what you're in when you get into that relationship feels like the brainwashing the indoctrination the confusion the dehumanization the invalidation and the utter stealing of identity that can often characterize a narcissistically abusive relationship I've been doing some research on pyramid schemes recently um and I was like wait a minute I'm reading about this and everything I'm reading about here is a narcissistic relationship so our narcissistic relationship and pyramid scheme synonymous drop your thoughts in the comments so it's this is I'm not going to just talk about pyramid schemes whether it's pyramid schemes multi-level marketing Ponzi
schemes all of these schemes all pretty much are kind of synonymous or certainly have a lot in common with narcissistic relationships they all share core ingredients with each other right making big promises to vulnerable people who believe that they will be the exception the big promises rarely come true money gets made by recruiting more people into the model in a pyramid scheme you are enrolling people into something and these are illegal and money is made from these enrollments with no Goods being sold in multi-level marketing schemes you have people recruiting people to sell merchandise but
more profit for folks in the marketing scheme is made through recruitment than sales but there actually is something being sold the people at the top of these schemes make a lot of money and people who are in the lower rungs of the pyramid are pressured to keep purchasing lots of inventory of crap that they can't sell so the people selling the stuff at the top of the pyramid are making lots of money and then the other people end up losing money in a Ponzi scheme you may actually make decent money if you get in early
and your big gains are paid through people's Investments who invest after you and so it's not really about gains in the market it's about taking other investors money and people will see those gains that someone else is getting early and want to get in those early winners become like flying monkeys who can almost serve as a recruitment tool for the hapless people who come in later and lose everything in a Ponzi scheme if you wait too long to get your money out then you're out of luck the Ponzi scheme will always ultimately fail and then
your money is gone most people are losers in these schemes I think we can confidently say though that all pyramid schemes and similar Ventures are all similar to narcissistic relationships if you understand narcissism then you should understand why getting involved in any of these schemes is a bad idea because they are founded on the same principles as all narcissistic relationships which also always fail those principles include love bombing charm and Charisma offensives future faking gaslighting manipulation fears of ostracism or being alone playing on non vulnerabilities and taking no responsibility lots of flying monkey type stuff
and then these schemes and narcissistic people merely move on to the next victim who is even often more vulnerable than the original people who were harmed so if you have been caught in a pyramid scheme or in an MLM scheme that left you financially rung out or in a Ponzi scheme you may not have known it but you've been in a narcissistic relationship so let's start with the love bombing of it all mostly this consists of telling you that you are made you are just made to be an independent business owner or would be an
absolutely brilliant salesperson or that you're some kind of inspiration to other people in some cases the love bombing consists of them playing hard to get Bernie maid did that right saying hm not sure if you have quite enough money to invest with me and the person is almost begging the invest the person with the investment is begging for the Ponzi schemer to take their money it's again a very common narcissistic play of Love bombing by being slippery or playing hard to get but this love bombing means that they often hang shiny things in front of
people you're going to be so rich you were made to be rich people don't see how great you are but we do if you've never heard that kind of encouragement in your life or you are in a dead end or soulless job hearing these kinds of things can feel really compelling next up are the charm and the Charisma right CH you know me I think they're actually really unsettling qualities but many times the main Recruiters in these systems or the leaders of these systems are larger than life or they sell a hard luck rags to
richest story I was broke but now I drive a Rolls-Royce kind of thing or they're just really exciting and compelling to look at and listen to sometimes they are sort of caricatures they look sort of weirdly artificial but they're great and interesting to look at on stage and they definitely get attention and initially if it's not the head of the whole dog and pony show that is so charismatic but some of the recruiters are really charming and charismatic you get it you see where this is going but I'm to say so in the dark corner
of the world that I have to live in charm and Charisma are dangerous you know how I feel about it but at the top of the schemes we see that this is what those people present as then all of these pyramid schemes are characterized by Future faking you're going to make more money one day than you ever imagined you're going to have a this fancy car you're going to have this kind of new lifestyle there'll be testimonials from people who've claimed to make it big and now be independently well off giving their families all kinds
of new opportunities without ever having to leave the house and just working a few hours a day if only you keep at it then down the road that's what's coming the future faking may also show up as incentives you could get like prizes and funfilled conventions with A-list entertainers or vacations and these are often shared on public platforms like social media look what you have to look forward to so people keep scamming their own friends to buy crap they don't need or get recruited into systems that they aren't good for them so they can go
on one of these called D vacations the promise of down thee line returns is what people keeps people hooked into these schemes and the more clever schemes may actually result in a person who's early on making some decent money up front but then the pressure becomes for a person to for example buy more and more inventory or recruit more and more people by now people may quit may have K quit their jobs or become reliant on the money they thought they were going to make and need to keep the whole thing rolling just like in
a narcissistic relationship where people are drawn in by the hope of the promised marriage or the house or the children or the raise or the promotion then you make the leap into the relationship with confidence that the someday better is coming and the problem is the someday never someday better never comes and of course then there's the gaslighting the Hallmark of every narcissistic relationship the clever Twist of manipulation of these kinds of pyramid-like schemes is often that when it's going well it's because of all the fantastic sales support and the community and the family and
the wonderful brand that just sells itself and because you're so well supported that's why it's going well for you your success is attributed to the Excellence of the scheme now caught up in the fever dream of your own success you attempt to recruit more and more people because you genuinely believe you're having a wonderful experience but because these are unsustainable just like all narcissistic relationships once things are no longer going as well and they won't go as well for much longer well then they blame you I guess you aren't committed enough or you're not working
hard enough or you're not manifesting enough at this point the despondency of failing and also feeling like you're being cut out of a social group you have formed with these other people can leave many people blaming themselves just like in a narcissistic relationship it's all very manipulative playing on vulnerabilities vulnerabilities can be things like people who have small children and want to be able to make money at home or bring more money into a family that might be struggling or just become more financially independent and shifting blame and running hot and cold being so seductive
to get you in but so cold and detached when for example you might ask for money back on unsold inventory or raise concerns about the business model and then there's the playing upon the universal fear of being alone and the sense of isolation now you may not see this as much with a Ponzi scheme but certainly in pyramid and multi-level marketing structures the social piece is often the hook for people the idea that people are cheering you on and you belong to something actually plays on one of the most compelling needs that a human being
could have but like any good narcissistic relationship if you know I don't mean good and good like any narcissistic relationship the power comes from being able to pull back the narcissist being able to pull back so just as you feel like you have your new people they'll all disappear if you aren't staying as part of the scheme they were never in it for you it was all about the cult-like recruitment this also relates to flying monkeys the people who are still on the inside of the scheme who will shame you and blame you after all
they are still Believers and unless you know what you are dealing with you may doubt yourself if you aren't performing or you want out of the whole pyramid scheme system well the social stuff will also evaporate from your life along with your exit or you're wanting to make it right and that as anyone who has ever lost a family or a social group when they ended a narcissistic relationship is a tremendous source of grief the not taking responsibility is also a thing now none of these systems are going to tell you oh hey come on
in join this new business it's a pyramid scheme obviously they're not going to do that or it wouldn't work so when the time comes that a person decides they want out because they've sunk so much money into the mess and they're on the verge of losing their home or losing their savings then the company and the people involved with the company will blame the person who wants out for not believing in the company and for not taking any responsibility themselves or for not being good enough the company these schemes will watch people lose their Home
Savings everything and still blame them yep just like a narcissistic relationship it's never them is it fact is though it usually is them and of course if you are watching someone get sucked into one of these systems and you try to stop them they will often be in denial just like if you were watching someone in a narcissistic relationship sadly people often don't see it until they are harmed all you can do is warn a person and then try to be a shoulder to cry on these are systems that are well honed and take advantage
of all of the vulnerabilities to a narcissistic relationship another thing that is heartbreaking is that often these schemes can Prey Upon people who are actually quite empathic who then have to live live with the pain of knowing that they sucked other people close to them into this money losing Endeavor even in the best intentioned way and may feel responsible now remember the people running the whole pyramid system don't care but the people who do have the empathy are often even more wrecked knowing that someone else was harmed by getting sucked into these systems then the
schemes move on to a new Target that's what narcissistic people do they need endless supply and validation so they have no empathy they don't care finding new targets is natural for them in these pyramid types of schemes it's not unusual for them to start spreading to other regions of the world or to groups that may not yet be on to them once a narcissistic person has burned enough bridges in one place they may relocate same thing and and just like with almost all narcissistic relationships and all pyramid type schemes most people make nothing and a
lot of people lose a lot there are very few winners in narcissistic relationships and there are very few winners when it comes to these pyramid likee systems keep that in mind and as with narcissistic relationships if it sounds like it's too good to be true than than it probably is so let's talk about that narcissistic relationship sort of cult Association so let's talk a little bit about what happens to somebody in a cult now a cult can be small can be a few people sort of gathered around one sort of really charismatic creepy leader could
be something really big that might even tout itself as an organized religion or a cult that you know we've seen tragic cult stories if we think of the story of Jonestown where you know nearly a thousand people were found dead in a murder suicide situation so Cults can be tragic places but let's think about what a cult leader does a cult leader wins over prospective members by seeking out people who are either vulnerable or frankly quite idealistic remember what I've said on prior videos it's often the people who come from really happy families that are
often vulnerable to the dangers of narcissistic abuse because they truly believe in saving the world through love and giving Second Chances and forgiveness and you know what happens when you give a narcissist Second Chances and forgiveness so a cult leader is very clear on how they groom people they look for people again who are vulnerable maybe through histories of trauma histories of neglect um histories of narcissistic and toxic parents or they find people who are a little bit too idealistic to sort of always always be safe in the world and then they groom them more
through an experience that looks eerily like love bombing the cult leader will tell them they are special they are chosen they are about to embark on a journey of understanding that very few will and that they are one of the few special enough to understand their teachings to be able to integrate them and then might make even grandios and delus Promises of eternal life life on another planet life and knowledge that exists at an absolutely Supernatural level but grandiosity is the theme the cult leader himself may also be quite grandiose I'm saving the world I'm
smarter than everybody in the world that's why you're smart because you are smart enough to follow my smartness so now you're drawn in you're made to feel incredibly special special in smaller Cults the cult leader may even take the time to really get to know you as an individual they may even be very seductive make you feel so special seduce you into sexual acts that you may not even feel comfortable with but that will be written off as how lucky are you to be with me and you'll believe it because everyone else is blindly following
they start to feel like the flying monkeys slowly but surely you get you fit more more and more of your life around the cult the cult leader will tell you cut out those people in your life if they're not smart enough to see your way you're too good for them come on over you don't need them you don't need the toxic voices of the world and you'll notice that while some cult and cultish religions can take place right on a busy street for example in LA or something some of them may actually take place in
rather remote places where it's hard for them to get in touch cult leaders will do things like take phones take computers make people change their names their identities cancel forwarding addresses make it harder and harder for people to find them and say to them you're lucky because you get to be in this special place with all of us we are the special people we are the chosen so then you go on to the next step once the cult leader clearly has you in then the cult leader May demand and that you start dressing in a
different way wearing sometimes very plain or maybe even very inappropriate kinds of costuming uniforms sometimes these uniforms can be militaristic sometimes they can be very simple and almost asexual but whatever they are they start making everyone in the cult start looking the same in other words now they're controlling your appearance once they've got you fully controlled and fully indoctrinated the cult leader will start to lose interest they will get distant they will then expect nothing but blind obedience and if you think that all that familiarity you might have had with them in the beginning means
anything they will actually cast you off be harsh dismissive and invalidating and it can feel really confusing to be demeaned and then discarded now God forbid you decide that this doesn't feel good anymore I miss my family family I miss my friends I want to go in some Cults it would be downright violence that would keep you there but more often than not it would be psychological control instead of being told you're the chosen at this point you'll be told that you're damaged you don't fit into the world anymore do you think they really want
you had they wanted you they would have come looking for you they manipulate they Gaslight and they twist the truth so you stick around where else are you going to go and you blindly and depressedly go along with the work of the cult having given up your identity having G having given up any sense of reality having given up your aspirations having given up the other people you love and literally becoming almost entirely melded with the cult leader and the cult Leader's purpose because now you've been brainwashed and told no one else would want you
anyhow in some cases Cults end in an absolute absolute disaster think wakeo think Jonestown there are lots of Cults out there still in practice those Cults continue to isolate people to tragic consequence I've had the clinical privilege of working with clients who are leaving or have left Cults and it is a gradual gentle work of bringing them back to what wonderful people they are and give them back the identity that the cult stole from them now take a minute and every time I said cult and every time I said cult leader substitute it with narcissist
doesn't it sound the same love bombing telling you you're special isolating you from the world telling you to change your appearance maybe pushing physical experiences too quickly winning you over making you feel special and as soon as they have you indoctrinated and trapped discarded if you try to leave they Hoover you through emotional control they use flying monkeys to do their work and then when you finally do try to leave it's a harrowing harrowing process that can leave many people wrecked a relationship with a narcissist is like a cult of one and there may be
other people in their cult family members they've brainwashed maybe even your own family members they've brainwashed but what you're in when you get into that relationship feels like the brainwashing the indoctrination the confusion the dehumanization ation the invalidation and the utter stealing of identity that can often characterize a narcissistically abusive relationship most people out there don't walk around saying hey I'm in a cult but I would argue that many many people who fall into narcissistically abusive relationships are experiencing all the trauma and Devastation that people who get recruited into Cults do but they don't see
it that way because it's just a relationship with one person anytime time somebody tries to mentally physically or otherwise control you in a relationship control your whereabouts control who you see or what you do that is abuse we will include in this video obviously um links to domestic violence resources for those of you who are in these kinds of controlling uh relationships so you might be able to explore getting help if you can but as much as this what this example is meant to show you is that we may look at people who are in
Cults from a distance and say that's not me that's strange don't be so sure if you're in a relationship with a narcissist a lot of things you experiencing are pretty similar so let's talk about narcissist and religion this is not religion specific it can be any religion from major world religions to whatever religion they've made up this is a question that's come to us from several of our YouTube subscribers several people on Instagram and I've gotten several emails about this they will say it is Aston astonishing to us that a narcissist will hide behind religion
let me tell you this it happens all the time and what's interesting is one of the professions that has the highest rates of narcissism is the clergy it's a very powerful position when you think of it and while we'd like to think that anyone who's devoted themselves to spirituality and faith is full of empathy unfortunately the power part is what throws that off obviously there are amazing devoted people who have devoted their lives and their careers and their calling to their religion Bravo but and this isn't just about clergy this is about how do they
use religion so let's think about it in some ways religion is a battle you can't win it's really hard to fight the Battle of w that's what God said okay I guess I guess you know Checkmate not much I can say past that but here's what narcissists often do and this is what to me is so horrifying they use religion as one more tool to rationalize their narcissistic behavior either they'll go real simple with it well that's what God says or they will do things for whatever religious community they're in a church a temple a
mosque you know whatever they call their particular religious community and and they will really be the big man around church temple mosque whatever their religious community is they'll be that or big woman they'll be that person highly devoted to the church an elder a deacon a a senior member of the the whatever that religious community is they'll be in involved in the choir they'll be involved in whatever board of directors or what there may be with a religious community and that's one way they can all but guarantee that they trick everyone but he's such a
holy man he's so involved in this church or she's such an amazing woman she's never misses a Sunday at church the hypocrisy is ging and what's angering and devastating to me is people who actually do in a meaningful way take their faith seriously so they actually take listen Maybe with a heavier ear to other people from Faith their faith-based community and that's where a narcissist is often able to take advantage like well they're so devoted to the church so how can they be a bad person they must be great I have seen narcissists use religion
to make excuses for everything from infidelity to stealing money to lying to twisting the truth to gaslighting you name it religion ends up becoming the basis of that it's a it's it's a tricky problem in our Modern Age because in many ways our hands get tied to even comfortably talk about it people are like well I really you know I don't feel comfortable calling someone out on this this is their faith and they try to be open-minded about or say I'm not in their faith-based Community I don't it's not mine to counteract and in some
ways they use their religion as a suit of armor to protect them somebody tries to call them out they'll like well you know I'm I'm I'm a very holy person I'm a very spiritual person and that takes us to a second topic which are people who walk around calling themselves deeply spiritual there are a lot of people out there who may not ascribe to a traditional religious Canon but they call themselves spiritual and whether that manifests as yoga or intentions or some other form of spiritual chanting they will do all that spiritual stuff and then
have no problem turning around lying to their family cheating on a spouse doing other deceitful things that hurt co-workers friends and family but then they'll fall back on how spiritual they are and then sometimes they'll use that spirituality or religion as a way to get out of it you know what I've done wrong I am now I have found the right path as though they're finding their right religious path is an excuse excuse for the wrongs that they have perpetrated there is no reset button on life when you hurt someone the only reset button there
is is to take real responsibility for it and not make up some kind of excuse well I'm going to go return to my spiritual core and leave out the genuine apology when somebody is evidencing the patterns associated with narcissism the lack of empathy the entitlement the admiration seeking the arrogance the the controlling nature the superficiality the grandiosity when they're evidencing that I don't care how Godly they say they are if anything it makes me even more suspicious judge a person by their behavior by their actions don't don't let them off the hook because they give
a really cleverly crafted story about how they're so close to God or whatever religious Cannon they come from when their lives are in violation of that those religious rules of order or they say one set of rules applies to them and then they take those very very stringent religious rules and they apply them to everyone else take pause take a minute and take note narcissist have this remarkable capacity of using anything as a rationalization and religion is no exception I absolutely applaud people who integrate their faith into their life in a very healthy way and
I'm respectful of all denominations and faiths the one thing I'm not respectful of is people who use religion something that's such a core and important thing to many other people who use it as an excuse and as one more weapon of hypocrisy as they go through the world and hurt other people if you've had experiences with somebody who's said who really was that person that self-righteous hyper religious or hypers spiritual person who has no problem turning around and hurting you lying to you cheating on you if you feel comfortable let us know if that happened
to you because it's happened to many people gotten in touch it's not okay
