Improvement bill here welcome to lesson 2 of the befriend course in the previous lesson we learned about the different types of friendship also known as the tears of friendship if you have not watched that video yet please pause this video right now and click on a link in the description box below because the befriend course has been built in a specific order that is designed to teach you exactly how to become more likeable and make more friends but if you watch the videos out of order you're not gonna get the same results trust me today
we're gonna be talking about the four factors that determine how fast we can move up the tears of friendship also known as the formula of friendship which is a concept that was originally coined by former FBI agent Jack Schaeffer in his book the likes which make sure you watch this video till the very end because what you're about to learn here is the foundation of the rest of the course this is incredibly important information now the formula friendship states that friendship equals proximity plus duration plus frequency plus intensity each of these factors can be rated
on a scale from one to ten one being the lowest and ten being the highest proximity is basically how much common space you share with someone else how physically close you are when you interact with the person you have in mind someone who you share proximity of one with is someone so far away that you can barely see each other a proximity of three would be like working out in the same gym while a proximity of five would be something like being in the same classroom a proximity of seven would be like sharing the same
table during lunch and finally a proximity of ten would be like two people who are literally on top of each other like when you're sharing the bed with a loved one the next factor is duration duration is basically how long your interactions are with this person a duration of one is like when you're at the grocery store checking out and you say thank you to your cashier your interaction with them is only for a couple of seconds a duration of three is like if a choice came up to you and they ask you for directions
so you spend a couple of minutes explaining to them how to get there and you also make some small talk a duration of five is like spending thirty minutes to an hour of someone else something like eating with a co-worker during your lunch break while a duration of seven is at least a couple of hours I'd say something like two to four this is when you do activities with your friends like hiking playing board games going to the club and finally alteration of 10 is when you're spending the majority of your day with someone else
again this is something that you'll probably do with a significant other an example of this would be waking up and eating together then going on a date together and then binging Netflix until you both pass out you literally spent the entire day with that person that's a 10 the next factor for the formula friendship is frequency it's pretty straightforward basically how often do you see this person and also how often do you interact with them a frequency of one would be like a one-time interaction with someone that you never see again a frequency of three
would be someone who you interact with once every month or so frequency of five would be someone who you see once or twice a week a frequency of seven would be someone who you see like three to four times a week and a frequency of ten would be someone who you see almost every single day the final factor is intensity but before we get into that I do want to quickly mention something I'm putting together a special program to go along with the team course and the befriend course to help those of you that really
wants to make a change because going through a course can only do so much and is always going to be trumped by a full-on coaching program if you're someone who is willing to invest money in themselves yes these programs will not be free and will in fact cost quite a fair amount of money then you can sign up for my mailing list and learn more about these programs using the link in the description box below okay back to the final factor of the formula of friendship which again is intensity now this is the most complicated
factor to comprehend intensity is basically how much emotion is sparked during your interactions with this person for the most part we're talking about positive emotions like joy pleasure inspiration and laughter but in some rare cases negative emotions can also count emotions like grief and hardship have also been shown to create strong bonds now in interaction with the intensity of a one is like when someone asks you what time it is and you simply give them the time there's no emotion at all in the interaction a three is like if you're talking to someone and for
the most part the conversation is pretty serious but you'll occasionally say something witty and they chuckle or smile a couple of times during the interaction a five is like when you're hanging out with a good friend and you find yourself smiling and laughing quite often during the interaction a seven is like when you're talking to someone and they give you a really genuine compliment that you know comes from the heart the type of compliment that hits home so hard that your day literally becomes brighter for the next couple of hours that's like a seven now
a 10 may be a bit hard to describe but it's when you're interacting with someone and almost the entire time is spent feeling strong emotions you're cracking jokes giving genuine compliments you're saying things that really hit home you're getting to know each other and you're talking about really personal stuff or maybe even you're overcoming a hardship together again I know it sounds a bit confusing and it's hard to describe but you'll know when an interaction is at an intensity over ten because you will definitely feel closer to that person buy a whole lot after that
interaction now that we understand the factors that make up the formula friendship a very important question remains how exactly do we use this formula to analyze and improve the current relationships in our lives well it's simple in order to get to a certain level of friendship of someone else you have to reach a certain amount of points for example for someone to be your acquaintance you need to have at least 10 points with them in order for someone to be a friend you need at least 15 a close friend would require at least a 25
and finally a significant other would require at least the combined total of 35 points for example let's say there's this girl she's someone that you share a class with that's a 5-4 proximity because you're in the same small room with her you see her twice a week so you might think the frequency is like a 5 but you rarely ever interact with her in fact you've only interacted with her once so your frequency is more like a 2 the only real interaction you've had was when you asked her first spare pencil it was a pretty
boring interaction with no emotion so the intensity of your interactions is like a 1 and finally the duration of your interaction was only a couple of seconds right you were just asking for a pencil so again that's a 1 combined you have a total of 9 points so you're not even an acquaintance with this person she most likely just sees you as a stranger now let's say for example there's another girl in this classroom again the proximity is a 5 however you make small talk before every time you share class which again is twice a
week so your frequency is actually like a 5 every time you have small talk you throw in some witty banter and you guys occasionally exchange laughs the intensity of your conversations is like a three and finally each of your interactions usually only lasts a couple of minutes before the teacher arrives and briefly after class is dismissed the duration of your interactions with her is like a four combined this friendship has a total of 17 points which means that you guys are friends now if you wanted to deepen this friendship it would actually be quite simple
there are a couple of ways of going about it for one you could ask her to get lunch with you after class which would increase the duration and proximity of your interactions because you're sitting at the same table and because lunch usually takes about 45 minutes or you could invite her to join your after-school Club which would increase the frequency and duration of your interactions because you would probably see her on days where you don't have class together and you would also spend a couple of additional hours together or you could even suggest that you
go to a party together which would increase the duration and the intensity of your interactions because parties usually last for a couple of hours and also there is drinking involved so positive emotions are you much stronger if you do any of these things enough you will increase the amount of points this friendship has and over a period of time she'll eventually become your close friend so as you can see it doesn't really matter which combination of factors make up a friendship because as long as you reach a certain amount of points the friendship will naturally
progress into the higher tiers this way of looking at friendships may seem a bit surface-level but it does a fairly good job now it's very important to note that it's possible to have high points in all of these areas but still not be considered a close friend of someone in fact if you do the wrong things the people you want to befriend will actually grow to hate you which is why in our next video we're going to talk about the golden rule of friendship a special rule that you must keep in mind to make sure
that your formula of friendship is creating a positive relationship and not a negative one remember to hit the bell icon because if you're serious about improving your social life you need to watch each and every single one of the lessons in the befriend course in the proper order to get the most out of it again if you are interested in investing in yourself and would like to learn more about the personal coaching programs I have coming out you can sign up for my mailing list using the link in the description box below besides that guys
stay tuned
