[Music] although I indulged in every manner of folly and nonsense in my lifetime Heaven seems not to have punished me as yet here I am 42 sound of health and without a scratch on my body some of my friends were beaten to death others vanished Without a Trace or suffered one fate or another I must have been born under a lucky star the way I did whatever I pleased no other Samurai was such a low stipend spent money as I did and how I blustered and swaggered around with a trail of followers at my beck
and call iwalker monos of imported silk and Fine Fabrics that were beyond the reach of most people I ate my fill of good food and all my life I bought as many prostitutes as I liked I lived life fully only recently have I come to my senses and begun to act more like a human being I have no learning to speak of having taught myself to write only in my twenties and barely enough to cover my own needs at that my friends were all bad and none good unable to distinguish between right and wrong I
took my excesses as the behavior of Heroes and brave men in everything I was misguided and I will never know how much anguish I caused my relatives parents wife and children even more reprehensible I behaved most disloyally to my Lord and Master the Shogun and without uttermost Defiance to my superiors thus did I finally bring myself to this Lower State when I think of my past my hair stands on end he who would call himself a man would do well not to imitate my ways [Music] gambaru is a Japanese phrase that means to work hard
and slog on through tough times and though the ability to persevere and power through is admirable sometimes it's a good idea to take a break and reflect this video is a paid partnership with better help and they are the world's largest therapy service with better help you can instantly tap into a network of over 30 000 licensed and experienced therapists who can help you with a wide range of issues with you've been focused on gambaru or not it is great for our busy lives you can schedule live sessions when it's convenient for you and if
your therapist isn't the right fit for any reason you can switch to a new therapist at no additional charge with better help you get the same professionalism and quality you expect from in-office therapy and at a more affordable price so get 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com forward slash voices of the past and I've also linked them Below in the description thanks to betterhelp for supporting history content on YouTube foreign there can't be many in the world as foolish as I am I was the child of my father's concubine she fell out of favor
with him and I was taken in by my father's wife I think of her as my real mother and put under the care of a wet nurse I was naughty from the time I was little and made life difficult for my mother and with my father away at his office every day I acted up and was so headstrong that all of their wits end we lived in the aborah hurry section of fukugawa in the garden there was an ornamental Pond that was filled with water drawn from one of the nearby canals during the summer I
would swim in it every day my mother suffered from palsy and had trouble getting around the rest of the household was also female I looked down on all of them and spent my days getting into one kind of Mischief or another when I was five I took part in a kite fight against rokichi the son of a laborer in May Cho chokichi who was older by about three years seized my kite smashed it and took away the string I picked up a jagged Rock and grabbing hold of the collar of his kimono hit him in
the face blood came spurting out of his mangled lips and trochichi began bawling my father happened to see this from Over the Garden fence he sent one of his men to fetch me home what do you mean he said angrily hurting someone's child like that you can't be left unpunished he tied me to one of the posts in the veranda and whacked me on the head with a wooden clog to this day I have a bald spot and a dent where he struck me the razor gets caught and nicks the skin whenever I have my
head shaved and each time I'm reminded of that chokichi [Music] I was adopted by the katsu family when I was seven my age was officially given a 17 and the hair at the front of my head was cut off accordingly as part of the adoption procedure Ishikawa Ukon no Shogun the commissioner of my unit and his assistant Obi daishachiro came to the house how old are you and what is your name ishikoa asked man is kokichi and I'm 17. Ishikawa pretended to be taken aback well for 17 you certainly look old he burst out laughing
I got into another fight over a kite again with some boys from maicho there must have been 20 or 30 of them I took them on alone hitting and punching but they finally got the better of me my hair had fallen loose all over my face and I was sobbing I took out my short sword and slashed left and right but I knew I was beaten and decided then and there to commit Harry Kiri I stripped to the waist and sat down on the rock as it so happened a rice dealer by the name of
shirakoya was standing nearby he talked me into giving up the idea and took me home after this though all the boys in the neighborhood became my followers I was seven at the time [Music] when I was nine my father took me to take Judo lessons with Suzuki sebei a relative of the katsu family in yokoamicho I behaved myself at first but soon got into Mischief my fellow students strongly disliked me and ganged up against me all the time on the day that an all-night mid-winter session was to be held we received permission from the teacher
to bring food we took a break at midnight I packed a lacquer box full of bean Jam cakes and had been looking forward all day to this moment when we would share the food but my classmates had other plans they got together and tied me up with an obey hoisted me to one of the rafters and began eating even helping themselves to the cakes so I pissed on their heads spraying the food that had been spread out and naturally everything had to be thrown away serve them right too when I was 11 I became a
student of udono jinzemon a swordmaster in store godai I like the fact that udono exclusively taught the technique for the wooden sword and I practiced diligently the son of Ishikawa ukan no Shogun my commissioner was also in my class he knew all about me how much my stipend was and so forth and taunted me in front of the other students at every opportunity katso what's your stipend a measly 40 bales of rice hahaha since he was the commissioner's son I kept quiet but he continued to make fun of me so one day I hit him
good and hard with my wooden sword cursed him out and left him blubbering when I was 12 my brother hiko Shiro arranged for me to begin school he took me to the shogunate academy in yoshima I began by studying the Chinese classic the greater learning at most I learned to read about five or six pages of the greater learning the two teachers soon sent word that they didn't want me which suited me just fine and so I did nothing but ride and with my money all gone I began stealing from my mother's money and the
cash she had set aside for emergencies my brother was away in shinano at the time on a five-year assignment as District administrator when he heard that I was spending all my time and money on riding he ordered me to give up lessons and sent a letter to my teacher giving notice he also scolded me severely and told me to stay at home for a while I couldn't leave the house and what a pain that was [Music] I was 14 I made up my mind to run away to the Kyoto area and stay there for the
rest of my life after all I thought no matter what a man puts his hand to he'll always be able to eat on the 28th day of the fifth month I put on a pair of trousers over my kimono and set off I didn't know a thing about the world and as for money I had only the seven or eight gold Ryu I'd stolen and tucked in the band I wrapped around my stomach asking directions along the way I got as far as shinagawa I was lonely and frightened but I pressed on and stayed the
night at an inn in fujisawa the next morning I woke up and walked around aimlessly wondering what to do two Tradesmen caught up with me where are you heading they asked no in particular I said maybe some place near Kyoto come along with us we're going that way too taking heart I went with them to odawara that night at the Inn they said tomorrow we'll be passing through the barrier station at hakone have you got a travel permit I never heard of such a thing give us 200 coppers and we'll get one for you I
did as they said and was let through the barrier station the next day all along I remained on my guard but by the time we stopped at hamamatsu for the night I felt I could trust them since they'd taken such good care of me so before going to sleep I took off all my clothes [Music] in the morning however when I woke up and looked at my pillow I saw that everything was gone during the night they had stolen my kimono my pair of swords and the stomach band containing my money I was stunned I
asked The Innkeeper if he had seen the two men he said oh they said they were going on ahead to be in time for a festival at tsushima Shrine in owari and that you were to catch up completely overcome I burst into tears the kind Innkeeper tried to console me you know what they were flies on sesame seeds thieves the play on Travelers and here I thought they were your companions from Edo what a shame where will you go now I'm not sure I was thinking of going somewhere near Kyoto yes but what can you
do with only an underobe to your name The Innkeeper was at a loss too but then he disappeared for a minute and returned with a big Ladle well he said you're not the only one from Edo who's been robbed on this road here take this and go to the neighborhood of hamamatsu Castle and see if you can't beg for a coin or two I got up my courage and spent the whole day begging by evening I'd received about a peck of rice and wheat and 120 or 130 copper pennies The Innkeeper was a good-hearted man
and put me out for the night the following day he said it might not be a bad idea if you first went to issei Shrine and prayed for your well-being I gave him half of the Grain and 50 coppers as a token of my gratitude and headed for ese during the day I begged for arms and after dark I sought shelter in Pine Groves on Riverbanks and in roadside shrines swarms of mosquitoes prevented me from sleeping and believe me that was no fun one night I slept by a big pile of rocks just inside the
entrance to a riding ground near future Castle the riding ground boarded on a bamboo Grove and beyond that stood a temple with the shogun's crest on its main gate early in the morning I was awakened by 14 or 15 Samurai who had come to practice riding they galloped around with an air of fierce determination but I could tell right away that none of them was any good as I got up a couple of the stable boys spotted me and began shouting look a beggar boy the nerve of him sleeping here I mumbled some excuses and
stayed where I was squatting on my heels but the men were so hopelessly clumsy they couldn't help laughing out loud the stable boys were indignant they sat on me with their fists and after knocking me down dragged me out of the riding ground Samurai who was about 40 came over hey you bigger boy who said how does a kid like you criticize Samurai for the way they ride where are you from anyway come on speak up I'm from Edo and I'll have you know I wasn't always a beggar do you like horses well let's see
you ride then clad only in my underobe I showed them a thing or two about riding everyone was impressed and said to one another this wretch must be the son of a samurai the samurai who had spoken to me earlier said come home with me and I'll give you a meal foreign so after the practice ended I followed him to his home he was on a side street near the residence of the future Town magistrate he told me to wait and soon came out with a tray piled high with rice and soup it was delicious
he came to the kitchen afterwards and asked me my name and who my parents were when I put him off with some lies he said I really feel sorry for you stay with us he gave me a kimono and had his wife arrange my hair and fill a bucket with hot water for me to wash up with the two just couldn't get enough of me that night he called me into the living room and questioned me once more about my background I lied again I stayed for six or seven days and the entire time the
Samurai and his wife looked after me as though I was their own child I had different plans however what good was it making do in a house like this when I could just as well go to Kyoto and become a retainer in some Noble man's house and so one evening I changed into my old underrobe and after folding my kimono Adobe neatly by the quilts I slipped out of the house I got up Before Sunrise and I ran as fast as I could towards Kyoto I wandered for several days begging and at yokaiichi bumped into
Morata a beggar I knew we bought food and stretched out on the floor of a Pine Grove we talked of all that had happened since we'd last seen each other and spent the night side by side on a bed of pine needles you've got to admit the friendship between Beggars is something special I wandered listlessly for several days one night I've forgotten where I lay down near a cliff and somehow fell off the edge in my sleep I must have passed out too when I regained Consciousness the next morning I realized I had hit my
testicles against sharp rock it was too painful to walk I got better little by little and by the third day was able to walk around gingerly by the time I reached hakone however my testicles had become swollen and were beginning to ooze pass it had been four months since I'd run away and here I was a samurai wasting my time on things that would never lead to anything I made up my mind to return to Edo and face whatever punishment my father had in store [Music] everyone was excited kokichis come back kokichi's come back I
went to my room and slept for 10 days straight I was told that in my absence the family had offered up all kinds of prayers and incantations and it even sent a cousin a nun called kaizan all the way to Kyoto to look for me a doctor was sent for after examining me he said now is there something you want to tell me about yourself below the waist tentacles were still in bad shape but I stubbornly denied any trouble within three months however they had become so infected that I could no longer move about I
had to stay at home for the next two years my father reported my return to the commissioner Ishikawa ukan no shogen it is indeed a shameful turn of events my father said I will seat with the kokichi retires and that someone is adopted to replace him as head of the katso family but Ishikawa disagreed if kokichi hadn't returned by the end of the month I would have taken measures to end the family line but he's come back but all's well that ends well leave him be by the time he's older he will no doubt have
mended his ways and will be able to perform some useful service for now take good care of him all concerned were mightily relieved I was told foreign [Music] and made the rounds of the powers that be I went to the commissioner's home in akasaka koichigai Soto and begged him to recommend me for a post I even submitted a list of the misdeeds I had committed adding a request that I be considered now that I had repented an agent came from his office one day he said be forewarned that we will be sending out investigators to
gather information on you I waited expectantly the commissioner spoke to me one morning your followers simply refused to tell on you and though you've confessed everything we find upon investigating that the Mischief you've done is far more serious than you say be that as it may you have repented and that's good enough for me I will do my best to get you on appointment continue to report diligently [Music] showed up at his residence with renewed further and practiced fencing in my spare time often enough my name was entered onto the rules of candidates but not
once was I given a post and that I found very galling and was anxious to find official employment but I also had to dash around making money then my father died and I lost heart completely his death was entirely unexpected it seems he'd had a stroke I was giving fencing lessons at mazuki Inari Shrine when one of his young retainers came running with the news her race to my father's place but it was too late stayed on helping out and left the following morning the next few days were taken up with my father's affairs my
own son was then five I went back to my business as soon as the morning period of 49 days was completed it then seemed like a good idea to form a sword Association in which members would pay dues and take turns buying a sword I invited my fellow Swordsmen and friends to join along with hosokawa Chikara masayoshi minobi taike nautane Kobayashi shinpei and all the other sword appraisers in business one day I went to the shogunate prison in senju and tested my sword on the corpses of criminals who had been executed after that I became
a student of asuemon and learned how to Lop off the heads of corpses with a single stroke my new landlord okano magoichiro was a rake and a spendthrift he owed 17 Rio to a tea house in the yoshiwara and unable to pay was being threatened with a lawsuit he came to see me I just moved in and in my ignorance got together some cash for him but okano got into debt again having obtained 70 Rio with 5 interest a month to buy a prostitute out of her contract the trouble was a security he had handed
Over The Ledger recording the payment of rice taxes by his thiefs the retainers at home and on his thiefs came to me for advice I got back the document by putting up a security swords and other Goods my landlord however made no move to help me get my goods back I eventually retrieved them one by one but from then on I was always hard-pressed for cash and with all my social obligations it was an awful nuisance for a while I managed to survive by selling what I had left but they soon ran out of goods
and was forced to sell my own possessions I hated parting with them I'd collected them painstakingly over the years what else was I to do I sold off every single item and at half the original cost I went back immediately to my sword business every night I went to the second-hand Goods Market in Kanda and hondro and being a pretty sharp bargainer I soon set aside a tidy sum many of the friends I'd helped in times of trouble came to me when they had swords to sell but since they were not knowledgeable about swords I
never made a loss [Music] one day at son of suchia I got into a big fight with Kumar the son of an employee the copper mint in hashiba we were on the second floor so I picked up Kuma and threw him down the stairs he had to be carried home by some man who came running from the mint but a while later about 30 men appeared with hooked Spears they began surrounding the house I flung off my outer garments hitched up the Hem of my kimono and rushed outside swinging My Sword I forced the men
to retreat two or three hundred yards but just then a band of men arrived from the local patrol office to break up the fight after this even the Crohn's and shrews who were hired to escort customers to the brothels Drew away as soon as they saw me [Music] foreign schools of other Adventures but they took place so long ago have all but forgotten them both of my older brothers kept a close watch on me I couldn't care less and past my days carousing to my heart's content for the last three or four years I had
fallen into dissolute ways and had been spending most of my time in the yoshiwara so much so that the Roughnecks who prowled through the quarters at the Comey underlings and no one dared defy me naturally this took huge amounts of money but I was determined not to fall into debt and so I hustled every night at the markets One Night in the summer I was summoned to hiko Shiro's house in kamizawa Cho and my brother's house everyone was in tears his wife took me to shintaro's room and said kokichi why do you persist in Behaving
so recklessly your brother has made inquiries about you here and there and worried that you might do something truly Dreadful so he's decided to lock you up in a cage shintaro and the rest of us tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn't listen the cage was finished yesterday it's in the garden who went out to the Garden the cage was steadily built with double enclosures I said to shintaru and my sister-in-law I appreciate my brother's concern I've already made up my mind to stay in the cage for good and not to come
out even if I'm forgiven you see around where I live in honzo I'm well known and regarded as a hero of sorts but after a humiliation like this I could never show my face to my fellow man I will Fast and die as soon as possible my sister-in-law pleaded with me how did things have come to this please turn over a new Leaf what sense would there be if I did ever since my father died I've had no one to turn to and as for any hope of obtaining office I gave that up a long
time ago I decided I might as well do what I want and die I really think it would be better if I went in the cage couldn't you at least go home and talk it over with your wife that won't be necessary as I said I'm not at all worried about my family rentaro is 16. he'd be better off if I was dead if I lived too long I'd only be a nuisance my sister-in-law insisted that I go home for the time being I went home and waited at eight I had still received no word
so I took off for the yoshiwara and stayed for the night shintaro urged me to write a letter of apology to my brother he'll have to be appeased one way or another I couldn't be bothered then I heard that my sister-in-law worried sick was going from Temple to Temple asking for prayers on my behalf I decided to put her mind at rest once and for all the following spring I passed on the family headship to rintaro I was 37. my past conduct truly fills me with horror I am most fortunate in having a filial and
obedient son my daughter's two are very devoted my wife has never gone against my wishes I am altogether satisfied to have lived until now without any serious mishap 42 I have understood for the first time what it means to follow in the path of righteousness to serve one's Lord and one's father to live with one's Kinsmen in Harmony and to have compassion and love for one's wife children and servants that my children their children and their children's children read this record carefully Savor its meaning so be it [Music]
