[Music] I'm looking for new courier a new start because record industry music industry is changing awful lot [Music] this here is my pride and Joy's [Music] moving to New York that's ultimately why I'd like to play my partner and that's ultimately where it's all going but just feels like I've got miles to go it's a new experience at the moment shall we say [Music] I never expected to be a father I never wanted to be my relationship with my dad was so challenging I thought I'd make a hash of it and I was too selfish
to be able to do anything useful as a father [Music] I've left the family home and moved in with me and you know it doesn't feel like a crisis like a big oh my god I'm having a crisis but I suppose it used to look at it rationally I'll speak to someone professionally they would say yes quietly [Music] I'm trying to provide a web service for men that helps them decide how they're gonna live how they can address that can help them be the man they want three weeks time I'll be absolutely in the position
where you know this is how I make my living and I don't know yet how it's going to work I just not used to that level of uncertainty [Music] one of the things I like about the relative you know independence freedom that I have now is that it's really only my own expectations that have to be managed and others aren't being imposed on me I like that [Music] I have to do it now I can't leave any longer to to maybe sort out a few crucial things important things for me my mouse really not in
no way at all as I imagined it would be mine is a 120 long [Music] like looking for a job I guess hello I'm looking found desperate because you're not looking looking looking at it looking lady but I am looking for a relationship [Music] it wasn't like a single thing we've been together 15 years you know seven and a half years with children some of them half years without children I think it's a certain extent of relationship which was run its course and it's no bad thing it wasn't like I woke up one morning are
my god this is all [ __ ] well the kind of that did have a Monday but no it was more of a kind of slow deterioration I feel bad about sometimes King shall be famous King Tubby this is his first from his first ever sound system 1958 this is from Sahara sound system so Harry's Hall it's the hairiest round beat so she's been trying to preserve all this stuff get it all back up to full working order and actually try and take it out and play it there's no real bad memories really I just
wish I'd sorted things out instead of leaving it and leaving it and leaving it and leaving it and leaving it kind of thing you know up until now I spend all my life in conventional businesses conventional jobs so I've done work that other people have structured for me I couldn't started well makes it five years ago I didn't I didn't even have the interest I have now in men's lives men's emotional journey it came with me moving into my 50s I was talking to a cyber rotator a little while ago and he said the thing
about Savile Row is most men are frightened to go to a Savile Row tailor it's an unknown experience that's kind of that's often fundamental to men are we going to make fools of ourselves why are we doing this I'd really like good suit but I don't want to go and look like a jackass I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing there's always the question of competence so that's really important I love it because I don't have to be amazed if I can surrender all of that made business and feel absolute
unconditional love which I've never felt before I think the world that I'm a man in is a very different world from the one that my dad was there 45 year-old Manning men are allowed to be more loving and in a way if feminism was gonna work properly it was gonna have to change men also changing women yeah you've got our V own pad you've got have a source of income you got a decent set of wheels and you've got have a good girlfriend so job pad motor bird and then you would add into that things
like you know your hobbies which might include music in might include sport might include drinking and I suppose I suppose the fifth one and it's probably cause five makes it a bit too clumsy to go job had motor bird you know but the fifth one would probably be made the poker night I mean that was really a tradition that started back in 1987 and look for University you know when guys get together we don't talk about work or our partners or our kids very little a little bit of top-line polite stuff early on but it's
not because they're not important they're critically important but it's because that's what we get pretty much all the time like like eggs to bees we come together as guys you know we just want to talk bollocks so plain cars with a she brings several hours great it could be as rude or banal as you like as long as it's just bollocks and it's like a pressure cooker when you take that bowel wall you know it's it's all part of the therapy I got married mortgage job children and you know that all happened in six months
I think I've always felt deep sense of responsibility typically for men you know we're not supposed to show vulnerability so we're supposed to be what anymore successful and confident I see it often in a commercial career that I never you know twelve months before half an onion remained in nutwood I'd be doing that kind of thing and I threw myself into my work as I progressively got tough more and more tired I just hated being on the go all the time and I don't know how long I was holding myself together and had the appearance
of maybe just being under better straight you know being under stress I was actually more than that I guess I got the problem if I do this any longer I I will I will either die or go mad and I will lose everything that I that is truly been evil to me [Music] right okay so that's like sex and two paper towels yeah fantastic there isn't a set of stuck on there other than Muppets okay so sex and paper goods saw it yeah I've got a nice iron the why am i I'm not multi-millionaire but
I'm looking after myself and surviving broken bikes that we love broken boy to son there's getting a slimeball fixed generally I think we just had the ability to go on a lot longer be children children but selfish for a hell of a lot longer in our age I'd say for something wrong he said for for a didn't he yeah not that's it what a wanker he's my friend [Music] don't you think that's broken I'm taking all right buh-bye [Music] my pet wouldn't want after touching it do not write that's the thing tell me particular to
one kind of person really no one else was born what kind of person would want this stuff well this donna old bloke a man man my middle age is the end of my childhood i mean most guys probably and childhood ended at 20 mine ended at 40 shall we say that's what it feels like a bit the parents gonna my dad's 90 and my mom is 80 something and my dad finds it terribly frustrating yeah yes I'll do that so it's sad because you can see him you can see him grappling with it you know
because if one you mind doing one thing the bodies in the TV [ __ ] in a whole nother place [Music] Oh [Music] I think with freedom perhaps comes complexity I do have two children so my challenges are still to be you know a good dad to them even though I don't see them on a daily basis I feel has only decided our aperture we say that before so the phone goes over the hole there's then a brief shake and then you simul taneous Li pulled the ring pull while put in the hole of your
mouth and it should discharge as content straight into the gut for a satisfactory feeling of inebriation I restored one from our fur so here but don't worry about that ready yeah gentlemen I like mo stop and might be my own boss and all that kind of stuff I don't wake up in the morning and think oh yeah hair hmm but then you know I've been doing it long enough I don't quite get out now so I'm quite confident so it's not so bad I like it I set out to produce the best martial arts calendar
in the world unfortunately in the process of doing that I'd not really paid much god I produced the calendar and it was beautiful but at that time I couldn't find a market for it so it wasn't particularly successful it really bent admire that made me doubt my abilities to be a successful entrepreneur [Music] when I was young it was real that the love can conquer all all that kind of stuff for me the power of love [Music] my first partner she's bipolar I got to a point where I was a safety nursing and relationship with
endian I was nursing and I thought okay now if I leave what's the worst thing that can happen the worst thing the captain is that she would kill her you know take your own life and you have to go to that process of what am i is the rest of my life worth a nothing one how am I gonna get on nursing this person or what or what no those are difficult things to go through so you think about what a lot of what what does love mean in those sort of circumstances and then I
got her point were like no I can't love that person anymore it's made no difference and you know they're over there I'm over here and there comes a point when I just look after herself [Music] paralyzes other persons abounding to you cannot control and and that's a difficult it's a difficult realization difficult thing to accept and it ended up ultimately she took her own life [Music] Dona Landy door hello door actually I've got an I got an answer for this one we should call you Dondi yeah Denny wouldn't matter whether it's dawn or Mandy yeah
well and now you are you good at night kind of thing doornail hi Joe hey dude a settling your night so I'm supposed to come round once a month and check to make sure your dishwashers working all righty using any chemicals okay and all that kind of stuff right ovens and gorillas I got me sorry oh I got it wrong again [Music] you a lot of my friends had kind of crises when they had to give up being in bands and when they had to realize that the cultural Millia in which they were engaged was
a young person's well 43 year old multi director buys our highly-prized don't feel as though I've had bond or I'm going through one and there may be one yet to come we shall say off to give you a call if I suddenly wake up one morning go but the image that declared that defines the midlife crisis is of course the middle-aged man in a sports car with a much younger girlfriend you know and yes it's a cliche but often cliches are based on observations that ring true you know on more than one occasion you begin
to think you know there's something in there yeah nothing else we know enough to be mr v-max just so you don't become the cliche or maybe a triumph american wishes i triumph custom star by i [Music] suspect is defined by a panic that you suddenly are aware of your mortality and your time running out and you know you may be unfulfilled in a number of key areas now I just don't feel that way I feel tremendously fulfilled all round so middle age for me is just another stage of life which is fab ok again my
profile just says who you are your three words I've put myself down is dynamic creative and approachable often described by others as caring kind impatient mostly works in the real fact retail sector specializing in tnd trained even you know myself to have a facility to approach to learning it's a difficult works A&F sensitive doesn't roll off the tongue listen bill I communicated it is beautif passionate to the point of obsession but some obsession is in kid for addictions I have an addict my addiction may be unusual but it's rare it's not one in that many
people do not understand this particular spectrum of addictions I've only realized recently that had this affliction I've spent a total of about eleven hours six minutes mentoring and 21 innocence which is admitted on the site itself I spent a half basically half the time mentoring people I just realized that I had a problem with sayings and I could work out what that problem was or why I had the problem by reducing sex there's a comforter and the thing is if you end up doing things you don't really want to be doing and and you feel
so bad about it then you end up going back for more comfort to make yourself feel better about the last you know full well if you're gonna be better for again and it's just very very difficult to break that cycle but you know given time I'll meet the right person who will come to terms with my addiction with me and will help me normalize my addiction I'll be in a normal relationship I'll be aware of my addiction I'll be rarely addictive behaviors and I have a trigger mechanism squeaky clean when I just turn comes from
my things are clean they squeak somebody said to me at least decent drugs but it's funny isn't it how some people find some palatable no that's not some addictions are okay but some aren't there are things that I I thought I would have done or maybe I'd like none that I haven't done and I'm probably nearly going to do now you know I'm never gonna be a professional soccer player I'd love to have been a professional soccer player and I used to dream about it like even even if I got marriage behind whose their fantasies
better so there are things that just aren't gonna happen my grumpy kid if I don't get chance to roll my white every cup of ice lastly in an element of adrenaline an element of the team something you are pushing yourself a bit just go really fast and that really gets me going just as much as anything it'll be relaxed was [ __ ] scared that's the maddest page just be relaxed and let it all happen the totally lie oh my god some money related to relax of the age when my twenties I love going out
to nightclubs all my interests were involved about having fun really yeah it just sort of got older 30 onwards I just kind of couldn't get any higher couldn't get any drunk I couldn't it's late you know I mean they're all these kind of thing and it wasn't panicked I'm getting older and older it was more it's very bored of my older life but I'm open again I feel like I did when I was a teenager where it's just open again there's like 20 years in the middle what was he's and Aras rebellious - it felt
structured he was understand as rebellious almost [Music] I left University I don't want to in my life I work in a record shop until I do six years later I was on the board of that company I did that for almost five years and then I took redundancy one of things people said to me was kind of once you got off the escalator I never let you back on and it's been totally true when I get to the job application they get this often in bold please explain in full any gaps in your CV you
know big bold letters across I want to be doing st. I enjoy now how I find is quite as convenient I think it's gonna be quite testing but how do i how am I gonna find so I enjoy and I feel it was worthwhile I'm really not sure how the openings going to come that's all a big deal it's morning minute good morning sorry I'm late guys I don't care I call this my life space work you not me not me [Music] Undertaker hurt for me essentially a star even underachieving he's the avoidance of disappointment
a lot of time maybe I think avoidance with responsibility towards it a lot of the time as well I feel like I've had a childhood pretty much true myself ever after my late thirties because I avoided my responsibilities to a big point so that doesn't make me a man I think a man truly for me as someone who takes the responsibilities on they don't have to be physically done to be a strong man you just deal with everything that comes up without avoidance and just take it I think in the forties up to the male
you still look saying if you can easily looked after so I don't look any different I don't think Tamar did 20 years ago too much I may know you call it a midlife crisis because I'm a 41 year old man but it's not Christ this is a positive L I'm just going for something he's the next step in my life really is I'm moving forward I'm not moving backwards to grab something I may have lost that's how I feel about it so it's not a Christ it's like that I'm not having I'm not having to
do this because I feel like this is my last chance [Music] for me taking out karate was a significant right right of passage it said something about my ability to handle conflict handle myself to build a process of self-discipline I think writes the passage were important for a man they give definition to him and they give him a starting point to say at this point I changed I became a power in the world I became an individual an adult individual my experience in and out of my friends who took up karate was that they're worried
about how will I take a blow will I handle it in a manly way when I was growing up it was widely seen to be okay to be overly aggressive and that's not acceptable now but the line between aggression and assertion I think is the one that men are looking for now the kind of New Age man that the man who paths his masculinity so that he can form a relationship with his partner I really had my doubts about that I don't think that works either I think I am traditional a sense that I still
have a huge drive to provide material security for my family I'm not saying that my wife shouldn't be doing that but I definitely should be the worst I could say you know I pickle these myself and in my current situation I've had to fight that really hard on because to fail and there is a to me as a huge fan the color scheme is being forwarded [Music] Oh Oh with it just I I really don't want the thing [Music] to another cup I decided years ago to utilize my white walls for the promotion of our
tuxes it seemed like a nice thing to do I studied that date for the money getting money at doing this is not I've become far more locally minded I think I am quite business minded don't think that are money minded and bought an out or done and if you move a book I run a business so about it but it badly and anyone that I know that actually runs a business always says you don't run a business a little business yeah enough and I'm over enough money to call it a business but he said it's
an occupation or something I don't know it keeps me busy you know maybe I've expanded my consciousness to my son - too many cases and as I can't see see the whole kind of wealth and possessions thing has been important enough I just I don't it just doesn't interest me to own things and to show other people that I earn things now I'm quite proud of my shop and all that sort of stuff but I'm completely upfront that I don't own here but I don't it seems that I don't seem to take part in my
own ownership and I don't seem to be particularly bothered by the future on these old people once it was it Pete Townsend said how about die before I get old sure is how I don't want to be like that look like that I mean it must be shop somewhere for old people to buy a drab dreary invisible clothes because they die they're dead just disappear donate I'm gonna get this guy now is wearing the same color topless just bothers and what is it all about ways to color GaN once upon a time it was a
bright neon green and over the years the color disappears okay no see you another customer [Music] here it is [Music] the feeling that you can get when you're playing either live or even rehearsing in the studio with a good band is that there was sex [Music] in fact musicians sometimes talk about you know what would it be musical sex and you know a lot of musicians do actually choose music over sex I'm kind of tired you know it would be pretty hard and I would hate to have to choose and I wouldn't want to choose
I'd probably just die outright rather than live a life without one or the other in terms of sex I think perhaps sex evolves into something a little bit more sophisticated as well maybe it's less about sex or more about love and at some time you know in your life you kind of I think you're being to appreciate more that the sort of difference between the two and the relative values and relative importance when you're young and that and you've got the the whole of your life ahead of you you know it's a tremendous adventure in
it and that is replete with potential and you really don't want many things to get in the way of that and I think my marriage was too early and you know perhaps being a father was too early as well once the prospect had been mooted it was like it then felt like a conveyor belt which rapidly moved away and you know it often seemed to be more about other people's expectations suddenly I was like oh my god married mortgaged child Neverland I'm away I started to have these kind of like you know dreams about him
well one particular one which is very vivid was one of my children falling down someone protective stairs from an unprotected balcony and landing on the ground and it would just cut out just before they hit the floor so I had a little bit of counseling on that and it was just like it was a classic sort of dealing with big new responsibilities tight dreams and worrying about what might happen if you couldn't be there for somebody [Music] get you up on all times tonight actually this stuff [Music] [Music] congratulations it comes the best of fire
that I was ever given was the advice fight is not the longest and it was from my dad Jesus I get a good job and I use definite don't want a job because having a job he calls being [ __ ] up on a lot of levels you need to be conscious for your selves as writers and also for this module the coursework to what goes into what you are as an artist I grew up reading Conan the Barbarian comments wisdom Spock Dylan and that's why I write pretty pop inflected poems the whole kind of
male world of you know you you make the world what you want of it because of my dad I guess I thought that male world was something which I just didn't understand or didn't want to participate it the day they gave me the job I just I walked out of the interview it was July or June or July it was the summer and I walked out and I thought [ __ ] hell I don't know if I've got the job but if I haven't got excited I did a good interview I really prepared for it
and I went and bought some tobacco and just sat in a Canary Wharf I got off the train there's a big coffee and cigarettes and I thought [ __ ] hell if I don't get this job I'm [ __ ] because I can't do anything else I just this is it and they rang me the same day and said you've got the job yes it was very good second only to the birth of koto and paying the check hmm but the injury starts at 2:30 I'm gonna be doing a computer test first I'm gonna hit
up hit off now men find it very difficult to be loved and there's there's this isolate quality about us this this need to be competent in online and I never quite got over wanting to be Clint Eastwood you know that as solitary handsome man who never talks but what I've learned in middle age and which has been really good for me is is to let myself be loved and that feels really good getting to here has been difficult process we don't sustain ourselves financially yet it's like any new business we're will won't we make it
do people think my god you know this man is too old to write about mens style it'd been times when I saw wake up I don't know quite who I am am I a city guy and am I going to get my suit on and get on the train come you here or am i finding someone up trying to get an interview or a discussion of their their book or am i reviewing film you know it's like being two different people oh that was good ski every bit good so wait and see couple days time
either way they won't ring me I'm glad I did dead whatever the outcome is I'm glad I got to do that that was yeah I think I needed to know I could get myself through there when I asked me the question what's the thing you're most proud about I said being in husband and the father I wrecked to the to things that are good mean the most so that's an honest that was not a cheesy PC answer [Music] and now my headaches come back oh they didn't they didn't ask me any questions around my I
being sick I don't not sure I would have actually talked about my you know my depression side was I'm sort of talked about having a chance to think about what what's really important to me in life and and you know that I've enjoyed some other things and I just wanted my number I did the key thing as I wanted I want a job that's meaningful ten coins strung out now I don't know what to do if I don't get the job I don't know what the next step is the neatest Tydeus solution is they offered
me the job may take it or I say no and we just forget away that it that we can make it work but then I also don't want to take I don't want to take the job because that's an easy way for me to solve the problem thing ultra reflective now getting myself tied up in knots because a part of me would like to be brave enough maybe to go and just be really radical get out there and you know try and get work as a writer or what have you but I just I don't
know although I think there's a market to write a book about depression midlife meaning and depression you know what's really struck me as I've met the more I talk about it with other people the more I discover there are lots of men my age who are depressed who aren't happy with what they do I think I should shut out they're sick of the sound of my voice I'm just talking cuz I'm afraid I'm gonna cry if I do [Music] [Applause] [Music] on Sunday night even before the snow had fallen I kind of knew exactly what
I would do cemeteries in nice enough places anyway to walk around him when they've been snowed on and when you're like the only person there and it's just virgin snow and all these incredible gravestones covered in snow they the places become magical the ones that really stand out my dad for example are the ones of the Angels because their wings because they're not stretched they tend to catch the snow and cloud from the snow mounts up on their wings and so I just call this sea rat well I call a subset of what I'm showing
you angels in the snow I mean there's literally no one else there but me it's just fantastic [Music] I've got no attachment to being young I think I'd much rather be 80 and happy than 20 and miserable and you know given that I was 25 and miserable as hell and I'm 45 now and I'm I'm happy my joy that I feel now is always tempered by the fact I don't see character every day I realized that being with characters mum wasn't helping Cotto and me I was unable to make my partner happy when our relationship
was falling apart I felt I felt suicidal and I remember having conversation with one of my closest friends and we we were both slapping each other on the back and say well we've never killed ourselves that's not the kind of thing we do and I towards the end of our relationship I remember waking up and it was a winter morning and I had this knife and I was just putting it up to my heart and I kind of went well the cliches about having a revelation happened and KOTOR how daughter was in the bedroom next
door and I just kind of when she would never understand and she'd probably blame myself how the miserable I was and what I had with Cotto and as a human being was richer and more meaningful when her mom and I separated for a long time there was the thought but Noriko would just go back to Japan with Kota so you know I wake up in the morning sometimes I think thank god Koto's still here I think when I was younger I was cool up with the idea of being true to my origins and so I
stayed in South London to my mid 40s and it was no longer my world so this is brownie straight I used to live some of them still the building still of the site [Music] I stopped being a kid again I remember I don't know why I always preferred this side of the pavement so we'll walk home here and I could see the house from here and I was always this was always I was actually home when I got to this point in browning Street [Music] I was at home I got a phone call from from
my boss my nail boss saying you know I would look we'd like to offer you the job and I you know do you want to take it no it was very I had thought it would take a while so it was a great feeling I missed the fact that I can understand today I you know I'm in the office as opposed to that would be my chance to get out on my bike and ride for a couple of hours so that's really the only that sort of freedom to see anything unless something I'm I'm enjoying
being back in a routine with other people and stuff like that I suppose I just I think of life as a continuum anyway so not sure you ever anything does anything ever truly in that I don't know but I certainly feel like the if there was a hill if there's a hell decline I've climbed it I think actually both the girls in and particularly bowling hits in you know lately I'm I'm actually the man she fell in love with again which is nice you know that that and obviously there's been a whole part of me
that's kind of somehow being suppressed or just kind of disappeared or got hidden and it's nice to be back being that person again I noticed I'm singing in the shower more than I had for a long time [Music] I always so hot I'm gonna do also that but I always had a certain that guilt with it because other people to come well for the banker know this amount of money after two points for children a really nice house and that's what you meant and is like that's what color that's what it mean to live like
that's what you think this what I think I know all those years so me not give it a toss and one of my favorite down the road at 38 years old this happening even though I've got loads of responsibilities I just kind of or not here what or not it I just you know I felt right to justify it now I better just before it that's why a lot of people don't cycle at this time of year I can see the macho parkour and I'm like man it's cold karma faith you need your blossom things
displace lighter in the way it looks as well around here Layton [Music] [Applause] no I haven't got amazing amount at Leicester to do it just got quite big three quiet straight for quite big things to do like find somewhere to get married and you know get the license to get married and speak to lawyers and blah blah but it's not the main amount of things that oh he's just age everything is quite a big thing it's not really going to be that strict to thing you know it's not big wedding cakes and this and the
other who I mean we're gonna look smart for it and all that kind of stuff but it's more about the fact that yeah come on we're getting married this whole bit of fun you know [Music] I was always told by my parents those gonna be an estate agent and I always wanted to be a writer really I think very few people have told Ben Britain at least follow your bliss and I wish I had in a much better stronger why I mean the first you have to know what your bliss is but I think I
always did know my bliss in a way I'm kind of envious of those people that are kind of like you know all totally smitten and stuff I'm fine as cynical as well and must be quietly mean oh no you know I can't Isaac's got stands at the road and see a way of trying to going back you know top and change like the wind something's gonna happen it's gonna sort it all out don't know what that is something phone call I'll be able to grab something I bet I have a look to see with this
case isn't wrong it is important this my girlfriend Andrea Hello Dolly I think he's gonna be quite a significant year for me professionally and also personally as well then it would be great if my parrot I could actually pull our horses and fight you know make a new home together it's ten years since I got married and now at forty four as opposed to 34 I feel a lot more prepared you know an able to be a sort of like a life partner the bits of the marriage ceremony that are important to me are the
sort of like you know they're coming together of two people the sharing of resources and the sort of you know the commitment to each other and that's sort of like that team so those bits I will absolutely take seriously so whether or not we get married and I quite loudly quite like the idea if a if another big piss up and you know maybe getting a few extra material things from the wedding list but you know I say that almost a jest but I suppose I'm more interested in the the big pit up I don't
think my partner feels the need to kind of like you know stammers freedoms our being able to sort of like you know to love and give and contribute without having to really sell out and you know and not be me it's like I can do all of those things I can be what somebody else believes me to be while being me at the same time I guess that's hitting in that shell in the last six months I lived to ride my bike without my hands which I never thought I could ever do so I mean
I live you know I just taught myself how to do it and I'm thinking that I never thought I could do those to be really jealous at the kids you could do and that's a real midlife try said that sounds like there's a man who's having struggling with his midlife [Music] [Music] it's tricky but I feel I'm gonna have to kind of okay right notice the grindstone let's get something started and make something happen for yourself because I don't think anyone's gonna open the door for me so that's kind of where I am II I
don't think anyone's gonna open the door I don't have to wait my foot in the door and and you know make it get more and more open which I've done in the past and I think I can do a game was I suppose I'd ask kind of thing could be nice to find a door that was at least to join I've never really had an idea of what that was because I was never told I was loved and I have fallen in love starting quickly I've never really learned to love there's anyone my daughter came
along no I began to realize and that's a different kind of anyway but it's a good basis to start and I think [Music] my daughter's been sent for an attending there because that has been my driving force focusing or or whatever I wanted to be fearless all right sit enjoy life and grow it both hands because there's something I never really had a chance to do so my living like my childhood through here through here I don't think so it's gonna rain truly she has a good grounding and I mean the things that I didn't
have we're not just material things they're emotional support love and things like that I'm just so proud of her I thought I wanted my parents do is to be proud of me remember a stent trophies I win trophies to take them home and hope they put my prominently in tact everybody around them that they didn't I'm very sad I would just like more happiness and the thing that would that would give me more happiness in my life as if there that happens to somebody enough I had no idea what success was that's an idea success
has changed I didn't leave but what I wanted was possible and because of that I didn't have any model of what success was in a way it didn't mean a car or a house or all of those things which as a child I've been told work marks of success I guess I could tell you what my dear success is now which is to be at peace with yourself [Music] I don't feel like I know it all now and it's all sorted out because every time I thought that I've known things it's all gone hideously wrong
and I've been playing that I know nothing [Music] the boys are singing to drive away the noxious verbs before women it is useful to practice on statues and now I'm here to tell you all that I have discovered that living is one of the best things there where I ripped it that her eyes couldn't have been more beautiful I just thought they were driving my utopian car of a dystopian roads I go over and look at myself and look surprised because living is one of the best things I go over stand there listening for sunshine
burning the grass my horn a crumpled dream earthlings comrades early Earth work out your salvation with diligence as if all things were still possible you
