[car alarm ringing] Jesus Christ, where's the key? Pamela? I'm Jesus.
What an honor! But why me? I came here to get you, to get all the anointed ones.
What? What a joy to be back. -Another Jesus?
-There's no other, only me. Blessed be the pure of heart who do not eat pork and do not watch TV on Saturdays. Those deserve the kingdom of heaven.
This is the Adventist Jesus. But which one of you is. .
. Don't believe them, usurpers! I'll bring wealth to those who have faith and money.
-This is the neo-Pentecostal. -Do you have faith? I have faith.
Then give me the key to your car and your credit card with the password, because today a miracle will occur in your life. It has never happened, it won't happen today. Enough!
[singing] "Came down like fire invading the Christian's home. . .
" Look, everyone is very welcome in my house. -Everyone but you. -Me?
! Sure, silly. With those tight pants and heavy make-up.
Why is your hair not up? -Evangelicals right? -Evangelical Christian.
You're wasting your time. . .
-What's that? -Silence. .
. [background] Have a minute to hear the word of God! Unbearable people.
These are the Jehovah's Witnesses. Nobody here! Only devil worshipers here!
Here we fuck men and women, have anal sex, and sex with animals. They're gone. Let them go because they're too boring.
. . Shalom, guys.
Who's that? -I'm sorry, you are. .
. ? -The Jewish Jesus.
I'm an ordinary carpenter. I'm just a carpenter. Yes, but you, here, in what way do you.
. . I have no power.
That power thing, I don't. . .
I make furniture, in general, handicrafts, and my name is Jesus. I saw that the Jesuses were here so I said: "I'm going there". I'm Jesus as well.
-Excuse me. How are you? -Just a moment, what's that?
I'm the real Jesus. No way, guys. [laughing] Hahaha what?
He doesn't even look like Jesus. What do you mean? Doesn't fit the profile.
What are you talking about? Do you have 100,00 bucks? No, he's asking.
. . I'm not asking for anything.
. . I'm back, damn it!
Oh, it's the right-wing Jesus. Calm down. Calm down what?
! [shouting] I know you threw stones at my hoe. Watch out, Pamela!
Come here! Mahalo to you blessed ones! New Wave Jesus here.
What's up? Everything groovy? I came here with my guitar to sing for you a gospel version of our beloved singer, composer and surfer, Felipe Dilon.
New Wave Jesus singing. [singing] This Christian love, Jesus in my heart The fire of his faith Is what makes me safe.
