Religious Girlfriend Said She Got Drunk and Had Fun With 4 Men at Her Best Friend's Party, After...

My religious girlfriend said she got drunk and had fun with four men at her best friend's party after she spent a week crying in bed. But it is much worse than that. My girlfriend—we'll call her Katie—and I met in college and have been together for four years.

I'm the first person she's ever had a relationship with because her parents were strict in high school. Our parents are religious and don't believe in sex before marriage, and while I don't really care, she's very close with her parents, so we've been waiting. Now that she's graduated, I was planning on proposing within the next few months.

I had a ring picked out and everything; I was head over heels for this girl. That all changed last night, or last weekend really. Katie has had a male best friend since high school that her parents never liked because he claimed to be gay.

Let's call him Liam. She was excited to be going to the same college as him because it meant they could hang out as much as they wanted. I've never been a big fan of the male best friend thing, but he's gay, so whatever—except two years ago, he came out as bisexual.

I never really liked the vibes when he was around her, so I asked Katie to stop hanging out with him alone. She accused me of not being supportive of him and trying to control her, just like her parents. I told her it was her choice if she wanted to keep seeing him alone, but I wouldn't be sticking around for it.

It was the biggest problem we'd ever had in our relationship, but we worked through it. The compromise was that Liam and his boyfriend could hang out with me and my girlfriend together as couples, but never alone. I never wanted to cut her off from her friends with this stipulation; however, the four of us only got together twice before Liam ended up transferring to a different college over the summer.

My girlfriend stayed in contact with them over Discord and remained friends with both of them when they broke up, forming a gaming server with them and some of their other friends. Most of these friends were men, but she assured me nothing funny was going on; most of them even had girlfriends. She said last weekend was Liam's birthday party, and he invited her.

Katie wanted to talk to me about it first to make sure I was okay with it. She said she wanted to go since she hadn't seen him in two years, and it was only a two-hour drive away. A bunch of her friends from the Discord server that she had never met in person before were going to be there—women included—and Liam's girlfriend would be there too.

Since I had a weekend trip planned, leaving Friday and returning Sunday, I unfortunately wouldn't be able to go with her. But I told Katie I trusted her and had no problems with her going to see her friends. The problem started Saturday night.

She texted me in the morning when she was leaving for the party, she texted me when she got there, and she texted me a couple of times throughout the evening. Katie told me that she had planned on driving back around 9 or 10, but it was around that time that the text messages stopped. I assumed she was just having a good time and didn't want to seem controlling, so I didn't bother her.

I did stay up to watch her location and make sure she got home, though, and she did—around 2:00 a. m. It was unusual, but I trusted her and didn't want to make any assumptions.

I would call her in the morning, and she would explain that she just got carried away having fun with her friends. I thought I called her Sunday morning, and she didn't answer. She texted back a few minutes later that she had been sleeping, had a hangover, and wasn't feeling well.

That was very strange because Katie doesn't drink. I told her to drink lots of water and that I hoped she felt better, and then I got on my flight home. When I arrived at my apartment, I found her curled up in my bed in the dark.

She has a key to my apartment but hardly ever needs it because usually I'm with her to do the unlocking. I asked her why she hadn't stayed at her apartment to rest up, but she didn't say anything. Since then, the entire week she has been saying she's not feeling well and has not left my room.

She's taken off work, and I've been going home on my lunch breaks to make sure she was eating. I was worried about her, but in the back of my mind, I was also suspicious about what had happened at the party over the weekend. Late last night, Katie woke me up from the couch, sobbing.

It was the first time she had left my room since I'd gotten home, other than to use the bathroom. I consoled her until she had calmed down enough to be coherent and asked her what was wrong. She told me she had done something horrible.

She told me Saturday night, she had somehow gotten really drunk on accident, and Liam offered to drive her home. Three of her friends from the gaming server on Discord got in a second car to follow them to take Liam back home. After they got to Katie's apartment, they helped her up the stairs and into her apartment.

Then she said she had sex with them—all of them—all four men. Katie said she doesn't remember most of it, that she was really out of it. She said she's been sick ever since trying to figure out how to tell me because she loves me so much and didn't.

. . "Want to hurt me?

I didn’t want to hurt me, but she gave away her virginity that she was supposedly saving for marriage to four other men, instead of the man who spent the past four years caring for her. She said she wanted to tell me right when I got back, which is why I found her in my apartment, but she couldn't bring herself to because she didn't want to lose me. She begged me not to break up with her.

I told her I needed some time to myself to think. She then begged me not to make her go back to her apartment. I didn't feel like fighting, so I just told her she could go back into my room.

I could hear her crying intermittently all night. I have to admit, I was brought to tears myself. I can't believe how she would throw away our whole relationship, the four years we've built together, over one party.

I was going to propose soon. I trusted her, and now it’s broken. I'm at work, and I haven't been able to focus all day.

Part of me wants to tell her to get out the second I get home if she's still there, and that I never want to see her again. Part of me wants to talk to her more and see if there's anything left to salvage. I can't tell which side is more unreasonable.

How do I navigate this? Update: October 6, 2024. Trigger warnings all over this.

Sorry for everyone who didn't get that on my last post. My girlfriend has gone to bed early, and I have nothing better to do, so I'm finally getting a chance to write this. First, something you can skip through to the actual update if you don't care: I think my other post was taken down for being fake.

One of the biggest reasons people seem to think it was fake was because I wasn't spending time in the comments denying every accusation. I hadn't even opened Reddit since I left work to go check on Katie; it wasn't anywhere near my top priority at the time. For some quick and easy debunking, though: one moment he says he has her location, and the next he’s surprised she’s at his apartment.

I checked her location Saturday night solely to make sure she got home okay; after that, I did not check her location because I am not a stalker who tracks her every move. On iPhone, it shows your location in the text messages with that person, so he either hadn't looked at their texts at all between his flight and getting home, or it's made up. Not everyone has an iPhone like you.

I do, but my girlfriend doesn’t, so we use an app, and no, I don't get notifications from the app because, again, I don't need to be a stalker. The random excessive details? Sorry.

Like I mentioned, I had been stewing on everything since she told me what happened that night, and I just wanted to get it all out. Those were all the details I had floating around in my head surrounding the situation. The update is full of typos, while the main text is immaculate.

OP only wrote the update in the TL;DR. My apologies for being a bit of a mess and in a rush after realizing my girlfriend might have been raped—that’s my bad. I've gone back and fixed them, by the way.

I had no idea my post would get hundreds of more comments after I closed Reddit that would skeptically analyze everything I wrote to the letter. There’s absolutely no concern that she’s gotten pregnant; no worries about STIs—not at the time, no. I didn’t even know if I was going to stay with her.

Pregnancy and STIs would have been a concern if I did, but at the point of writing, I believed she had cheated on me and was leaning towards breaking up with her. No worries that she was potentially drugged and raped? Again, not at the time of writing.

I was still reeling from what she had told me: that she had sex with four men. She didn't say anything about getting drugged or being raped, which was something I would have assumed she'd have mentioned. That was before I read all the comments that she may be in denial herself, which hadn’t even occurred to me.

So this religious girl who wanted to wait for marriage suddenly wanted a train run on her? Obviously fake? No, as it turns out she did not want any part of what happened.

For everyone who said someone in my position wouldn’t have taken the time to write everything out for a post, well, look at the rest of the subreddit. If people in sticky situations didn’t post about them, there wouldn’t be any posts on here at all. To everyone who suggested either it was fake or she must have been a cow for four men to carry her up the stairs, you can personally [__] off.

Everything above was a whole load of presumptuous BS, though I do wish everything I wrote wasn't true. For the record, I only wrote all that out so people wouldn't harass me on this post. Two, here's where you can skip to if none of that pertains to you: after reading all the comments that opened my eyes to what really happened, thank you so much to everyone who helped with this.

I left work a little before lunch and immediately went home to check on my girlfriend. She was, as I had left her, curled up in bed and crying. The first thing I did was just go hold her after asking for consent.

I cried with her. After a while, I gently brought up what happened that night. Did she actually want any of that to happen?

A lot was said, but. . .

" Long story short, as many of you suggested, she did want to clear some things up. These friends that she was with at the party were not just random people she met online; they were personal friends of Liam, who she had been best friends with for eight years. While she herself had never met them in person, they were people she had talked to and gamed with over the past year or so.

I would hear her talking with them over the headset, and I never noticed anything strange. She's pretty shy and introverted, so I was happy for her to have friends to play with while she gamed. They weren't all men either; from what she said, there were four or five women in the server as well.

Of the people at the party, three of the men and two of the women attended. Also, there were Liam's girlfriend, a couple of other friends, and a few of their partners. All in all, there were only around 15 guests, and everyone knew each other for the most part.

It was never meant to be a huge gathering; just a get-together of Liam's closest friends at his house. Alcohol wasn't even supposed to be a big part of it. At the beginning of the party, a lot of them just got together since they hadn't been able to meet in person for a while.

There was no big girl/guy separation, as a lot of people at the party were LGBT+. Some people got into little groups to chat together—just general mingling, etc. About midway through the party, one of the guests poured everyone some mystery shots.

Katie rejected it at first, but Liam urged her to take one for his birthday. When everyone else heard she'd never taken a shot before, they all egged her on. It was just one shot, Liam insisted; it would wear off well before it was time for her to head home, and if not, she could just wait however much longer until she felt comfortable driving.

She felt like she had to. From that point, things got a little less clear. There was more hanging out, there was more alcohol, and people she wasn't sure about kept handing her drinks and insisting she didn't want to ruin Liam's party.

She knew if nothing else, he would look out for her. She didn't feel right, but Katie said she thought he would have told her if something was wrong, and he kept telling her everything was okay. She remembers feeling really sick.

She remembers seeing others passed out on the couch. She remembers Liam saying he wanted to personally take her home, driving her car to make sure she was okay. He felt bad he had let her get so messed up, he said.

She remembers one of her friends from Discord telling Liam he would follow them in his car to take Liam back after, and she remembers two more guys from Discord getting in his car. She remembers Liam giving her a bottle of water in the car to help her sober up. She remembers them carrying her up the stairs to her apartment and laughing, being brought inside her apartment.

I'm not going to describe any further than that. She didn't want any of what happened. Was she naive?

Maybe. Did she probably miss some red flags and make some choices she shouldn't have? Sure.

Katie did not deserve that. The fault belongs with the men who did it. She didn't want to file a police report, and I'm not giving her an ultimatum.

I've read up a lot on how horrific that can be, and I'm in full support of her decision. Of course, if she ever changes her mind and decides she does want to file a report, I'll be there for her through that too. What we are going to do is see a doctor.

Part of the reason Katie says she spent most of this time curled up in bed is that she has been in a lot of pain. She really doesn't want to be poked and prodded at down there, but after some convincing and reassurance, she agreed. She's going to be seen on Monday and is also going to get pregnancy and STI testing, which we're equally worried about, done while we're there.

Over the weekend, we've talked a lot. We've both cried a lot. There's been lots of hugs and giving space when needed.

I have opened up the curtains in the bedroom so she gets sunlight in there, at least, for anyone who was concerned. No, I'm not making her go back to her apartment for those who suggested it. No, I'm not leaving her before or after her healing to find someone who isn't damaged, and no, I will not be ratting her out to her parents.

I'm taking the entirety of next week off to stay home and take care of her, go to as many doctor's appointments as needed, set up therapy, etc. I don't think I can ever make up for leaving her alone the way I did this past week, but I will be there for her through anything and everything that comes next, whatever that may mean. Again, thank you to everyone for my first post who helped me realize what an egocentric dumbass I was being.

I hope this update helps everyone who is concerned. Katie isn't okay right now, but hopefully, we can get there. Comments where OP has replied: I read your update, and OP, you do what you feel is best, but I want to add something to make sure she thinks about because as much as I want to say it is about herself, it's not.

It's about every woman. These pieces of [____] do this too because Katie was not the first, and she will not be the last. These [____].

Rape. If she is not willing to do the right thing and file a rape report, then she is willing to let this happen again and again and again. Also, Liam, her friend, you need to go to him and ask him why he left her to be raped.

He did this; he allowed it to happen. This falls on his shoulders, and he is either with her or against her. She needs to let her parents know.

If she is not willing to do this, then, OP, please don't update anymore because you are staying with a cheater. OOP: I'm not going to give her an ultimatum; I'm not going to call her a cheater because she doesn't report. Rape victims have committed suicide after the retraumatization that comes with reporting and everything that follows.

I took the time to look into it deeply. Have you, or are you making assumptions about what goes on in our justice system when you haven't experienced it yourself? Spoiler alert: even if she did report, all four of them would most likely walk.

I'm not making her tell her uber-religious parents just so they can [__] shame her either. [__] Man, none of this is on her. The men who did this are the ones who need to be willing to do the right thing and stop [__] raping.

Next story: Brother invited my ex, who cheated on me, to his wedding, then demanded me to pay $25,000 for it. When I refused, my family called me selfish, so I'm going on a luxury cruise instead. So here's the situation: My 28M younger brother (25M) is getting married soon, and I was excited for him until I found out he decided to invite my ex-girlfriend (27F) to the wedding.

Now let me give you some background: we broke up over a year ago, and it was pretty rough. She cheated on me with his best friend, and it took me months to get over that betrayal. When I found out she was invited, I was furious and reached out to my brother to express my feelings.

I told him that I would not attend if she was there. Instead of being understanding, he got defensive and accused me of ruining his big day. He insisted that he wanted her there because they've become friends since the breakup and that she's changed.

I told him that if I'm not welcome, then I won't be attending, and therefore I won't be covering my share of the wedding expenses, which I had already agreed to pay before the invitation fiasco. Now my family is pulling me in every direction, saying I'm being petty and ruining my brother's wedding for no reason. They're calling me an [__] for not supporting my brother and for potentially putting a financial strain on his wedding plans.

Some even suggested I should just suck it up and attend for the sake of family. I've now decided that I'm not paying for a single thing and that if he wants to have a wedding with my ex as the guest of honor, it's on him to cover the costs. Am I the [__] for standing my ground and refusing to fund my brother's wedding under these circumstances?

Additional information from OOP: OOP, just to clarify, I'm not upset about the wedding itself but about the fact that he invited someone who hurt me deeply. I feel like my feelings don't matter to him, and frankly, I'm tired of being the one expected to just roll over. Update September 8th, 2024: Okay, so I wanted to update everyone because things have escalated, and it's even crazier than I expected.

After my last post, I thought maybe my family would come around to my way of thinking; instead, they absolutely lost it. My brother called me crying, saying I'm ruining his happiness, and my parents have taken his side 100%. In a fit of rage, I ended up posting screenshots of our conversations in our family group chat.

You know, the ones where he called me selfish and petty? Yeah, I regret that decision, but it felt like a "let's air this dirty laundry" moment. My extended family saw the texts, and now half of them think I'm justified while the other half is calling me the family villain.

To add fuel to the fire, my ex-girlfriend reached out to me directly. She said it's unfair that I'm acting like she's some monster when I should just be mature about the situation. I told her she would always be a reminder of my brother's betrayal and that I won't ever see her in a positive light.

She then had the audacity to say my brother might reconsider his whole wedding if I'm not there. Now my parents want us to have a family meeting to discuss this drama like we're some sort of reality TV show. I told them I'm not showing up if it's just going to be him whining while my ex is basking in it all.

Call me dramatic, but this whole mess has made me feel like I'm in an episode of a soap opera. So now I'm considering throwing some cash into the mix for an epic weekend getaway instead of funding his wedding. His wedding is becoming about my ex and not about him.

Honestly, I feel justified in saying no. I'm still standing my ground, but part of me is genuinely worried this might tear my family apart. Additional information from OOP: Just to clarify, I'm not trying to ruin my brother's happiness.

It feels like everyone is more concerned about my ex's feelings than mine. I'm genuinely confused about why my life choices are being judged when his choices directly impact me. I made reservations for a cruise and will be away during all the drama.

Honestly, I think it's the best way to escape this mess. OOP on what he. .

. Plans to do with the money now? Oop, thank you!

I'm really excited to leave the drama behind. I'm cruising to the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, and I've heard the diving and snorkeling there are incredible. The vibrant coral reefs and marine life look absolutely stunning!

Have you ever been there? Does the fiancé know about his brother's history and the cheating incident? Oop, the fiancé doesn't know yet.

I haven't said anything to her because I think it's up to my brother to decide how and when he wants to reveal his history to her. Maybe he wants to wait until after he marries her.