Tony Robbins Motivation - Get The Edge - Day 5

[Music] and welcome to day number five or session five depending on how you're going through this program listen yesterday we talked about the power and importance of energy in your body but you can have a lot of physical energy and have it shunted by investing the energy and emotions that pull you down Now we all have times in which we get frustrated or overwhelmed or depressed or angry we also have times when we feel euphoric and joyous and we feel excited about our lives the secret is not to never feel the negative emotion that's not

real this is not about positive thinking this is not about denial it's about the power of using your emotions as action signals you see every emotion you've ever felt In your life is really a call to action and what i want to show you in this tape is how to make that happen now think about something for a moment what is more important to you than the way you feel is there anything you know my business seminars for years i've asked people i said tell me anything you want in this world and people say things

like you know i want more money you know i want a better relationship you know I want to know that the world has been better because i was here and invariably when i asked people whenever they say i want these things or they say i want to be fed because i've kept them there too long in the session the bottom line is they'll say well if i had some food i would feel better or if you know i made more money i would feel like i had more power or more control or more freedom or

more security or if i was in a better relationship i'd Feel more love but in reality they don't really want the relationship down they don't want the money they don't want the food they just want to feel better they want to change the way they feel they want to change the emotional content of their life in that moment i think it's real important for us that we take a new look at emotions that we see that some of the emotions that we consider sometimes to be Negative emotions that we think are most painful may in

fact be our best friends they may be giving us signals that we need to make changes if we heed these signals and if we utilize them we can change the quality of our experience and our life immediately so just remember emotions are the ultimate power they start wars they cause us to get Married it causes us to get divorced to create children they can even make us ill or they can make us healthy in essence the history of your life the history of this world is the history of emotion emotions are the core that call

us to action and change our entire lives so where do they come from what's their real purpose what are some of the most intense Emotions that we experience day to day that shape our destiny and that most of us never really learn to master and then how can we master them and how can we utilize those to increase the quality of our life those are in essence the questions i want us to answer together today let's start with a simpler question though how do you deal with your emotions right now I'm curious because i found

that people deal with emotions in one of basically four patterns either one they avoid them they literally try to not feel they try to not have to feel let's say the feeling of rejection and there's a problem with that what would you guess it is well yeah if you're always trying to avoid rejection you're never going to succeed Because anything in life that requires you to deal with other human beings on a massive scale where you're taking a step forward you're trying to create change exposes you to a point where somebody may disagree with you

they may reject you see the ultimate fear of rejection keeps people out of relationships they never get to have the feeling they do want which is love or intimacy or feeling of connectedness Because their fear of rejection keeps them out of it so you can't ever avoid completely negative emotions they're part of life and they cause us to grow some people don't try to avoid emotions instead they go into the i'm gonna endure it phase or worse i'll endure it but deny it those people usually try and disassociate from their feelings they try to say

well it doesn't feel that bad but meanwhile They keep stoking the fire inside themselves by thinking about how horrible things are or how someone has taken advantage of them or how they do everything right but things still turn up wrong and why is it this always happened to them in other words they never change their internal conversation they never change their internal focus or their physiology they keep feeling like heck But they try to pretend like it's not there denied or disassociated and inevitably this erupts because the more you don't listen to the messages of

your emotions the more intense they get they keep hammering on the door louder and louder to try to get through to you and all of a sudden you feel worse and worse and worse or the third thing i see people do is they use it for competition you got it bad let me tell you how bad i feel it's really gonna make your life Better and i hear people do it all the time yeah my work's so horrible let me tell you how terrible things are you think that's bad let me show i'll show you

terrible and sure enough people get in a match to see how bad they can make each other feel about their own lives you want to stay out of that place hopefully you go with a fourth way of dealing emotions and that is to learn From them and utilize them now where do they come from do they just attack us like a virus where all of a sudden we feel something or as we all know they come from other people right for example if you feel loving it's because of what somebody else did they came over

and told you they loved you or they hugged you or they touched you a certain way or they kissed you and that's what made you feel loved is that really true When somebody touches you and you feel loved the reality is you feel loved because you choose at that moment to create those feelings within yourself you allow yourself to have those sensations you have some rules some criteria that say when xyz happens then i get to feel loved and then at that moment when all those criteria are met somebody hugs you kisses you says they

love you etc You then in your own body create these sensations that you call love you release those sensations you put yourself in that physiology at that moment conversely if you feel bad if you feel angry if you feel overwhelmed depressed frustrated lonely all of these emotions are also created by only one person you by what you choose to focus on or to be even more specific by the meaning that you attach to any experience in Life let's repeat that so remember it how you feel at any moment of time is really the result of

the meaning that you've given to your experience in other words let's say a man opens a door for a woman how does that woman feel about that well the answer has nothing to do with the actual event but rather her interpretation of the event what she chooses to label that event as meaning Some women feel demeaned by the process how dare you you male chauvinist pig you can imagine how some guys look back and go what does it matter with her because what it meant for him was respect or may have meant for him he

was doing it out of appreciation or love or just simple caring see what we feel is not based on our experience but again on our interpretation of our Experience it's the way we represent our experience that determines how we feel and look again at that word represent it means if we spell it out re present in other words something just happened now after it happened you take it into your five senses and you make a representation another presentation what happened inside your head the way you represent those events will Determine how you feel so guessing

in this case this woman took the simple act of a man opening the door with a smile on his face and she represented it inside of her head as he's trying to take advantage of me he's trying to make me less than him he's trying to dominate me in some way we must be very careful of the meanings we attach to things because those meanings basically Determine the quality of how we feel in our lives we must make sure that the emotions we feel are appropriate that in essence they empower us instead of disempowering us

there are no negative emotions there are no bad emotions every emotion serves us as long as we interpret it in a way that adds a powerful meaning to our life something that moves us forward instead Of backwards now let's go a step further why don't you just analyze the difference between two emotions for me just by experiencing them if you would stop for a moment right now and i want you to think about something that you'd like to have happen in the future and i would like you to do is hope that it will happen

just take a moment stop for a second close your eyes if you can't if you're In a car this is not a very useful exercise you might have to hope with your eyes open i hope you keep your eyes open while you listen to me here but right now i want you to think of something you want to have happen in the future and just hope that will occur just hope notice how this feels now i want you to notice do you see like two different possibilities when you help I'm curious do you see it

working out not working out how does it feel to hope now open your eyes kind of change your state a little bit you know move your body around change your physiology and then secondly i want you to try another emotion i want you just for a moment to close your eyes and think of this thing you want to have happen but expect it to happen put yourself in a state of absolute Expectation when you absolutely expect you know it will happen and as you expect this will happen as you know what happened you create that

in your body right now i want you to notice how that feels and also notice how this is different than hope and then as you do open your eyes and what was the difference now when i ask people to do this in seminars one of the first differences That people tell me is that hope for them when they hope they saw two different examples they saw it working out they also thought of the possibility of not working out in other words they held two different options of what was going to happen in the future and

they didn't feel very certain when i ask them which one they like better they always say they like to expect better than they like to hope In addition they'll say things like well i felt like when i was hoping that i was passive but when i was expecting i was active i felt moved forward i felt more intensity so what i begin to hear is the difference in these emotions for a lot of people is the way you represent them that is you focus on both possibilities when you hope when you expect you just focus

on one possibility this is what's Going to happen and that's all you picture that's all you notice that's all you think about in addition there's this movement when you expect this sensation this tension but it's a positive tension all emotions have different components we will learn how to use those components to intensify our positive emotions and to lessen our negative emotions i just had to do this exercise for another Quick reason i want to reinforce something were you able to hope this thing was going to happen in the future a moment ago and were you

in fact able to expect it to create that feeling in your body then once again i've proven to you that you do control your emotions don't you there was no reason to expect it nothing i said had changed the content of whether or not you would succeed i just Told you to choose to expect something would work out and you did it didn't you and did it feel better so remember you're always in control of how you feel nothing in the environment controls you it's the way you interpret the environment the meaning you give the

rules you have to determine what positive or negative feelings you give yourself so why do we have emotions in the first Place what's their purpose especially why do we have these painful emotions you might say i know what these powerful positive emotions are for because i deserve ecstasy well i agree with you you deserve to feel great and they're a reward system and some people look pain as if it were the punishment system and sometimes it is when we don't follow our own rules and we don't live by our own values by our own life

standards Then we certainly give ourselves pain as a way to keep ourselves on track because we want to avoid pain but i think negative emotions serve a very powerful positive purpose and that purpose i've already alluded to when we started this tape negative emotions are a signal that a change is needed let's think about this for a moment when you feel an emotion like fear an emotion that most people try to avoid at All costs because it's just too painful or any variant of that emotion like worry or concern or terror when you feel those

emotions those emotions are giving you a signal rather than just try to avoid the feelings you should listen for and notice the signal and utilize it the signal of fear is you must prepare well that's a valuable signal it's in your body for a reason it's saying to you that something may be Coming in the near future that you better be prepared for either prepared to cope with or prepared to deal with that's valuable information we don't want to deny that emotion we don't want to avoid it and pretend it's not there that's how niagara

happens that's how people get in trouble emotionally physically financially in their relationships they don't want to feel the fear that The relationship's not working out so they pretend it's still going great until one day they find themselves five feet from niagara falls and a boat with nora's and going oh shoot it's too late they take an emotional fall a relationship fall make sure that these emotions serve you and the way to make them serve you i think is to realize that every emotion has a message for you And what you want to do is not

make it wrong not avoid it not freak out about it not make yourself wrong for feeling it but to do six things number one identify what the emotion is to acknowledge and appreciate the message it's offering you three get incredibly curious about what it's offering you in other words how could you use this to make your life better is this really What you want and do you need to change the way you're looking at the world you need to change the way you're acting you need to change the way you're communicating and then four get

yourself to feel reassured by seeing that hey you've worked this out in the past you've made it through this emotion before five get yourself certain that you can handle anything like it in the future By rehearsing using this emotion as a tool of empowerment and sex take action and change your whole life those six tools that i just went through real fast are in essence what we're going to learn to utilize not just in changing how we feel but using how we feel even those negative feelings to make our life better now i want to

mention something you know in working With people and date with destiny seminars i've learned an incredible amount about human emotion in order to attend the class people have to feel like an 18 19 20 page questionnaire as it turns out to be for most people describing every emotion that you feel in your life and what triggers it you know what do you value most about each of those situations if there's any one thing i've learned by Going through all of these forms that human beings seem to have unlimited ways of describing negative emotions i get

to read about how people get to be frustrated and insecure and lonely and bored and sad and angry and impatient and annoyed and anxious and unsure and guilty and unworthy and depressed and disrespected and humiliated can you believe i do this for a living believe this But the good side is this i get to also read about how they get to have joy love success abundance contribution flexibility creativity power impact curiosity wonder beauty spirituality respect sincerity integrity kindness confidence ecstasy you name it we have lots of pleasure we can have in our lives too the

challenge is that most people though spend more time in the Negative they spend more time trying to avoid those negative emotions instead of using them so what i try to do is to sit down and say okay they're all these different ways of describing emotion the question is do enough of them fall into a group of categories that we could chunk them down in other words you might say well i'm really feeling concerned or worried or Anxious or scared or terrified but that really all is just forms of fear right so what i'd like to

do in this session at least just for the sake of our conversation and for our ability to deal with our emotions is to take and create a model for each other a model that i've created where basically i fit all emotions into ten categories now the challenge with this is we all have different labels for what a feeling Means so yours may not agree with the ones i'm putting down but just for our ability to have a conversation and for our ability to deal with our emotions we're gonna say there are ten types of emotions

just for the sake of conversation is that okay with you i hear a yes i just hallucinate that's another kind of emotion i guess but here are the ten emotions and i'd like you to jot them down now i know if You're driving in your car it makes a little more difficult but if you can take out your get the edge journal and let's write down these ten emotions i'll wait for one moment moment's up welcome back here are the ten categories of emotions here's the first one uncomfortable emotions he said it's a pretty big

category You're right but i'm basically describing here emotions that don't have a tremendous amount of intensity but they do bug you they bother you feelings of boredom for example or being impatient or uneasy or distressed or maybe mildly embarrassed would probably fit under uncomfortable for most people the second category of emotions would be the emotions of fear Those could be things like concern apprehension worry anxiety feeling scared or even terrified these are all different types of emotions that we're going to relate for sake of our conversation to fear the third category of emotion i call

hurt any kind of feeling you would link to hurt and we're going to talk about how most of our feelings of hurt come from a sense of loss Fourth category anger and anger again has a large variety everything from mildly irritated to angry to livid to resentful the furious to enraged anything in that category we're going to talk about as an anger emotion fifthly emotions of frustration these are any emotions you would link to being held back or hindered in your pursuit of something sixth Emotions of disappointment anything that makes you really sad or defeated

as a result of something you expect that didn't work out well seven guilt emotions maybe another way of describing them would be the emotions of regret number eight feelings of inadequacy any emotion you've ever experienced it would consider causing you to feel like you're less than or Unworthy would fit into this category we call inadequate number nine feelings of being overloaded now again overloaded i'm using to make it soft but most emotions should probably link in here would be feelings of being overwhelmed or even hopeless or depressed anything that makes you feel like there's more

than you can possibly deal with within the overloaded category of emotion and lastly number 10 lonely emotions Anything makes you feel alone like you're lonely like you're apart from or separate from would fit into this category so again the 10 are one uncomfortable feelings two any feelings of fear three any feelings of hurt four any feelings of anger five any feelings of frustration six any feelings you would link to disappointment seven the category of Guilt and regret eight feelings of inadequacy nine feelings of overload overwhelm hopelessness or depression and ten any feelings you link to

loneliness okay it's a big set of categories but here's why i've done this i want to train you and myself i just started to use this technique on myself because it just came up with it it's pretty fantastic i've enjoyed it if i do Say so myself i'm quite humble but really it's really fantastic i had a good time with it i hope you will as well all of these emotions these categories of emotions are there for a reason and they're to give us a message a message that something needs to change now one of

two things has got to be changed when we're feeling any of these emotions and before i tell You this let's make sure you're enrolled here how would you feel in your life if you knew no matter what emotion you felt you could go okay am i feeling uncomfortable or is that a feeling of fear or is that hurt feeling or an anger type of feeling or a frustrated type of feeling or disappointed or a guilty or inadequate or overloaded or lonely feeling how would you feel if you knew in a moment or two You could

instantly get out of that feeling no matter how intense it had been would that be useful then stick with me okay because i know this may seem a little bit cumbersome at first so listen to me carefully at any moment you feel any emotion the first step you're going to always want to take to master your emotions i mentioned earlier i say it to you again first step always will be to identify the signal what i mean by identify the Signal is figure out if you're having a feeling which one of these categories does it

go into so let's take a look at how this might work let's say something happens between you and a loved one and as a result you feel rejected you look at your list of 10 here and you say rejected it's not on here tony well step number one is identify which category it most Fits well when you feel rejected you really could feel a lot of things about that rejection you might feel uncomfortable you might feel actually hurt or you might feel angry about it or as a result of rejection you might feel lonely what

i'm trying to do is get down to the core emotion that really is controlling you rather than just this giant word called Rejection which really isn't the essence of what you're feeling as you go down you look through your list and by the way i know you're not good at this list yet because it's brand new but you'll memorize it simply by listing this tape over and over again what we're going to call them from now on is action signals because that's exactly what they do they are signals for you to take action to re-evaluate

the way you're perceiving Something or the way you're proceeding the way you're communicating your feelings to other people or the way you're behaving around other people or situations in other words they're going to tell us we've got to make a change in order to get what we really want and that's what these action signals are all about they're not negative they're not Bad they're there to serve us but for now let's come back to the example we said step number one then always is identify the signal that simply means where does it fit in here

so in this example we've said that rejection really was just uncomfortable for you maybe what happened is you turned to kiss your husband or wife and they were busy reading or writing or something and they didn't really Reciprocate you felt you know kind of uncomfortable about that you didn't feel lonely you didn't feel hurt you didn't feel angry you just feel uncomfortable the signal of being uncomfortable is calling to your attention a message and the message of uncomfortable feelings is one realize you need to change your state but right now no matter what happens in

the state you're in you're not going to Appreciate it you're not going to be resourceful and understanding what things really mean say for example you're feeling in a state of being uncomfortable about that you're going to start hallucinating well gosh my husband or wife you know they didn't they weren't really loving to me you know does that mean they're not interested in me anymore does that mean that you know that our Relationship's not as strong we tend to hallucinate when we get a non-resourceful state so when you feel uncomfortable first message from that signal is

hey change your state second clarify what you want immediately you got to clarify what you want that's what the signal is trying to tell you says yeah don't just be uncomfortable what do you want if you want your husband or wife to be closer to you get clear that's what you want and step Three immediately take action in that direction and the way to take action in that direction is communicate your desire or do something that expresses it make sure you do something until you achieve what you want and you're no longer uncomfortable it's literally

that simple don't just sit around and go gosh i feel bored i feel foolish i feel insecure you know I feel kind of rejected i feel uncomfortable say great i need to change my state the fact that i'm uncomfortable is a signal it's giving me a message to immediately change my state to clarify what i want and three take action in that direction if you do that you conquer this motion immediately let's say you felt rejected to the point where you called it hurt you really felt hurt Inside well what's the message of hurt when

you feel the sensations you call hurt feelings that signals giving you a different message and the message there is that there's an expectation you have that's not been met and you have a sense of loss that's why it's more intense than just being uncomfortable feel like you've actually lost something now the challenge with this as with all These emotions is that when you identify the message you must immediately clarify what has to be changed i've mentioned this twice on the tape in passing but i want to hear this right now whenever you have what you

used to call a negative emotion you're now going to call an action signal you know that that action signal signal you need to change One of two things either your perception or your procedure now let me clarify what i mean by that your perception might be for example that gosh you feel hurt you feel like your husband doesn't love you so much anymore your wife doesn't love you so much anymore because gosh when you first met boy all you had to do was you know look at them and they dropped the newspaper and came over

and hugged you now they don't you have a Sense of loss and that hurts you inside and that hurt is a lot more painful than the feelings of just being uncomfortable the point though is this is this an appropriate emotion for you to feel based on this situation and this time with this person that's really the question we want to ask ourselves whenever we have an emotion we know that we have that signal we need to first identify it and then secondly Immediately appreciate the signals offering us a message and the messages we need to

change again our perception or procedure so our perception might be a person doesn't love me do we need to change our perception do we have some rules that are inappropriate in this situation and the answer here probably is yes wouldn't you agree this person is just wrapped up in what They're doing because they're just immersed it doesn't mean they love you any less what this emotion is telling you is you need to change your perception because otherwise you're going to feel pain for no reason you might also look at the same situation as a symbol

that you need to change your procedure procedure means the way you're proceeding with this information In other words what this may be is a signal to you that you really aren't communicating your real needs to your husband or your wife maybe what you need to do is change your procedure and instead of feeling hurt or instead of feeling uncomfortable turn your husband and wife and say honey you know i know you're wrapped up in your work i know you're totally immersed i know you're trying to do stuff that supports The whole family here but you

know what i just need you know three minutes with just you just you and i because i really need right now to just feel loved by you i need to hold you i need to feel connected to you now that person starts get upset obviously you're getting feedback that your procedure still didn't work you have to be a little more flexible a little more creative or maybe a little bit more loving in the way you do it Or maybe change the timing which you go about something but that's changing procedure changing the way you communicate

or another way of changing procedure might be it's a signal that says that the way you're communicating your husband or wife doesn't make them want to make you feel loved right now that your present behavior may be turning them off for example let's say you feel rejected By them because when you come in the door they don't rush up and give you a hug they're immersed in something now how do you respond to that well what a lot of people do when they feel rejected is they feel uncomfortable with it or they feel hurt or

some people get angry when they feel rejected now what's the message of anger the message of anger is you have a standard for your life Something that's important to you and it's not being met by another person or maybe even not being met by you sometimes we get angry because we're not living our own standards huh so let's say as a result one of your standards is that people who love you they run up and they greet you in your home they don't do that today you feel angry one of your standards has been violated

something you believe important is not Happening and now you're angry about it how do you respond now to your spouse who doesn't even know what's going on maybe you give them a dirty look or maybe you make some snide remark or you find something wrong with what they're doing as a result this person may very well purposely reject you now when you're feeling this rejection you're feeling this hurt or this anger and you say okay this anger means i have A message here a signal signals i need to change either my perception or my procedure

maybe you don't need to change your perception maybe they really are rejecting you deliberately maybe the procedure is not only how you communicate but how you're behaving maybe you need to look and say you know i'm not treating this person in a very loving way no wonder they're giving me this feedback i need to change me Are you following me so far so we're always getting the message we're identifying the signal we're appreciating the message and knowing the message is telling us we either need to change our perception or our procedure way we're communicating the

way we're behaving i know this may sound complex at first but i plead this tape back and listen this little section a couple of times you'll get this down I want to change either my perception or my procedure the way i'm communicating with this person or the way i'm behaving or just the way i'm looking at the whole darn thing and making it so i don't have pain i need to look at things communicate or behave in a new way that's the message of pain let me say that again because i think you'll get this

one if you're feeling pain it's a message you need to change the Way you're looking at things and therefore what they mean to you or change the way you're communicating your desires or needs to someone especially if the pain involves somebody else or change the way you're behaving the way you're treating others and that'll get you a new response that's in essence the basis of all these action messages they're telling you you've got to set a new outcome and move in a new direction Otherwise you're going to stay in pain and by the way let

me mention something to you if you ignore a message if you ignore one of these signals and these action signals whether it be the signal feeling hurt or fearful or angry or frustrated disappointed or overloaded that signal doesn't go away it intensifies you'll feel even more hurt even more angry it intensifies until one day you get Smart enough to say hey i gotta change something here i gotta change my expectations the way i'm evaluating this thing the way i'm looking at things the way i'm feeling about it or the way i'm communicating what i need

or i gotta change the way i'm behaving period i'm gonna keep feeling this until i make one of those three changes it's that simple next once you've identified the signal I.e you've been identified you said i was feeling rejected and what that really means is i'm feeling uncomfortable or it really means i'm feeling heard or angry or lonely or whatever then the second step is appreciate the message respect that emotion don't make your emotion wrong so many times they say well i don't want to feel rejected or i don't want to feel bad or i

don't feel Angry i don't feel hurt don't do that appreciate it has a message for you it means you got to change but it also means something very specific depending upon which emotion of these 10 categories so before we go any further let me review with you what the messages are that each one of these 10 signals is giving you we've already said that if you're uncomfortable The message is simple you got to change your state clarify what you want and take action in the direction of what you want and immediately you won't be uncomfortable

anymore if you're feeling category number two emotions of fear whether it be concern or apprehension or worry or anxiety or scared or frightened or terrified no matter what intensity it is Any one of those still are fearful emotions and fear emotions deliver one message to us we need to prepare ourselves to deal with something or to avoid the negative consequences of something that's coming up something that's about to happen a situation or event basically fear is get prepared get yourself so you can deal with something and that's a valuable message isn't it Now the problem

is what most of us do is we get fearful and we don't take the message we either try to deny the fear and act like we're real strong and all it does is get stronger and stronger or worse we just surrender the fear and we don't get the message all we do is we get caught up in the emotion and we get more and more scared and we amplify it we start thinking about the worst that can happen rather than figuring out okay What do i need to do to be prepared to avoid the negative

consequences and make this work for example people have fear of failure that's a valuable fear it's saying get prepared so you won't fail you might have a fear because the irs is coming to visit you and you get a little note in the mail you get this feeling of anxiety that's probably useful fear It's probably saying to you hey you better go get all your paperwork in order if you didn't have that message it wasn't painful enough you might slough it off it might show up and it may cost you a lot of money not

because you weren't accurate or honest because you weren't prepared same thing happens when somebody asks you to give a speech and you get a little fear inside maybe it grows into anxiety the more Intense it gets the more we tend to surrender to the emotion rather than get the message that's why we may want to convert fear and say well i'm a little concerned and what i'm concerned about is i need to prepare for the speech so i do the best possible job and i'll feel confident instead of fearful now again with each of these

emotions we want to hear the message and seize the message appropriate you May already be prepared you may be as prepared as you can get there's a limit to what you can do right there's a point where you have to have some faith at that point you might just have to say you know what this is a message i need to change my perceptions not my procedures i'm prepared by my procedures i know what to do i know how to do it but i gotta stop focusing on this thing Being the worst possible situation i

just need to decide to become confident now to focus on it working instead of it not working the third category of emotions those of hurt feelings give us a signal and a message that says you have an expectation that's not been met and you have a feeling of loss i.e you expected somebody to keep their word and they didn't that hurt your feelings or You expected someone never to share something that you told them privately and they told somebody else and now you feel hurt you feel a sense of loss of intimacy with them or

loss of trust and that sense of loss is what creates that feeling of hurt inside of us what do we need to do it tells us immediately that we have to evaluate is there really a loss here again do we need to change our Perception maybe you just didn't communicate to this person that when you told them this you wanted them to keep this information private maybe you haven't lost anything maybe you just have to change your way of communicating your needs or again change your behavior the next category is anger that's the fourth category

and again emotions like irritation or feeling livid or furious or enraged Or resentful all of these fit into this category any of these emotions are simply signals giving you a message and the message here is that an important rule that you have in your life has been violated by someone else or maybe even by you see when we think something's really important and somebody violates that rule we get upset about it how we deal with that upset will determine a great deal How much pain or pleasure we really experience in our lives and how close

we get to other people how much we push them away from us in other words if somebody violates your standards that's the message what you're supposed to do with that message is real simple communicate that you have a standard communicate that you know it's only your rule it isn't necessarily their rule but you need their help so if we use the Earlier example where you shared something in confidence with someone but you didn't tell them it was in confidence you expected them to know that and you didn't just feel hurt you felt angry about it

then the bottom line is instead of beating that person up you need to go to that person and communicate in a different way right change the way you're Communicating change your procedure and say you know i know you didn't understand this to be private but this is really important to me and you need to deal with it as quickly as possible anger is usually an outgrowth of hurt in other words when you're hurt you have a feeling of loss something you expect it didn't work out when you're angry it's because it's something you think is

really important that wasn't handled or You've got a lot of hurts that have built up and you've not expressed them you've not communicated them so anger is usually a signal something you believe is really important has been violated by someone or yourself or that you've had a lot of hurts that you've not expressed that have built up until their anger how you deal with it change your perception maybe this person wasn't trying to hurt you at all Change your procedure communicate better what your real needs are or change your behavior tell people up front hey

this is private promise me you won't share this with anybody because it's real important to me either way you'll get out of your anger quickly it's simply a signal that says you need to clarify with other people what your rules are and get them to agree to meet them Or you need to compromise them possibly you know some things you get angry about you're going to get angry about for the rest of your life and you better identify those things and realize that those are just your standards they're not everybody's standards and if you go

around being upset because everyone doesn't live by your rules you're going to be upset your whole life so again maybe you need to change your Perceptions change your rules so the life is a lot simpler and a lot less painful for you the fifth category of emotions frustration these action signals are telling you you need to change your approach to achieving your goal whatever you're going after you're not going to get it the way you're doing it right now that's why you're frustrated you keep trying to get the same result By doing the same thing

over and over again there was a definition given a long time ago about insanity they said insanity is attempting to get a new result by doing the same thing over and over again it'll never work so you've got to change your approach when you feel frustrated just know hey that's a message i got to change my approach i need to be more flexible in the situation category number six disappointment if You start to feel disappointed that's a signal and that signal is bringing you a message and the message is that you need to realize an

expectation you had an outcome you're going after is not going to probably happen unless you change your expectation and make it more appropriate for the situation at hand in other words maybe you wanted something to happen in too short a Period of time i was doing a seminar about a week ago and i was in fort lauderdale and i was in the restroom and this man recognized me and came up to me it's always interesting when you're in a restroom and people come up and ask you for advice about how to change their life it

seems a little inappropriate but anyway the bottom line is it made me uncomfortable actually and i guess I had to clarify that i need to change my state clarify what i wanted and take some new action which i did right then and there i won't give you the details but the bottom line is this man told me he said you know gosh i'm hoping you can help me and turn my whole life around he said because i've been doing everything i know i've been listening to every tape there is i read every book and i've

been doing it all and nothing Seems to be work he said you know i feel like i'm so disappointed you know i did everything but he said and my life still isn't working out he's you know i just feel like i just could take my life and i said well you want some help and i didn't say that harshly i did it to break the guy's pattern he looked at me like i was crazy and then he saw me smiling he kind of was brain fried for a moment there and He saw that he was

being ridiculous and so was i and so he said well you know i said listen i said what you need to realize is that the reason you're disappointed is you're getting feedback this appointment says that you set some pretty strong goals within a certain time frame and you didn't meet those so you got to change your goal a little bit you got to make it more appropriate for where you are Right now make it a little more realistic for where you are right now i said remember something god's delays are not god's denials see you

may just be in what i call lag time lag time means if you go out right now and you plant a seed you don't come back the next day and look for the plant you don't expect to also reap your ward the next day see if you planted a seed then you ran back the Next day and you went to the soil and you said hey soil where's my plant so i will just giggle at you and say hey what are you new it doesn't work that way you know you got to work through all

the different seasons and stuff how can you be disappointed already but some people managed to do that i said so you may be in lag time sometimes you you put a seed in you plant something and it takes a season for you to get the Reward and you're still in springtime and you're expecting it to be fall realize disappointment says you need to change your expectations you need to change simply your view of things and come up with a more appropriate outcome for the time that you have involved the people you have involved the situation

you have involved so that's the message listen to it Utilize it don't keep re-experiencing disappointment and stacking it till you feel overloaded or overwhelmed or hopeless or inadequate what your emotions will talk about later but first let's talk about the next one the seventh major category of emotions are guilt or regret emotions hey when you've got feelings of guilt or regret a lot of people say well don't feel guilty about anything garbage guilt serves you if you hear the Message and the message of guilt is really simple it says you violated one of your own

standards and you must do something immediately to ensure that you're not going to violate again in the future that's why you have the pain of guilt now what most people do is they do one of the other they either deny the guilt take themselves out of it and don't feel guilty at all Which you know i agree you shouldn't stay in guilt but if you just deny the guilt and don't get the message the guilt's gonna come back it'll get you sooner or later it's back there it's deep it's dark it'll get you so with

that fear maybe you should turn that fear into getting the message instead of being overwhelmed and again surrendering to guilt that's the other extreme people just walk around and they allow Themselves then to feel inferior for the rest of their life they feel so regretful about what they once did that is not the purpose of guilt it's to make sure you clean up your act it's to make sure that you don't violate this again it's that you make things right when you screw up that's what you got to do now sometimes you can't sometimes someone

has passed away Or something's occurred where you feel guilty about something in the past you really can't change the only thing you can change is your present and future behaviors when you do that you can let go of the guilt that's the message it offers you and again when you immediately feel the signal what do you do you identify the signal and you realize hey i'm feeling regret or i'm feeling guilt Secondly you appreciate the message it's a message that says you need to change something either your perception or your procedures maybe you're feeling guilty

about something you shouldn't feel guilty about at all have you ever done that i know i have i felt guilty one time because i didn't help somebody feel happy enough i used to run around if everybody around Me wasn't happy i feel guilty if i felt good how stupid we don't want to fall into that category you might want to change your rules or your perceptions or you might need to change your procedures again maybe the procedure is you feel guilty about the way you communicate to somebody you were too harsh go back and clean

it up say hey i'm sorry i didn't mean to do this i really regret what i said i was wrong Boy the guilt will disappear or change your behavior in the future change the way you're going to communicate to that person or people like them any one of these three changes again will immediately eliminate the guilt and then guilt has served a good purpose hasn't it it's kept you on track it's moved you forward it's made you a better person that's why it's there utilize it don't Wallow in it let's go to category number eight

inadequacy boy if you feel inadequate those are any of those emotions again that make you feel like you're less than feelings of being unworthy for example would be inadequate feelings whenever you feel this emotion or emotion like it get excited appreciate it's offering you a message and the message is simple It's saying you need to do something to get better in this category right away it doesn't mean you have to be perfect at it inadequacy just says you got to do something don't sit on your duff anymore you're feeling inadequate because you haven't done anything

to be really good in this area now the first thing you got to do is as you go through this process is ask yourself Is this really an appropriate emotion that is am i really inadequate or do i need to change the way i'm perceiving things maybe i've got some rules that say in order for me to be adequate you know i have to go on the dance floor and outdo john travolta you know that's probably inappropriate perceptions you need to change the perceptions or it may be changing the procedures which is i need to

prepare myself by Doing something right now to get better one thing you could do is just go practice one thing you do is go out and initiate some communication so inadequacy is a message to get up and do something to become better or to change your criteria to look at what you're doing and make it easier for yourself to feel adequate you've probably got rules that are too harsh now category number nine this is one of the categories that i think immobilizes And destroys more people's lives and virtually any of the others combined and that

is a feeling of being overloaded or overwhelmed or hopeless or depressed they all fit together i use overloaded to make it sound simpler because if you say gosh i'm depressed you'll immediately feel much more intensity than if you say i'm overloaded the key here is to realize that this is a signal when you feel hopeless Depressed overwhelmed or overloaded the message that's offering you it is that you need to reevaluate what's most important to you in this situation sit down right now and decide what is absolutely important what's a necessity for you versus what's a

desire write down all the things that are most important for you to accomplish then two put them in order of priority and then Three take the first one on your list and do something about it it's the same thing with depression the same thing for being hopeless sit down and say okay instead of saying it's hopeless i need to change my state number one that's always the message of all these emotions number two i gotta clarify what's most important to me write it all out three what's the order of the importance and four What's the

first thing on my list let me go handle that the minute you go handle anything and you deal with one simple issue your brain can handle it and as soon as you handle that situation you will feel like your control of your world you will not feel overloaded you will not feel overwhelmed you'll feel like there's hope and you won't feel depressed your self-esteem grows when you do something To take control of events instead of have events take control of you and all you have to do to take control events is chunk them down pick

one thing and master it go to number two and master it the message is simple you're trying to do too much and too short a period of time you're looking at the whole world and expecting everything to be perfect overnight And you're feeling like you can't handle it all chunk it down here's the final category category 10 feeling lonely have you ever felt really lonely i don't think there's anybody alive who hasn't but what does it mean when you feel lonely what is the message that you should get from that signal i think the message

is really simple what we really need at that moment the message is telling us we need a certain Connection with people the challenge with that message is a lot of times people take the word connection or the idea of the need for a connection with another human being and they make it into a sexual connection or instant intimacy and they feel frustrated because even when they have that they still feel lonely what we really need to do is identify what kind of connection maybe you do need an Intimate connection maybe you just need some basic

friendship or someone to listen to or somebody to laugh with or someone to talk to it's real important we feel lonely just say hey this is really neat what's great about being lonely is it says i really care about people i love to be with people and i need to find out what way i want to be with somebody right now and then take an action immediately to go in the direction we want In other words all 10 of these emotions are a message to our brain to say hey what you're doing right now isn't

working and you need to change it either change your perception change what criteria you're using your way of looking at things that makes you feel this way because your perception's not appropriate or change what you're communicating you're not communicating things in a way where people know your needs Or just change your behavior what you're doing isn't working change your approach so whether it be fear where you're saying hey what you're doing is you're not prepared enough get more prepared or change your perception you are prepared you're just making a criteria for yourself you have to

have too much to feel prepared you're feeling fearful because your criteria are too intense your rules are too hard to meet Change it and look at it and see that you really are prepared or to be something like regret where again your brain is saying hey something you did isn't working you broke your own rules in a way that doesn't work for you either you really didn't break your rules your perception's unfair or you broke your rules and you need to change it you need to do something so that you will never again break these

Rules you'll never again go through this kind of pain because it's not appropriate that's in essence how we want to deal with these 10 emotions and what you want to do is get to know these 10 review them over and over again so that when hey you have an emotion and you say my gosh i'm feeling jealous first step identify the signal which of these ten categories does it fall into well gosh jealous what is that do i am Feeling angry feelings or am i feeling fearful feelings about the jealousy you might say well i'm

really feeling angry well then there's a standard that i have that's been violated first step do i need to change my perception or my procedures as i respect the emotion what is the meaning i should take from this what's the message well maybe you know the fact that they said hello to this other person maybe i need to Change my perception maybe that's not so bad maybe i shouldn't feel jealous about that maybe that's an unfair rule an unfair way of looking things or maybe i need to communicate my needs that it wasn't just a

conversation is giving that person a kiss like that doesn't meet my rules and i need to communicate that to that person so they know so that they can respect my values so they can Respect what my needs are or maybe i can change my behavior and when i start to feel jealous instead i can just go and share more intimate feelings more loving feelings to this person i was jealous of and maybe they'll change the whole quality of relationship right then and there so now that we understand the messages the ten messages and again i

know you'll need to review this Let's take a look at the six steps i've given you the first two and i've repeated them over and over again so you'll remember them what step one you feel an emotion i don't care what it is let's say you say i feel destroyed number one immediately identified a signal what is destroyed is that uncomfortable no it's more than that is it fear no is it hurt yeah it feels really hurt that's what it is so you identify what It is two appreciate the message saying i gotta change something

okay do i need to change my perception or do i need to change my communication to my needs or do i need to behave differently what do i need to do there and what's the specific message what is the specific message that hurt offers me hey there's an expectation i have that's not being met i have a Feeling of loss then i go to step three of the six steps and that is i gotta get curious what i need to do is get curious about what i really want to feel what would it take to

make that happen so here are the four questions you're going to ask to get curious you've identified the challenge you appreciate the message you respect the fact that your emotions are helping you they're giving you a signal to take some Kind of new action now you're curious and your curiosity is well how do i really want to feel let's say you were feeling destroyed which is really just hurt how do you want to feel why i want to feel confident or i want to feel loved or i want to feel connected as soon as you

identify what you want to feel you're moving in the direction you want to go All these emotions are telling you is you need to refocus on what you want and take some new actions so ask yourself what do you want how do i want to feel second question you want to ask from a curious state of mind is what would i have to believe in order to feel this way right now so you might say what i want to feel is close friendship instead of pain and so the next question you ask is what would

i have to believe in or to feel That way well i have to believe that nothing could ever violate my sense of friendship with this person that they really do care about me that that feeling is really there third question what am i willing to do to handle this right now so i can feel this way well i'm willing to believe that i'm willing to trust i'm willing to have that faith i'm willing to communicate to that Person that i love them no matter what i'm willing to ask them what does it take for us

to really have friendship here and not to be in a position where i feel destroyed by the way somebody communicates and the fourth question is what's great about this or what can i learn from this you might want to ask yourself well one things i learned is that i contributed to these feelings by my rules by the way i looked at Things or by my intensity so what can i learn from this so in the future i never have to go through these feelings again again if you can get curious about your emotions and what

created them and what you can learn from them and how you can make sure you don't have to go through the pain again then sure enough you can accelerate your growth in life experience a lot more pleasure and a lot less pain Step four you get confident how do you get confident you reassure yourself that you can handle these emotions right now by remembering times when you handle it in the past are you following me on this have you ever felt jealous before and then you got over it can you remember a specific time or

have you ever felt destroyed really hurt but you got over it go back and remember A specific time when you really felt hurt and somehow you got over you didn't think you could but maybe you communicated the person or maybe you changed your state or you asked yourself a good question like what else could this mean maybe this person isn't trying to destroy me they're not trying to hurt me maybe they're just stressed out maybe it's not even about me Maybe people doing the best they can with the resources they have remember a time when

you're able to deal with the emotion and that'll make you confident you can deal with it right now step five get certain and what i mean by that is to be certain you can handle this stop right now in your mind and imagine coming up with different ways of handling this emotion come up with three or four different Ways where that jealousy comes up and you communicate it to somebody else in a way where they're hearing you if one doesn't work you try another one you rehearse it in your mind several times where you see

yourself okay one time expressing it by saying you know i know i'm wrong and i have this misperception another time you may say you say it with a smile and say you know i'm a little crazy at times But you know this is how i felt here another time you do it by giving the person a hug and whispering you know i need your help see you look at many different ways of communicating something so you deal with the emotion and you rehearse it until pretty soon you feel confident gosh i got lots of ways

of expressing my emotion in a way that empowers me in my relationships rather than disempowers me And finally step six get excited and take action do something right away that reinforces that you can handle this emotion go make that communication to the person you need to so you don't stay stuck in any emotion go express your emotion in some way that reinforces that what you've rehearsed inside your mind and what you got curious about the new distinctions you made Really do work for you that really you can change the way you feel and you're doing

it right now six simple steps 10 emotions that you can recognize how do you get good at anything the answer is pretty simple practice i hate that word practice though i'd rather say do it because practice implies maybe you're not very good at it the way you get good at something is you do it every time you do it you try and Do it even better you don't ever practice you're always going for it full out having fun with as well and the best way to deal with emotion as you remember is kill the monster

while it's little make sure you deal with those anger motions when they're at the level of a little bit irritated not when they're in rage if you handle them at the level of a little irritation they're a lot easier to deal with Also remember the tools you've already learned if you start to feel like you're in rage connect yourself and say well maybe i'm not enraged maybe i'm a little annoyed or i'm a little bit inconvenienced by this conversation that'll break your pattern and make it easier for you to hear the message of those emotions

and take new actions instead of being caught up in those emotions and surrendering to them Or being defeated by them the emotions there to serve you but you've got to hear the message and act upon it and by the way the very best way to get what you want is to focus on it that is to experience it to plant it you know think of your mind your emotions and spirit as the ultimate garden the way to make sure that you harvest what you want of that garden is not to Keep practicing planting disappointment seeds

and fear seeds and saying well i'm really good at taking those things out and learning from them and showing what got to change but instead the plant seems like love and warmth or appreciation in fact let me offer you ten quick emotions that if you plant them every day and you cultivate these emotions you Focus on these being the way you want to feel every day you hold yourself to a standard that says every day i want to feel these 10 emotions what you've done is planted the seeds of greatness you've planted the seeds that

create a tremendous juicy life a life where you don't need a lot of action signals because you're already acting you're already living life at this fullest see a weed in your garden Is a call to action it's not negative it's a call to action it says you've got to do something you got to pull this out and that way things can grow well one of the easiest ways to keep the weeds out is to keep cultivating the kinds of plants you want right there in the garden so their roots are bigger and deeper and stronger

and there's not much room for weeds here are the 10 emotions that add juice to life And you want to cultivate it number one is love and warmth listen if you want to create a behavior i don't care what the behavior is the best way to get yourself to do something is put yourself in an emotional state where that behavior is automatic let me give an example if you want to have close relationships and do the things that make you close to other people the easiest way to do that is to cultivate an emotion of

being Loving and warm if you put yourself in a loving warm state you don't have to think well what should i do to make my relationships work it just happens automatically the second set of emotions is to be appreciative and grateful that also builds relationships if you're always feeling loving and warm and appreciative and grateful then you're going to do whatever is Necessary you're not gonna even think about it you're gonna do more than necessary to nurture the people around you and you'll have that deep feeling of caring third emotion is curiosity gosh if you

really wanna grow in your life learn to be curious curious like a child children know how to wonder and that's why they're so darn happy that's why they're never bored so you want the cure to boredom be Curious and if you wanted to get yourself let's say to study more and you're in school and you're trying to push yourself to study that's a hard behavior to create but if you're curious studying is automatic isn't it you don't have to work at it cultivate the emotion of curiosity and life becomes an ending study of joy four

get excited and passionate every Day see excitement and passion add juice to anything i think was benjamin disraeli who said man is truly only great when he acts from his passions passion adds to life enjoyment it can turn anything that seems to be a challenge into a tremendous opportunity we want to make sure we add that passion and excitement each day and the way we Do that the way we have the love the warmth the appreciation the gratefulness the curiosity the excitement the passion guess how we get that we decide to feel it see i

teach people my date with destiny to create what i call a code of conduct it's a set of emotional states that you put in front of you and you say that every single day you are committed to live those emotions even if things don't Go well even if it rains on your parade even if all your expectations are not met you choose to feel this way anyway because cultivating these emotions makes life work and out of these emotions it causes you to do the things that make life for you successful in every sense of the

word mental emotional social spiritual intellectual physical financial every sense of what Success can mean for all of us so we want to cultivate each of these emotions fifth major emotion to cultivate determination hey you want to go on a diet you want to get yourself to follow through it's really hard to do isn't it most people fail because they try to push themselves to go on a diet rather than putting themselves in a state of determination so if you're determined now diet is easy Because you're an emotional state where the appropriate behaviors happen automatically the

sixth powerful seed to plant to make your garden grow with joy and passion and energy flexibility boy if there's a seed to plant that will guarantee success it's the ability to change what's going on all those action signals all those things used to call negative emotions are just a call to be more flexible Be more flexible in the way you evaluate things your perception of what things really mean be more flexible in the way you communicate be more flexible in your behavior and your whole world changes the seventh major emotion confidence when you're confident you're

willing to try things you're willing to put yourself on the edge you're willing to really experience that One emotion that every single religious book on the planet talks about faith now one way to get confidence one way to develop faith is to use the muscle more often to practice it to exercise it i often ask people you know are you confident in tying your shoes and people say well of course say how confident they say absolutely confident and so how come he said well because i've done it a few Billion times well if you want

to have confidence the best way to have it is exercise it every day utilize it have some faith have some trust choose to be confident in a situation and you'll discover that you're going to do well for example most people are fearful about things that they think someday may happen and they feel bad about it in advance how many of the things you used to be Fearful about never came about just think of those times you'd chosen to be confident you would have reinforced that confidence is the way to live choose confidence over fear eight

be cheerful gosh you know i added to my values list cheerfulness not long ago and when i did people around me commented god there's something about you you seem so happy i thought i was always happy but you Know what there's a difference between being happy on the inside and being cheerful being cheerful means that when you're happy you tell your face about it everything works together and when you're communicating with people and you're feeling happy on the inside they feel happy being around you it means that you're trying to be happy in a way

that not only makes you feel happy but the people around you as well And cultivating that emotion enhances your self-esteem makes life more fun causes people to respond to you in a way well you need a lot less of this stuff like fear and hurt and anger and frustration and disappointment and overload and depression and guilt and feelings of inadequacy all those seem to disappear in an environment that's cheerful cultivate this emotion you won't need so Many of those action signals to get your attention here's number nine feeling healthy gosh feeling physically vibrant and healthy

is a great way to make sure that anything else bounces off you have you ever noticed how when you've got tons of energy you feel alive you feel vital the challenges even the challenges that used to really destroy you you seem to handle so much better so much easier It's like those action signals aren't really necessary when you feel vibrant and alive cultivate the feelings of being healthy and practice the things you know will make you feel physically vibrant on an ongoing basis and finally the tenth seed to plant maybe one of the most important

ones of all is a sense of contribution if every day you can feel like what you do adds something More than just to your own life but to others as well then life takes on a new deeper sense of meaning i think we all have a need to feel like our life matters like because we lived other people's lives were better they were greater they were more enjoyable we all want to leave our mark and each day we can do that in little ways we can do it by the way we smile at somebody we

don't even know Or by giving a compliment or just by appreciating someone who really needs to be appreciated so often people get angry because they don't feel appreciated maybe the next time you start to feel angry just realize that you've got a standard there that says if i do this people have to respond to me and maybe that's inappropriate maybe from now on you learn to make yourself feel good you learn to Appreciate yourself or you learn to communicate to people and say you know i'm not feeling very appreciated i love those few strokes here

or there you know what you get yourself at anger and a heartbeat you've taken a new task a new direction but in your own life why not every day just focus on how you contribute how you already have contributed notice the little things you do to support other people they'll make you Feel good about yourself and it'll make you want to do even more and the more we contribute the more addicted we get to giving more to other people and if everybody in life got addicted to this feeling of contribution imagine what the world would

be like so those are the ten seeds love and warmth appreciation and gratitude curiosity excitement and passion determination Flexibility confidence cheerfulness health and a sense of contribution plant these emotions daily and watch your whole life grow with a vitality like you've never dreamed of before well i've dumped a lot on your brain for emotions i think this is a tape you'll probably want to listen to a couple of times to really get good at using these action signals As well as planning the positive ones remember the six steps identify the signal this feeling i'm having

right now which these ten categories does it fit into two appreciate the message respect it don't make the feeling wrong just immediately look at it and say okay this is the message i need to change something number one maybe i change the word i'm using maybe instead of being devastated i'm a Little concerned maybe i need to change my perception or my rules about this maybe it's inappropriate to feel this way or maybe i need to change my procedures in order to get this emotion i need to communicate more effectively and tell people you know

this is really what i need i want to meet your needs too can you help me out with this or maybe i need to behave differently Maybe i need to just treat people differently and they'll treat me differently and i won't feel this hurt or this anger or this depression or this upset or maybe i need to be more flexible in my behavior and then i won't feel like i'm stuck anymore i won't feel so frustrated again i've got a lot of choices third get curious get curious about what you really want Ask yourself what

do i really want in a situation first second what would i have to believe in order to feel that way right now maybe you already believe it can start feeling that way instantly thirdly what am i willing to do to make it the way i want it and fourthly what can i learn from this what's great about this and i contribute to this and how can i make it better so i don't have to experience it in the future how nice To be able to move on fourthly get confident remember times when i dealt with

this remember some specific times you dealt with this emotion and you handled it you turned it around we all need a little hope and one of the best places of hope is that we've handled in the past hey i've done the past so i can probably handle it in the future and probably handle it right now And then get certain number five get certain because you're not just confident about the past but rehearse in your mind imagine dealing with it coming up in the future situations where it would come up and now you handle it

easily the best way to get good at something is practice it and there's a good thing to remember our brain can't tell the difference between something we vividly imagine And something we actually experience so we imagine dealing with it enough times we'll start to feel absolutely certain we can deal with in the future and we will that mental program will be in place and finally get excited and take action go out immediately and use your new feeling and take some kind of action that supports you and expanding your sense of freedom your sense of love

your sense of appreciation gratitude Curiosity or whatever emotions you want to feel more of and finally i'd say this to you if you remember nothing else from this tape but this one thing is probably the most important thing for you remember about emotions every feeling you have good or bad is not based on the actual reality of life but rather your interpretation as to what things mean remember nothing in life has any meaning Except the meaning you give it so if you don't like the way you're feeling change the meaning and the way to do

that is ask one question and again if you remember nothing else in this tape remember this right now whenever you start to feel bad ask yourself this question what else could this mean you start to feel like somebody's hurt you what else could this mean maybe they didn't mean to hurt me maybe What this means is that they're just frustrated in their own life they're just confused they don't know what's going on they're scared i wonder what's going on with them that makes them treat people this way what else could this mean whenever we get

absolutely certain we know exactly what things mean we tend to create some pain for ourselves so if you start to feel like You're in pain what else could this mean maybe what this means is i need to be more flexible maybe this means i'm about to learn something maybe the fact that i'm frustrated means i'm about to have a breakthrough maybe the fact that right now i feel a little overwhelmed is because i'm about to grow and expand and when i learn how to deal with this i'll be able to deal with almost anything What

else could this mean see you and i at any moment can choose a new meaning and therefore choose a new way of feeling a new way of behaving and you know what we're never gonna know the absolute meaning of anything when somebody passes away you really cared about them they die you can feel really bad you can feel disappointed you can feel frustrated you feel angry you can feel hurt you can feel sad And all those are appropriate emotions but make sure you take a message from it and the message you got eventually come out

with is what's an empowering way of looking at this what else could this mean maybe it doesn't mean that i just lost somebody maybe it means this person has gone someplace they need to be or maybe this means my connection will be even stronger with them now than when they were here maybe this Means i will value my own life and give more while i'm here because i realize that life is delicate choose meanings that empower you in life instead of assuming meanings that disempower you it's a final message to remember now let's use these

six steps and these ten emotions over the next two days just concentrate directly on anything that comes up that feels Disempowering that feels negative and immediately as it comes up identify it recognize that it's valuable that is giving you input you need to change something find out if you should change what it means to you or if you should change your procedures your communication or your behavior immediately then get curious hey how do i really want to feel what would i have to believe in order for me to feel that way now what am i

Willing to do to make it the way i want it and what can i learn from this then immediately remember times when you've handled it before and get yourself confident get certain by rehearsing dealing with that situation in the future and then go use it go do it right away i want you to do that for the next two days deliberately then just carry your list around and Whenever it seems appropriate you know over the next month just glance at it when you're having an emotion when you're having a feeling that doesn't feel good and

run yourself through the process but do it deliberately and consciously for the next two days so you develop a habit in your head second assignment make a list of all things you can do to make yourself feel good Now do you understand what i'm saying here just a list of anything you could do at any moment in time that makes you feel good because i think most of us have never sat down and said gosh how many different ways do i have to feel good most of us only have a few ways consciously to do

it smoke drink eat make love might be a positive one exercise you know maybe go watch tv or a movie But maybe you want to expand your list i did this recently for myself and it was fantastic i came up with 62 things that i can do to make myself feel good at any moment in time no matter where i am it's pretty darn exciting i never realized i had that level of choice and once i brought it to my conscious awareness i had that list then i feel like wow there's so many ways to

feel good I can do it any moment no matter what's happening around me and by having that many choices i could throw out some of the old ones like eating as a way to feel good maybe eating just becomes fuel then because you've got so many other better ways to feel good i just realized how powerful music is for me in terms of changing my state i was in my car and i have a stacking cd disc player and in there i have Classical music and i have pop music and rock music i mean i

go from listening to aida and bucelli to blink 182 or lenny kravitz or all the ranges of emotions i can change them in a moment or two i go from being excited ready to exercise to just being deep in emotion all that within a few moments using music and you know what there's no negative side effects Except maybe the volume i use every now and then but other than that it's not there so what are all the ways you can make yourself feel good that have no negative side effects make a list and then put

them in order of what you'd be willing to use in any environment like for example taking the right kind of breath to just change the way i feel is a fantastic gift i can give myself And i can do it anywhere anytime anyhow even if there's not music around so make a list for yourself it'll expand your world it'll expand your emotional choices and how to trigger yourself thirdly look at these 10 emotions that used to think of as disempowering we keep calling them action signals but the truth is if you could avoid them all

together if you didn't need them to give you action signals you were Already acting that would be the preference wouldn't it or if you never got into the deepest part of those emotions in other words if you felt you know mildly annoyed instead of absolutely frustrated that's certainly be to your advantage so you might want to develop a belief a singular global belief that really helps you to not have to feel these feelings very often at all I'll give an example i've done this for a lot of these feelings for me if you look at

an emotion like for example feeling lonely a lot of people are are afraid of being lonely or they're afraid of being abandoned you know i've always told people i'm never afraid of being a man and you could never abandon me because i just follow you i don't go after you so i have a belief this is no one could abandon me because If i really care about somebody i can always make that relationship work or another one might be if a person is feeling like they're depressed or they're overwhelmed a belief that i have is

this too shall pass you know and that the best is yet to come see if you adopted that belief and you start to feel certain that the best is always yet to come thank god that might change your life it might not only wipe out feelings of Hopelessness or depression or overwhelm but it also may cultivate that feeling of excitement and passion for life maybe more that gratitude as well and a final one that many of you are familiar that i offer if you really start to feel disappointed just remind yourself that hey there's always

a way if you're committed you can still turn this thing around if you adjust your approach maybe an antidote to feeling angry Towards someone or hurt by them would be to remember that people always do the best they can with the resources they have and lastly just remember nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give it if you don't like the way you feel choose to create a new meaning have fun with your emotions play with them learn from the ones that used to be painful and choose to live And enjoy and

experience the ones that create you tremendous pleasure and by the way our next session is on finances on money and money is driven by our emotions i mean how you feel determines what you spend or don't spend whether you save what do you give up it's still an emotional device that's why we want to cover our emotions first so until tomorrow my friend smile big enjoy your life Convert pain into pleasure and most of all live with passion [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Music] [Laughter] you