you want us to pay tribute Ambassador Chen's eyebrow arched so high it threatened to escape Earth's gravity well the galactic Council representative a gelatinous blob with far too many ey stocks wobbled in what passed for a nod indeed esteemed Earthling all species must contribute to the greater good of the Galaxy Chen glanced at her Aid who was clearly trying not to laugh she cleared her throat and what pre tell would this tribute entail oh nothing too strenuous The Blob gurgled just 30% of your planet's resources annually there was a moment of silence then Chen burst
out laughing the kind of laugh that starts in your belly and works its way up the kind that makes dictators nervous and accountants reach for their calculators I'm sorry she wheezed wiping a tear from her eye I thought you said 30% the blob's eye stock swiveled in confusion I did is there a problem Chen's Aid leaned in ma'am I think they're serious oh I know they're serious Jake that's what makes it so so damn funny she turned back to the blob let me get this straight you want us Humanity the species that turned mutually assured
destruction into a foreign policy to just hand over a third of our stuff The Blob wobbled again it is the way of things all species contribute uh-huh and what do we get in return a fancy membership card a bumper sticker that says I paid tribute and all I got was this lousy force field the blob's color shift shifted to a deeper purple you receive the protection and benefits of the galactic Council of course Chen leaned back in her chair a smirk playing on her lips you know we have a word for that kind of arrangement
back on Earth several actually but let's go with protection racket for now Jake coughed discreetly Ambassador perhaps we should consider nope Chen cut him off I've got this she stood up straightening her jacket all right Blobby mcbob face here's Humanity's official response to your demand for tribute The Blob leaned forward expectantly eye stalks quivering Chen's grin was sharp enough to cut diamond no the silence that followed was deafening the blob's purple deepened to an alarming shade of oberen no it sputtered but but you can't just say no watch me Chen replied heading for the door
no nine non NE may you I should I continue in more languages or did you get the message The Blob was practically vibrating now this is UN precedented the consequences will be fascinating I'm sure Chen interrupted but here's the thing about humans we don't do well with bullies whether they're on the playground or in the Galaxy you want resources let's talk trade you want cooperation we're all ears but tribute hard pass as they left the chamber Jake whispered ma'am are you sure that was wise they could have vastly Superior technology weapons Chen's laugh echoed down
the corridor J Jake my dear boy do you know what happens when you back a human into a corner we don't cower we innovate we adapt and then we come out swinging she paused a twinkle in her eye besides did you see how many ey stocks that thing had imagine how much they'll spend on contact lenses alone trust me we'll be fine as they boarded their ship alarms began blaring across the galactic Council station apparently Humanity's response was causing quite the stir Chen set into her seat A Satisfied smile on her face you know Jake
I have a feeling we've just changed the game the Galaxy won't know what hit it Jake buckled in shaking his head ma'am with all due respect you're insane probably Chen agreed cheerfully but so is demanding tribute from a species that once decided to Nuke itself for science now let's go home and prepare for our grand Galactic debut I hear space operas are all the rage these days as their ship detached from the station Chen couldn't help but laugh the galactic Council had no idea what they just Unleashed Humanity was coming and they were bringing their
particular brand of chaos with them as Chen and Jake's ship zipped through the inky void of space the ambassador's Comm unit suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree she glanced at it then at Jake her eyebrows raised in mock surprise well well well it seems our new Galactic friends are quite persistent who would have thought Jake leaned over to peek at the flashing screen 17 urgent messages in the last 5 minutes that's got to be some kind of record Chen snorted please that's nothing compared to my inbox after I suggested replacing the un's coffee machine
with a tea kettle she tapped the Comm unit and a holographic image of a very flustered looking alien appeared this one resembled nothing so much as an overgrown Fern with googly eyes Ambassador Chen the fern alien wheezed we must insist you reconsider your position the galactic Council let me guess Chen interrupted filing her nails casually the galactic council is is very disappointed in US they'll be forced to take drastic measures yada yada yada did I miss anything the fern aliens leaves rustled in agitation this is no laughing matter the council has the power to isolate
your entire solar system to cut you off from all Galactic trade routes Chen paused her nail filing looking thoughtful huh isolationism novel concept never tried that before she winked at Jake who was trying desperately to maintain a straight face you don't understand the alien cried without our advanced technology your species will Thrive Chen suggested innovate come up with even more creative ways to split atoms and or make ice cream because let me tell you buddy those two things are not mutually exclusive in human history the fern alien's eyes bulged alarmingly but but the tribute Chen
leaned forward her expression suddenly serious listen closely because I'm only going to say this once Humanity doesn't pay tribute we don't bow to bullies and we certainly don't hand over our resources because some Cosmic HOA says we should you want to trade great you want to share knowledge fantastic but the moment you try to Strongarm us you'll find out exactly why our history books are filled with stories of people telling Empires to shove it she sat back her smile returning now if you'll excuse us we have a planet to prepare for its Galactic debut I'm
thinking fireworks a laser show and maybe a few strategically placed black holes you know for Ambiance the fern alien opened its mouth or what passed for it to reply but Chen cut the connection the Hologram vanished leaving behind a blessed silence Jake cleared his throat ma'am about those black holes relax Jake it was a joke Chen paused mostly as their ship approached Earth the Blue Marble growing larger in the view screen Chen's Comm unit pinged again this time it was a message from Earth's Unified government well Chen mused scrolling through the text it seems news
of our little Galactic Kur fuffle has reached home they want a full report Jake groaned how are we going to explain this Chen's eyes twinkled with Mischief oh that's easy we'll tell them the truth Humanity just accidentally declared independence from the entire galaxy and the consequences to be determined Chen replied cheerfully but if I know humans and I like to think I do we're about to enter a new age of innovation exploration and probably some spectacularly bad Galactic fashion choices as they prepared for re-entry Chen couldn't help but feel a surge of Pride Humanity had
faced its first Galactic Challenge and responded with a resounding no it wasn't diplomacy in the traditional sense but then again when had Humanity ever done things the traditional way to the Future was uncertain possibly dangerous and definitely exciting but one thing was clear the Galaxy had no idea what it was in for Humanity was about to make its mark on the cosmos and it was going to do it in true human fashion with stubbornness creativity and just a touch of chaos buckle up Jake Chen said as Earth's atmosphere began to Glow around their ship things
are about to get interesting Jake side resigned to his fate with you at the helm Ambassador when are they not as they plunged towards home Chen couldn't help but laugh the galactic Council had demanded tribute and Humanity had answered with a single word now it was time to show the universe exactly what that word meant the Galaxy would never know what hit it as Chen and Jake's ship touched down on the landing pad at the United Earth headquarters in Geneva they were greeted by a sea of flashing cameras and shouting journalists apparently news travels fast
even across Lighty years Ambassador Chen a reporter shouted over the den is it true you told the galactic Council to shove it Chen stepped out of the ship adjusting her suit jacket with a smirk now now let's not put words in my mouth I merely suggested they reconsider their fiscal policy with extreme prejudice another voice piped up are we at war with the Galaxy at War Chen chuckled please we're barely on speaking terms it's like a galactic cold shoulder but with more tentacles and fewer drunk texts as they made their way through the crowd Jake
leaned in and whispered ma'am maybe we should be a bit more diplomatic Chen patted his shoulder Jake my boy diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip trust me I'm being plenty diplomatic they entered the grand hall of the uq where the world's leaders had gathered for an emergency session the room fell silent as Chen took the podium all eyes fixed on the woman who had essentially flipped off an entire Galactic Civilization she cleared her throat ladies gentlemen and variations thereupon I
bring news from the stars the good good news is we're not alone in the universe the bad news is our new neighbors are about as pleasant as that Uncle who always asks to borrow money at Family reunions a murmur ran through the crowd Chen held up a hand for silence now I know what you're thinking Chen you magnificent bastard what have you gotten us into this time well let me tell you we're on the brink of The Greatest Adventure in human history the galactic Council thought they could push us around demand tribute like we're some
cos MC vassel state but here's the thing about humans we don't do well with bullies whether they're on the playground or on Proxima centor B she paused letting her words sink in we have two choices we can cave to their demands hand over our resources and become just another Cog in their Galactic machine or her eyes gleamed we can do what humans do best innovate adapt and show the universe exactly why you don't mess with a species that invented both the atomic bomb and the Snuggie in the the same Century the room erupted in cheers
and Applause Chen waited for it to die down before continuing I propose operation Cosmic chaos we'll Advance our technology strengthen our defenses and prepare for whatever the Galaxy throws at us but more importantly we'll do it our way with Ingenuity with humor and with style she grinned let's show these aliens what humanity is really made of who's with me the response was deafening as Chen stepped down from the podium world leaders rushed to shake her hand pledging their support for this audacious plan Jake sidled up to her looking both impressed and terrified operation Cosmic chaos
really Chen Shrugged would you prefer project Galactic middle finger because that was my second choice as they made their way out of the hall Chen's Comm unit pinged again it was another message from the galactic Council this time marked final warning she glanced at it then at Jake a mischievous glint in her eye you know what I think it's time we sent a message of Our Own Jake groaned do I want to know probably not but you're going to find out anyway Chen tapped her Comm unit composing a reply dear Galactic Council regarding your demand
for tribute how about we counter offer with a cultural exchange we'll send you all seven seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and you leave us alone for the next millennium deal before Jake could stop her she hit send as they walked out into the Swiss Sunshine Chen couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement Humanity had faced it first Galactic Challenge and come out swinging the future was uncertain full of potential dangers and wonders alike but one thing was clear it was going to be one hell of a ride come on Jake she said
slinging an arm around her aidid's shoulders we've got a Galaxy to conquer or befriend or thoroughly confuse I haven't decided yet in the weeks that followed Earth became a hive of activity operation Cosmic chaos was in full swing and Humanity was rising to the challenge with its trademark blend of ingenuity absurdity and caffeine fueled all nighters Chen found herself in the middle of it all bouncing from one emergency meeting to another today's agenda deciding on Earth's official Galactic Anthem because if you're going to thumb your nose at an entire Cosmic Community you might as well
have a catchy tune to do it to no absolutely not Chen said pinching the bridge of her nose we are not using we will rock you as Earth's Galactic Anthem a disappointed murmur ran through the room Jake leaned in whispering but ma'am The Stomp stomping and clapping could really intimidate the aliens Chen shot him a look Jake we're trying to assert our independence not start an Intergalactic Mosh Pit just then her Comm unit buzzed it was a message from Dr Patel head of Earth's newly formed extraterrestrial Technologies division Ambassador you need to see this now
10 minutes later Chen and Jake were standing in a lab that looked like the love child of NASA and Wily Wonka's chocolate factory Dr Patel a small woman with wild hair and Wilder eyes was prac Ally bouncing with excitement we've done it she exclaimed gesturing to a device that resembled a disco ball having an identity crisis we've reverse engineered their communication technology Chen raised an eyebrow from what we've had exactly one conversation with them and it mostly consisted of me saying no in various languages Dr Patel grinned oh we didn't need their Tech we just
needed to know what was possible once we knew faster than light communication existed it was just a matter of time before we figured it out ourselves and the disco ball aesthetic oh that's just for fun and to confuse any spies no one suspects the disco ball Chen nodded sagely of course classic misdirection so what can this thing do Dr Patel's grin widened it can tap into the galactic council's communication Network we can EES drop on their channels send messages maybe even hack their space Facebook they have space Facebook no idea but if they do we'll
find it check Chen clapped her hands together excellent work doctor now let's see what our Cosmic friends are up to shall we as Dr Patel fired up the device the lab filled with a cacophony of alien languages Jake's eyes widened is that are they gossiping about us Chen leaned in listening intently after a moment she burst out laughing oh this is Rich apparently we've become the bad boys of the Galaxy the species your Cosmic parents warn you about Dr Patel looked concerned is that good oh it's perfect Chen replied a wicked glint in her eye
you know what happens when you tell teenagers not to do something they immediately want to do it I bet we'll have alien tourists lining up to visit the dangerous humans in No Time Jake frowned Jake but what about the galactic Council they're still demanding tribute Chen waved a hand dismissively let them demand thanks to Dr Patel here we're now 10 steps ahead they think they're dealing with with a primitive species but little do they know she trailed off lost in thought for a moment then slowly a grin spread across her face it was the kind
of grin that had preceded some of Humanity's greatest triumphs and most spectacular disasters Dr Patel she said how would you like to send a message to the entire galaxy the scientists eyes lit up what did you have in mind Chen's grin widened oh nothing much just a little invitation to the greatest party the universe has ever seen Jake groaned ma'am are you suggesting we throw a galactic keger Jake my boy Chen replied slinging an arm around his shoulders I'm suggesting we show the cosmos exactly what humanity is capable of with music with laughter with our
weird Earth foods that will probably give half the aliens indigestion she turned to Dr Patel fire up that disco ball doctor it's time to send out some invitations as the scientist began tapping away at her console Chen couldn't help but feel a surge of pride Humanity had faced its first Galactic Challenge and instead of cowering they'd risen to the occasion in true human fashion with a mix of defiance Innovation and a healthy dose of hold my beer and watch this as it turned out throwing a galactic keger was slightly more complicated than Chen had anticipated
for one thing there were the logistics of accommodating beings from across the cosmos each with their own atmospheric gravitational and dietary needs then there was the small matter of making sure the party didn't AC entally trigger an Interstellar incident or worse a dance off that could destabilize the fabric of SpaceTime itself but if there's one thing humans excel at it's rising to ridiculous challenges 3 months after operation Cosmic chaos began Earth was ready for its debut on the galactic stage the entire solar system had been transformed into the universe's most eclectic block party Chen stood
on the observation deck of the newly constructed space station party central watching as the first alien ships began to arrive well Jake said nervously adjusting his bow tie I guess it's too late to cancel Chen grinned Jake my boy the part's just getting started now remember your briefing no matter what happens just smile and offer them a drink preferably one that won't dissolve their insides as if on Q a ship that looked like a giant glittering seahorse docked at the station the airlock hissed open revealing a delegation of beings that seemed to be made entirely
of shimmering light Chen stepped forward armed wide welcome to Earth's solar system shindig I'm Ambassador Chen and this is the coolest party in the Galaxy literally in some areas watch out for the rings of Saturn there are cosmic cooler the light beings flickered in what might have been confusion or Amusement one of them stepped forward its voice sounding like Windchimes in a breeze we received your invitation the galactic Council said we shouldn't come but but you couldn't resist could you Chen winked don't worry your secret's safe with us now can I interest you in some
of Earth's finest Cuisine we've got everything from Molecular Gastronomy to deep fried butter on a stick as Chen led the bewildered light beings towards the food court more ships arrived there were blob likee creatures that seemed to communicate through interpretive dance six armed entities that looked like they'd stepped out of a surrealist painting and even a group that appeared to be sentient clouds of gas Chen made a mental note to keep them away from the candle lit areas the party was in full swing when Jake rushed up to Chen his eyes wide ma'am we've got
a situation the galactic council's here Chen's eyebrows shot up well well looks like the stick in the muds decided to crash our party after all this should be interesting she made her way to the main Docking Bay where a Sleek ominous looking ship had just arrived the doors opened and out stepped The gelatinous Blob with too many eye stocks the very same one who had demanded tribute all those months ago Ambassador Chen The Blob gurgled its tone a mix of anger and confusion what is the meaning of this this party Chen supplied helpfully celebration Cosmic
hooton Annie take your pick the blob's eye stock swiveled in agitation this is a violation of at least 17 Galactic Council regulations you were supposed to be isolated cut off from from what Chen interrupted from the rest of the Galaxy from the chance to make friends exchange ideas share a drink or to sorry but that's not really our style she gestured around at the diverse crowd of aliens many of whom were watching the exchange with interest some were even recording it on devices that look suspiciously like space smartphones you see Chen continued when you tried
to bully us into submission you made one crucial mistake you assumed we'd either cower in fear or lash out in anger but here's the thing about humans we're endlessly adaptable you gave us lemons we made lemonade and then we invited the whole galaxy over to try it the blob seemed to deflate slightly but the trick tribute Chen's expression softened look I get it the Galaxy's a big place and someone's got to keep things running smoothly but that doesn't mean squeezing every new species for all their worth how about instead of tribute we talk about cooperation
cultural exchange heck we'll even throw in free dance lessons trust me you look like you could use them for a moment The Blob was silent then slowly one of its eye stocks extended towards a passing tray of ordures what what are these ah Chen grinned those would be Minik kishes Earth delicacy want to try one as the blob cautiously sampled the kiche Chen couldn't help but feel a sense of Triumph they'd done it they'd taken a threat of isolation and turned it into the Galaxy's biggest mixer you know she said to Jake who had been
watching the whole exchange with a mix of awe and resignation I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship or at least a really interesting diplomatic relationship Jake nodded a smile finally breaking through his Perpetual worry I have to admit ma'am you've outdone yourself this time Chen laughed oh Jake we're just getting started now if you'll excuse me I think I see some sentient crystals who look like they could use a lesson in the Electric Slide as she made her way through the crowd Chen couldn't help but feel a surge of Pride Humanity
had faced its first Galactic Challenge and responded in true human fashion with creativity Defiance and a part party for the ages as the party raged on Words spread across the Galaxy faster than a supernova Earth the little blue marble that could had become the hottest destination this side of the Andromeda aliens of all shapes sizes and states of matter were clamoring for invitations and the galactic Council found itself in the awkward position of trying to maintain its Authority while also angling for VIP passes 6 months into Earth's Grand Galactic debut Chen found herself in a
meeting that would have been Unthinkable half a year ago she sat at a table with representatives from a dozen different species including the blob whose name she'd Learned was actually zorbx and a being made entirely of living math equations so Chen said leaning back in her chair I think we can all agree that this whole tribute business is off the table the question is where do we go from here zor's eye stocks drooped slightly the galactic Council has reconsidered its position perhaps our initial approach was overzealous Chen snorted that's one word for it I can
think of a few others but most of them would melt your translator the living math equation chimed in its voice sounding like a calculator having an existential crisis Earth's approach to Galactic integration has been unconventional but effective our calculations show a 73.6% increase in interspecies cooperation since your party began see Chen grinned never underestimate the Diplomatic power of a good DJ and an open bar as the meeting progressed it became clear that Earth had inadvertently stumbled upon a new form of Galactic diplomacy one based not on intimidation or tribute but on cultural exchange shared experiences
and the universal language of having a good time we propose zorbach said iocks quivering with What Might Have Been excitement a new role for Earth in the galactic Community as as Intergalactic party planners Jake suggested from his spot behind Chen Chen shot him a look but then paused considering you know what why not earth as the Galaxy's official meet and greet Hub we've got the experience the enthusiasm and let's face it the best music in at least three spiral arms the other Representatives murmured in agreement even the living math equation seemed to vibrate with approval
as the meeting concluded and the various aliens filed out Jake turned to Chen ma'am do you realize what you've just done you've turned Earth from a potential gal IC Pariah into the cosmic equivalent of of Studio 54 Chen supplied helpfully Jake blinked I was going to say the United Nations but sure let's go with that Chen laughed slinging an arm around her Aid's shoulders Jake my boy we've done more than that we've shown the Galaxy that Humanity isn't just some Backwater species to be pushed around we're a force to be reckoned with in diplomacy in
Innovation and yes in throwing one hell of a party as they walked out onto a balcony overlooking the sprawling space station Chen couldn't help but feel a sense of Pride below them aliens of all descriptions mingled danced and engaged in what appeared to be an Interstellar limbo contest you know Chen mused when I took this job I never imagined I'd end up as the Galaxy's Premier event coordinator Jake chuckled to be fair ma'am I don't think anyone could have predicted this Chen's Cal unit buzzed she glanced at it and burst out laughing oh this is
Rich the galactic Council wants to know if we can host their annual conference apparently our vibrant atmosphere and unique approach to Intergalactic relations make us the perfect venue Jake's eyes widened are we going to do it Chen's grin was answer enough oh we're going to do it all right and we're going to throw the biggest boldest most outrageous conference the galaxy has ever seen I'm thinking laser light shows zero gravity dance floors and maybe a cosmic karaoke contest as they began to plan Chen couldn't help but reflect on how far they'd come from facing isolation
to becoming the heart of Galactic social life Humanity had once again proven its incredible adaptability the universe had demanded tribute and Humanity had answered with a party now as Earth prepared to host the Galaxy's most prestigious event it was clear that this was just the beginning of Humanity's Cosmic adventure and if the rest of the Galaxy thought they'd seen everything Humanity had to offer well they were in for one hell of a surprise because if there's one thing humans excel at it's outdoing themselves as Earth geared up to host the galactic council's annual conference the
entire solar system buzzed with anticipation Humanity true to form had decided to go big or go home and since home was already hosting the event they went astronomical Chen found herself in the middle of what could only be described as organized chaos the conference planning committee a mly crew of humans and Aliens had taken over an entire floor of party central no no no Chen said ing the bridge of her nose we can't have the arcturian fire dancers next to the venusian ice sculptors did none of you pay attention in elementary thermodynamics Jake who had
somehow ended up in charge of catering looked up from his tablet ma'am we've got another issue the andromedans are insisting on bringing their own food apparently they only eat Dark Matter Chen blinked dark matter as in the stuff that makes up most of the universe but we can't actually see or interact with that's the one well Chens side I guess we're adding impossible physics to the menu see if you can get Dr Patel on it if anyone can figure out how to serve the unseeable it's her just then a harried looking intern burst into the
room Ambassador we've got a situation the galactic council's Advanced team is here and they're well Chen raised an eyebrow they're what demanding tribute trying to assimilate our potted plants come on spit it out the intern took a deep breath there impressed very impressed and a little scared I think Chen's face split into a wide grin perfect that's exactly where we want them Jake come on let's go greet our guests as they made their way to the docking bay chen couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in less than a year Humanity had gone from
Galactic nobodies to the talk of the cosmos and now they were about to host the biggest Interstellar event this side of the Big Bang the galactic council's Advanced team turned out to be a group of beings that looked like they'd been designed by a committee of abstract expressionists with a fondness for geometry their leader a tetrahedral entity that shimmered with an inner light floated forward Ambassador Chen it said its voice resonating like Crystal we must say we are overwhelmed by your preparations Chen smiled well we aim to please and occasionally to confuse sometimes both at
the same time can I interest you in a tour as they showed the advanced team around Chen could see the mixture of all in trepidation in their multifaceted eyes or what passed For Eyes the zerogravity ballroom the quantum entanglement communication Hub The Intergalactic petting zoo featuring creatures so bizarre they made platypuses look positively mundane each new Wonder seemed to both impress and unnerve their guests and this Chen said gesturing grandly is our piece to resistance the cosmic karaoke Arena the tetrahedral being tilted slightly which Chen had Learned was their equivalent of a confused head tilt
karaoke we are not familiar with this concept Chen's grin widened oh you're in for a treat it's a earth tradition you pick a song the music plays and you sing along it's great fun especially after a few drinks but why the being seemed genuinely perplexed why Chen laughed for the sheer Joy of it for the chance to make a fool of yourself in front of your friends and colleagues for the opportunity to belt out I will survive at the top of your lungs while the fate of the Galaxy hangs in the balance the advanced team
exchanged glances or whatever passed for glances among their kind finally the leader spoke again Ambassador Chen we must confess when we first encountered your species we thought you were primitive unready for the galactic stage but now Chen raised an eyebrow now now we're not sure if the Galaxy is ready for you Chen threw her head back and laughed oh my crystallin friend that's the nicest thing anyone said to me all day trust me the Galaxy doesn't know what it's in for as the tour concluded and the advanced team prepared to leave Chen couldn't help but
feel a surge of excitement the conference was going to be unlike anything the Galaxy had ever seen it would be chaotic it would be confusing and it would be utterly uniquely human you know Jake she said as they watched the alien ship depart I think we might have just redefined galactic diplomacy Jake nodded a rare smile on his face indeed ma'am who knew that the key to Interstellar peace was a good party and a karaoke machine Chen grinned well we've got a week until the main event let's make sure it's a conference they'll never forget
after all we've got a reputation to uphold now as they turned back to the countless tasks still ahead Chen couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation the Galaxy had demanded tribute and Humanity had answered with a party now they were were about to show the cosmos what a real Earth style shindig looked like the universe would never be the same and honestly that was exactly how Chen liked it
