Brother Framed Me as a Thief for Years, I Missed Birthdays & Vacations as Punishment. My Parents...

brother framed me as a thief for years I missed birthdays and vacations as punishment my parents finally caught him on camera but only took his phone away I am 23 in male I am the middle child of my parents 54 male and 53 female and I have an older sister 25 and a younger brother 19 I've been living away from my family for 5 years with a very bare minimum of contact because right around when I turned 15 my dad's stuff started disappearing from his room he has a pocket knife collection filled with different knives

that he has collected from across the US and some of them are pretty decently valuable not worth like several Grand or anything but some of these probably fetch for a few hundred he also has a collection of baseball cards and autographed baseballs these items would vanish from his room and end up in my room and each time I got punished for it and each time was more severe than the last I was looked at by my entire immediate family as a thief for 3 years even though I constantly pleaded my innocence to them I missed

out on a few vacations didn't have a 17th birthday celebration at all didn't get my driver's license or a car until after I moved out and I didn't have a job and had no way to save money aside from past birthdays and odd chores around my neighborhood I remember my dad and mom telling me how much of a disappointment I was and that they wouldn't be surprised if I ended up in the local news as a robbery suspect or worse my extended family wasn't much help either and saw me in the same light it got

so bad to the point where I genuinely wondered if I was actually stealing and not remembering it at all either through some kind of mental struggle or doing it in my sleep or anything earlier this week I got a call from my mom my dad had noticed that his thing started disappearing again without me being there and finally had the bright idea to set up cameras in the hall where my brother was caught taking stuff and putting them in my sister's old room mom told me about that and then said that she and my dad

both apologized to me for not believing me and that they would love to have me over for her birthday dinner to catch up I asked her what her plan for my brother's punishment was and she got confused I asked her again reminded her that I was forced to miss out on a birthday multiple vacations and my driver's license at 16 she said my dad took his phone for a week and his video games for a month I lost it on her and bered them for treating me way worse while I was being framed for being

a thief while the actual Thief only had his phone confiscated I then said I will not be attending any events with him for the future and I said you guys can go fck yourselves I hung up and blocked her number I then got a call later from my sister who told me that while my rage is very much Justified my mother is inconsolable and has locked herself in our parents bedroom Ida comments where op has replied commenter I think op should point out to his sister that the brother was trying to do the same thing

to her to frame her as a thief and have her punished op which was an even weirder move because I forgot to clear ify that she moved out of that house a year-ish after I did commenter what sorry I'm not following your brother tried to frame your sister for theft when she wasn't even in the house op yeah it was a very dumb and idiotic move on his part have no clue what he was thinking comment her info tell me more about your brother what was your relationship with him when he was 9 to 11

and you were a teen before everything started what is he doing now is he in college/university does he have a job or is he just a mucher up he is in College as far as I know our relationship was never bad at all which shocked me more than anything commenter I don't understand I thought your parents took his phone away as a form of punishment this is something done to a high schooler a child a person 18 and under still in high school Lop he lives at home for free as far as I know it's

ridiculous and utter bullsh tea update one my sister who I will call te for Simplicity called me about an hour ago as of the time I'm writing this and apologized for what she told me me and her have been very close ever since I moved out and she has been known to step up and apolog olog when she is in the wrong no hard feelings towards her at all as far as my parents go my mother had an overnight Epiphany according to te she ended up kicking my brother who I will call Jay out of

the house after they were able to make him admit to doing this for years mom told T that he was sent to my granddad's house where he will be forced to get a job and pay rent as well as his own tuition now my dad initially fought with her on this until she made him realize just how badly he was tearing this family apart my dad then called me apologizing profusely telling me I don't ever have to see them again and that they would totally understand it but they would love the chance to make amends

and fix what they damaged he offered to gift me the amount of money I owed for loans plus an extra $5,000 for Keeps I told him I will think it over but it might take me a while I did accept his apology but I haven't forgiven either of them yet and I hung up my mom doesn't know that me and T have kept in contact as I live about 2 hours away from my parents and three plus hours from her and T relayed to me that my mom and my dad were thinking about selling some

stuff they own and taking extra shifts at each of their jobs so they can get me a brand new vehicle as a surprise I don't know how this is going to sound but I'd rather not take a car or any extra money off of Ms a everything that I own so far I earn through my hard work and B I feel like just buying your child's affection back is a lazy way to reconcile as far as the situation goes I did unblock my mom but I will not be initiating conversation unless she or my dad

texts first also they did make an apology on Facebook to me and scolded my brother for what happened so at least my extended family knows now I might update if something else happens but that's all I got right now comments where op has replied commenter it's nice that they now know you were framed and that they want to make amends however they are not owed forgiveness and they are not entitled to a relationship with you if you do choose to give them a chance start slow they need to earn back your trust and that doesn't

happen overnight take some time to think about what boundaries and expectations you need to put in place to feel comfortable resuming contact with them for example after everything your brother has put everyone through if you don't want to see him or if you don't want them to discuss your life with him they need to respect that if they can't respect that boundary let them know how you will respond good luck op I doubt I'm going to reconcile fully their apologies feel more or less like they're sorry because they feel guilty moreso than they're sorry because

they wronged me and want to make it better my brother is dead to me though nothing he could do could fix this commenter accept the money you are entitled to that and it's the freaking least they can give you for being such an awful parents and for the bad treatments but don't accept the car because if you accept it they will try to make you feel guilty for not forgiving them even though they tried to make it up to you with gifts but if you don't accept anything from them you won't even give them a

chance to try to make you feel guilty for not forgiving them and they wouldn't have have the opportunity to Gaslight you although in the end it is your decision you can still block them once you obtain the car you can take it as part of your compensation also haha look it's your decision if you want to forgive them and have them back in your life or not I personally wouldn't do it but I am very sure of one thing you don't owe them anything no forgiveness no meeting or anything they treated you like trash for

a long time no one will blame you if you decide to not forgive them and the best of all is that you are independent you can survive without them so you can tell them to go to hell as much as you want just make sure you meditate and think about what you want to do but please op don't forgive them ha haa op that's what I'm planning on doing I'm going to accept the money but not the car if they actually go through and buy it it does feel wrong to take five grand from them

though i' give it's just my stupid Pride or what update too I got a call from T My Brother Jay got arrested for stealing my grandpa's truck keys and hitting a street light about 2 miles out from their house late last night 9:25 we'll update when I get more details as I'm going to call my dad about it stay tuned update three so my brother has not Tak into his new living arrangements well at all he hasn't gone out to look for work and yesterday he was caught trying to break into Grandpa's safe right before

he stole the truck he was going too fast and unintentionally hit the street light he didn't have any injuries but the truck is possibly total and my grandparents kicked him out too he now has no home and my parents have canceled his college fund and are using it to pay for my grandparents to get a new vehicle dad told me that he was going to try to surprise me with a new vehicle but that idea was out the window to which I said I appreciate his offer but I would have declined it anyway because I

have my reliable 01 Cherokee my parents have practically disowned him and it's all so crazy to me as he was never truly rebellious up until this week I think he may be dealing with some serious mental crisis and it wouldn't surprise me if his mug shot shows up on my local news I'm not too well versed on psychology mechanical engineering degree so I ask is there anyone out there with an idea as to why he may be going through this update four this is my second it of post and a semi followup to my first

one plus my other posts on my account for those not in the know here's a quick recap I 23 male have been slowly reconnecting with my parents male and female both 54 after I was framed by my brother 19 male for stealing from my dad since I began interacting with them more we have all including my brother my parents have undis owned him after I had to vouch for him saying that running away from your mistakes only make them worse started therapy and I have my debts from school paid off my mom's birthday dinner was

yesterday evening and I decided to go because they were eating at an expensive restaurant and they offered to pay my way fully free food sounded good to me those that were there were me my sister my brother my parents my uncle and his wife mom's side both mid-40s and their twins 19 male and female I've always gotten along with their son but their daughter who will be called R has despised me for as long as I can remember my dad was pulling out his wallet for his ID so he could get a drink and our

said in a mocking manner uhoh my dad's name hide your wallet you don't want my name getting in there I looked at her red in the face and embarrassed and said something along the lines of your girl best friends have to say that to every guy in your friend group because of how you get around she is a known cheater she got upset and started crying and my uncle started berating me for talking to his daughter like that and that I was still on thin ice for what I was framed for I got angry flipped

him off and left the restaurant I called my dad and he said that I have nothing to apologize for but my mom wants me to because she wants to keep the peace between her side of the family and ours my uncle texted me demanding an apology and her put a post out on Instagram about toxic family members this is where I come to you again Reddit Ida just a little more context to my background I was punished and neglected from my mid- teenage years up until I moved out because of what my brother did to

me and it left me with trauma and trust issues from everyone around me I'm usually level-headed but everyone knows that what happened is a very sensitive subject mini update just got off the phone with my aunt ours mom and she gave me the most sincere apology that I've received in the past month she said she has dealt with r and my uncle don't know how but I did take down the post and my uncle did send me a single sorry comments where op has replied commenter info K so you were framed for stealing and now

they know that it wasn't you or did everyone get over it while still thinking it was you why vouch for your brother if that whole situation is still lingering sounds like he needs to still make amends your cousin sounds like a piece of work and while you sunk to her level she may have deserved it still you may find a more mature approach serves you better op vouched for my brother because they were planning to cut him off like they almost did me when I and now our therapist thinks he is serious underlying issues everyone

knows that I am innocent in stealing yes commenter so why is the uncle making a statement that he knows is untrue why did your parents not correct him immed immediately that would have diffused the situation and kept the piece up I sometimes it feels like they still see me as a thief and honestly I'm probably just going to end up reverting back to bare minimum contact commenter so if your cousin really does know you're innocent why did she make the remark about the wallet are you sure she actually knows the truth op yes she knows

the truth my parents made a public apology on Facebook and my entire family reacted to it including hers which was just a commenter assuming a really is a cheater NTA up she is she's cheated twice one of the dudes was in that friend group update 5 first and foremost my mom actually straight up apologized to me for everything from not taking my side at dinner for the way I was treated for most of my teenage to adult life and she ended up telling my Uncle and Cousin off this was during a therapy session and it

happened before any of us said anything to start it my dad apologized to me as well as to my siblings for everything my brother is now getting some actual help now as my parents have admitted to prioritizing me and my sister before this entire ordeal started when I was 15 and the framing began he apologized to me for everything and was let back into my parents house but has to earn his trust back I don't really care what he has to do my contact with him is still going to be very limited also in other

news I have a date we met on Tinder around a little over a week ago and we clicked really well she lives around 15 minutes from my place and we're meeting at a sushi place before I take her to the movies she wanted to see killers of the flower Moon I'm hoping it goes well next story husband's a strange teenage daughter was abset and abandoned he wanted to reject her too but our fight turned into a plan now we're getting her college fund so my husband and I are currently cooling down from a fight and

he called me a few things including everything is a bit of a mess right now so emotions are running high but I really need a sanity check and maybe some fresh arguments because I feel like we are going in circles long story long my husband had a daughter when he was in his early 20s with his ex-girlfriend they were not good for each other a lot of fighting and just emotional abuse so they split just before the child was born he has been very open about this in our relationship and how he regrets not taking

more care to not get her pregnant because they were young and immature and stupid he never really got to build a relationship with his daughter her mother would just keep the kid from him and made it clear that she did not want him in their life he has paid child support the whole way through but it has been uphill for our entire relationship when we met my husband had matured greatly and was eventually ready to start a family so I have seen a bit from the sideline when our first child was born his ex went

for more child support because if he can afford a new kid he can afford to pay up she is always being super nasty in any conversation they might have and she taught their daughter the same thing he has tried to at least get a phone call for Christmas and last year his daughter said some really awful things on that call calling him dead beat and other awful things telling him she hates him and never wants to get to know him she is 13 now so I know that her mother is still influencing her a lot

but she is also reaching an age where he can't just say that she doesn't know what she is saying or how hurtful it is so my husband is basically given up trying none of them want him to try so he resigned to that a few days ago he got a call the core of it is that his daughter told a teacher that she was being say at at home CPS showed up and her mother split disappearing they want her to come live with us my husband wanted decline he has no relationship with this child she

seems to hate his gut we have younger children and honestly no experience dealing with a trauma like that he believes she would be better off with a foster family who knows what they are dealing with I told him that there is no way this kid got abused abandoned and then getting rejected from the only family she has we are taking her in and we will figure out the rest that poor kid needs some stability not getting tossed around in the system currently we are not in agreement and I know that he has the last word

since I'm just his partner and not related to this girl am I being unreasonable in thinking this is a huge red flag and that he needs to step up to be a father for her too edit okay this has been a bit overwhelming to come back to but I'll try to clear up a few things one I'm aware I have no legal say in the matter but my husband and I are a team and a family so my opinion matters to him two neither of us have experience with the Foster system so we are really

just going off what we think we know I want to thank everyone who has been able to elaborate a bit more on this three yes my husband was a dead beat dad in the beginning later on he's been able to see that they were a really bad match but that he should probably have tried harder once visits became an option he tried but she would forget and not be home or say it wasn't the date they agreed on and stuff like that maybe he could have gone through court but he just gave up really hindsight

is 2020 but it doesn't change the fact of the now unfortunately mini update we sat down to have a talk about why the discussion had gone off the rails not touching the subject yet but just why we ended up in a screaming match he told me that he was completely overwhelmed by this and was in a panic according to him the CPS person had made it sound like he could take her in or she would go into a system that spits out drug addicted prostitutes as one comment colorfully put it he feels really guilty for

letting this happen to his kid even if she hates his guts he feels like he should have done something to prevent this I guess I was too focused on how bad his daughter might be off right now to truly see that he was hurting just as bad right now we've agreed to talk about it again in the morning in a more calm setting and try to get some more facts about what can be done it's like 2 a and I'm exhausted but we have both called off work tomorrow so we can take the time we

need I hope there is a positive update in the near future update September 5th 2024 things are pretty hectic right now but a lot of people were kind enough to take time out of their day to offer advice and their own experiences and I want to say thank you for that I'm not going into details there is a lot more going that I'm sharing here so I can assure you that divorce is nowhere near on the table for us we have had several tough talks in the last few days but once we got past the

worst Panic we were a lot more on the same page than we thought my husband have agreed to take responsibility for his daughter and is looking into an emergency custody of her we are not trying to play family as some suggested he is going to take legal charge of her and keep her out of the system she will not be living with us right now we have contacted an inpatient therapy clinic that can take her in to start the healing process my husband is taking leave from work and leasing a second car so he can

be there as much as needed SL possible he knows she might never consider him her father or even family but from now on we will be her support system she won't have to depend on a poor overworked CPS contact random legal Guardians homes changing Etc if she needs therapy we will get it for her if she needs legal counsel we will get it for her if she needs the system we will help her navigate it if she wants to live with a foster family we will support that we will make it clear that our support

is not conditioned on her playing family with us she never has to set foot in our home if she chooses not to we know that she might never appreciate any of it but that is okay too we have some savings we can take from and we are setting up a college fund for her as well it will not make her rich but we hope to be able to to cover at least some of it when the time comes we're starting family therapy as well to start talking to our kids about the fact that they have

a sister and that Dad will be gone a lot more for a while my husband will be starting therapy as well to work on his guilt and hurt from this whole situation comments where op has replied oop on her husband's emotional distress oop people can feel emotional distress that can cause them to lash out for a while before they are able to calm down and think more rationally about their situation commenter your approach demonstrates a deep commitment to doing what's best for your husband's daughter and your family the focus on support therapy and respect for

her autonomy are all vital components of navigating this challenging situation oop I'll admit the comments on the first thread were hard to read but it did make me see that I was too naive I have no doubt it is going to be hard but right now we have a plan some sort of direction for this most of it is theoretical at this point but I hope we can make it work commenter to sounds like your husband is stepping up and being a responsible father despite the difficult circumstances kudos to him for taking on this Challenge

and I hope it all works out for the best good luck to your family