of being dumped might have been abandoned before. And worry about money.

Maybe they grew up broke. trouble trusting people. Maybe they got burned.

Why can't my brain remember important stuff like my email password instead of all this old junk? Because how you feel about your email password isn't strong enough to stick in your thoughts, feelings, and how you act, unlike those past experiences, especially the ones with big emotions. But what does keeping all this old stuff have to do with me worrying about the future?

It sets up these early warning systems to try and protect you from getting hurt again, even when there's no real danger now. So, basically, my brain's trying to help me out, but it's using info from like forever ago. Yep.

And sometimes it's doing more harm than good. Agreed. So, how do I actually stop all this worrying?

Well, Leo, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? The tough part is you can't just erase worry completely. But the good news is there are tons of ways to deal with it.

I'm all ears. I just want to kick this annoying friend to the curb. One thing we can do is change how we see things.

How's that? Instead of stressing about what might happen, we can start by being kind to our past selves. That hurt little kid inside us.

Like being understanding with myself for the tough stuff that happened when I was younger. Would you ever tell a kid they're a loser if they bombed a test once or twice? Absolutely not.

Right? So, give your past self the same break. Picture looking back at yourself as a kid, seeing the pain, but offering comfort and understanding instead of blame.

Can this change how my brain thinks about those old hurts? Of course. When we connect the dots between why we're anxious now and what hurt us before, we start to get our emotions.

This doesn't just dial down the worry. It changes how we react. Okay, that sounds amazing.

But how do I actually do that? You can try stuff like rewriting memories. What's that all about?

Basically, you go back to those old experiences in your mind and imagine them with the support and love you wish you'd had back then. It kind of sounds like rewriting the history, huh? In a way, yeah.

By picturing that support, you see your past in a healthier light. This sounds a little like magic. I'm going to teach my future kids this one just in case.

Speaking of kids, how we grew up has a huge impact on how we handle stress now. It's not just about how you feel today. It's also about what you learned back then.

True. I've noticed that kids who grew up with support seem to handle tough stuff better. Yeah.

They usually learn how to face challenges without totally falling apart. And somehow this reminds me of um what's that theory called again? Something about attachment.

Attachment theory. It says that kids who grow up feeling safe and supported tend to manage stress way better as adults and vice versa. Makes sense.

If you had strong bonds growing up, you're probably more confident and better at rolling with life's punches. Yep. And they're also more likely to ask for help when they need it.

What happens to a kid who doesn't get that support? If a kid doesn't have that support, they might react to stress like a kid, even when they're adults. I can't even remember how I acted when I was a little kid.

Shutting down, lashing out, overeating, whatever they had to do to cope back then. That's rough. And the worst part is it can lead to something called learned helplessness.

What's that? Learned helplessness is when someone goes through a bunch of negative stuff they can't control and starts to believe that nothing they do matters. What happens then?

So, they just stop trying to change things even when they actually could. Wow. So, our childhood really shapes how we handle pressure as grown-ups.

It's like we carry old habits with us. You're right. And breaking those habits takes time and effort, but it's totally doable.

So, how do we go from freaking out like kids to handling things like adults? That's another big one. As adults, we have the power to make choices, and to react differently.

But how should someone who's heartbroken react, though? Well, instead of totally losing it and throwing a fit like a kid, we can take a breath, look at what's going on, and choose how to deal with it. We got to believe we're in control, right?

Yep. That's what they call internal locus of control. Gwen, if I got a dollar every time you said a psych term I've never heard of, I'd be the new Jeff Bezos by now.

Sorry, just trying to keep it sciencey. So, it's basically believing that you can influence what happens in your life through your own actions and choices. Like, if I do well, it's because I worked hard.

Stuff like that. Yep. And if things don't go your way, it's because you could have done something different.

You learn from it and move on. Yeah, I get that we should think that way, but man, it's tough, especially when it's so easy for old stuff to just set us off. I know.

That's why it's so important to practice things like grounding techniques. Grounding, I've heard the term, but not really sure what it means. Can you break it down?

For sure. Grounding techniques are super helpful when you're feeling totally overwhelmed. It's all about getting back in touch with the present moment.

Like how? like really focusing on your breathing or physically touching something around you to bring your mind back to what's actually happening right now. How does that help when I'm kind of losing it?

It helps to break that pattern of just reacting based on old triggers, like getting off autopilot. I love that idea. And when we make a conscious choice to react differently, we start building better ways to handle things.

Got it? All right, everyone. Remember this.

It's not about avoiding stress. altogether, but learning how to deal with it in a healthier way. That being said, it's way better if we know how to handle anxiety.

So, one thing people try to do to feel less anxious is avoid anything risky, right? Is that the best way to go? That's the old school way of thinking.

Yeah. A lot of us try to control every single thing that could happen, prepare for every possible scenario, and steer clear of anything dangerous. Doesn't that make sense, though?

Not really. The truth is we can't dodge every single risk in life. And trying to do that can actually make us more anxious.

So just avoiding everything doesn't help. Nope. In fact, it can create what we call safety behaviors.

H that doesn't sound too bad. They're actually kind of bad. These are things we do to try and avoid feeling anxious, like staying away from certain situations, but they actually keep our fears going strong.

Wait a minute. So if avoiding risks doesn't work, what are we supposed to do instead? We need to change how we think about risk like how do we do that?

Instead of being scared of it, we can accept that some level of risk is just part of life. So I should just go wild and do anything. Wo, hold on.

That doesn't mean being reckless. It just means realizing that we're capable of handling the uncertainties life throws our way. uh like embracing the unknown but feeling confident about it.

Yep. We need to accept that risks are a normal part of life and instead of being afraid of them, we learn how to face them head on. So, do you have any actual tips for dealing with anxiety and worry?

Let's start by figuring out what's causing it in the first place. How do we even do that? How do we figure out where our worry comes from?

One way is to just spend some time thinking about it in a guided way. Okay, I'm listening. You can ask yourself questions like, "When was the first time I felt this anxious about this?

" Or, "What's the earliest thing I remember that made me feel this fear? " That can help you connect some dots. That sounds like digging a little deep, but I guess it makes sense to understand why we worry.

Writing down your thoughts in a journal, like a therapy journal, can be a really helpful way to do this. Will that help me actually feel less anxious? Pretty much.

But the main thing is it helps you see patterns. Like maybe you've always been anxious about certain kinds of situations. That can give you some clues about how your anxiety started.

What if we can't really see a pattern? In that case, I definitely suggest talking to a therapist. They can help you uncover any fears or past stuff that you might not even realize is making you anxious today.

What about trying to fix things with our past selves? One really powerful thing you can do is write a letter to your younger self. What do I even say?

Tell them you get what they went through and that they're safe now. Man, I really wish I could actually send those letters. You can also try doing guided meditations to connect with your inner child, which is like giving comfort to that younger version of you.

I love that idea. Being kind to yourself is so important. Any other tips?

Yeah, you can try to challenge those negative thoughts that pop into your head and swap them out for healthier ones. Are you talking about that cognitive restructuring thing? Oh, look who's dropping the science terms.

Hey, don't underestimate the power of scrolling Tik Tok. Just keep in mind that changing your thinking patterns takes practice. And it's often something people work on with a therapist.

Got it? By learning to spot and change how you think, you can really make a big difference in how you feel, how you act, and just your overall well-being. All right, everyone.

If you want to ditch that clingy anxiety friend and feel better, give these tips a shot. All right, Leo, before we say goodbye, let's break down some of the key words from today's chat. Yeah, time to give our brains some chill vocab power.

First up, clingy. It means someone or something that sticks too close and doesn't give space. Example, my anxiety is so clingy it follows me everywhere, even in my sleep.

Next is catastrophe. A fancy word for a huge disaster or terrible event. Missing the bus felt like a total catastrophe even though I was only 5 minutes late.

Let's talk about rewriting memories. It means imagining old experiences with more support or kindness. For example, I imagined comforting my younger self after a bad day.

Just rewriting that memory made me feel better. This one's deep. Learned helplessness.

It happens when you failed so much you stop even trying. After getting rejected again and again, he gave up. Classic learned helplessness.

And finally, grounding techniques. These help you stay calm by focusing on the present moment. I touched the table and focused on my breath.

That grounding technique really helped during my panic. All right, that's your vocab download for the day. Use these words next time you talk about stress.

And don't worry, your English is doing just fine. Okay, Gwen, let's see if our listeners were actually listening. Time for a quick check.

Two questions. No pressure, folks. Why do we sometimes worry about things that haven't even happened yet?

Hint, it might have something to do with the past. What is learned helplessness? and how does it affect how we handle stress?

No stress if you forgot. Just rewind and listen again. All right, time to bring you guys in.

We've talked about anxiety, childhood memories, and being kinder to ourselves. So, here's our question for you. If you could say one thing to your younger self, what would it be?

Drp it in the comments. We'd love to read it. Maybe we'll even feature a few next time.

So, to wrap things up, what have we learned today about worrying? Well, we've learned that chronic anxiety often ties back to our past, right? It's not necessarily a prediction for the future, but rather a reflection of unresolved issues.

The good news is understanding where it comes from is the first step toward freeing ourselves from it. And remember, it's not going to happen overnight. Healing takes time, but every little step forward is a win.

Whether you're thinking about things yourself, trying to understand old experiences, or learning new ways to deal with stress, as long as you're still trying, you're on the right track. Let's work on changing from someone who's always stressed out to someone who can handle life better. That's the goal.

Thanks for hanging out with us today. Don't worry, be happy, and we'll catch you in the next episode of Podcast and Chill.