How I Found My Soulmate // Relationship Goals: In Real Life (Part 1) // Pastor Michael Todd

What's going on, family? Today, you have joined us for a sermon series that I think is going to revolutionize every relationship [music] that you've ever had, the relationships that you have right now, and the relationships you're going to have. Because God [music] wants to see you win in relationships, but not just in fantasy, [music] thought, or ideal. He wants you to win In real life. So today we're starting a brand new series called Relationship Goals in Real Life. And I'm telling you, buckle up cuz this one [music] is going to transform your life. Get ready

to receive what I believe God has for you. WE ARE STARTING A BRAND NEW SERIES. THIS is week one of a SERIES WE'RE CALLING RELATIONSHIP goals in real life. Now, now no, now some of y'all are scared because some of y'all lost your lost last boyfriend after the last Relationship goal series. >> Others of you got into counseling for the first time. Others of you got a relationship with God. I'm promising you as this is my third time doing a relationship series like this. This is unlike anything I've ever done. >> The Holy Spirit interrupted

the flow of what I thought I was going to do during 21 days of prayer. I thought I had a plan. And this is why you keep going back to God and ask him what he wants You to do. Because sometimes he'll tell you what you need to know to get you past where you are to then change it to what you need to do. >> Y'all missed it. Sometimes he'll be like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. We going to do that." Just so you be like, "Great. I have a plan." And then when you get there,

he's like, "Yeah, that's not the plan. This is what I really want you to do." And you have to be open to the spirit's moving. And so I wasn't Planning to be in this series, but the Holy Spirit said, "Right now, >> I need YOU TO INJECT MY voice >> into a cultural conversation that they have no wisdom on." >> Y'all didn't y'all didn't hear what I just said. >> We are listening TO PEOPLE ON PODCASTS that have not had a successful relationship in a decade. >> Yeah. tell you what a a man is supposed

to be And HOW FEMALES SHOULD YOU'RE lonely >> alone. YOUR LIKES AND FOLLOWERS ARE THE PEOPLE YOU GET COMFORTED BY. >> We are taking more advice. We are listening to bitter people. >> And I'm not just talking people with a platform and a and a podcast mic. I'm talking to your family. >> Your aunt who thinks all men are bad. Every man you had, you picked. >> I'mma go to this other side. >> THE ONLY COMMON DENOMINATOR IS YOU. >> I I just want to be clear. We are in a a a place where there's

an epidemic of passive and soft men. >> Okay, y'all. >> Did y'all not want to I thought I was going to get more amens from the ladies on that one. brother won't even approach you, won't talk to you, won't pay for nothing, won't do nothing. He's looking for his mommy. Yeah. [cheering] And we have women who are so I N D E P. And you so independent THAT AS SOON AS ANYBODY APPROACHES YOU, YOU YOU'RE COMPARING THEM TO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN able to amass >> and you're a boss. >> Come on. But the only person

THAT YOU'RE LEADING IS YOUR PUPPY. Let me get into the word cuz I don't know if I'm going to have anybody. What I'm asking us to do is for the next six weeks figure out how to silence the noise of People who didn't create the thing. >> Nobody talking about relationship created it. >> They only need it. And so we have to go to the standard or the word of God or the God of the word who actually created relationship to be ABLE TO FIND OUT HOW TO DO IT. >> WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN THAT

JUST FINE DOESN'T WORK. >> We've already seen that money just doesn't do it. WE'VE ALREADY SEEN THAT TIME SERVED. How are you married after 30 years and then you divorce? >> It's because something was wrong. Watch this from the beginning. >> And my burden in this series, I feel the presence of God already. >> It's to help you win in relationships. Watch this. In real life, >> not etherealally, not just something that you've dreamed of, not a fairy tale, not a movie concept. I want your real relationships to actually been be Beneficial to your life

and everybody's life around. And that means, watch this. In this series, we can't start with them. >> Very good. >> We have to start with us. >> Oh, buckle up. I know your booty just got tight right there. Because because you are going to blame everybody else >> who you invited in >> for what you did not receive. But it's not them. >> Cuz the only person that you can change in the relationship >> start with me, God. You want to pray a real prayer? Start with me, God. >> Uh-oh. >> WHEN THE LAST TIME

YOU PRAYED THAT? >> Start with me, God. Husbands. >> Well, she don't cook. She don't clean. She don't do nothing. She don't even put it down like she used to. She don't even >> start with me, God. >> I don't affirm. I don't encourage. I Don't call out anymore. I don't pursue. >> Oh, God. I just felt it. It got real quiet right there. So, let me bring it up. It's Valentine's Day weekend. >> How many people had a great Valentine's Day? [cheering] >> Okay. How many people your Valentine's Day was? Never mind. I'm not

even going to ask that cuz your wife or husband is sitting right there. Just look straight. Um, This is cool for me and Natalie because um, Valentine's Day is actually kind of important to us because um, many of you know our story, especially if you've read the book Relationship Goals or you've um, been around for a while, but me and Natalie met when I was 15 years old. This was our 25th Valentine's Day celebrating this year. [cheering] >> Yeah. 25 years. Like now, now that means I I I've been with her for a very long

time. But Valentine's Day was special Because it I met her in December and then I asked her to be my girlfriend in January and the first gift I ever got her was on Valentine's Day. And so on Valentine's Day, I I asked my dad to take me to a place called Service Merchandise. Some of y'all too, y'all don't know nothing about no service merchandise, but it used to be on 71st in Memorial. And I asked my dad and they were having a closeout closeout closeout sale. And I I took $150 to service merchandise and I

saw a gold heart necklace. You remember this, Dad? And my dad paid the other other 150 cuz it was $2.99. And I bought my then first girlfriend ever a a a diamond, but I I would I would uh I would you lose use that term very loosely, but I bought her a diamond heart necklace. And so, um, this year I was like, man, I got to do something special for Natalie for Valentine's Day. And it it's so crazy that in my real Life, um, it's different than than than what people may expect. >> Like like

in in my real life, what my wife wanted was not all the things that people would post on Instagram. >> Like, like, so what I did for my wife this Valentine's Day is I got all the kids out the house. [cheering] Some of the moms are standing up and clapping right now. >> I sent all my kids away. They didn't even come home on Friday. >> I packed their bags and I sent them away cuz we've been traveling for the promotion of relationship goals the movie and my wife is an introvert so she been hi

hi hi [laughter] and her battery is just depleted. She's like I can't meet nobody else. Can't talk to nobody else. She wants to be in her own bed. And I was like, instead of me doing what the image of relationships look like, >> let me give you what I know you need >> in real life. >> And so I got the kids out of the house and then I sent her off for a massage. And while she was off at the massage, I I I had the room cleaned and we cleaned the room and then

I went and got 25 balloons and put 25 pictures attached to it of of us throughout the years. and and and and I went in and I got her white covered strawberries and a shakuterie board and and I got all the things that she liked and I sent Everybody away and it was just me and her in that house in real life. When she came home and said, "Where's the kids?" >> I said, "You don't got to worry about them, baby." [cheering] >> [cheering] >> Melatonin already taken care of. >> Literally, watch this. Watch this.

My wife's response was tears. >> I could have bought her a purse >> that would have put us in debt, >> but that's not what she wanted in real life. I could I could have done a display that would have made everybody jealous. >> But that's not what she wanted in. >> She didn't even know how to articulate what she wanted. >> I had to have been in relationship with to her long enough >> to know what would fill her tank in real. >> I want every person. [cheering] OH, YOU WANT A KID? LOOK AT

HER. SHE JUST COMING OFF GIRL. [screaming] Was [cheering] it good in real life? >> I'll be home in real life in just a moment. Camera, follow me. Why you Where YOU AT? CAMERA, WHERE'D Y'ALL GO? THEY JUST LEFT. I know she beautiful here. I'm preaching in [cheering and applause] I want you to It's It's not beautiful in real life. Somebody might miss the frame in real life. >> Everybody might be able to capture the moment in real life. But the real life love, her coming out the back, her coming up here and kissing me, her

being, that's >> that's great. >> The reason I'm saying this to you is Because the facade is wearing you out. I see the burden in your life of an image you're trying to keep that doesn't even feel like the beautiful picture you posted. >> You are trying to act to your family like everything's okay, but we can hear it in the tone of your voice that you are unhappy with the current situation. And because we don't have entrance into your life like that cuz you've never invited us in, we act like your lies are Good

because we see the stress in your body. That 15 pounds you gained since Christmas is not just cookies. >> It's stress. >> That sickness you have to keep going on. It's something you're holding in your body that you haven't let out in real life like the hurt is turning into things >> that you have to go and get checked and my wrist and my arm and I don't why is it? It's because what we all need in Real life is not always what we're aiming for. >> And so today, I just want to let everybody

know we serve an in real life God. >> God wants everything he says in his word to actually happen in your real life. >> Prove it to me, Pastor Mike. The Bible says it in Matthew 699 when we're talking about the Lord's Prayer. Recite it with me. Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy Kingdom come, THY WILL BE DONE WHERE on earth in real life as it is in [cheering] >> WE SERVE A GOD THAT IF THERE'S NO SICKNESS IN HEAVEN, >> HE WANTS IT IN REAL LIFE. Y'all don't hear what

I'm saying. IF THERE'S JOY IN HEAVEN, HE WANTS IT IN real life. And many of us have been set settling for less than because we won't believe and do the principles that God puts into his word for us to see it in real life. So, we're following people that give us an image of relationship goals or business goals or family goals. But if you cut that thing open and get to see the vulnerability of it, when you see couples that you never thought would be apart, getting divorced, when you know family members that it's been

dysfunctional for years, when you're literally in an abusive relationship right now, but you don't know how to get out of it because of the pain that it Would cause to your children. What you're doing is settling for less than God's best. And I want you to have relationship goals. Help me say it. in real life. So, the next six weeks, I need you to buckle buckle up because the reason, listen to this, that many people are frustrated is because they don't see what they believe in real life. You haven't seen the financial breakthrough. You haven't

seen the Change. >> You haven't seen you you stopped being as excited about certain things. And God is saying that I'm coming to put silence to the idea that you have to wait for heaven to have a piece of it on earth. >> I'm coming to silence the lie that somehow I need to escape this. He's saying in heaven, I mean on earth as it already is in heaven. God wants you fulfilled in real life. Yeah, >> some of y'all I'm having to say it over And over because you've just played this religious church thing

and you don't believe he wants you to be financially free >> in REAL LIFE. HOW CAN YOU BLESS on every occasion when you owe on every occasion? >> Either his word is TRUE OR IT'S NOT. GOD WANTS YOU TO BE IN ABUNDANCE IN real life. WHEN STORMS COME, he wants YOU TO STILL HAVE PEACE in life. And >> some of y'all can't even say it because there's so much discouragement. But I Believe by the end of this sermon series and some of y'all by the end of this sermon, God is going to help you understand

and obtain what he is giving us the power to have in real life. Give me Bibles, Pastor Mike. Second Peter chapter 1:3. By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for giving for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him. The one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and Excellence. For the next six week, I need us to make the standard the word of God. >> I know you have a lot of relationship advice that you've gotten from family members and

people and podcasts. I just want to say one more time, this is going to be the standard because if we can't agree on this and maybe you have um some other beliefs and some other thoughts, just give me six weeks. Give me six weeks to prove to you that this is the Standard or the metric we're supposed to do relationships by. And if we can agree on that, I'm going to give you principles that will change your life. And I'm going to be real transparent. I'm going to be real hot, humble, open, and transparent with

you. If you use these principles and don't know God, they'll still work. Church people don't want to tell you that IF YOU YOU THEY'RE SO GOOD THAT THEY WILL WORK EVEN IF YOU don't believe In God. The end of the problem is that your eternity will be jeopardized. >> And I want you to meet Jesus and be able to live in a life that actually makes sense in real life. >> And so many people want to move forward as that is the word of the year in our relationships. No matter if it's romantic, business, family,

but we don't see it in real life. Matter of fact, I just want to let you know that the Bible tells us that God is a real life God Because if he wasn't, he wouldn't have come to earth as a man. >> Do y'all hear what I'm saying? >> Y'all need Bible. John 1:14. And the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. He had relationship with us because he wanted to take off God and put it in human form so we would know he was the same in real life. >> I JUST WANT

YOU TO KNOW THAT GOD is not doing a bait and switch on you. >> He's not saying trust me and BELIEVE ME AND COME ALL this stuff and I'm not going to allow you to see the healing in real life. >> So now when I read that same passage in the message version, look at this. The word became flesh and blood and he moved into the neighborhood. >> God's trying to come to your neighborhood. >> Like God's trying to he trying to change the hood. You hear what I'm saying? >> He's trying to change your

LIFE AND IT AFFECT other people around and affect OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THEM. HE SAID, "IF I CAN SHOW this family coming out of poverty and actually getting their stuff together and actually living in harmony and actually forgiving the people that was dead, that could spread to somebody else that could actually come out of poverty and actually start living in truth and actually start serving me." He wants to affect the whole hood >> through your healing. >> Did you hear what I just said? >> He wants to affect your whole neighborhood through >> your healing. And

yet you want God to do it another way. >> He said, "I cannot heal who I need to heal around you until you become the poster child of deliverance." [sighs] >> Emmanuel, what does that mean? God, >> he wants relationship. >> So over this next six weeks, I'm just setting you up today because I'm telling you, if you don't understand what's about to happen to you, you will by the end of this. Hello. >> I was on a press tour for Relationship Goals, the movie. And by the way, I want to say thank you for

supporting it again. Y'all made it number one. [cheering] Y'all have been watching it. I love you. But the testimonies that are coming in by people watching the movie, Getting the book, reading the book in two days. >> Y'all don't hear me. I'm talking real testimony. >> Finding Jesus in chapter 3. >> Asking what must I do to be saved? And this is all happening over a romantic comedy. One person asked me straight out. They hadn't heard the book. They had listened to the series. They didn't even barely know who I was. And they said, "Okay,

the new movie Relationship Goals, what is the goal?" And I mean, point blank period. She was like, "What is the goal?" And the Holy Spirit, it came out of me and he said, "I want you to share this with everybody you come in contact with from now on. Write this down. This is the key to every relationship that you will ever have." The goal is healthy relationships. >> The goal is not relationships. >> The goal is, say the word with me, Healthy relationship. How many healthy relationships do you have? >> Somebody say one. No, I

want you to I want you to really evaluate all your friends, all your partners, all your romantic interests, all the girls you DMing, all the guys you letting slide through. All I want you to I want you to evaluate how many >> not relationships >> healthy >> relationships >> do you have? If you can answer that question honestly, we may can move to the second part of the revelation. >> The goal is what? Healthy relationships. Now, watch this. Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. >> Now, I'm going to ask you a deeper question. >> Are

you healthy? >> I know it's always them. Yeah. I don't have healthy friends. >> Would they say you're a healthy friend? >> Would your spouse say that you're healthy? >> Would your Would your kids >> Yeah, I've seen dad mad. >> What does dad do when he's mad? >> Come to the mic and tell us all. >> Some of y'all would tackle your kid right there. YOU WOULD STRAIGHT BOW LIKE, "OH my god. Cuz the truth of the matter is >> it's the people close to us, closest to Us, that actually know the status >>

of our health. >> THE GOAL IS WHAT? Healthy relationships. I'm trying to help you. Will y'all please enroll into this class and not drop the class? Cuz if y'all get all the information, let me be your coach. Let me be your teacher. This is going to change your life. I wish I would have had it 10 YEARS AGO. THE GOAL FOR my wife and me is to have a healthy relationship. The goal for my kids and Me is to have a healthy relationship. The goal for my parents and I is to have a healthy relationship.

Me and my four brothers. The goal is to have individually healthy relationships with each one of them, with me and Bishop, my pastor. It is to have a healthy relationship with the man who gave me this church. It is for me to have a healthy relationship with Charles and with Melissa and with Will and with every person that has been put into my Care. The goal is not just to be connected, it's to be connected, right? >> Have you ever had to jerryrig something together? >> You know what I'm saying? You ever had a door

that you had to to to that wouldn't fully close? Some of y'all, some of y'all know what I'm talking about. And you had to tie it around some. Have you ever had something that was holding on? the the the reason why you turn it in so many knots >> is because you can't trust >> that the connection is stable >> and some of our relationship have not been stable because they're not healthy because that's not how it was intended. Miles Monroe says where there is no actual vision for a thing abnormal use or abuse is

inevitable. And some of you, may I dare say this with all humility, that some of us have been in wrong connections since we've been born. >> So my question again is, are you a healthy individual? >> And if you can come to grips with this, some of yall, it's going to take you five weeks to just answer these first four questions because this is going to actually be self-reflective. Remember, it's not for them. It's for me. >> The goal is healthy relationships. Healthy relationships. Relationships come from healthy individuals. Watch This. Oh, this is revelation. Healthy

individuals are built through self-awareness and surrender. >> You can only be healthy if you are self-aware and you're surrendered to the process to change. And some of you right now are disqualifying yourself from being healthy because you're not aware that you're unhealthy. >> And anybody that tries to tell you maybe you could do that a different way. Or Are you sure that's how you want to say that? Or they're saying that's not nice to say it like that. Or hey, why do you keep doing this? You cut them off. >> You done talking to them.

Cut off game strong. >> Y'all know what I'm talking about. It could be a boss. It could be a co-orker. It be a family member. And and and the truth of the matter is God, watch this, will always put you around people to expose what's not like him in you. >> I hate this job. Go to the next one. There will be somebody there like Travis >> that gets on your nerves that you're going to have to figure out how to talk to because the issue is you have a disdain for all authority, >> but

you're you're unaware of it. So you think it's just standing up for yourself, but you don't understand how it's tied to the childhood >> when you were when you were violated and you said, "I'll never let anybody Violate me again." And so ANYTIME ANYBODY GIVES YOU ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT YOU WANT, you turn into somebody you don't even recognize. >> But nobody can even tell you. Everybody around you know it except you. >> And now cuz some of y'all are different. Y'all are professional acers. >> I know I have a problem. I know I have

a problem. >> No, no, no. I know. I know I have a problem. Okay. But what are we going to Do with it? You're unwilling to change it. So, some people are too aware without any activity. >> We know you're addicted TO ALCOHOL. AND EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'RE ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL. WE KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO PRAISE. >> OH, cuz everybody's like, "Alcohol is bad." Praise is bad, too. >> Cuz it will feed your pride. And you're addicted to these things that are RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. WHY? CUZ YOU'RE EITHER unaware >> or unwilling. >> Oh, y'all don't

hear me. Pastor Mike, why is this important? Because the goal is healthy relationship. Y'all got to help me. The goal is healthy relationships. Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. Healthy individuals are built through self-awareness and surrender. >> Pastor Mike, why is this important? Because self-awareness and surrender are the substance of a healthy soul. If you have self-awareness and you have surrender to God, you can actually have, watch this, a healthy soul. >> Why this didn't make everybody jump and scream is cuz you don't know how important your soul is. >> Do you know what your

soul even is? Cuz right now, if I told you that these two Things would have help you have a happy sex life, >> everybody be LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I REALLY NEED TO SEEK THE WORD about what he is telling the better God." If I told you it'd make you a millionaire, YOU'D BE LIKE, "SIGN ME UP." >> But if I told you that the goal of having healthy relationships all the way down is to have a healthy soul. >> You didn't even like think that was good. It's because you don't understand the power of

the soul. >> And this is the breeding ground for every relationship. This is what Jesus came to save >> your soul. >> He didn't come to save your body. He didn't come to save your reputation. He sent his only son to save your soul. >> Why? after everything. He didn't come >> to save our gifts. >> He didn't come to save our talents. He came to save our soul. And some of us are unaware or unwilling to acknowledge the fact that God wants your soul to be healthy. Can I ask this question? Do you have

a healthy soul, >> Pastor Mike? What is a soul? It is your mind, your will, and your emotions. Let's break it down. Is your mind healthy? >> What are the thoughts that come when you ain't thinking about nothing? >> What are the thoughts you come when you see somebody in a compromising position? >> What are the thoughts you come when you see somebody you don't like fail? It's going to be quiet in here today. >> Is your mind healthy? >> Is your will healthy? >> You know you're not supposed to, but cuz ain't nobody looking.

GOD, I KNOW YOU TOLD ME TO WORK HERE, >> but they don't pay enough, so I'mma work here. God, I told you. I KNOW YOU TOLD ME NOT TO DATE THEM, BUT LOOK, >> look at what you made. >> Look how it fits. I'm only human. [laughter] COME ON. >> IT'S YOUR WILL. >> WELL, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. >> It's my birthday, God. I don't do this like I used to, >> but you [screaming] The fact that people understand what I'm saying and I'm not saying any ah like what is going on? >> Is your will

healthy? >> Can you say like the scripture not my will? >> When's the last time that was a true statement in your life? >> I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS. I HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO THIS. THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM DOING THIS AND I'M NOT doing it because I know you don't want Me to. >> Is your will healthy? Mind healthy? >> Will healthy? >> Is your emotions healthy? >> Or do you manipulate with emotions? Some of you, your tears >> are the lever to manipulate people to do what they would not do

without them. >> Oh God, >> there are people that you, well, you know, I hate to see you cry, girl. I hate to see you cry. And now your Husband has stopped saying what he desires. Cuz you know that you can have the trump card by just crying. Oh, y'all don't hear me. And I'm not saying it's for every situation, but my thing is your kids are watching you use tears as a manipulation tactic to get what you want because you're unwilling to change your behavior in an area. >> Are your emotions healthy? >> Cuz

people are looking for relationship goals, but they get to end up with you. >> You are the other half of the relationship. Would you date you >> with all you know about you? >> Would you marry you? >> You brush your teeth four times a week. >> You know that they don't. >> THOSE ARE LISTERINE STRIPS, BUT YOUR TEETH have hair on them. [screaming] >> Come on. Would you marry you? She got to Be fit. She got to go to the gym. You carrying a baby, [cheering] >> brother. You're pregnant. Would you [screaming] >> I

know nobody talks to you like this in church because we want to wash over our deficiencies, >> saying words like destiny and purpose and all of these things. And we don't deal with the issue in real life. I'mma have to make this series 20 weeks Cuz this is going to >> What what I'm saying to you is God thinks your soul is more important than anything. >> You remember the scripture that says, "What does it profit a man >> to gain the whole world >> but lose his name? lose his money. >> It says, "What

does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his mind, will, and emotions?" >> He says, "I want you to have the goal of being healthy in relationships. Some of y'all don't need a man cuz you would corrupt him. You are so toxic >> trying to heal from what you had to endure. >> It's not your fault, but it is now your responsibility and now you are trying to find this perfect man with all OF THESE THINGS THAT'S GOING TO DEAL with your crazy and you won't even deal with your Crazy. You

going to GO TO THERAPY FOR YOURSELF >> and you want to add somebody else's trauma and somebody else's drama and somebody else and we going to work it out together and we going to just figure it out and it's me and you forever, boo. And >> I came to tell everybody who wants a relationship goal that the goal should be a healthy soul. >> And this is what I need everybody to Hear me say. Write this down. The deficit in your soul is showing Whether you know it or not, >> many of us have a

deficit in our soul. >> We have something broken in our mind, will, and emotions. >> And we think that another person is going to solve what only God can heal. >> God wants your soul to actually be healthy. So this is where 3R John 1:2, watch this. Beloved, I pray that you may somebody say prosper. >> Prosper >> in all things. That means God wants you to prosper in everything. He wants you to prosper in your relationships. He wants you to prosper in finances. He wants you to prosper in ideas. He wants you to prosper

in generosity. He wants you to prosper in fun. He wants YOU TO PROSPER IN ALL THINGS. He wants you to prosper in sex. He wants you to prosper. Y'all should have said amen. He wants to He wants you. He said, "All things." >> He said, "I want you to prosper in all things and be in." >> Is that word in the Bible >> that God wants us to be in health? >> But look what he compares it to. >> He says, "Prospering and in health just as your soul prospers." >> Hold on. So my soul

prospering is actually the metric that he's looking at >> to copy and paste to everything else in My life. >> So the level of health prosperity >> allows God to say, "Okay, then I'll copy that and paste that to their finances. I'll copy and paste that to their relationships. I'll copy and paste that to their family." >> Very good. How much would be in the account >> if it was only based on your soul health? >> Your deficit is showing. >> Some of us are so bankrupt in our mind, will, and emotions. >> We're overdrawn.

We're maxed out. >> We have charged all that we can charge. And honestly, many of this, many of these things have happened before we ever came into a romantic relationship. And this is why I need everybody to understand this. This verse highlights the connection between spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being. Internal internal spiritual health, your Soul should set the standard for overall life success. >> So when somebody be like, man, how's the business doing? The real question is, how's your soul? >> Cuz if my soul is good, I can have a lot of money or a

little money. Yeah. >> And I'm good. >> The reason why people are so jacked up by what happens and what happened is because they have a deficit in their soul. >> So, the reason why I jump from bed to bed to bed to bed is cuz I'm trying to find somebody >> to fulfill this deficit that I have on the inside of me. >> And until, watch this. Some of y'all, it's hard for you to think, but you are either in denial, which is a river in Egypt, or >> you're unaware. >> You're unaware, unaware

or unwilling. And by the end of this series, I don't want you to be either. >> I want you to be aware of how God wants you to win in relationships. And I want you to be willing to do whatever God wants you to do >> to become the version of yourself to live in health. >> Write this down. Soul health is more valuable than material wealth. >> That's right. >> Hear what I just said. >> Forget the house. Get the heart healing. >> Some of y'all are spending so much on a mortgage and that

money should be going towards your counseling. Amen. >> You have more square footage to be sat in. >> I I just I just want you you have more space to get away from your partner. >> You You have a pool to be in by yourself with a family that won't want to be there. I I just want you to see how backwards >> we would rather invest in something that looks good >> than something THAT WE CAN FEEL IN real life. >> So, let me just give you a couple of scriptures cuz y'all going to

have to go study the soul this week cuz I'm not even going to get to half of my message today. But Psalms chapter 19:7, it says, "The law of the Lord is perfect. This is the standard. This is what we should be Going by. This is what brings life to our soul. It says the law of the Lord, this word IS PERFECT. GUESS WHAT IT DOES? It restores THE SOUL. WHY DO YOU READ YOUR BIBLE? SO I CAN REMEMBER IT. More than that, this restores >> my soul. >> The reason I don't miss a day

of reading the Bible is because my mind, will, and emotions are affected >> when I don't get a hit of this. Y'all Don't hear me. Some of y'all ARE ADDICTED TO THE OTHER THING. You hitting everything else. Hit this. Okay, let me stop. I'm trying to stay. I'm trying to stay together. >> Psalms 25:12. >> Who is the person that fears the Lord? Let me tell you, the person who honors and represents God, this person, he will instruct him in the way he should choose. His soul will dwell in prosperity. You want your soul to

dwell in prosperity. He said, "Follow this. >> I'll show you how to do relationships. I'll show you how to do business. I'll show you how to raise your kids. I'll show you how to forgive. I'll show you how to let go of THE PAST. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO BE EVERYTHING THAT NOBODY WAS THERE TO show you how to be." >> Follow this. >> Y'all favorite scripture to get tattooed when you get in jail? Psalms 23. Here we go. >> The Lord is my >> You know THIS ONE. I SHALL not >> He lets me

lie down in green pastures. >> He leads me beside quiet waters. Why? Cuz he restores my soul. >> Why? Why is God so obsessed with our soul? It's because our mind, will, and emotions drive everything in our lives. >> Oh, God. >> And this I wanted to title this message, How I Found My Soulmate. >> I know. That's that's cute, huh? Cuz that's what people are really looking for. They're looking for their soulmate. And the thing about it is it's crazy that I met Natalie at 15, but I found my soulmate at 25. >> Cuz

I'm going to tell you something. She's not my soulmate. >> She's my soul match. >> The only one that can feel the holes that I have >> in my soul is the one who created it. >> And I found my soulmate, which is God. >> When I stopped looking for in other people what only he could give, >> the reason why your relationships aren't working >> is because you have a hole in your soul that you have not acknowledged is Keeping you from your best life. So you go to them >> to look to fulfill

what they have no capacity >> to fill in your life. >> How I found my soulmate. Everything else wasn't working. >> And today I want to save you the trouble >> of messing up relationship after relationship after relationship trying to put an expectation on them that they can never meet. Your wife can't fix the fact that your mama didn't see you. [sighs] >> And most people have relational foundations that are faulty. >> Before you ever met them, something was jacked up. >> Oh, come on. >> Before you ever said, "Dang, she fine. Oh my god,

I can be with him." You already had brokenness >> that you were either unaware of or Unwilling to admit >> and you come into the relationship trying to hide it from them >> and let them only see a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit. They know you crazy. >> They just don't know where it came from. [laughter] And then YOU START BLAMING THEM LIKE IT WAS THEM. I ONLY STARTED acting like this when you came in my life. And then when you came in my life, I AIN'T

NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE. That's a lie. That's a lie. WE I KNOW I DIDN'T I DIDN'T DO ALL OF THAT. That wasn't all me. I might have contributed, but >> write this down. >> It's hard to build on what's broken. >> I'm just going to do I'm going to show you something that I'm going to have to build next week. >> But everybody has four foundational relational needs. Could y'all bring it up for me? Just bring me my my four. Every person, I want you to write this down and then I'm going unpack it

next week because this is going to help you be able to actually build healthy relationship. What's the goal? Healthy relationships. Say it with me. What's the goal? Healthy relationships. Everybody has four foundational needs to build a healthy relationship. Write it down. Every person needs to be first off seen. >> Then everybody needs to be soothed. Everybody needs to be secured and everybody needs to feel safe. >> No relationship in your life will succeed without this being the foundation. When me and Natalie were at counseling with with our white auntie named Juju, that's what I call

her. She has helped us through all kinds of stuff. We about to go see her again next week. And she said, she said, "Michael, there are things that are broken in you that Natalie has nothing to do with." And there are things broken in her that had nothing to do with you. >> But y'all are fighting invisible enemies. >> Oh, God. >> Your marriage is suffering because you're fighting an invisible enemy that you won't acknowledge is even there. >> And we romanticize the relationships that we wish we had. And there were things that were in

there that we just Need to be honest and be able to admit, man, I only got seen in my family when I did good. >> It's only when I was on the football field or only when I got good grades OR ONLY IF I WAS just being, I was not seen. >> The truth of the matter is a baby should not have to perform to be seen. Yet while many of us are out here performing in job, climbing the corporate ladder, going from PLACE TO PLACE, WHY? I HAVE A HOLE IN my soul. >> I've

never been seen. >> So the reason why I'm about to act up and turn up and GO ALL OUT AND do this and you going to hear me and you going cuz all my life >> I just wanted somebody to see me. I heard somebody say they remember the time in their life where they almost vanished in their family. >> Well, they are doing so much and we had a CATASTROPHE AND THERE WAS SO MUCH loss And life comes to be put us in positions in our family structures in our JOB STRUCTURES. THEY LOST THE

JOB. MY DADDY WASN'T THERE. MY MOM HAD a hard season and somehow I didn't keep their attention. And so now when this block is missing, now I'm going to make every person I come into relationship with see me. >> And if you don't see me, >> I promise you, you going to see me. >> Come on. Some of the attitudes people Come with >> is because it's the watch, their survival mechanism to be seen. >> The reason why you're always the victim is because you only got tended to when something was wrong. Oh God, I

can't even go into this. >> But but I'm saying I need you to evaluate where in your life did you miss the foundation of all relationships being seen. It's so beautiful because Jesus Gives us a picture with his relationship with God that y'all remember before he ever did any miracles, before he went into the wilderness, before anything, he got baptized by his cousin John. And y'all remember after he got baptized, what happened? The the the the the sky broke open >> and God in front of everybody said, "There he is. >> That's my boy. >>

I see him." >> And I am well pleased. >> He didn't do anything >> to be affirmed. >> That's good. That's good. And some of you are raising kids right now and you don't see them until they mess up or do something exceptional. >> And what you're doing is you're training them that this is how you get what you need. >> You're a good boy. You're a good boy cuz you listened. He's a good boy because He's yours. >> He He's He's a That's a That's a good girl >> because she exists. >> Oh god.

I see. We about to be in therapy for the next >> I I just want to say if you have not been seen what you've probably been feeling is the opposite which is ignored >> at your job. You feel ignored around your family. You feel ignored or maybe even worse. This one is worse. It Seemed better but it's worse. Tolerated. >> Y'all he said boy that hurt right there. [laughter] Have you ever been in a relationship where you know they don't really see you, but they tolerate you? >> Like, I don't really want you here.

It don't really matter if you come, but I'm sent you here. >> If this is broken, you can't build healthy relationships. The next one, some of you have never Been soothed. Let me give you another word that may may help you understand this. You've never been truly cared for. >> Especially fellas, GET UP. >> YOU a man. You the man of this house or your daddy's gone. Come on, man. I need your help. Hey, we ain't got time for all them tears. We don't got Hey, suck it up. And now he's 35 and the woman

he went Want him to open up. >> But his whole life he's been told to suck it up. >> Now you want him to be vulnerable and open up >> and he's traumatized because when he was really hurt, he could never get cared for. Oh, God. >> The reason why your relationships aren't working is because you you did not get soothed. You might have had a mom that was so tied up in just survival. >> It's not always bad why it happened. It doesn't take away the fact that it happened. >> Your mom, for some

reason, had nine kids. be fruitful. >> Be fruitful and multiply. >> But nine golly, >> but I'm I'm what I'm what I'm I'm trying to say just in sheer number of Overpowered mouths, >> somebody got forgotten. >> And what happens is when you're not soothed by the right place, you find a place to self soo. Some of those TV shows, some of those ideas, some of those things that you were introduced to, they were legitimate because you needed something, but they were illegitimate because of where you got it from. >> So, this is why, watch,

the man can be Married to you and still cheat on you. >> Oh, God. >> Cuz the the truth of the matter is you don't hear him no more. Wow. >> He can't come to you and say, "Baby, I had a bad day." Well, I have had a bad six years. >> And he was like, "I was just trying to." >> Yeah. >> And the reason he starts growing affection for the woman at the job or the woman at the gym is cuz she'll just, "Oh my god, you had a bad day. I'm sorry. Can

I give you a hug? >> [laughter] >> And that hug >> starts standing up straighter. >> Hey girl, it's good to see you again. >> Cuz that's the only place he's getting. >> I'm just just I know this is heavy. I know this is heavy, but I'm trying to help you. And if you're not seen or soothed, there's no way you can be secure. >> This talks about how you're attached in people's dependability. The reason why some of y'all got so many backup plans is nobody has ever been stable in your life. >> Your mom

wasn't stable, your dad wasn't stable, your coach wasn't stable, your brothers and sisters wasn't stable, the cousin you love the most, they molested you. And to this day, nobody even knows. I can feel the pain. We can see why you Won't even let your children go nowhere. It's cuz you're trying to protect them from something you've never even told anybody. >> So, you don't feel secure even with the person who loves you the most. >> I love you, but I don't trust that you're not going to leave me. >> So, a lot of people who

don't feel secure, watch what they do. They self-sabotage. Oh God, >> I'mma hurt you before you hurt me. I'mma Leave you before you leave me. I'mma keep myself and I got that extra account that you don't know about cuz I got to secure myself. I know you said you love me, but I love me more. And ain't nobody in my whole life ever kept me secure. So I'm going to protect myself. >> He was like, I want vulnerability. I want honesty. I want to connect. I want intimacy. that cannot be built >> if somebody doesn't

feel secure. >> The reason why the relationships aren't Working is cuz people when they are not seen, soothed, secure, they don't feel safe. So, you can keep going after the batty and you can keep going from bed to bed and you can keep saying you don't need God in your relationship, but he's the only one >> that can see you, care for you, secure you, and keep you safe no matter what anybody else does. >> Hear what I'm saying to you. >> [applause] >> I know it's a lot to process right now and I know

your your soul is probably going crazy. Hold on. Ain't nobody talking to me like this in my mind, will and emotion cuz your soul needs to be safe. >> Your soul needs to be secure. Your soul has to be cared for and your soul has to be seen. And that's why next week I'm going to give you a whole bunch of scriptures and I'm going to walk you through this because I'm going to teach you how to build your life, build your relationships, build your family based on the principles of all relationship. But this is

what I need you to know. God does all of this without you doing anything. >> Oh God. >> Oh God. I wish I had time to be able to take you through how God says you need to be soothed. Come to me. Yeah. >> It's It's like a kid riding a bike and they fall down and then the the mom or the dad runs to him and says, "Hey, hey, come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay." No. No. No. No. No. I know

it hurts, but you're going to be okay. Where is it? Come. Kissing ain't never >> physiologically >> taking away the pain, >> but it does do something >> for your soul. Y'all got to hear what I'm saying. >> It does do something when somebody's able to empathize and get down with you and know what you've dealt with and be able to sit there and touch it and hold you and say, "It's going to be okay. I know you're hurting right now, but you got to get back on the bike. We got to try again. Come

on, let's do this. I'll stand right here. >> The reason why some of y'all can't step out in faith, >> cuz when you tried before, there was nobody there >> to soothe you. >> So, you say, "Well, I guess this is how you get hurt. >> I guess trusting God is how you get hurt." And >> what ends up happening is we try to build a life on top of this And it never works. I got nine more boxes back there that I can't bring out. >> No, I can't bring them out today cuz you

ain't handle these. You You need a You need a week to digest >> cuz some people only have one. >> How much can you build off of that? >> I protect myself. I bet you you won't get in. >> I bet you no man will hurt me again. I bet I I I I bet no one will ever take advantage of me again. Where does that rage and that anger come from? I got to protect myself. >> They didn't protect me. I'mma protect me. >> And I'm going even protect myself from the ones I love.

>> This is no way to build relationships in real life. So today, as we end this first Installment of course one, I just came to ask you, where in your life do you need God to heal, to put the relational building blocks back together in your life? You need God to see you cuz before you were formed in your mother's womb, He knew you. Yes, sir. >> You need You need God to protect you. He said, "Those who come to me, they find safety >> under the shadow of my wings. >> You need God to

secure you. Here's He's the same today, >> yesterday, >> and forever. All I'm asking you to do is rightly align your relationships." Watch this. Write this last point down. Cuz you're not just looking for someone sexy. You're looking for a solution for your soul condition. That's what relationship's about. Now That we look good in pictures, I need somebody to help me heal what I'm going through. Listen, cuz relationships are silently killed by the unrealistic expectations of the soul. You are putting your relationship health on somebody who has no ability to heal you. >> So they

will continue to fail no matter how good the sex is. >> They will continue to fail no matter how many partners you have. They will Continue to fail. And now people got this weird idea that you need multiple wives and multiple husbands. >> Guess what they're trying to do? >> They're trying to get somebody to feel the hole in their soul. And now you just confusing it cuz it's not the way he asked for us to do it. >> I'm going to take the silence as a indication that it's sitting in your soul. >> Over

the next seven weeks, we're about To build relationships that are healthy in real life. Standing all over this place. I'm going to start here tomorrow to next week. I said tomorrow. Get come back tomorrow. That's how bad I want to get this to you cuz I believe this can change everything. But we're going to start here. Everybody listen. God is your only soulmate. >> I know that's something cultural and it Could be semantics, but I'm trying to get you to think deeper about it. The only person who can actually meet the need of your soul

>> is God. >> Once you find him as your soulmate, you are now looking for your soul match. >> Natalie is my soul match. She makes me better in areas I didn't want to be better. >> Y'all got what I'm saying? She's not just what I wanted. She's what I needed. But there's also things that she will never be able to do if I don't let God be my soulmate. >> Stop trying to put your soul match where the soulmate goes. >> Does everybody hear me? >> Lift your hands all over this building. Father, in

the name of Jesus, I thank you that your word is sharper than any two-edged sword. It even separates the bone and the marrow penetrating to The soul. So today God, I'm asking you, would you do soul work on us? Would you heal my soul? Heal my mind. Heal my will. Heal my emotions. And God, build a foundation that generations will be able to stand on because I do the hard work here. Today I pray for every marriage, every person waiting, every single person that's satisfied, every person who has Been, Father God, divorced or widowed or

trying to figure out what their next season looks like. God, I'm asking that you would settle our souls, restore our souls, replenish our souls, cuz you came to seek and to save the souls that are lost. Today we take the unrealistic expectation off of anybody that is not you. And we put our hope, our faith, and our Life in you. Cuz you've given us everything we need to live a life that is godly and that pleases you. So do the surgery on the inside, God. Today, if you're under the sound of my voice and you've

never met your soulmate today, I want to introduce you to Jesus. He's the only one that can fulfill and feel the deficit that you feel. Alcohol won't do it. Guys won't do it. Drugs Won't do it. Money won't do it. We have too many examples of people who got all of that and still felt empty. Today I want to meet you what the Bible calls the lover of your soul. >> He's the one that will love your mind into healing and health and love your will. And matter of fact, he loved you. The Bible says,

"While you were yet sinners, >> he gave up his most precious son to take your place and my place so that you Could spend eternity, eternity in relationship with him." The whole thing about God is he wants to be your relationship goal. >> That's the whole thing. every sacrifice, every move, defeating death, hell, and the grave. It was so that you and him >> could have relationship. He knew that he was your only soulmate. >> So today, if you need to be seen, safe, secure, soothed, come to me all who are weary And heavy burden.

>> And guess what? He'll give you rest for your soul. He took me from being a liar, a manipulator, addicted to pornography, looking to images and people to fill up what only he could. And when I invited him in, >> he changed me from the inside out. >> I'm not a perfect man, but I'm a progressing man. He can speak to me. And I don't need anybody else >> to have relationship with my soulmate. >> Today, I want to give you that opportunity on the count of three. If you're in this room or you're watching

online, you're watching on rebroadcast, you're watching from a jail cell today. Your soulmate wants to enter into relationship with you. His name is Jesus. >> One, you're making the greatest decision of your life. Church, I need you to pray cuz somebody's life is in the balance Right now. Two, your name is going to be written in the Lamb's Book of Life, and your eternity is about to be transformed. If you want to accept Jesus, three, lift your hand up in this room or online. And I see hands going up everywhere. Transformation Church. Can we thank

God? I see you. I see you. I see you, sister. I SEE YOU, BROTHER. GLORY TO GOD. Glory to God. And if I don't see you, God sees you. And today, for the benefit, I feel the presence of God. Heaven is throwing a party over one person that gives their life to Christ. And today, I want to I want this church who is a family, nobody prays alone, would you lift your hands and just say this prayer with me? Say, God, >> God, >> thank you. >> Thank you >> for being my soulmate. >> for

being my soulmate. >> Thank you. >> Thank you >> for sending Jesus >> sending Jesus >> just for me. >> Just for me. >> Today >> Today >> I repent. >> I repent. >> And I turn to you. >> I turn to you. >> I believe you lived. >> I believe you live. >> You died. >> You died. >> And you rose again. >> You rose again. >> With all power. >> All power. >> So I could be free. >> So I could be free. >> Here's my life. >> Here's my life. >> Change me.

>> Change me. >> Renew me. >> Renew me. >> Transform me. I'm yours forever. >> I'm yours forever. >> In Jesus name. >> In Jesus. >> Transformation church. Can we celebrate? >> Oh y'all come on. THAT SHOULD BE THE LOUDEST ROAR OF THE DAY. HALLELUJAH. HEY, LISTEN. If you made that decision For Jesus, I want you to text save to 828282 and our team wants to send you some information and we want to walk with you. Everybody, please, please, please, please hear me. The next seven weeks up to Easter is so important >> for every

relationship you will ever have. Share this with your family. I'mma say stuff that you want to say and you can't say. >> Did you hear what I just said? >> I'm going to say the stuff that y'all Need to talk about, but it's hard to bring up. I'm going to talk about the things that literally are going to revolutionize the way you approach your wife, your husband, your kids, [music] everything. But you got to check in when revelation and wisdom is pouring out and your ears are closed that you will not be able to see

the impact of [music] what it could be. So I'm asking every person lock in. Watch this message again cuz some of y'all were shocked after the First point. I saw you stunned the whole time you were stuck. I need this to get in your spirit and allow Watch this. Allow yourself to sit and say, "Holy Spirit, what are you trying to speak to me through this message?" cuz I made points, but he was making points, too. >> There was things he wants to highlight in your life. Today, church, we're going to move forward. Somebody say

forward. >> Forward. >> In every one of our relationships together, but we're going to win in relationship goals in real life. God wants [music] to be your soulmate. He's the only one that can fill [music] every deficit, every hole, every space that no other person will. [music] And I can't find my relationship goals with them until I get my relationship right with him. I'm so proud of every person that have made Jesus Christ their personal Lord and Savior. [music] And if You want relationship, you can do that, too, by just inviting him in. And please

let us know. You can text save to 828282. [music] And I'm telling you, do not miss one week of this series. Matter of fact, you need to go get Relationship Goals the book. You need to read that. If you need some entertainment, you need to go watch Relationship Goals the movie. Then you need to go back and watch Relationship Goals Reloaded on YouTube cuz there's Some other stuff there. And then meet me back here and watch this message two more times before Sunday. And then get ready for [music] part two of relationship goals in real

life. Three things I'm going to ask you to do. Number one, if this [music] has helped you in any way, Transformation Nation, would you share it? Would you actually let other people know about the transformation that has taken place in you? Because transformation begins with Invitation. Number two, if you're ever in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area or close, come to church, man. We would love to meet you in person and see you and be able [music] to literally excitedly welcome you into a place that God has built for people from all over the world to come

and be transformed. And number three, [music] if this ministry has blessed you in any way, would you pray about giving? And whatever God tells you to give, give that because it's helping Us go into the prisons, [music] helping us go into the mission field, helping us to bring excellence to the kingdom in brand new ways. And we're just so excited about people meeting God and being transformed in Christ. Until next week, y'all, go out and live a transformed life. Peace.