How Adversity and Trauma can Make You Stronger

“The warrior’s approach is to say “yes” to  life: “yea” to it all…Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when  life seems most challenging. Negativism to the pain and ferocity of life is negativism  to life. We are not there until we can say “yea” to it all.

” Joseph Campbell, Reflections on the Art of Living Just as the wood of a tree is strengthened by the storm, in the life of man adversity is the  sculptor of a strong and resilient character. Most people, however, fear adversity, they  flee from it and believe that if it becomes too severe they will not be strengthened by  it, but broken. In this video, we explore how most people underestimate the degree of  adversity they can withstand and overlook the fact that even traumatic experiences can  be the catalyst for personal growth.

“Out of life's school of war—what  doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. ” Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols Bad things happen – this is one of life’s guarantees. Most of the time the hardships  that confront us are minor and manageable.

But at certain times adversity strikes  that shakes the very foundations of our being. These are the experiences that are so  intense or tragic that they are characterized as traumatic. In his book What Doesn't Kill Us,  the psychologist Stephen Joseph notes that: “Researchers have estimated that 75 percent of all  people experience some form of trauma in life—the loss or suffering of a loved one, the diagnosis of  an illness, the pain of divorce or separation, the shock of an accident, assault, or environmental  disaster.

Around a fifth of all people are likely to experience a potentially traumatic event  within a given year. By its very definition, trauma is unexpected, unpredictable, and  uncontrollable. Believing that life can be lived without encountering adversity is a lost cause.

”  Stephen Joseph, What Doesn't Kill Us The word trauma derives from the Greek word  meaning “wound” and was first used in the 17th century to refer to a physical wound which  pierces the body. In the 20th century Sigmund Freud adopted the word for psychological purposes  to refer to painful experiences that puncture the psyche and leave us emotionally wounded.  Throughout the 20th century, most psychologists focused on the negative symptoms that accompany  traumatic experiences.

After all, what good can come from the worst life has to offer? In the  1990s, however, the psychologists Richard G. Tedeschi and Lawrence G.

Calhoun noticed that  while suffering was inevitable following a traumatic experience, accompanying this suffering  some people experienced immense growth in various areas of life - including an increase of personal  strength, a greater appreciation of life, richer relationships, an openness to new  possibilities, a greater sense of meaning, and a deeper spiritual attitude. This growth  which follows trauma they called “posttraumatic growth”, and as Stephen Joseph writes:  “The idea of transformation through trauma goes against the grain of all that is written about  the devastating and destructive effects of trauma. Psychological studies have shown that adverse  life-events are often the trigger for depression, anxiety, or posttraumatic stress.

What, then,  are we to make of the stories of people who have encountered a life-threatening  illness, a harrowing natural disaster, even a man-made horror, and then go on to  tell of how it was a transformational turning point in their lives? Such stories seem to  point to the truth of Nietzsche’s dictum: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. ””  Stephen Joseph, What Doesn't Kill Us History is replete with stories of individuals  that validate Nietzsche’s dictum.

Take Viktor Frankl. In 1942 the Nazis took Frankl, his wife,  brother, and parents to a concentration camp. His mother and brother were murdered.

His father  died of exhaustion, his wife died of typhus, and Frankl was transferred between 4 concentration  camps in 3 years. Instead of letting this tragedy destroy him, Frankl accepted his fate and  through his suffering transformed himself into a heroic character and one of the greatest  psychologists of the 20th century. And as Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning:  “When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his  suffering as his task; his single and unique task.

… His unique opportunity lies  in the way in which he bears his burden. ” Another example of an individual who  embodied Nietzsche’s dictum is Terry Waite. In 1987 Waite traveled to Beirut  Lebanon to secure the release of hostages.

He was captured and spent 4 years in solitary  confinement, where he was repeatedly beaten, chained, and subjected to mock executions.  “I said three things on release: no regret, no self-pity, and no sentimentality. ”, explains  Waite.

“I tried to turn the experience around. Suffering is universal; you attempt to subvert  it so that it does not have a destructive, negative effect. You turn it around so that  it becomes a creative, positive force.

” Some might argue that Frankl and Waite belong to  a rare breed of individuals who are capable of transmuting traumatic experiences into personal  growth. Research, however, suggests that this capacity is widespread. After surveying the  literature, Stephen Joseph notes that up to 70 percent of individuals who experience serious  trauma report “some form of benefit following [the traumatic event].

” What is more, “Studies  have shown that higher levels of posttraumatic stress are often associated with higher  levels of growth. ” It appears as if the human psyche has evolved the capacity to  not only to endure trauma, but to use the stress that follows to foster growth.  “…posttraumatic stress is the engine of transformation—of a process known as posttraumatic  growth…posttraumatic stress is a natural and normal process of adaption to adversity that marks  the beginning of a transformative journey.

. . there is nothing positive about trauma.

. . .

it  is in the struggle to deal with what has happened that positive change can arise. ”  Stephen Joseph, What Doesn't Kill Us One of the ways posttraumatic growth occurs is  through what is called the “existential wakeup call”. When trauma or adversity strikes,  we may become aware of how precarious and precious life is, and this can motivate us to  make needed changes to our values, beliefs, and priorities.

Or as Stephen Joseph writes:  “Not until adversity strikes do many people begin to look deeply within themselves to reappraise  what really matters. Adversity can awaken people to new and more meaningful lives. .

. Trauma forces  people to confront a crossroads in their lives. ” Stephen Joseph, What Doesn't Kill Us While we have a natural disposition to grow in response to adversity and trauma, a weak mindset  can impede this growth.

To strengthen our mindset, we can turn to the wisdom of the ancient  stoic philosophers. The stoics recognized that adversity is an unavoidable part  of human existence, and that we should, therefore, psychologically prepare ourselves  for challenging times before they arise. “What should a philosopher say, then, in the face  of each of the hardships of life?

‘It is for this that I’ve been training myself; it is for this  that I was practising. ’”, stated Epictetus. Epictetus, Discourses Training for adversity requires that we accept that life is uncertain, and that we will  face various misfortunes, both minor and major, throughout life.

Most of us do not accept this.  Instead, we convince ourselves that the hardships that happen to other people are unlikely to  happen to us. “In experiments in which people are asked to rate their chances of experiencing  negative events, they consistently rate their own chances lower than those of others.

”, explains  Stephen Joseph. While alleviating our anxiety in the moment, this strategy of sticking our head in  the sand leaves us vulnerable. For if we believe we are unlikely to face misfortune, when we do,  we will be unprepared and susceptible to greater suffering.

Or as the Roman Stoic Seneca noted:  “What is quite unlooked for is more crushing in its effect, and unexpectedness adds to the weight  of a disaster. The fact that it was unforeseen has never failed to intensify a person’s grief. ”  Seneca, Letters from a Stoic For this reason, the Stoics recommended we set  aside time to contemplate the various misfortunes that could befall us, and occasionally imagine  that a specific misfortune has already occurred.

Arthur Schopenhauer, who was influenced  by the stoic philosophers, wrote that: “There is some use in occasionally looking upon  terrible misfortunes – such as might happen to us – as though they had actually happened. ” Arthur Schopenhauer, Counsels and Maxims As an example, we can imagine that we  have suffered a great loss or the death of someone we love. Not only will this practice  heighten our appreciation of what we have, ensuring that we do not take it for granted; but  if such a loss or death does occur, we will be in the position of the Stoic wise man whose foresight  blunts the negative effects of tragedy and minimizes the degree of suffering and grief. 

“The wise man gets used to future evils…”, writes Seneca. “We sometimes hear the inexperienced  say, “I didn’t know this was in store for me. ” The wise man knows that everything is in store  for him.

Whatever happens, he says, “I knew. ”” Seneca, Epistles Or as Seneca continues: “…by looking ahead to all that may  happen as though it were going to happen, he will soften the attacks of all ills,  which bring nothing unforeseen to those who are prepared and expectant, but come as  a serious blow to those who show no concern and expect only blessings. Sickness befalls a  man, captivity, disaster, destruction by fire: none of these things, however, is unexpected; I  knew in what rowdy company Nature had confined me…A great many men on the point of taking  to the sea give no thought to storms.

” Seneca, Dialogues and Essays Along with preparing for potential adversities ahead of time, to further improve  our capacity to endure the worst life offers, we can strive for what Nietzsche called “the  highest state a human can attain. . .

to stand in a Dionysian relationship to existence. ”  (Nietzsche, The Will to Power) Dionysus was a Greek God. In one myth the Titans,  former gods whose power had been supplanted, are jealous of Dionysus and so they capture him  and tear his body into pieces.

Dionysus’s father, Zeus, quickly intervenes and brings Dionysus  back to life. Hence why Dionysus is an archetypal symbol of resurrection, but more  importantly, of psychological rebirth. “Dionysus cut to pieces is a promise of  life: it will be eternally reborn and return again from destruction.

”  Nietzsche, The Will to Power To stand in a Dionysian relationship to  existence is to recognize that no matter the degree of psychological destruction we  face, like Dionysus, we can be reborn from tragedy and trauma and return to life stronger  than we were before. It is to acknowledge the truth that pain and destruction are often the  precursors of self-transformation. It is to be strong enough to say yes to life - to justify it  - even when life is, in the words of Nietzsche, “most terrible, ambiguous, and mendacious.

” In  a passage in the Will to Power titled “Dionysus: To him that has turned out well”, Nietzsche  describes the individual who stands in a Dionysian relationship to existence:  “…he has illnesses as great stimulants of his life; he knows how to exploit ill chances;  he grows stronger through the accidents that threaten to destroy him. . .

That of which  more delicate men would perish belongs to the stimulants of great health. ”  Nietzsche, The Will to Power In our age a victim mentality reigns, and  many individuals use adversities and traumas as justifications for their personal failures,  resentments, pettiness and meanness of character. But we can rise above this weakness of our  age.

We can strive to be heroic in the face of hardships and recognize that, while traumas and  tragedies can break us and tear us into pieces, they can also be the catalyst to a  greater health and a greater life. “A full and powerful soul not only copes with  painful, even terrible losses, deprivations, robberies, insults; it emerges from such hells  with a greater fullness and powerfulness; and, most essential of all, with a new increase in  the blissfulness of love. ”, wrote Nietzsche.

Nietzsche, The Will to Power Or as Joseph Campbell wrote: "Nietzsche was the one who did the job  for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called 'the  love of your fate. ' Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what  I need.

' It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. . .

Any  disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a  privilege! …Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to  be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now.