Reading My Statement of Purpose... 4 years later| Harvard GSD Acceptance (what I would change!)

today I am going to be rereading my statement of purpose for my college application for my Master's application hi guys and welcome back to my channel I am so glad that you're here and I feel like this is going to take me into the past and reflect on what may be to apply to grad school in the first place I applied to a Ms of architecture at a lot of schools um Harvard being one of them where I'm at right now um along with a few other IV leagues this essay got me into seven schools

with a partial or full ride half of them being IV leagues or at the level of Ivy Leagues for School of Architecture so I'm excited to see what I had to say um and also see what I would change if I were to redo it today I wrote this in 2020 2021 with a few edits so yeah there's there's probably some room for growth that's for sure I'm just going to start with the first paragraph and read it out loud to you guys I did this of course back when I first wrote it so if

you want to see that old video you can click on here and see me reading it and giving you tips and advice for writing your own personal statement you're not like who is this girl trying to tell me how to write a personal statement is she an expert no I'm not an expert I am just a student who also wrote personal statements and um I guess a little bit of backup is that I got into most all the schools that I applied to I I also do one-on-one coaching now if you do need additional help

okay let's read imagine a 20 one room house made of stone and mortar surrounded by deep red sand and embedded in a forest my family's life began in this home which my father built in emo State Nigeria when my father immigrated to the US in the 80s he was determined to support families through his real estate practice just 5 years ago he led me into our current home in the US I remember standing in what should what would soon be my first non-shared room it was simply framed and incomplete but I was overwhelmed by the

grand effect it would soon have have on my family's life a I still love this first paragraph I would add a bit more imagery and maybe tell a story right away from the beginning um I actually don't encourage people to use the word imagine I encourage them to just tell the story um and allow the audience to like just be ingrained in the story right from the beginning um but yeah I do love that it is telling a really important part of who I am and it's still such an important story in my life right

now especially my dad doing real estate and if you know what's going on in my life right now I'm transitioning to real estate and working a lot more in real estate and affordable housing so this is really really awesome um some things that I might say instead is like I might start with a question maybe like imagine um or where do you imagine life beginning um and that could then lend itself to a lot of my interest in realizing that people don't don't get to choose the life that they are like born into or live

into and I'm hoping to change that through my design thinking and now real estate work so that could be something to do as well start with a question um maybe more of a poem that's also my writing style these days it's shifted a little bit more so it is a bit more um yeah poetic and story like so something like that I might have like edited a bit but otherwise the overall theme of this I love next paragraph my father's personal connection to homes and my experience standing in my own room for the first time

motivated me to join habitat free manity while pursuing my Bachelor of Science and architecture during my first habitat build I served alongside the future homeowners a previously homeless couple as they walked into their fully framed home for the first time and stood in their soon to be living room tears welled up not only in their eyes but in mine as well I knew from then on that my life and profession would be fixated on serving the unique needs of others through architecture also a very apt paragraph I'd say that it's funny that I'm well like

a lot more into the real estate side of things now and I'm actually working with habitat again right now so super cool how life happens like that so I am serving the unique needs of others through real estate I would say um nice that nothing has really changed in how I would maybe portray this because that story is actually something that's I shared that story on LinkedIn recently um when I was talking about my new work with Habitat for Humanity so again this is very this is a great paragraph I'd still say and it and

it begins to tell that story that I kind of wish I SED a little bit earlier so this is great and I would recommend that too like if you do have a story to share but you want to like kind of set it up with what your interests are um and your professional career goals first there's also room to tell stories throughout your essay so not every essay looks the same my dedication to Habitat led me to become the advocacy of education chairperson for my University Student Chapter while serving for 2 years i l a

committee of students Resolute to serve lowincome families we ideated B monthly awareness panels and oncampus builds in the summer of 2018 and 2019 I led a group of students to advocate for affordable housing policy in Capitol Hill i h my lobbying skills I spoke directly to representatives and agreed and their agreement to work alongside habtat volunteers so this was pretty good it's just talking about who I am and the skills that I grown in what I've done um that's something that's really important in your essay and I remember bringing that up the first time I

recorded this video um it's really important for you to not just tell people what you do but within that ingrain what you are actually um growing into like what are the skills that you've now developed um or what are the interests you've now developed what are the things you know you need to work on that's why I really encourage um nowadays to include something of of like a missed opportunity well you could call it a failure but you could also say that it's just something that had happened in your in your walk in your journey

that is actually very vital to who you are now so they know that you know your self-aware enough to know that you need Improvement in certain areas but it was really important for you to still experience that that failure or that missed opportunity so that's something that I really encourage people to include and I think that one of these paragraphs could have been that um my next few paragraphs talk about my passion for serving atrisk communities um and how that has grown out of my work with the Catholic University design Collective I remember that project

really awesome um and then I also talked about an internship in architecture that elevated my design thinking while also talking about the research that I've done and how that directly connects to my hope to do research for vulnerable populations so again it's always like teetering on what I've learned through what I've done not just I just did this and that is that or even just telling people my skills you kind of get to hear the story of my skills um in my writing I'll actually read that one about the architecture internship I iterated numerous design

models for local housing complexes collaborated with students renovating their school cafeteria and worked as head social media coordinator for the firm I interviewed professionals across the field wrote and published five project articles and maintained the firm's Instagram and Linkedin profiles I am most proud of my publication titled impact design for senior living this enhanced my research capabilities and further solidified my interest in analyzing best practices to support vulnerable populations yeah sharing what I've done but it's more so like who I'm becoming through the work that I'm doing and this is really um a paragraph maybe

I would also cut down on the wording I feel like it's very wordy um and just to simplify it because again admissions only has so much time and they're skimming your paper so if you have those key words key elements key skills you're most likely going to cast our attention without like the big words that I kind of included within here so a few things I would um encourage you to do um and then my I'll just go Skip to My Last paragraph which is where I now connect it to the university and it's too

specific on here so I'm not going to read it verbatim but I basically go into what the school could do for me like the you know the educational aspects and the extracurriculars that I know I want to engage in but I most hone in on the things that I will do for the University and that is a big point in your essays that I I believe everyone should have like what is something that you see that is missing that you know that you can fill as an individual whether it's an organization that you can start

at the school or it's a voice that you have that isn't there it's a research topic that you know you haven't seen before um so it's not just finding like the professor to work with because that Professor could leave the next year um or that club even could could be dissipated but if you're like I am motivated to also encourage the starting of a new club or to encourage a club to keep going and add different aspects to the school you are absolutely an asset to that University and they have another reason to consider you

so that's something I definitely um made sure I did I even include a bit of the city and why I would choose the city and that kind of I mean you can obviously they're going to be like I mean you can go to other schools in our city but there's a really important part of like you want to be a part of the Greater Community at the University as well so yeah guys that's my essay rereading it it's kind of crazy I'd say that I'm grateful that a lot of the things that I did write

about have come to fruition and they are so honestly me like I was very authentic in my writing um and I see that through and even here I wrote that I would start a club and I helped to start that club actually um I wrote that I would get involved in another organization and I and I have gotten involved and it's funny how those little things I all thought connected me to architecture and they do of course they do but they've kind of landed me in this place of real estate which I'm I'm really enjoying

in the moment and the combination of both design thinking and kind of the Practical steps to urbanism and Community Development is really cool so I hope that you guys can either reread your essays from a few years ago and say the same that you you you were authentically yourself and you've made it through or you can now sit down and start your essay for your college application or your Master's application and or PhD application and say that you are going to be authentically yourself in that writing I want to encourage you you can do this

I know the essay is probably one of the most overwhelming Parts because it's talking about your entire life and your entire future but you can do it I I think the song that I sang at the end of that first video was um this is me from the greatest showman I'm obsessed with the greatest showman and it's true this essay is who you are this essay is who you're becoming and it's actually an exciting piece that you can keep with you forever like I'm definitely going to be rereading this in the future and hope that

it only stays even it seems even more true to who I've become so thank you guys so much for watching thank you for following along this crazy Journey that was one of the first videos I ever posted here on YouTube and I'm just grateful I'm grateful for this community and I'm grateful that I can support you in your application Journeys and your life goals professional goals I've got one more year at Harvard and you're coming along with me so I hope you stick around and subscribe and let me know what you want to see next

check out my website also I have so many freebies on how to write your personal statement resumés things like that so I am here as a resource to you let me know what you need and I'll try to support you as I can but I'll see you in my next video bye back with another video this this is me look out cuz here I [Music] [Laughter] [Music] come apologies this is me