i'm dr orion taraban and this is psych hacks better living through psychology and the subject of today's short talk is the position of the adored this is a continuation of my episode on the balance of attraction so if you're new to this channel you may want to start there in this episode we'll be talking about the position of the adored which in romantic relationships is the one who likes the other less now first off i'd like to begin by saying that the adored often get a bad rap what do you mean the one that likes
the other less how cold and cruel and heartless right however the fact of the matter is that the two positions create each other liking the other less creates the opportunity for the adorer to like the other more which is actually where some people prefer to be it's kind of like how taking isn't necessarily selfish because it actually gives others the opportunity to give and many people are actually far more comfortable giving than taking now obviously this dynamic can be taken to some pretty unpleasant extremes like in codependent relationships or relationships with personality disordered individuals however
the fundamental truth remains constant even within so-called mature high functioning relationships remember the two positions are actually value neutral and there are pros and cons to each the adored get to be loved by the ones they're with generally those in this position tend to have a much more emotionally equilibrated experience than you those in the position of the adorer they don't experience the same highs and lows as the adorers which makes this position a better fit for those who prefer not to live as much in their emotions it can also be a good fit for
those who for whatever reason are not as interested in placing romantic relationships in the center of their lives people who are more focused on their career for instance can't really afford to be an emotional roller coaster they can appreciate the partner but because they aren't as emotionally preoccupied with the other they tend to experience a greater sense of internal freedom within that relationship on the other hand being in the position of the adored can be somewhat boring these folks generally don't experience the feeling of being in love as intensely they're not with the ones that
they love they're they're loved by the ones that they're with which can make them feel like they're missing out or settling it can also feel strange to be put on a pedestal because of the gap between the other's perception of you and your own self-knowledge unless you're narcissistically grandiose you're kinda aware of your shortcomings which means that you're gonna kind of feel like you're participating in unreality when someone loves you more than you love yourself [Music] figuring out which position feels better for you and determining your ideal gap in subjective attraction requires experience and accurate
self-knowledge some people prefer the balance of attraction to be as close to equal as possible others prefer rather sizable gaps just keep in mind that it's often the case that the very things that attract you to a person at the beginning are the same things that drive you crazy in the end so choose wisely i hope you found this useful uh please drop a comment below and if you'd like to schedule a consultation you can reach me at psychaxpodcast gmail.com thanks for listening
