Hello and welcome to Lost Love Chronicles. Today's story follows Kathy who ruined her marriage of 30 years in her pursuit of freedom and joy. I've been married to Kathy for more than 30 years.
We met when we were young and now I'm 59 and she's 55. We have three adult children. Our life together has had its good and bad times, but we've always been there for each other.
Kathy means the world to me. Kathy has some friends who believe in things like feminism, identity politics, and social justice. It's a bit different from what I think, but that's okay.
People have their own ideas about these topics. Kathy and I, we sometimes talk about these things and try to understand each other's viewpoints. I did not pay attention to these ideas that Kathy had or was starting to develop.
For me, they were all nonsense. Kathy had some strong views about how women were oppressed for a long time, which sometimes scared me. She personally hadn't experienced oppression or discrimination.
I found these discussions unsettling, so I often tried to change the subject when they came up. I have seen these woke women on TV shouting and talking all nonsense and screaming on people when they did not have any logical answer. I worried that Kathy was getting influenced by them.
One day she started questioning our marriage saying it had become dull. I suggested therapy to work on our relationship but she wanted to go on a solo vacation instead. I reluctantly agreed, but later found out she went with her friends, who I thought were toxic.
When Kathy returned from her vacation a week later, she looked like a completely different person. She had cut her hair short, and there was an unusual aura about her. It felt like she was someone I had never met before.
She didn't hug me or show any affection when she arrived, which was unsettling and made me feel like a stranger to her. Kathy continued to spend more time with her friends and engage in protests, some of which I didn't support. I had a serious conversation with her, expressing my concerns about the direction she was heading.
I told her that she needed to reconsider her choices. However, she didn't listen and continued with her activities. Things escalated when she was detained for participating in a protest that disrupted traffic.
I had to pick Kathy up from the police station and during the ride home, we had a very heated conversation. She remained silent throughout which left me even more concerned about what was happening with her. Kathy began using social media, specifically Tik Tok, to share her feminist ideas.
She started gaining a decent following and it became clear that she was investing a significant amount of time and effort into her videos. She would spend hours getting dressed and creating her content for the platform. Her social media activities seemed to be consuming a lot of her time and energy.
One day, I stumbled upon one of Cathy's videos and I was horrified by the message it conveyed. In the video, Kathy was saying, "Good morning. Do you want to become a miserable older woman?
I don't think any of us do, but we've all seen those women who seem unhappy, always complaining, and nagging their husbands. We hope we never become one of them. You know how it happens.
It often starts with raising a family, working hard, and then suddenly in our 50s or 60s, we realize we have nothing for ourselves. We don't have a life separate from our family or husband, and we end up resenting everyone. So, here's what I think.
We need to create our own lives. We need to have something that's just for us, something that makes us feel fulfilled and alive. Even if we have a good marriage, we can still be unhappy.
We don't necessarily need a divorce, but we need to find what fills us up and makes us feel like we've truly lived our lives. Life is short and time is running out. What if this is our last year?
Would we want to live it the same way we are now? I doubt it. So, let's find a way to live everyday, enjoy our marriages if they're good, and be our own people, separate from our husbands and children.
Women should get unstuck and explore the world. There's so much out there for us, and it doesn't end when the kids move away. We can find fulfillment and happiness in many ways.
Anyway, I hope that helps. I felt that she was encouraging women to get divorced. I went home that evening and confronted her and to my shock, she said that she was leaving and had already packed her bags.
I tried to stop her, but she shot back and said that she is bored with her life and she wants freedom and happiness. She does not want the responsibilities of her being the grandmom or being my wife. She wants to enjoy her life and wants to explore more outside this prison.
I was speechless and felt that I had lost my wife to toxic people who have poisoned her mind. I did not stop her and just said that I'll miss her and asked to come back as soon as her exploring is over. She had moved into a smaller apartment in the center of the city.
I had informed my kids about their mother and they all said that she is just going through a phase and will get back home soon. I agreed as well and just waited for her. My weight was cut short soon and turned to shock as I received the divorce papers.
She had all this planned and was not in any phase. I called Kathy, but she did not answer. My kids during this time did try to talk my wife out of divorce, but she shut them down as well.
A few weeks later, we had our divorce settled and after 30 years of marriage, I was single. Next day, I saw Kathy posting a new video. Well, I did it.
Here I am on my new bed, which feels like a princess bed. It rained all day yesterday while I was moving. But today, I woke up feeling different.
I felt free, like a weight had been lifted off me, and I was genuinely excited for the first time in years. My place is still a bit of a mess because I haven't unpacked everything yet and the apartment is pretty small, so I'll need to organize like crazy, but I'm really grateful for this change. It's been a couple of weeks of non-stop moving, but now I'm finally settled into my new apartment.
I'll give you a little tour of it tomorrow. For now, I just wanted to say hello. Oh, and my very handsome boyfriend is making dinner for me.
Life is good. I was angry and was heartbroken. She broke my home and now has broken my heart.
My kids also saw the video and called me to console me and asked me to move on with my life. Eventually, I did move on and found an amazing woman, Maya, who was in her early 40s. She was a high school teacher and was single.
We hit instantly and now have been going steady. I never informed my ex-wife and I did not think it is important. I planned a trip with my kids and Maya so that everyone can know each other and get along.
Maya asked me to invite my ex-wife Kathy as she felt it was important that she knows that there is someone in my life. So I called Kathy and invited her. Initially she did not agree to join our trip.
I did not tell her about Maya by then. My daughter later called her and asked her to join and informed that the invitation would not be extended again. I had hired an amazing boat ride for all of us and Kathy was the last to join us.
She came alone. I introduced her with Maya and told her how happy I am with Maya. I wish I could click a picture of Kathy at that very moment.
Her face was red and it seemed that she was not expecting me to get a life for me. Throughout the trip, I enjoyed Cathy's disgust towards Maya and me. Although Maya had a noble intention, but I was really enjoying the results.
A few days later, we saw another video of Kathy. The last few days have been extremely traumatizing for me, and I blame myself for it, even though I know it's not entirely my fault. I knew on some level that I'd have a strong physical and emotional reaction when I found out that my aranged husband was in a new relationship.
We've been separated for a year, but we still spend some time together as a family and he had reassured me many times that he wasn't seeing someone else. However, it turned out he was. I was unsure about whether I should have gone on the trip.
I didn't want my ex-husband to get the wrong idea, but my daughter convinced me to join. She said that he might not invite me again. And looking back, I'm sure why she thought that.
What hurt me the most was not that he was in a new relationship. I have a boyfriend myself, but that he didn't tell me. I felt safe around him, thinking he still loved me.
He even invited me on a trip with him and our daughters which I accepted. However, during the trip, I discovered some hurtful texts and it was horrifying. The trauma that followed was intense.
I had a physical and emotional breakdown and I felt like I had completely lost control of my emotions. It was a terrible experience and I'm struggling to cope with it. Her upset wasn't about losing me.
It was more about losing the exclusive access to my resources and the stability he provided. The specific trigger was when she discovered I was telling another woman that I loved her, not just that we were involved romantically. Unlike Cathy's boyfriend who is only interested in casual relationships typically don't invest financially and emotionally in her.
But when a man like me is in love, he often wants to build a life with the woman he loves. For Kathy, the real trauma was losing her place in my life to another woman. I began receiving numerous calls from Kathy where she expressed her remorse and reminded me that I had asked her to come back.
In response, I told her that it was too late and she would no longer be a part of my life. That boat has sailed. She had made her choice, created her own circumstances, and now she needed to live with the consequences of her decisions.
A few days later, we saw another video from Kathy. Things aren't going that great for me. I keep thinking about how it used to be back when things were good.
Maybe all of this is my fault. Maybe I'm selfish or self-centered. I'm struggling with all the fakeness, all the pretending I'm fine.
I think I was in shock before, but now reality is sinking in. I know it's just a separation and there are worse things in the world, but I'm uncertain about what my life will be like. I can only remember the good things.
It's hard to recall anything bad. I remember this lovely woman who was a close friend. They even invited me to dinner tonight and I bought gifts for their children.
I thought I should go and have dinner with them instead of being at home with my own family. I don't know why I feel this way, but I miss my family being a family. Maybe it's worth staying miserable if it means having my family back.
Because without them, I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not crying because I'm drinking. I'm crying because it's just really hard.
I hope you're having a happy Saturday. I'll probably be okay later. It's just that everything I've ever known feels like it's gone.
My family isn't together anymore even though they're physically here. I'm going to go sit with another family and it's nice they invited me but it's not easy. My daughter called me up and asked to do something but I told them their mother chose this life and I did try to stop her.
She wanted freedom. She has freedom. She has a new love life and she can explore the world as she wants.
My daughter agreed and said that she agrees with every word I said, but she cannot help but feel for her mother's bad choices. A few days later, there was another video. Good morning.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing and why I made the choices I did. Last night, I had a dream about my estranged husband. He came to me saying he'd hurt his hand badly and was crying.
In the dream, he needed my help and I suggested moving in to take care of him. It felt like we were starting over the way things used to be. It was an upsetting dream and it's not even possible.
It's just how dreams are, I guess. My body is telling me that I still love him and I always will. But things are different now.
Sometimes I get angry and think why doesn't he believe that I should have a fair share. He wants to give me some money but it's not enough. All the things we had were partly because of me.
My parents lent us money and I played a significant role in helping him, encouraging him and being there for him even when things went wrong. I made mistakes and I paid for them. Especially when I left.
It seems like everything he did was okay, but everything I did was my fault. I'm constantly blamed for everything. So now I'm at this point in my life.
He has more money than I do and I'm struggling to find a decent place to live. Some people, especially men, think that women don't deserve anything, that they're freeloaders, and that they should just fend for themselves. After 30 years of taking care of someone, I feel undervalued, like I have no worth.
It's hard. I saw the video and felt that she has now lost her mind. She did receive her share of fortune as part of the divorce settlement.
I did everything by the book. And as for the law, she cannot gaslight me and make me look like a villain in this story and cannot blame me for her bad choices. I wanted to retaliate and wanted to sue her for her video.
Maya then stopped me and asked me to ignore her. My kids called Kathy and told her to apologize for what she posted or she will be cut off from everyone's life. Kathy having no choice did post a lame apology citing her mental health as a reason.
I got married to Maya a few days later and I did unfollow Kathy on all my social media. Dear listener, if you have reached this far, please click on the subscribe button. It will be a great help.
