be honest do you ever feel Superior or inferior to others because that's a clear sign that you have unhealthy levels of self-esteem so let's talk about it in this episode I'm going to teach you what self-esteem means and how you can develop real true self-esteem real confidence if you will most common mistake that people make when it comes to self-esteem is that they tie their self-esteem to their external performance or their exter interal possessions or what people think about them oh I feel good about myself because I managed to close this deal or make this
amount of money or because this uh girl or this boy likes me or because you know people have a good impression of me so my self-esteem my value as a human is tied to my achievements or other people's perception of me and this is completely wrong because then how you perceive yourself and your own value will completely fluctuate so you'll feel good when you achieve something and feel like and like you have no worth if you make a mistake if someone rejects you you know if you uh take a low grade or if you you
know don't manage to get the deal you want and it's so incorrect to base your self-esteem on these factors anyways because healthy self-esteem real self-esteem comes from the inside it is your birth right you are born with it as a baby I mean think about a mother with two babies right one is mischievous and you know does a lot of bad stuff and the other one is kind and calm and doesn't cry much do you think the mother loves one baby more than the other of course not no matter what your behavior is your worth
and your value as a human being doesn't change if you you had parents that made you feel like their love was conditional to certain things whether you achieve something or you don't do certain things like you know you don't get out of line or you don't scream or shout or whatever otherwise they don't love you anymore then you learn to associate and tie your self-esteem on these external factors but a good parent values you and loves you just the way you are no matter what your behavior is because yes your behavior can be bad 100%
I mean you know you can uh cheat you can steal you can do bad things to other people and your behavior is bad but you your character you know you as the person your value stays exactly the same whether you do something bad or whether you do something good you know you can be tall or short handsome ugly you can be successful or you know have a 9 to5 that's paid really bad badly it doesn't matter your value as a human stays the same and everyone's value is the same you know this uh superiority or
inferiority is a myth everyone is born with the same exact intrinsic value no matter what your job title is or how much money you make healthy self-esteem means you don't see yourself as better or as worse than anyone else you see yourself as the same with everyone else unhealthy self-esteem can manifest as feeling inferior or shame or you know like I'm not as good as someone else I'm broken in some way but and here's the big shock it can also manifest as feeling Superior grandio better than oneup because you know like so this is the
healthy Baseline of I'm exactly the same as everyone else some people because of their childhood you know and because of their parents they were made to feel less than worse you know they were puts down so now they feel inferior but other people they were falsely empowered you know like if a kid comes home and they're like oh I took a d on a test or you know I took a low grade and the parent instead of saying you know okay let's see what we can do for next it's okay you know you can study
for next time or whatever they say oh the school system you're smarter than everyone else or you know they say something like this they falsely empower the kid make the kid feel like better but it's still doing the kid a disservice because when K when parents falsely empowered their children by saying oh you're better than everyone else you're above you're blah blah blah you're you know we are smarter than you know other families or other other kids or children whatever it's still bad because the parent still doesn't see you like still doesn't see your value
still doesn't see you as good enough just the way you are another big proportion of people who feel Superior feel like that as kind of like a defense mechanism against feeling inferior so let's say I look at someone and I think you know they're more successful than me and I start comparing and I feel really bad about myself and I feel like a failure I'm going to try to find something wrong about them like oh but they're ugly and their relationship sucks to feel better you know feel better than them and feel better about myself
so I swing from inferiority to superiority so I can feel better but the truth is and what's underneath is still a feeling of inferiority so people can feel inferior you know Superior because they actually feel inferior and it's just a mask they can feel like that because they were falsely empowered as children you know and this creates this really fragile sense of ego that's dependent on other people and then third is people feel Superior you know grandio or what people call narcissistic nowadays because they modeled a parent that was like that you know if their
parent was you know very self- preoccupied and you know didn't care about anyone else's opinion or didn't care about their family and their own thing and the child witnessed that it's still a chance that you know they didn't learn the skills to be empathetic and you know to see value in other people and to care about other people because their parent didn't care about them so they just modeled that but both grandiosity and shame or inferiority are delusional because no one is better or worse than anyone else your value as a person cannot be earned
or lost you're exactly the same the key to self-esteem is realizing that even when your behavior is flawed you are still a good person even when you screw up or make a mistake you're still able to hold yourself in warm regard because you can differentiate between behavior and character you know a good parent doesn't tell their their children like you're a bad boy they might say you're a good boy so now put that fork down and stop poking your brother in the eye so you relate always to the behavior not the character of the person
so next time you make a mistake you screw up you snap at someone wherever it is you know say that behavior was bad or that behavior was but I am not a piece of I'm still a good person I'm still a good human being even though my behavior wasn't that good and that's okay because we're Perfectly Imperfect we're all human beings and if you did make a mistake it's okay to feel healthy remorse for it not spiral down into shame and feel like I'm a piece of no that's not healthy but feel a bit of
remorse for your bad behavior you know like it's actually healthy because it keeps us accountable in our relationships I mean imagine like I snap at someone or I'm aggressive towards you know my partner and then I don't feel any remorse that makes me narcissistic right so it's important to have a little bit of that but there's a huge difference between you know attacking my character and spiraling down into I'm a piece of and into saying I'm a good person but that behavior wasn't good and I don't feel bad about it and you know I'll change
it next time something you can do for your self-esteem and confidence is to start keeping a self-esteem Journal you know first of all during the day try to notice in what situations do you feel inferior or super Superior to others you know maybe when you're in a group setting and you feel like you don't get a word in and you start feeling inferior to others or you know when you're talking to someone and you start feeling Superior like what are the situations and what do you feel in your body in those moments so start becoming
aware and at the end of the day you know start writing them down like you know when did I feel Superior when did I feel inferior so you become more aware of when these things happen and next time when you start feeling inferior or Superior literally you know in your mind's eye imagine that you know if you're feeling inferior you literally grab yourself and you put yourself back up and tell yourself we have exactly the same worth we're the same or if you're feeling Superior get yourself you know down off your high horse and say
everyone has the same value we are the same I am good enough you are good enough each person has in parent worth and no one is better than or less than anyone else all right guys I hope this video is helpful let me know what you think in the comments and if there's any other topics that you'd like me to talk about lots of kisses mAh
