[Music] all news pales in comparison to what is occurring right now in the state of California a horrifying Inferno whose danger even now has not passed but even amongst the tragedy and sadness there have been incredible moments of human compassion and kindness neighbors looking after neighbors charitable contributions pouring into GoFundMe from all areas of the World mainly the tireless and heroic actions of firefighters in the California region some of them prisoners fighting with Incredible bravery and tenacity rescue workers from all over the country rescue workers from outside the country rescue workers from Mexico Mexico damn your open borders Biden well I I guess they are sending us their best you want to know how bad it is in California right now here's how bad it is president vlir zalinski has offered to send 150 Ukrainian First Responders to help battle the massive wildfires we're so that a country that has been relentlessly bombed for almost three years was like you poor bastards but it is a testament to the resilience of the human Spirit of man's ability across cultural and political and religious lines in times of Crisis to appeal to our better angels as Archbishop Desmond 221 said We Are Made For Goodness and love and Compassion or as our own President elect put it Trump shared a meme on Truth social of fires raging behind the Hollywood sign which was photoshopped to read Trump was right appropriate thank you MrPresident I'd almost forgotten your pension for casual cruelty and Dick Foolery Flames nice touch on the on the graphics surely you won't be content with just trolling those in dire need surely you also see this as a merch portunity the New York Post posted these images of president-elect Donald Trump driving a golf cart wearing a trump was right about everything hat Trump was right about almost everything I I wouldn't say he was right about the outfit Choice rule of thumb never dress in the same color scheme as the upholstery of your own vehicle unless wait perhaps Trump has reached his highest form part man part golf cart and and apparently all cholesterol I guess uh RFQ junor stat okay but Trump is going to troll the the problem now is Republicans appear to want to attach there I told you so as a condition of funding California's disaster relief I expect that there will be strings attached to money that is ultimately approved I think there should probably be conditions on that date that's my personal view before we put funds funds into place we've got to find out uh exactly how we're going to hold these leaders accountable and what sort of policy changes are required there can't be a blank check on this they don't deserve anything to be honest with you unless they show us they're going to make some changes what the is wrong with you really senator from Alabama the state near the bottom in math reading and test scores next time you get hit by a hurricane why don't we have a little parent teacher conference to see that if you got your scores up you would get the money or actually let's not do it because you'll get the money anyway cuz we're not psychos that is psychotic there's something wrong with you and you know what and here's the thing I can do The Daily Show thing I can run down all the Congress people and Senators on the right calling for conditions on disaster Aid that absolutely had the opposite view when it was their state on the line we need to do everything we can we have citizens that are literally going to get worse by the day shut the up because I could do it but it doesn't even matter I'm not even going to do it because red states are always the tragic victims of circumstance outside of their control and Democrats always vote for their aid whereas Blue State disasters are a function of their flawed morality and policy and if we help Blue State survivors well what message will that send what lesson will they learn but fine if strings must be attached what be the strings the problem with California is forestry management oh yeah it's true I didn't it's true the management of the forest you have to rake the leaves and shut down the illegal elf tree cookie factories it's I understand and and what a great utterly anod suggestion I mean what Forest couldn't be managed better I mean if You' been to a forest L chaos it's chaos the dirt and leaves and and what is that bear [ __ ] I'm sure I want to see the manager okay uh so we get the money if we have better Forest uh management everybody then gets food and clothes what else they've not done the necessary work to make sure there's fresh water flowing into key areas oh water yeah no question no question water for the fire I'm going to get that message to the firefighters toot sweet water is so important water is a terrific fire I don't even want to say the all word I but but as I always say who what do you got there Mra fire Nothing Like Water Water Works on all kinds of fire except for one kind of fire but I don't know which one that is but odds are with you point taken but Forest management and and get some water up here and then your children may have blankets um these are all great pointers on how to mitigate fires and I'm sure California has absolutely been trying water and Forest management maybe not good enough but they they have it there's one thing you might not be considering uh as you criticize them and that's this um I don't know what kind of a system you can develop that completely mitigates the risk of Fire Plus drought conditions plus 60 to 80 mph winds plus delicious wood look at this look what's happening right there do you see this fire to tornado [Applause] rake your way out of that you understand I love the blame game I love the blame game I play it all the time but the fires aren't out and the fire a tornado the only thing that would stop that is the absence of oxygen which if I'm being honest we could do hear me out there's something something called a clo a CL is a covering you've probably seen it in pie shops you can put a clo now if I just very quickly guys that's the Continental size clo that we had on an previous program suggested for immigration reform we we need a a little more C casual guys can you check on the sideboard behind the gravy frigs it's not if it's not there it's under the sink the California that's it the California clo airtight it's the best way to smother a Los Angeles sized fire and if you live in New Jersey keep a a pie fresh in a diner for 8 to nine [Applause] years the the clo I am going to make clo happen years from now and then I'm going to get a hat that says Don't Stewart was right about everything [Applause] hey look hey all you idiots are dead told you so but these people don't actually care they're not actually trying to find a solution they're just trying to work their pet issues into this tragic situation it's confusing but thankfully some people are being more explicit in their conspiracy theories on X representative margerie Taylor green asked why don't they use G engineering like cloud seeding to bring rain down on the wildfires in California they know how to do [Music] [Applause] it who is they [Applause] Margaret are you perhaps referring to the Vish people is that is that what it is Margaret the very same people that control the area on fire why would we they destroy the very industry we they control when we also have the means to bring the rains we have space lasers and we can bring rain the clues are there Margaret Alex knows Alex Jones wrote that Los Angeles fires are part of a larger globalist plot to wage economic Warfare and de industrialize the United States before triggering total collapse oh all right well it's Alex Jones He is certainly known for this type of thinking I I don't believe anyone uh is going to be taken in by uh this type of post Elon Musk responded to that post by writing true [Applause] now I feel sad but unfortunately a lot of the information that's out there is not correct and because of poor Forest management that information just jumps igniting into larger and larger nonsense infernos that coincidentally seem to reinforce whatever Grudge any of these folks have against California especially their ideology when you hear stories about state of Oregon sending 60 fire trucks I haven't confirmed that myself yet but they had to go to Sacramento to get emmissions testing get them to La where they're needed I mean this is woke gone you know woke on wild kind of stuff oh woke on wild I remember those VHS tapes Spring Breakers reading the autobiography of Malcolm X and putting on more clothes getting cat called show us your privilege by the way as far as what he was saying those fire the whole thing is [ __ ] the fire trucks were not sent to Sacramento to get emissions testing they were sent there to be transitioned into minivans without their parents consent that's what happened but man if there is one thing harder to extinguish than the fires it is the most resilient of the right talking points the whole thing is a complete disaster a lot of it comes back to Dei Kristen Crowley the fire chief in Los Angeles she is a very silly woman the first gay female fire chief ever wow under her is Christina Kepner first El first lesbian assistant chief then under her is Christine Larson they're all Christina Christina she's also a lesbian Christina Christina Christina lesbian lesbian being what what are you doing you just summoned them do you understand you can't you can't just say the name three times do you know what you just Unleashed onto this Earth from now on it's just infernos and lesbian [Applause] firefighters by way I'm I'm not sure Megan with a why should be criticizing people named Christina but apparently to the right drought conditions high winds and densely stacked flammable structures were all fine until they added the lesbians and then something peculiar happened what is your message to City administrator starting with mayor bass my message is the fire department needs to be properly funded and it's not it's not at this point did the city of Angeles fail you yes we need to be fully fully funded and supported so that our firefighters can do their jobs lesbian firefighter has attacked black lady mayor who will the right support in in this opposite of a Sophie's Choice really I I mean in the hierarchy of Dei crimes black lady mayor lesbian firefighter I don't know which one of those is there I want to say white whale but that'd be wrong uh look I'm not suggesting that Dei is not responsible for at least 99% of this tragedy but Devil's Advocate this is the Palisades in 1923 and that's not after a fire it's it's just dead it's like a desert and someone decided to build a city there a densely populated all be a beautiful city in the middle of it that's what they did and I'm going to guess that the person whose idea it was wasn't a lesbian firefighter or a black lady mayor we didn't even have lesbians back then until one snuck here from France in [Applause] 1934 so stop with the Dei oh that was the straw that broke the Campbell's back the meritocracy built that City the meritocracy created the dangerous conditions that made a tragedy like this almost inevitable don't take my word for it I know the liberal argument sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher to your ear let me get someone who speaks to your frequency so I was talking to this guy and he was telling me he goes dude one day he goes it's just going to be the right Wind and Fire is going to start in the right place and it's going to burn through La all the way to the ocean and there not a thing we can do about it now of course he did go on to say lesbians will make it [Applause] worse the point is man we are humans we build [ __ ] in difficult areas on the belief that we will figure out how to subdue God and nature for God sakes 50 years they made a movie about what a dumb idea it would be to develop this city into the country's second largest metro area even they knew La wasn't a good place to raise your daughter or your sister my daughter my sister my daughter [Laughter] movies were wild in the 70s like you could do anything in movies like there's no like slap C like literally in that they're like Jack do it again this time with your fist like they didn't give [Applause] a sometimes things happen that are beyond the bounds of human infrastructure although admittedly the LA powers that be have not covered themselves in glory at this time right now if you need help emergency information resources and shelter is available all of this can be found at [Applause] URL look I'm not saying she's churcher ladies and gentlemen don't worry uh when the bombs start falling don't worry just insert useful information here so yeah improvements can be made in leadership in management in design in materials in Myriad ways but sometimes fire FS a tornado and makes a mockery of human infrastructure and our ability to dictate the terms of our existence on this planet but the one thing it shouldn't dictate is the cruelty that we would show to those in pain because we don't think they consistently vote right today the Senate held its first confirmation hearing for Pete heg Trump's nominee for defense secretary and dude who makes sure everyone at the Frat House has their stor straight now since he was nominated a couple months ago we found out a lot about Heth and most of it does not Inspire confidence he's been accused of sexual assault he was accused of nearly running a veterans group into the ground and he has a documented history of excessive drinking which we learned even more about today a Heth acquaintance describes a breakfast they had with Heth in the spring of 2023 we met at Fox News in New York for breakfast and he suggested we go across the street to a bar it was like 10: in the morning then he ordered two gin and tonics at the same time for himself then he had a third genin and tonic who whoa whoa heg set just rolling up to breakfast like I'll have the steel cut oatmeal and three Jin and tonics please you know what they say beer before liquor never never been sicker liquor before liquor I'll have another liquor this definitely raises some questions for the person you may want to put in charge of the nukes so let's jump into today's confirmation hearing and you know what I'm not I'm not saying he showed up drunk but it did start at 10:00 a. m. so how about we start with a quick sobriety test you know something simple Pete how about name your kids our seven wonderful kids gunar Jackson Peter Boon Kensington Luke Jack Rex sorry it's a lot of them and gwendaline okay little tipsy okay big deal all right no biggie my dad was always mixing up me and my siblings names and he launched perfectly successful counter offensive rapid deployment amphibious incursions into Iran all the time although Pete probably should have given his kids names he could remember more easily maybe like Don Julio Jim Beam Johnny Walker Jose quvo and don't forget little Michael Hard Lemonade anyway now now that that's over it's time for the grilling Republicans I know he's your guy but I also know you love the military so I'm sure you've got some hard questions for the man who wants to run it why do you want to do this job what's your what drives you tell tell me something about your wife that you love how many push-ups can you [Applause] do follow-up question sir I have this jar could a big strong man like yourself open it okay okay but Democrats made up for those softballs with a couple pitches that were were really high at inside I assume that in each of your weddings you've pledged to be faithful to your wife you've taken an oath to do that haven't you you've admitted that you had sex at that hotel on October 2017 and you were still married and you just had a child by another woman again how do you explain your judgment you have admitted that you had sex while you were married to wife two after you just had fathered a child by wife three but you didn't reveal any of this to president Trump why didn't you inform the commanderin-chief and the transition team of this very relevant event oh damn Tim Kane went full Mory Povich out there huh wow wow Tim poic oh the come on Tim come on you're asking why didn't Heth tell Trump about how many times he cheated on his wife uh maybe because if he did Trump would high-fi him so hard it would break both their hands okay that that was a pretty wild light of questioning from Tim Kane any any Republican want to jump to his defense here how many senators have showed up drunk to vote at night and then how many senators do you know have got a divorce before cheating on their wives did you ask them to step down no but it's for show you guys make sure you make a Big Show and point out the hypocrisy because a man's made a mistake and you want to sit there and say that he's not qualified give me a joke give me a joke uh uh uh okay okay uh about a priest a rabbi and Pete heg say walk into a bar at 10:00 a.
m. are you happy now Mark Wayne huh I don't know if this was really the defense that heg Seth wanted though look we're all pieces of [ __ ] here let he without an Ashley Madison premium account cast the first stone I tell you who else probably didn't appreciate that defense the other senators they probably got home and their wives were like uh I saw Mark Wayne at the confirmation hearing today he said that everyone in the Senate cheats on their wives honey honey you can't trust Mark Wayne he's confused the man has two first names smush together it's Insanity okay but after that they did in fact get into hegs policy positions and and there was one in particular policy that had people very worked up you previously have made a series of inflammatory statements about women in combat and a recent podcast you said quote I'm straight up just saying we should not have women in combat roles you say we need moms but not in the military especially in combat units what's wrong with a mom by the way once you have babies you therefore are no longer able to be lethal yeah are you saying moms can't be lethal does the name Casey Anthony mean nothing to you [Applause] so yes hexi has a long record of insisting that women have no place in combat and you know what I'm sorry Libs but that's just the way Pete is maybe he's not good at leadership or management or money or vows or driving home past 10:00 a. m.
