way back when I first started as a breakup coach almost 15 years ago now I was often asked what my number one tip was for getting an X to come back now this is a question that I'm still asked by my coaching clients and and by viewers like you on a daily basis but my answer has actually changed over the years you know initially years back I would answer that question by stressing the importance of not trying to convince your ex to take you back with words instead you know I recommended focusing on subtly shifting your ex's perception of you to the point where they decide on their own that they want you back and this is this is still 100% true and it's extremely important you know you really can't talk your way back into your ex's heart you have to use basic human psychology against your ex and make them decide that they want you back on their own now I've covered this in several of my past videos and it's still one of the best pieces of advice that I could give to anybody hoping for a second chance after a breakout however uh over time I've actually come to change my answer to this question there's something else that I think is equally or more important to getting a second chance with your ex and that's what I'll be covering in the next couple of minutes so keep [Music] watching all right I won't beat around the bush here uh my new number one tip for getting your ex to come back is simple you must ensure that every encounter with your ex is enjoyable for them now I realize that this sounds a bit lame it seems obvious but despite how basic this sounds on the surface let me explain what I mean and how you could actually apply this in the real world to make your ex want you back anytime you talk to or see your ex for whatever reason whether it's an unavoidable encounter when you're still engaged in no contact or you're seeing your ex in person to to catch up you always want the experience to be enjoyable for your ex you want them to have a good time talking with you seeing you every encounter with them should leave it should be something that they leave feeling positive about you know make them laugh make them smile trigger a fun memory or do something spontaneous and Goofy it really doesn't matter what matters is that every time you see or talk to your ex they enjoy it even if it's only an extremely tiny you know minor thing like responding to their text with a funny meme or sharing a personal story that you'll know that you know they'll enjoy hearing or asking them about something that you know they're extremely passionate about and enjoy talking about just make sure that they get something positive from each and every interaction now of course this can be really difficult at times sometimes your ex is already mad or bitter about something or trying to dig up old drama to pick a fight but you should still try to make the best of the situation and try to lighten the mood or make them crack a grin see one basic principle of human psychology is that people are hardwired with something called recency bias we tend to remember and focus on things that occur heard recently and have a a bias to focus on those recent events now in practice this means that your ex will remember you largely based on the most recent encounters they'll focus on those experiences and those recent memories will have an outsized impact on their subconscious opinion of you and how they think about you so if you get into a bunch of fights with your ex you always end conversations feeling angry or upset those recent events are what your ex is going to be most heavily influenced by when they think about you and they negative right they'll help your ex craft a subconscious image of you in their mind that makes them associate you with with drama heartache resentment and so on not with laughter and smiles and as I'm sure you're well aware everyone wants to be around other people whose company they enjoy your ex will want to see you talk to you be around you and yes even get back together with you if they think that you're still the same funny attractive intelligent person that they fell in love with originally if every time they see you or talk to you they actually enjoy it and they want more that's why it's so important to always ensure encounters with your ex are positive for them but they leave your ex with a good recent memory to focus on instead of the negatives and the reasons that led them to the breakup and another benefit to this approach is that it it prevents you from actually making any major mistakes without realizing it almost all of the biggest common mistakes that people make when trying to get their ex back the ones that that destroy your chances in a heartbeat are actually just based on interaction that are negative and unenjoyable for your ex for example many people spill their heart out to their ex thinking that saying you know I miss you I need you I love you over and over again will make them take you back but if in that situation you were instead focused on ensuring that every conversation and encounter was fun for your ex well you wouldn't spam them with those texts gushing your heart out because your ex wouldn't enjoy receiving that kind of message over and over again if you were only focused on showing your ex a good time even in the briefest of text messages exchanges you're simply way less likely to say or do something that might destroy your chances for good speaking of which if you want to know whether you've still got a chance to get your ex back and you haven't yet taken my free quiz do it now at breakupbrad. com quiz just answer a handful of questions click submit and you'll see a report breaking down your current odds and what to do next in your situation as I said the quiz is free and it's at breakupbrad. com quiz all right now I I'd like to share a couple of quick examples how you might implement this tip in real life situations with your ex so I'll share a couple of quick stories from my recent coaching clients I'm obviously not going to use their real names um and how to handle their situations in a way that ends up leaving their ex feeling positive about the encounter so we'll start with example number one James and Emma so James was a recent client of mine and he was doing really well with his ex Emma after a period of no contact he'd already met up with her once and things seemed to be going well although she wasn't ready yet to to break down and ask him to get back together and while he was slowly rebuilding Rapport and attraction with his ex James was was taking my advice and he was Finding fun and interesting things to to do to occupy his time now I told James to do something really interesting you know like skydiving or a weekend hike in the mountains where he lived that he knew that he would impress or be interesting to his ex he needed a fun story to tell Emma to to have an excuse to meet up with her again and show her a good time so James ended up doing even better than I had expected he signed up to be a crew on a three-day sailing Excursion on day one they taught him how to sail and the next two days he cruised some nearby islands with a bunch of interesting people James got you know he got some incredible Sunset photos swam with a whale shark and he got a hilarious Sunburn by trying to put sunscreen on his back by himself now James had a perfect reason to meet up with Emma and tell her the story because she came from a family of sailors and you know she always talked about someday taking James out on a sailboat to experience it for himself his trip was a great story that he knew she'd love hearing and appreciate it made him look like a fun exciting dude by doing something interesting and adventurous without her he had pictures of the trip and a hilarious sunburn to show her and most of all he had a foolproof way to make his ex enjoy getting together for dinner now James did end up getting back together with Emma um although it took another month after that so there was a happy ending now obviously this example is an unusually ideal one it's hard to come up with such a a perfect way to show his ex a good time and use the story to to hugely increase her attraction to him a lot of the time things aren't going to fall into place quite so perfectly but regardless of what the specifics are you should always ensure that you show your ex a good time and make sure each encounter is a positive enjoyable one that helps to improve how your ex thinks about you and subconsciously perceives you as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend let me give you one more quick and I think maybe more realistic example and that is the example of Katie and Sam all right so my client Katie was was in med school and her boyfriend of three years recently dumped her and her 30 days of no contact were due to end in just a few days out of the blue one night her ex Sam texted her and asked you know hey are you still alive what are you up to this was the third time in a week that he' sent a late night text and she had ignored the first two but now she asked me you know what should she say in response the third time that he messaged her how could Katie respond in a way that led to an enjoyable positive conversation with him all he' done was ask her you know if she's still alive and what she's up to now a lot of people in this situation would reply by saying something like you know I'm at the library setting for my midterm on Friday what about you it's a it's a logical response but it's boring you know it's not going to make Sam laugh or smile it's not leading the conversation to something interesting and it wouldn't make Katie look good or seem exciting and interesting so simply responding by saying I'm at the library studying she could she could definitely come up with something better so my my suggestion for Katie was to find the darkest most depressing looking study cubicle at the library and Scatter all her books on the desk chaotically and leave a couple of empty coffee cups in the corner and then take a selfie of her depressing little study cubicle and send only that photo to Sam in response to his text now is this going to make Sam you know laugh his ass off or ask Katie to take him back of course not you know let's be realistic here you can only do so much to make this kind of mundane situation actually enjoyable for Sam but at least the photo reply is a little bit amusing you it's probably not what Sam was expecting and it shows that Katie is busy studying late into the night because she's you a crazy smart med school student going places in life with or without her ex Sam and by sending only the photo and no other reply she's dropping a little bit of mystery and Intrigue that will make Sam curious and and probably more likely to reply and that's more likely to lead to a positive exchange that he'll be interested in and enjoy at least on some small level now if you need help like James or Katie did um you can sign up to work with me today as your personal ongoing breakup coach by visiting breakupbrad.
com/coaching I promise it's way more affordable than you're expecting and we'll work on an ongoing basis as your situation unfolds to maximize your chances of getting back together again sign up at breakupbrad. com/coaching and also don't forget to take the free quiz at breakupbrad.
