Women aren't Attracted to "Nice Guys"

the hard truth is women aren't attracted to nice guys and I realize how bad that sounds and if you'll give me just a minute I bet I can get you to agree with me before you roast me in the comments I'm not saying women aren't attracted to genuine kindness I'm not saying women aren't attracted to men who are thoughtful and considerate and I'm certainly not saying I agree with the alpha males on here that say we should treat women with indifference or be inconsiderate towards them because that somehow makes us desirable that's against everything I

talk about on my channel so what do I mean when I say women aren't attracted to Nice Guys a nice guy in today's culture is a term to describe a type of guy who is always agreeable always accommodating he really just wants you to be happy even at his own expense he's sacrificial he's a giver he's submissive if you're happy he's happy right and you might say okay but Jimmy that doesn't sound that bad I mean we talk all the time about how we want to avoid narcissistic people isn't this the opposite of that and

the answer is kind of it's the opposite since narcissism is Extreme self- setness but nice guys fall on the other end of the Spectrum which is complete self selflessness and the hard truth is this type of selflessness isn't healthy or attractive see the nice guy isn't just avoiding confrontation he's staying silent because he's afraid of being rejected he's passive he's submissive because he often lacks self-esteem and confidence in himself or his choices and whether we want to admit it or not women can sense insecurity and when it seems like we need our worth and value

to be externally validated by them we come across as needy and that doesn't stimulate desire or arousal for most women trust me I was that nice guy for most of my life the nice guy is often suppressing his real feelings and needs because he wants to be chosen he wants to be liked I wanted to be chosen and liked I still do so don't think I'm talking down to you if you're watching this and you're a nice guy I am you this is simply the advice that I wish somebody would have told me you deserve

someone who serves you as well you deserve someone who treats you with respect and kindness and doesn't blame any of their toxic or destructive behavior on you and my guess is you often feel walked on don't you you feel taken for granted you default to them so you don't seem needy you don't want to be seen as a burden so you focus on pleasing or serving them but so often they don't reciprocate do they and then you usually look inward am I not good enough am I not worthy of someone sacrificing for me am I

not valuable to them why can't they just treat me the way I'm treating them and you slowly get resentful and I'm not saying you shouldn't expect reciprocation in your romantic relationships you should be with someone who reciprocates your efforts it takes two people putting in the work to make a relationship work and I'm certainly not saying that you should do all the work and not expect anything but it's how you expect things that makes the difference a nice guy sacrifices and pretends he's just doing it because he's nice but then when he doesn't get his

way he pouts and gets bitter that's not actual kindness with true kindness you give from a place of Love regardless of whether they give back to you but to the people who you notice never return your kindness you don't get resentful you don't pout you simply make a decision of how much time time energy attention you're willing to sacrifice for someone who has chronically shown you they aren't going to reciprocate that's called having boundaries that's maturity when we start to use our niceness as a way to feel entitled to certain behavior from someone else that's

where we Branch into manipulation and that's certainly not attractive either women want a guy who's not afraid to stand up for what he wants what he wants in a partner and life in general not in a dominating or controlling way just in a confident and assertive way one of the reasons women aren't attracted to nice guys is because they can tell that you're not being honest with them something's off they don't really know the real you because you're too scared to show up as the real you women are attracted to authenticity even if you're not

their type they would still rather know who you are so they can choose to be with you or not and I don't say any of this to discourage you I say this to encourage you you're not broken you're not flawed and you're certainly not doomed I was a nice guy I still fight the nice guy inside of myself but I'm just warning you what you think is attractive what you think women want being nice and serving them and only thinking about them is not true and it's not healthy for you because you're going to find

yourself in one of two situations as a selfless Giver one you're going to attract a taker maybe they're a narcissist maybe they're just self-centered maybe they're an addict and you're going to bond to them and you'll spend months or years wondering how to get them to treat you better and you'll either focus on trying to change them or wondering why you're not good enough but the only thing you won't do is leave because deep down you're not sure that you could do any better or you feel like you would be abandoning them right takers always

make you feel like you're abandoning them without ever acknowledging that the way they show up in relationships by taking advantage of you unintentional or not is already a form of them abandoning you they've abandoned you for years they've broken trust in large and small ways for years haven't they but you're so good at giving them the benefit of the doubt and forgiving them you don't even hold them accountable for those ruptures or option number two you're going to find yourself a regular partner perfectly capable of having a romantic relationship with but after seeing your pattern

of people pleasing she just won't feel that spark with you and she'll move on and it'll confirm your fears maybe I'm not good enough right I mean what could I have done more I did everything a woman could ever wanted but that's not actually true because the vast majority of women except for narcissistic ones don't want a doormat they don't want someone who doesn't stand up for themselves they don't want someone who plates them they don't want someone submissive they want someone who challenges them they want someone who is an equal in this relationship they

want a partner you want you know what women find attractive authenticity and assertiveness even someone who is a jerk is at least showing up authentically right I'm not saying you should be a jerk please don't be a jerk but I am saying one of the reasons we have all these alpha males on here saying that if you were a jerk to women that they still find you attractive is because of this principle a jerk doesn't need her to stay in order to feel valuable they won't bend over backwards to get someone to stay with them

they are who they are and if you don't want to be with them then move on and yes to a lot of unhealed women that's actually attractive because it touches on their core wounds of not feeling enough and having to earn love and acceptance similar to how nice guys tend to find themselves with dominant or narcissistic women now the problem with that theory is of course that the jerk ends up miserable in the end too because nobody wants to stay with a jerk so the goal certainly isn't that level of arrogance the goal is simply

learning about what it looks like for you to show up authentically and assertively instead of fearful and passively because if there's one thing that women are turned off by it's being passive now they aren't attracted to self-centeredness longterm either so you have to find that balance here's the balance imagine that you're on a first date you asked her out and she said yes you don't text her 50 times say is this place okay I mean would you be okay with this can we go here or what would you like to do no you just say

I'm excited to take you here unless you have an objection does 8:00 work for you what does that show her it shows her that you can make a plan you can be assertive you can still be considerate but you're also taking charge you're showing her I got this let me take the lead on this and do something for you you're also allowing her into your inner World a little bit you're saying I can't wait to do this thing with you I'm excited about going and I want you to be a part of that excitement with

me that's attractive and it's normal of course when we start dating someone that we like we want it to continue but there's a big difference between showing up and being our authentic self expressing who we are and what we believe in and hoping that this will be a good fit versus trying to do anything we can to make it fit because I spent my whole dating life trying to make it fit and and then wondering why I wasn't really feeling fulfilled I spent my whole dating life serving and wondering why I felt so taken advantage

of I spent my whole dating life wanting to be chosen instead of actually asking myself do I even like this person or do I just want them to like me I spent my whole dating life subconsciously asking how can I make them happy and never asking myself why do I continue dating someone who doesn't prioritize my happiness which one of those questions is from a place of maturity and self-worth and which one of them is from a place of fear and insecurity because I'm certainly not saying that it's easy but you have to conquer your

fear of rejection because I can promise you rejection isn't what should scare you what should scare you is the fact that you're trying to be a chameleon and a suffering servant and putting your needs aside and abandoning yourself in order not to be abandoned that's what's setting you on a path towards failure not occasionally being rejected it's normal and natural to go through lots of dates where you both come to the conclusion I just don't think we're right for each other what shouldn't be normal is you try to work really hard figuring out how to

get people to stay with you that aren't actually right for you that's a recipe for disaster trust me women are naturally attracted to confidence not arrogance confidence confident men don't mind speaking up about their feelings needs or desires confident men don't need constant reassurance or external validation from another person to feel valuable and worthy of kindness and respect confident men aren't entirely conflict avoidant like I was they can speak up and advocate for themselves or others that doesn't mean mean they need to go looking for a fight but when conflict comes their way they don't

run from it they can stand their ground they can speak up respectfully about what's important to them and they can stand up for their partner there's not a woman alive that doesn't want their partner to stand up for them if someone else is mistreating them that's not being arrogant that's being assertive and confident and that's attractive confident men don't mind talking about their boundaries these are their non-negotiables these are my limits these are my guard rails I'm not controlling anyone else these are just my boundaries because the is we all have boundaries we all have

non-negotiables the question is are you able to articulate them or do you just try to suppress them because you believe if you spoke up people would reject you because the truth is by not speaking up they're already rejecting you because they're going to walk all over you another attractive quality is the ability to take accountability now nice guys almost get this right but they miss the mark they apologize too quickly and too often for things that they didn't do right they over apologize that's not the same as taking accountability taking accountability doesn't include shame SP

oh I'm such a terrible person you should just break up with me and it also doesn't include being responsible for someone else's feelings you're right I made you mad no the goal isn't walking on eggshell the goal is simply taking responsibility for what you could have done better and understanding the impact your words and actions had on the other person just as they should be doing for you accountability is a two-way street you both end up hurting each other even unintentionally both Partners need to be self-reflecting and taking accountability and learning how to to apologize

if you're the only one that seems to be doing that that's a huge problem another attractive trait to women is being driven towards your passions she loves seeing you excited about the work that you're doing now this one is tricky because there's a fine line between being driven and being absorbed in your work and not creating any space for anyone else I'm saying it's attractive when she can see that you're passionate about pursuing your dreams you have a plan you have a goal you have a dream and you're working hard towards that that's sexy what's

not sexy is if your work is constantly more important than her or your family and your dreams take Center Stage above everyone else because usually what happens in that scenario is eventually you do accomplish your dream but it costs you your marriage or relationship you need to have your priorities straight now yes work is important but once you have a spouse they are the most important thing in your life not that promotion don't tell me you're working all that overtime for her when she's miserable and feeling disconnected from you the last thing I'll say is

about vulnerability I was too scared to be vulnerable out of fear of losing whoever I was dating so I never spoke up but the truth is when we do that we really Rob that person we say we care about of actually getting to know us and being able to love us in the ways that we feel it most so despite what Society has told you vulnerability is attractive when done appropriately even by a guy vulnerability doesn't mean crying as you watch a Hallmark movie together it simply means sharing your inner world and wanting to know

hers as well you both have feelings and needs and fears and dreams being vulnerable simply means sharing about those when it's appropriate at that stage of the relationship and a lot of L of men will disagree with me and yet those are the same men whose Partners describe them as cold and distant they eventually break up with them and he'll be blindsided and she'll say I feel like I didn't even know him and he certainly didn't care to know me don't forget suppressing your feelings and feeling disconnected from yourself prevents actual connection with anyone else

and I don't mean to get all therapeutic on you but the truth is for the men who actually identify as selfless givers never thinking about your needs always prioritizing someone else that's a trauma response and maybe your childhood wasn't that bad maybe you don't remember anything specifically that would cause those types of fears or anxieties or maybe you know exactly what happened that made you susceptible to being afraid of being abandoned whichever it is I just want you to hear it from one guy to another what happened to you wasn't your fault and if what

happened to you happened to me my body would be responding the same way as yours is it makes sense why you don't feel safe to be yourself in these relationships it makes sense why you feel like have to shapeshift or mold into a version people want you to be to feel loved or accepted it's probably not the first time you had to do that is it it makes sense you don't think about your needs wants and desires because those weren't prioritized when you were growing up either were they your feelings weren't talked about they were

most likely dismissed or invalidated the people who said they loved you didn't show up for you consistently whether that was intentional or not it doesn't matter it still affected you and the truth is the goal of this video isn't for you to learn how to attract women it's to start healing you which will in turn start to attract the right type of people in your life the goal isn't to give you a bunch of tips and tricks on how to pick up girls what's the point so you can get a few girls in bed you

think that's going to fulfill you don't let the alpha males on here fool you they aren't feeling fulfilled with their life just because they can get a few girls in bed before she realizes that he has no depth or actual capability of intimacy don't let them fool you you'll hear all these other Macho men tell you that all women are out there to manipulate you right they're just out there to walk all over you because women take advantage right that's what they do but if that's true what's the end goal manipulate them before she can

manipulate us never actually falling in love because well she's always out there looking for someone else she's always looking to dump you and find someone better okay so what's the end goal don't let them fool you they don't have one the real goal is a healthy secure relationship first with ourselves and then with that confidence and selfworth and vision we will naturally be more attractive the goal isn't never care ing whether or not we continue dating someone that's unrealistic having this atmosphere of indifference oh I don't care the goal is having an atmosphere of I

really enjoy seeing you and I'm really grateful we met that's one side of the coin and on the other if we stop seeing each other I know I'll be okay I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt I just I know I'll be okay that's operating from a place of honesty and validating oursel instead of operating from a place of fear and that's attractive a healthy mutually respectful relationship where you both serve and sacrifice for each other is possible for you don't get so discouraged that you believe all women are out to trick you they aren't they're

usually just looking for a decent guy who treats them like an equal and makes them laugh so yes look out for red flags and look out for green flags and I have videos on both of those and believe that you're going to find the fulfilling relationship that you deserve so from one nice guy to the next quit being so nice and start being kind start showing up and being courageous enough to learn about who you actually are and then becoming that guy because I promise you he's worth getting to know remember that your worth and

value as a person doesn't come from being with someone else you can find Peace by being single single doesn't mean alone right single doesn't mean alone find your friends find your family find people in your life that pour into you and show you what safe feels like find people who you can be your true self with so that when you start dating someone you can quickly feel I'm pretending or this person isn't showing me signs that they're safe and then you can exit instead of trying to abandon yourself to make it work you're not for

everyone and that's okay because you are the right person for someone and it's worth it to find that person but you'll never be able to do that when you're always trying to make a relationship work that wasn't supposed to work thank you so much for watching I hope you found it helpful in some way can't wait to see you in the next one