Boyfriend's ex got me banned from his friend's wedding, where she was a bridesmaid, then had to watch us dance together when I was finally allowed in. My boyfriend, Sam, and I have been together for a year and a half. We broke up last summer for two months but got back together during our break.
Sam met up with his ex-girlfriend, Rachel, whom he had dated for four years prior to our relationship. They only met up once, and nothing came of it; however, Rachel still has feelings for Sam and was hoping they would rekindle things. Rachel was enraged and threw a fit whenever she found out that Sam and I got back together.
She sent him a lot of really nasty messages and continued to do so for several months afterward, even though he never responded to her. Rachel and Sam both have mutual friends who are getting married; they were both asked to be bridesmaids and groomsmen in the wedding in February. Rachel asked the bride if it would be okay if Sam did not have a plus one for the wedding because she wouldn't be able to handle seeing him with anyone else.
Whenever Sam found this out, he immediately contacted both the bride and groom. They assured him that Rachel's request would not have an impact on the decision for a plus one. Since then, she has still continued to try to reach out to Sam, including going as far as contacting me via Instagram regarding the upcoming wedding.
She started to harass me and even admitted that contacting me was for her own self-gain. In April, Sam and I were both invited to the engagement party. Of course, Rachel was there, but we were having such a great time that we barely even noticed her existence.
At 3:00 a. m. that night, Rachel texted Sam yet again, degrading both of us.
She told Sam that he was not going to be getting a plus one to the wedding and to not make a fuss about it like last time. I found the comment odd because invitations had not been sent out yet. Why is she the one telling him this instead of the bride or groom?
Regardless, Sam finally responded to Rachel and told her to never contact us again. Fast forward to the present day: Sam got the wedding invitation, and it did not include a plus one. He contacted the groom, and the response was that they had to prioritize other couples who have been together longer, live together, and/or who both know the bride and groom due to the budget.
I know 100% that a wedding should only be about the bride and groom and what they want. If they don't want Sam to have a plus one, that is their call. I'm not entirely convinced that Rachel did not have a part in the decision; she is a lot closer to the bride than Sam is to the groom.
So I asked my boyfriend not to go to the wedding without me. This would mean he would have to drop out of being a groomsman. The only reason I feel uncomfortable with him going is due to the relentless harassment about the wedding by Rachel.
If she had been respectful and left us alone, I would have no problem with him going without me. However, that was not the case. She has continuously disrespected me, my boyfriend, and our relationship.
She has no clue what a boundary is. I just want this to be over. **Update 1:** My boyfriend talked to the groom.
Due to the budget, they had to limit plus ones to couples who live together or will be traveling out of town to attend. The wedding is being paid for by the bride's family; it seems like they had an input on who was invited. The groom did not know the full extent of Rachel's behavior towards my boyfriend and me.
The groom was also surprised to hear Rachel told my boyfriend in April he would not be getting a plus one, as they had not decided at that time. My boyfriend did come to see that it was disrespectful for the bride and groom not to allow him to have a plus one, even if his ex was not attending. The party should have priority over regular guests.
With that being said, he does not want to completely burn a bridge with the groom, which I don't want to happen either. We both agreed it will be fine for him to attend the ceremony but skip the reception. The groom said I would be allowed to attend the rehearsal dinner and welcome party.
As far as Rachel, my boyfriend plans to ignore her and immediately shut down any of her antics. My boyfriend is truly disgusted with Rachel and her psychotic behavior. Ultimately, she wanted to break things up between me and my boyfriend, but she has only made us stronger.
**Additional Info:** (OOP adds a little info not in the post. ) My boyfriend was never told he would be receiving a plus one. The bride and groom told him in February that they did not know who would be invited at that time.
I just wanted to reiterate this in case it was not clear in my original post. When asked what happened with Sam and the ex, they didn't hook up. Whenever we were on the break, they just went to a bar for drinks.
Afterwards, they met up with the bride and groom since they all are friends. My boyfriend said it was a bit awkward and didn't even know Rachel had any interest in getting back together until she found out we had gotten back together. **Update 2 (Sep 25, 2024):** This is the final update regarding the wedding since it was this past weekend.
Buckle up, because it's a long one. Backstory: My boyfriend was asked to be a groomsman in a wedding where his ex-girlfriend was a bridesmaid. His ex harassed him for months, even though he didn't respond.
She reached out to me via Instagram; she has been trying to break us up/get him back. She told me on Instagram that she doesn't want to be around us during the wedding, as it would be distracting. The groom told my boyfriend months ago that I would be allowed to attend the rehearsal dinner, welcome party, and part of the reception.
We were told I would not be allowed to attend the ceremony or dinner portion of the reception due to the budget. After the formalities are completed, I will be allowed to attend. A week before the wedding, the groom invited my boyfriend to brunch on Sunday, the day after the wedding.
He said it was going to be a super casual thing; however, I was not invited to this brunch. My boyfriend reassured me he would not be attending without me. During the wedding rehearsal, my boyfriend decided to double-check with the groom about me coming to the rehearsal dinner.
Turns out I had been uninvited from the dinner. We were informed of this 30 minutes before the start. The groom told my boyfriend I did not have a seat, but he would love to have me at the welcome party afterward.
My boyfriend skipped the rehearsal dinner; we ended up going to a local bar until the welcome party started. Once we got to the welcome party, the groom came up to me and apologized for the politics. He told me he was happy I was there and looked forward to having me at the reception tomorrow.
Two people commented on us missing the rehearsal dinner, but I just changed the subject. After the welcome party ended, we all rallied to a bar close by. I was standing at the bar talking to one of the guests when the bride imposed herself into our conversation.
The bride would only look at and talk to the other girl, even though I was adding input into the conversation. It was just like the interview Shery Flaw did with Blake Lively. I felt so uncomfortable that I ended up walking away.
The next day, before the wedding, I met up for brunch with the girl. She informed me that as soon as I walked away, the bride started talking sh*t about me. The bride told her I was originally invited to the wedding, but that Rachel, my boyfriend's ex, said she would not be able to handle it, so I was uninvited from the wedding.
The girl said it seemed like the bride was trying to get her to not be friends with me and to exclude me. She said it seemed like the bride was trying to get her to take Rachel's side as well. The bride admitted she was being petty but that she didn't care.
Mind you, I had just met this girl, and we were just casually chatting at the bar. Why the bride wanted to focus on causing drama and excluding me the night before her wedding is beyond me. Like, girl, focus on getting married.
Around 8:00 p. m. is when all the formalities were finished, and I was able to attend.
I'm not going to lie; dancing with my boyfriend in front of his ex-girlfriend felt extremely good. I swear we did not do it on purpose, but wherever his ex went, we were always right there. She could not avoid us even if she tried.
At one point, the bride and groom were in the center dancing; I was directly across from his ex in her line of sight. She completely turned her back just so that she couldn't see me, even though everyone else was facing forward. The only people who would talk to us were the other groomsmen and their dates.
We ended up telling several of them the full story because they had no idea, so the whole night felt like sweet revenge. I will say many times the groom came up to me and said he was happy I was there. Whether he meant it or it was performative, I have no idea.
I also don't care at this point. The only reason my boyfriend did not drop out of the wedding was because we were told I was not invited due to the budget. We were assured several times that it had nothing to do with his ex.
If my boyfriend had been given the full truth, he would have dropped out. Whenever I found out the truth, it was already too late. My boyfriend was at the venue taking pictures, and the wedding was starting in an hour.
Once the couple gets back from their honeymoon, I and my boyfriend plan on having a conversation with the groom. My boyfriend said he will be re-evaluating their friendship. Comments where OP has replied: OOP clarifies one detail.
Sorry, I didn't make it clear, but I was not allowed to attend the dinner portion of the reception. I was only allowed to attend when all the formalities were completed (eating, speeches, etc. ), and the dancing had begun.
Commenter: You guys are both dumb as rocks if you think any of these people are currently your friends or will continue to be your friends in the future. So please stop excusing their shitty behavior for budget reasons. It's obvious you were not wanted at the wedding, and both of you should have skipped the event.
A real friend would have made you comfortable and not made you feel excluded. OOP: Thankfully, after all of this, my boyfriend does see that the groom does not care about him as much as he thought. Greedy Uncore Philis for 25: Sounds like you have an amazing, supportive boyfriend.
So refreshing to hear a man sticking with his partner through the nonsense. That bride isn't going to have an incredibly happy marriage after she willfully tried to. .
. Sabotage someone else's relationship on her wedding day? That can't be the start of something successful!
I'm hoping the groom had nothing to do with it, but I'm sure he knew about the situation since his wife was the one scheming. However, it does seem like he didn't want to be a part of it, given the way he was talking to you and your boyfriend. He probably just let her do whatever she wanted so she'd shut up.
Either way, them all, you win in the end! Give your boyfriend a big hug from Reddit; he did well! Oop, my boyfriend really does have my back; I'm so thankful for him!
As for the groom, I will say he truly is a nice guy. I do think that he was aware of everything going on, but he is the only reason I was able to attend some of the wedding weekend. Next story: my girlfriend made me borrow her boss's clothes at his party.
She said he was just a friend until I had to watch her tuck him into bed while he was in his underwear. I am a PhD student who has been dating an executive assistant for 5 months. It's going well; we have a lot of fun.
We're both crazy busy, so frequently our dates are Chinese food and Redbox movies, but it's all good. She goes to a lot of events with her boss—business dinners and charities, and basically anything where he's too lazy to bring a notepad and makes her give up her finite free time to accompany him. I get invited to some, partially due to my desire to actually see my girlfriend and due to school and work.
I went to the first one last weekend—a dinner at his house, a casual business mixer type deal. I was underdressed; my definition of business casual was Navy slacks and a button-up. By the time I showed up, a little late admittedly, it was too late to stop by my place and fix this.
Oh well, I'm confident; I don't care, but she seems to and is slightly irritated. We get there and I meet her boss, who's kind of smug and a bit of an ass but seems nice enough. Right away she asks, “Rob, do you mind if Cohen borrows a tie and jacket?
” I didn't relay the dress code; he says, “That's unlike you, but sure, the jacket will be too big in the shoulders, but go ahead. ” She leads me up to the guy's bedroom and goes right into his closet and grabs some stuff. That night, everyone basically ignored me.
She didn't seem to notice; she was too busy backing up everything this guy said and mingling with co-workers. She apologized later, said she can get a bit obsessive about work. I understand; I vowed to never go back, and that was that.
Last night I was over and using her computer for some assignments; mine is down. I go to send myself an email of my work; hers is up, and I figure whatever will work just as good until I noticed that the subject of one is, “Your Boyfriend. ” I open it; it's from the boss.
“Your boyfriend has my favorite tie; procure it promptly. ” You would choose that one out of the hundred other ones, wench! GF: “It is already back in your closet.
” I can't help it; he looks nice in red. Tongue: “What did you think of him anyways? ” Approve.
Boss: “He looked like a little kid playing dress-up in my clothes, but in all seriousness, he is a little kid. He's still in school and in an immature place—he's not husband material. You want kids in a house in a couple of years?
Date someone who can give you that; date a man. ” GF: “Thanks for being honest. I value your opinion.
Husbands aren't exactly growing on trees, though. ” That was the last; I left soon after and haven't talked to her about it. I feel completely disrespected.
At the same time, I read her email, which is a no-no. How should I approach this? Update one: I followed some of the advice and told her how I stumbled across it and all that jazz.
She was upset I read her work emails but understood why I wasn't happy with what I saw. She explained that her boss is more than a boss; he's also a friend, and collectively they've been through a lot together. In the three years they've worked together, they've each lost a parent.
Her father was estranged from her family, and none of her siblings would go with her to the funeral, but he volunteered and helped her handle it, and they have climbed the corporate ladder together. She explained that it was private, the same as me asking my friend on FB what they thought of her and her reading it. So I'm a little uncomfortable with it and their closeness in general.
I also told her it irritated me that she didn't specify that business casual meant in her world. She said that a button-up would have been fine, but I wore a plaid one—a nice plaid button-up, not lumberjack—and that was too casual. She also told me she was mad at me for being late, that it's important to Rob that when he hosts, she is early and on time; late is late, and late is very late.
We didn't deal with the big issues—babies and marriage—because it's just too damn soon, and went on our way being happy this week until last night around 2:00 a. m. The boss calls and says he's sick; she needs to check up on him, blah blah.
She is about to leave; I express my discomfort, and she reluctantly invites me, tells me to keep clear of him and just wait. It shouldn't be long, and she'll use my. .
. Presence to avoid staying long. We get there, and he's in the front room.
I can't avoid him seeing me; he's in his underwear, which I'm not happy about, and is obviously fairly sick and furious about being sick. GF is ridiculously tender with him, rubbing his hair and telling him how they can readjust most of his meetings, except for one, and they'll make it a phone meeting. They'll work from home tomorrow; she'll go get everything in the morning and just bring it to his place.
Blah blah. He makes eye contact. I'm hovering as close to the door as I can, feeling for all the world like I'm the interloper, and he almost looks smug at me.
I swear to God he did. Then he asks if they can have one soup for lunch and fortune cookies like usual. She says, of course, and then brings him to his room and tucks him in, I assume after giving him some medicine.
We leave and get into it. That's just too close for me. She needs to draw lines if she wants to keep dating me.
She accuses me of just being jealous and uncomfortable; she says Rob has never made a pass at her and never will. The fight gets a little ugly, and insults fly. I say she all but gets paid to suck his dick.
She says the only difference between me and a college freshman is I can buy beer, and it's over. This all occurs in his driveway. She gets out and says she'll just stay here if he wasn't too sick to get it up.
I imagine they probably had sex. Comments were: OP has replied, "Teches, holy, she has gone crazy town. You should stay super far away from that.
I know it's hard, but I have a feeling you're going to get over this one quick and laugh it off in a couple of months. " Also, they climbed the corporate ladder together. Um, she's a glorified secretary; she's climbing something, but it's no corporate ladder.
Oop. I mean, when he gets promoted, her pay grade does go up, and he chose to have her come with him instead of opting for someone with more experience or whatever. I hope you're right.
I was pretty pissed and all righteously angry, but now that that is fading, I'm kind of bummed out. She was a good person—funny, smart, and sexy as hell. We spent five months together; I don't want to miss her.
Tilda deleted the difference between you and a college freshman is that a college freshman would have tackled him to the ground and pummeled his face in when he answered the door in his underwear. Oop. I didn't realize he was just in underwear at first, and by then I could tell he was very sick—couldn't keep down water, etc.
—and less inclined to be aggressive. She has a key, and he was on the couch using a throw blanket thing. Update too: Well, I've been drowning my sorrows in Newcastles and biographies when I got a text from my ex-girlfriend.
I obviously hoped she was begging for forgiveness and pleading me to come back to her, both because I missed her and I wanted to turn her down. I'm a complicated fool of a man; she was not. I wanted to let you know I'm sorry for what I said.
Once you compared my entire career to that of a prostitute, I lost my temper and said a lot of things I regret. I hate to end on a bad note because we were both hurt and lashed out. I also wanted to let you know you were right about Rob, just because I would want to know if I were you and you deserve to know you weren't crazy.
I didn't think he felt the same way, and I resigned myself to trying to love someone else. I didn't do a good job. How could I when he was constantly there?
But then it turns out he's felt the same way all along; he just didn't think he could cross the line. It had to be me because Rob felt, as my superior, there was no appropriate way to confess his love. Two years of us being stupid and stubborn, but we are finally together.
We are hashing through it with HR now, and they're not giving us any problems. Sorry we put you in the middle of our personal games. I wish you all the best.
So, she is going to live happily ever after, never loved me, and I wasted five months. Going to become a monk now, Reddit. G2G.
Fine. God. Edit: I don't want to do an update because there is no reason to do one, but I would like to just say that I don't begrudge her happiness or want her to catch on fire or anything like that.
I'm a little bummed out that it ended this way because despite this, she was a fun girlfriend. We did a lot of fun stuff together, and she even read, so we had a lot to talk about, and she is extremely smart. Honestly, she does a lot of her boss's work and gives great throwback.
If it weren't for her family, she would have gone on to be an executive, not an assistant. But I'm not getting drunk or wasting away; I am just having a few cold ones and playing video games, because I'm an introvert, and this is how I cheer myself up. Anyways, my point is I'm not a hero, and she isn't the villain.
We never said we loved each other or anything. I saw it maybe going in that direction unless I end up teaching in Nebraska or something. I said a shitty thing to her, and it all unwound from there, and I did start the argument in that conversation.
Now that it's done, I realize. . .
I'm a little disappointed and a little bitter, but I don't hate her or want her to lose her job or get crabs. I just kind of want everyone to be happy and maybe to get laid this weekend. Not that we'll be friends—I just don't have time to hate her.
Thanks for all the advice. Comments where OP has replied: "Salty fresh. " I don't know the whole story, but giving all those details is so very unnecessary.
What a move! It would have sufficed to say, "Your suspicions were right. I am sorry I lied to you.
I hope we can be friends," instead of delving into the details of her romantic affairs with someone else while knowing she broke your heart. You shouldn't have compared her to a prostitute. Oop, yeah, looking back, that's why we broke up that night—not that we should have stayed together, because obviously it wasn't going to work out.
But when you start a conversation with, "K, you see, he basically pays you to suck his dick," most people aren't willing to be constructive. And that's when she said shitty things, and I said shitty things, and she decided she would rather not drive home with me and decided to stay there. They talked and decided they were in love or whatever the kids call it.
So it was a pretty spiraled-up night, and I was still angry when I wrote my last update, which might be a tad biased.
