hey guys welcome back to another episode of the self-confidence project my name is Kimberly Weir this is the number one video that I'm putting out in 20125 so I am wishing you an absolutely joyous year ahead I hope that you had a great holiday season and if you're out there dating in 2025 then you know you're up against some wild wacky challenges because dating in today's culture today's society is just very very different and it's very apparent that a lot of people are struggling with dating and struggling with navigating how to approach people in real
life you know date again after a long-term relationship is ended navigate online dating apps you know we got AI like taking over the world at the same time so how can you sift through all of this and create authentic connections with someone that you really want to spend your life with you know that you want to go through life's hardships with that you want to see out the last 10 20 30 40 Years of your lives with and today I want to share with you uh four characteristic traits that you guys in particular want to
be mindful of with women that you might be meeting okay and this is because this is common characteristics that women will possess if they are dating again after a divorce themselves or after the end of a long-term relationship right this typically going to be women that are in their 40s and above although it's totally possible for women underneath 40 to possess these characteristics and traits what I'm trying to say here is that these are more common uh traits that are going to be demonstrated in women that have gone through a relationship that didn't work out
now that doesn't mean that this woman isn't going to be a great catch or great partner for you but I wanted to start off 2025 and just let you know okay guys if you're out there dating Clean Slate you got goals for this year I just want you to be mindful of these four uh traits when you are out there meeting great women just so you're mindful of you know when it is going to be time to kind of navigate away from somebody if they're not demonstrating the right kind of qualities that you want to
be seeing uh and you might even recognize some of these characteristics in yourself now before I dive in to share what these four traits are guys if you don't know I am a coach for men I'm a dating and relationship coach I work with professional educated men who are ser ious about finding the right relationship and want to go on to have a loving monogamous deeply respectful intimate relationship with a woman and if you are looking for some some some support you want to navigate 2025 with a lot more car Clarity and confidence and understand
deep compatibility then I do invite you to apply to work with me there are limited spaces for one-on-one work um if you're not sure you're ready for that yet I also I want to welcome you to watch my free training that is designed specifically for men like you to give you some tools and quick wins so you can show up in dating feeling a lot more confident a lot more clear and guys you can just find links to both those the application to work with me or the free training in the show notes of this
you know this podcast and YouTube video that you're seeing here okay so go ahead and look at all those additional resources now if you're brand new to this channel is 2025 I just want to welcome you to my channel and of course Please Subscribe if you haven't already um now I'm going to jump straight in because we' already had a 3 minute intro and I know you guys you know have valuable time so let's talk about these four traits that you want to be looking out for sometimes in yourself but mainly in the women that
you might be dating now the first one is going to be inflexibility okay now I don't talk not talking about can she do good yoga poses or not we're not talking about that kind of flexibility what I'm talking about is inflexibility with one's life time emotions schedule Etc okay it's an issue because after divorce it's really natural for you or a woman that you're dating to want to have control over one's life and sometimes that can lead us to be quite rigid and we can block organic connections from forming now this kind of inflexibility when
it comes to you know time and emotions uh with other people often is going to stem from a fear of being hurt right or being hurt again in particular it's being hurt again if you've already gone through a divorce that really hurt you or you know just really you know was unsatisfying the last relationship you had right so often this inflexibility is well I don't want to be hurt again so I'm going to make sure that I have control over who I'm dating and how I spend my time or I don't really want to lose
my Independence that maybe I've gained now after getting out of a long-term relationship that might have been suffocating or didn't feel so good and I'm actually you know kind of afraid of what could happen right love is risky right you never know how things are going to go and so as a result of this fear I'm really inflexible now what you want to watch for here is you or the woman you're dating insisting on absolute preferences or rules such as hearing yourself say I will only date a woman who dot dot dot feeling like I'm
only going to date a woman who has this experience or has done this in her life or has this quality or has this characteristic right and what you're doing is immediately you're going to pigeon hole yourself and in fact that can create a lot of rigidness and block organic connections with a woman who could be absolutely perfect for you but you're just not going to allow yourself to feel that way because I only date women who dot dot dot now it might also look like you refusing to adapt any of your plans or make any
kind of compromises um even even for small things like scheduling a date now I know this is a really you know frustrating point for a lot of guys you know you guys are the pursuers you're putting effort into seeing when a woman is free making sure she's comfortable and then trying to plan the date and ask herelle when it's appropriate and maybe it's when she has her off week without her kids and you're considering a lot of things that you know probably aren't being taken into consideration in the early days from the women you're dating
but if you become so rigid where you're like well if she doesn't notice all the things I'm already doing for her and I'm not going to make that little compromise or I'm not going to change the schedule or bump it back you know an hour and move it an hour earlier cuz like that's it I'm done you know being flexible um well then you're probably going to struggle with dating in 2025 because you know you're going to need to have a little bit of that adaptability especially if you're dating women that are dating an after
divorce they do have kids they might even still be balancing a professional career you know you're going to need to recognize that someone already has a very hopefully in an emotional way a very fulfilled life probably a very busy life in many uh aspects and so there's going to need to be some flexibility there now inflexibility also shows up where you're expecting a woman to fit into your life perfectly without allowing room for you both to grow together so sometimes we think like this is where I am and this is where she is and if
we don't connect perfectly then we're just not the right Magic for one another guys there is no perfect person out there so please don't be inflexible in the sense that you can't see some ability to grow together or to learn each other's preferences um or to be even quite open-minded even if you're dating again and you're 40s 50s 60s 7s it's like there's still time to learn new things there's still time to enjoy different parts of life and so if you're meeting a woman who you don't think fits perfectly into your life right now it
doesn't mean she might not be perfect for you and open your mind to other avenues of life so inflexibility guys within yourself within the women you're dating you know you want to make sure that you're flexible and adaptable and likewise you want to make sure that the woman you're dating has an air of adaptability and flexibility too because again if there's no room for movement here um then you're just going to feel like you're only inserting yourself into her life when it's totally convenient and appropriate for her and that's probably not going to work for
you and vice versa so that's another one number one thing I want you guys to be mindful of now secondly is in particular I want you guys to be mindful of women with unresolved bitterness towards men or women that demonize men okay and this is an issue because lingering anger or resentment from a woman that had a previous relationship that didn't work out with some guy right is probably going to in some ways if she's not doing appropriate healing this woman is is going to carry a lens of distrust and probably blame towards men into
dating and into her next relationship now this bitterness that this woman might have probably going to really repel a genuine connection um or you might think that you're somehow the exception to her rule right so what you want to watch for guys is women that make negative generalizations about men such as you know all men are just selfish or untrustworthy or all men are this or all men are that these are absolutes cognitive distortions right not all men are all of these things but if a woman has come to so deeply believe that all men
are just pigs or all men are just lazy or all men are just selfish you're not going to convince her otherwise and you probably shouldn't try right you might think well I'm just the exception to the rule but this woman has some deep-seated beliefs and anger and resentment it's not your job to kind of like make her see the light so to speak right you also want to watch for a woman who frequently brings up her ex in conversation especially in a critical way well he was always just so this he was always just so
that it's like guys dodge a bullet get out of there it's not your job to fix the entire marriage a dissatisfaction that this woman had before meeting you now you also want to watch for women that dismiss acts of kindness that you do um and Spins them as oh you're just doing that to get this oh you're just bringing me flowers because you wanted this or you're just you know saying that nice compliment to me because you're after something right some women are like that right they're going to dismiss the genuinely loving nice kind things
you do and they're going to see them as manipulative or tactics or things to you know control her because she is not trustworthy of men or men's actions now the biggest grandest gestures in the world um might put a smile on her face temporar but unless she is working to really change deep-seated beliefs about men about you in particular um guys you want to probably mark this type of thing as a serious red flag and get out of Dodge now last thing here you want to watch for with women not have unresolved bitterness or can
demonize man is a woman who over analyzes small actions uh or words as signs of bad intentions right um this kind of behavior really stems from unresolved pain um it's you know it's really out born out of a need for protecting ourselves although it's not a very good coping mechanism obviously it's very hurtful towards other people towards men um and while this woman might have very valid feelings about why she's mistrusting right she might say well my my ex cheated on me multiple times or you know he didn't show up when I needed him or
whatever it might be it might be really valid reasons why she's mistrusting and these feelings of hers are going to be quite valid in some instances or in all instances um but they just create walls that block healthy fulfilling relationships and guys it's not your mission and like you know as you're dating in 2025 to go out there and try to heal all these women that you're interested in right you want to find a woman that you can grow with who's open-minded and who is not so inflexible or has already got to a point in
her life where she's like demonizing men right stay away from these types of women now the third thing you want be mindful of guys is whether you or a woman that you're dating is super overeager for commitment okay this happens so often especially with anyone that is slightly wired anxiously if you understand anxious attachment then you know anxiously attached individuals are really quick to want to commit because commitment in their mind can equal safety oh we're committed now I can relax CU I've already got this person it's obviously not the case but it's how it's
perceived so why this is issue is because when you are divorced and dating again or you're out of a long-term relationship something that was very meaningful very very serious it can leave a void where stability once existed now even if you're in a relationship that wasn't very fulfilling there's still routine and routine can sometimes feel very comfortable so if you're dating again after a divorce there might just be this void where stability once existed and that can make you want to rush into something new um because you're like hey I'm I kind of like really
liked you know know my partner wasn't right for me but I liked you know a lot of the elements of the life we had and the routine we have so the next woman I find that's kind of good enough it's like I want to rush into this commitment to get this security that you might really be missing and guys this is going to Cloud your judgment it's going to result in repeating old patterns so you're just going to go right back into a relationship that feels very similar even the even though the woman might be
radically different okay um I do breaking pattern work with all lot almost all of them I work with because if we don't understand our patterns it's really hard to break them okay you might be interested to watch the free training too um and book a call with me if this is something that you're like oh I think I'm struggling with this now what you want to watch for here is pushing for labels or exclusivity too early in a relationship obviously you want to be mindful of feeling overly invested in a woman before you really truly
get to know her or vice versa she's like you're the man of my dreams let's get together and get married and move in together and all this stuff very quickly I've had this happen to some of my clients right like be weary of things feeling too good to be true and things moving really really quickly and guys you want to watch for ignoring red flags in favor of moving the relationship forward oh well I'll just ignore this trait that she possesses because what I am getting is moving in with her and I'm getting that security
I want like yeah but that thing that thing is going to bite you in the heart so don't ignore red flags in favor of moving your relationship forward it's the the worst thing that you can do okay healthy relationships grow organically rushing will make you miss essential compatibility checks and it will very likely lead to disappointment or heartbreak which you're not here for you're here to find something genuine and long-term and Lasting and it's okay to go slow in the search and in the pursuit of that now does doesn't mean that slow means 10 years
to find your special person it just means it might not happen in 10 days okay now the last thing I want to talk about here is women that are emotionally unavailable or use excessive Independence as a wall okay so why this is an issue guys is women that have a fear of vulnerability after divorce will create emotional distance and they will hyperfocus on their careers or Independence now I can think of a particular client that was you know very successful in his own right wanting to date a woman who's also very successful in her own
right and it seemed like nice great combination but that ex that that success of hers in particular um was where she could Escape feeling any kind of emotional connection to anybody in her life so while Independence can be very empowering it can be taken too far in some instances and it can prevent deeper connections from forming um and so what you want to watch for if you're like okay well the I don't want to just discount any successful woman obviously not what you want to watch for is women that keep conversation surface level and avoid
personal topics okay you want to avoid uh women that say things like I don't need a man for anything um because this is a statement that's trying to prove her strength even if she's Desiring connection it's like I don't need a man I don't need a man to pay my bills I don't need a man to cook for me I don't need a man to do anything for me because I don't just don't need a I'm so super uber independent and don't need a man for anything well okay well then what role are you going
to play if she doesn't need you for anything right now you also want to be mindful of rejecting acts of kindness so a woman who you know is let's say you're on a date with her right and you're like oh like let me carry your handbag for you or carry that bag for you and she's like no I got this i got this I used to do this too that's how I mad one of my former part Nur as we happened to be we didn't we didn't know we didn't plan this I was working in
Singapore at the time and I got on a flight to um to uh Chang yeah was it where was I going changai changai Thailand I was going somewhere in Thailand to go kite boarding so I was very adventurous at the time and I was on my own it was just a weekend thing I was going to do away and one of the guys in the office who um I had a little bit of an eye for was also on the same flight going to Thailand as well that weekend with his whole broking desk okay the
whole broking desk was going for a team building weekend away so it was him and like 15 other guys and it just happened to be little old Kimberly alone on that same flight going to go do a kiteboarding lesson and of course because we had a slay eye for each other we decided to you know kind of you know hook up in an Uber and go to the airport together not hook up hook up on a ride to the airport and when we got there um and we were on the aisle of the airplane and
I had my carryon with me he offered to put my carry-on up in the overhead compartment and of course at that time I was very independent I said no I took the bag I put it up there myself and then I grabbed his bag and put his up there ultimately switching masculine feminine Dynamics completely um because I didn't I didn't want that act of kindness I wanted to show and prove Pro that like I don't need a man and I was in a point in my life where I was very emotionally unavailable and I just
didn't understand myself and my emotions and that was actually a really small sign that represented that and people don't really pick up on this and I only had this Insight really you know reflecting years and years past that but I rejected acts of kindness um such as him wanting to do you know put my bag up in the overhead compartment um because I didn't want to feel dependent on a guy I didn't want to be like you I don't need you for anything I don't need you to book my flight take my bag right it
was super uber independent and that was not a good sign um and uh so that's just a little anecdotal story to share with you on like how these things can actually manifest and prevent themselves or present themselves um women that are very emotionally unavailable are going to sabotage potential relationships um and tell themselves that they're better off alone or that you just can't do things right or that they can do them better elves and that's going to keep you at a distance so if you're noticing that okay look it doesn't mean this woman is a
goner but you know there's a lot of walls to be broken down here and unless she is actively understanding and working on them herself it's not your job right emotional uh unavailability or excessive Independence can really make you feel unneeded and unimportant which is what I did to that individual because we did end up getting into a relationship and I recognized that I couldn't see his value in the relationship because I was so focused on how to be independent myself okay that's what destroyed that relationship for me so I'm very very cognizant and aware of
it now um but vulnerability guys is not a weakness it's a foundation of authentic connection so I let my man carry my bags every now and then right okay now final thoughts here guys that these traits in particular are common after a divorce or after a relationship that was very significant has ended they're going to stem from things like self Self Protection unresolved wounds now having this awareness having intentional effort to address these things or also guys for you to be recognizing what's going on with these women that you're dating will help you approach dating
with a lot more openness and balance and the ability to build meaningful connection so very quick summary if you're really inflexible or the woman your dating is inflexible be mindful of this if women have very unresolved unresolved bitterness or they demonize men I would get out of Dodge right if um you or a woman is super over overeager to commit you want to figure out how to slow things down because there's things that you are missing here that are probably going to pop up and bug you or destroy the relationship later and if you're dating
a woman who's uh emotionally unavailable or very using excessive Independence as a wall you want to be mindful of is she even aware of this and if she's not get out of Dodge if she is um look you know everybody is a work in progress and all relationships are built and co- and we can bring out the best in other people so guys things to be mindful of hopefully you enjoyed this first podcast video of 20125 and I look forward to bringing you more content every week if you're new to this Channel Please Subscribe we
have some other great videos for you to check out please uh also check out all the links below if you're ready to work with a coach I'd love to chat with you see if we are good fit um if not I've got some great resources and directions I can point you in and wishing you guys all an amazing start to 2025 see you next week ciao
