[Music] hi there welcome back to the Lisa Nichols show where you and I have a dialogue not a monologue I'm not just talking to you we're having a conversation together and where I get to share some of the tools that work for me and transform in my life and ideally they do the same for you and help you to achieve the life that you love one that's not on fire but that's on fire I mean it turns up every level of your life from your love your relationships your finances your health your wellness your spirituality
any air that you want to turn up we turn that Arianna you know relationships are beautiful they're bountiful they're fulfilling they're challenging they're difficult they're hairy they're scary they cover the full gamut here's what I know about relationships when you talk about living an abundant life when you get to the end of your days and you're sitting in your rocking chair and you really can't do too much other than just chillax you don't need to do anything else you've lived a full life you're not gonna say man I should have had one more meeting oh
I should have created one more program I should have started one more business I should have went to one more conference you're not gonna ever look at I should have bought one more car I should have bought a bigger house she'll never look at your possessions your work or your finances the thing that you're going to I believe spend the majority of your time in your final days when there's nothing else for you to do other than just kind of relax you're gonna look at the quality of your relationships you're gonna say I should have
said I love you more often I should have put up healthy boundaries I should have given love a chance or I should have stepped out of that unhealthy relationship sooner quicker faster I should have figured out how to communicate I should have figured out how what could make it easier for us to to dance together whether the dance is with your your lover your husband your wife whether the dancers with your children or the dancers with your sister your brother or the dancers with your parents but dance is the dynamic in which you guys exchange
and you relate to each other a relationship is a relay relay tion ship a relay and so when it's not working it's a co-creation of something that's not working I know it looks like it's just them that they are absolutely crazy Bunker's but it's not they're not just stubborn they're not just difficult to be with it's a relay that's happening and what I know is that we spend way too much time trying to change the other person in a relationship and here's what I know we do not convert people well I retired from the converting
business because I suck at it I do not convert people well they're always gonna be who they want to be and who they choose to be but what you can do is you can use some instrumental language so write this down because this has been a game changer for me number one when you're talking to someone and it's challenging don't start with what's wrong you know people jump right into confrontation well first of all let's shift from confrontation to carefrontation meaning we can have healthy conflict but let me know that you care about me let
me know that you value me before we go into this conversation most people say what's wrong here's what's wrong here's what doesn't work but you know I love you though well you can just beat me up you just knock me upside my head you just you just you just hit my self-esteem and then you're gonna say but I love you though no start with this this is what you want to write down any one of these sentences here's what I respect about you what I love about you is what I appreciate about you when you
do that and and truly acknowledge something that you really care about it that you really respect in them and lift them up first and then don't do but no buts just simply say here's what I appreciate about you and here's where I need your support I know the word need and support makes you nervous but guess what you really do need their support because you care about their relationship here's where I need your support or here's what will work for me better write this down or here's something that I really can use your support in
begin to shift your language the distance between you and everything say everything everything that you want in this relationship live inside your language first you modify your language and you will shift your relationship so again let's practice so the first sentence you say inside of a carefrontation no conversation carefrontation or conversation is what I appreciate about you what I respect about you what I love about you or what I admire about you start with those things first and sometimes you'll have two or three things to say say them all and then and here's where I
can use your support or here's what will work for me better here's what I need your help here's where I need us to focus no but and then finally what I'm committed to do is you want them to put more in you put more skin in as well here's what I'm committed to do and your commitment has to elevate the relationship here's what I'm committed to do I'm listen more often and allow you to finish your sentences hmm what I'm committed to do as I'm committed to not get offended when you are course-correcting here's what
I'm committed to do I'm committed to say thank you more often just try those things and the relationship will begin the ticket ship it's not gonna transform overnight y'all been doing this for a long time but this is a great beginning now I would love to hear from you remember this is not a monologue this is not a one-way conversation this my friend is a diet law this is a true real a sonship and I care about what you're saying what was something that was said today about relationships that you needed to hear who is
it that you needed to hear this in reference to tell me I'm not gonna mention it to him who in your life right now you care about the relationship and you need it to work and what was said here that you're going to apply or who in your life you need the relationship to work because maybe they're an employer or a colleague and something that I said something that you heard can help you with that I want to know how this is applicable in your life today how are you gonna do it leave me a
comment below I'm going to read them I want to hear what you have to say and I'll be replying to a number of them be sure to share share this with the people in your life that need to hear about it they're going through relationships and they want to make them work and you just found some content some insight that can help them make it work subscribe I want you to be in relationship with me on an ongoing long-term basis and look out for more hopefully amazing content that brings value to you in your life
and in your family's life I'm your sister and prosperity and impossibility and I will always say this because it's true I believe in you and I love you I'll see you next time bye bye [Music] [Music]
