CIA Spy: “DON’T Trust Your Gut”- Signs You’re Being Lied To, Used & Manipulated | Andrew Bustamante

Conmen do not give up their control doesn't matter how polite they seem doesn't matter how much other people like them trained manipulators will fight to keep control it's a huge sign that you can't trust the person when it comes to detecting lies you're looking for three different categories when you trust someone like your partner it can actually bring you much closer together but it can also Open you up to being tricked or lied to manipulated or really leaving you totally Soul crushed and never trusting another human ever again so Andrew as the CIA spy who

is the master at infiltration and interrogation what signs can we actually start to look out for to know that no they are not to be trusted and yes they are lying to your face there's a framework at CIA that we learn because our job is to gain trust that we don't Deserve like think about that for a second a CIA officer job is to gain trust so that a source will give us Secrets but that Source shouldn't trust us because we are literally there to steal Secrets we're not there to help them so there's a

process that can be repeated over and over again to gain someone's trust that's the system that we learn at CIA that's the system that conmen Master on their own that's the system that abusive spouses abusive Partners Master on their own they learn through repetition through abusing serial abusing Partners spouses girlfriends boyfriends right and that that uh system is called no like trust klt now break it down into three different words no like and trust no the first word no is indicative of the fact that you can't trust somebody until you know they exist you can't

trust a book until you know the book exists you can't trust a doctor until you know the doctor Exists right so it's a very simple checkbox kind of item until someone knows you exist they can't trust you so the first thing that we're trained to do and the first thing that any con person or any professional or experienced liar will try to do is get discovered without being discovered you can't be trusted but that's very binary it's simple yes no do you know they exist do you not know they exist does no even account for

something like social media where you Feel like you know someone because you follow them close it's literally a yes or no question if you follow them you know them oh okay if you've ever seen them before you know them got it right so it's it's really that simple where you're getting to do I follow them do I not follow them now you're in like so no like trust klt think of it like a fuel meter on your car no is yes or no it's like your car being empty it's either empty or it's not empty

that's no the Rest of it about from from zero to like 34 tank that's all like there's a whole lot of variation in like some people you like a lot some people you don't like a lot some people you like them and then you you dislike them because they say something right this is very much like social media the same thing is true when when you're trying to develop trust with somebody you're building up the like uh meter fuel tank if you will it's something you've heard if you heard the Word report yep you're building

Rapport what Rapport is is a type of social currency that you can use to buy someone's trust buy someone's affection buy someone's uh belief right you're you're investing time and energy into building up their like category so you said you have you can build rapport to get someone like you how do you build rapport with somebody there's a a whole other system that CIA teaches us to build that Rapport to build that trust What we call Social Capital right and it's essentially what that boils down to is you want to reflect their values reflect their

beliefs because by reflecting them back to them you're validating what they like and what they believe even if you disagree right you can reflect it validate it without even agreeing with them and what will happen is they'll start tell thems a story in their brain that you are somebody who who thinks and Feels the same way that they do have you ever had a conversation with somebody where you're talking about marriage you're talking about business you're talking about fashion and you're getting along and you're like this person gets me and then they say something out

of nowhere that you completely disagree with you've had that happen right so that's how you know you're talking to somebody who isn't trained because they were unaware of the fact that they were Building Rapport and then they were unaware Ware that they just threw what we call a social hand grenade they threw a social hand grenade out there and then exploded the whole relationship and you're like you're crazy so that's it's almost like a sign that someone isn't trying to do that or manipulate you because they wouldn't have said it if they were right exactly

because a a person who who is skilled at manipulation who is skilled at Social Engineering uh or social mechanics if you will that person knows how not to step on landmines so when someone's very skilled when someone makes no errors we like to think oh this must be a match made in heaven when in fact what it most likely is is a big red flag that that person is very intentional about cultivating the relationships when we look at no like trust when we look at that that process when we go from zero to full too

fast We're trained to to raise a red flag in our own brain I like this person too fast I trust this person too fast because the way that trust happens is when like reaches a certain threshold you fall into trust you've heard the term falling in love what is falling in love falling into trusting somebody that's all falling in love is you're falling into trusting somebody with your body falling into trusting somebody in your house falling into trusting Somebody with your kids falling into trusting somebody with your money that's all it is it's falling into

trust so the the more accurate term for falling in love is really falling in trust which is something we do every day with salespeople with uh investors with customers with new products we fall in the trust all the time oh my God so many questions okay so you said it gets to a point where like falls into trust what typically is that turning point it's Different for everybody because it's based on your personal background your experiences your personality as well as the situation or the context so for example an extroverted person somebody who likes to

be around people is more likely to fall in the trust faster than an introverted person because an introverted person does not find it easy to be around people so if you have a partner that you're dating if you have a business partner if you have a client or Or a customer that is introverted you're going to have to be prepared to put more time and effort into them because it is not their natural inclination to trust it is their natural inclination to avoid or or uh stay away from oh my God so you've you given

those two examples in extrovert um what other potential examples are there that you have seen where it's like okay depending on which category you're in you're either more likely or less likely to trust someone It falls into some very clear categories there's an age category under the age of 25 far more likely to fall into trust partly because you haven't had experiences that have damaged your trust partly because you uh in the the brain development cycle itself you're still technically in puberty people don't realize this puberty lasts until 25 it does not last until 18

so you're far more willing to take risks from the age 18 to 25 than you are from age 25 on wow So you're that's why you drive crazy motorcycles that's why you start businesses that's why you think of all the stupid [ __ ] you did from 18 to 25 L so I don't know how I'm still alive we're all like that and and that's a big part of why under the age of 25 you're more likely to fall in the trust faster and then it happens again it happens again over the age of 65

what I thought you said it would just increasingly get less trustworthy so you Never get as as trusting as you were under the age of 25 right but what happens is your skepticism your Scruples go up until about age 55 right 55 or 60 and then they start to have a downturn again why is that it's because of by that point you feel like you've learned everything you feel like you know patterns you feel like you understand the world well what's the problem when you're 18 you think you understand the world oh my God but

the Whole world has changed the world you know is 30 years old and now you're part of a new world with new rules and new social norms and new everything and it's not going to work the way you think it works uh look at look at um especially men and women of retirement age right now they're the prime target for credit card scam for identity theft for online fraudulence because they don't know how to use the internet they don't understand apps they don't realize what They're clicking when they click yes right they don't understand it

like you and I understand it and Frankly Speaking you and I don't understand it like 16-year-olds understand it right now right so that's the process that's the problem with falling into trust is that there's categorical ways to Target gaining people's trust based on age just like there's categorical ways of gaining their trust based on their personality type another category is actually based On uh on income because income is an indicator of uh of life experience or life events generally speaking most people don't have children when they make less than $30,000 a year generally speaking you're

you're professional right your professional when they start making about $60 to $80,000 a year then they start having children so that means when they're making $250,000 a year you can assume that somebody making $250,000 a Year has had certain life experiences they're probably over the age of 30 they've probably had at least one degree uh they are either running a business or they've managed people right you can start making these uh algorithmic assessments about people and then from that you can create ways to gain their trust if somebody's had children fastest way you can gain

trust talking about children if somebody's been married to a um to a heterosexual partner fast way to Gain trust is to make jokes about being married to a heterosexual partner you see how it works right when you're retired and you want to gain trust who do you trust somebody else who's a retirement age because you think that they're like you and they understand the way that you see the world correct if you're going back to that no like trust you know they exist check you like them you fill up your gas meter really fast because

as Soon as you see them you assume they're like you I'm married you're married we must be similar I'm a business owner you're a business owner we must be similar right we fill up that meter really fast and that's how you get to the place where you fall into trust without realizing it especially if you are also extroverted especially if they're making the same amount of money as you especially if they if they State life experiences that You have also had sending kids to college or going through pregnancy or buying life insurance or whatever else

right you can see how easy it would be to manipulate fabricate create that entire cycle of experience only to then fraudulently fool somebody at the end what about religion religion is one of those really dangerous ones because where most of life you kind of have to probe to find what people are interested in Religion is one of the few things where you can create something and people will come to you right it's very very dangerous that way so depending on how a child is raised um they could be preconditioned to believe certain terminology certain Faith

uh pillars that can then be used as essentially like a like a a road sign right like hey we believe in Jesus or hey we believe in Allah and that's going to bring people to you and then once they actually come To you then there can be a very unhealthy um ideology inside that attracts people with falsity right with false sincerity and then abuses them once they're inside especially if you then pair that up with some of the other indicators we talked about extroverted people people of certain income people of certain um personality types people

a certain age yeah thinking about using that vulnerability against somebody if you're let's say I'm Greek Orthodox I'm Going to use myself I'm Greek Orthodox I go to Greek Orthodox church I've been taught certain morals and beliefs about Greeks and how we should show up be kind to Thy Neighbor like things like that so when someone else comes into my culture or my religion I assume they have the same morals that I do because we believe in the same thing right and what you're doing there is you're demonstrating the no- like trust process if a

Catholic walked up to you you would immediately Like them less right not because there's anything wrong with them but just because you you extend fewer assumptions to them because there's something different that's all it is talk to me about then people who have credibility in their title where you automatically trust them so you trust the doctor you trust the pilot you trust like if you have that credibility to your name you're more likely to trust them much quicker so here's what's Really interesting about what you're talking about the context of trust trusting a title is

reserved only for civilizations that are what we would call First World or developed right because in a developing World doctor doesn't mean anything right in a in the tribe of Native Americans who's the doctor the doctor is the medicine person right even what's what's really interesting is even in Western culture we're seeing more and more um Indications of people moving away from title and moving towards preference my wife gave birth with a doula not with a doctor right because even though a doctor and a pediatrician in a hospital setting is supposed to be what you

use my wife chose to use a doula it was her own choice not because she was looking for a title but because she was looking for an experience and she was looking for a a certain level of control and and participation in her own childbirth Experience so even when we talk about doctors and attorneys and teachers getting certain uh credibility afforded to them trust afforded to them by their title that is a uniquely western or developed mentality because as soon as I take you to Africa as soon as I take you to Latin America South

America uh to Southeast Asia the people delivering babies are other mothers the people helping sick children are other mothers the people who are dealing with snake Bites and and animal Venom and you know sunburn those aren't doctors anymore now they're just the person in the village who has experienced it before it's a really amazing thing there's a pyramid that is a it's called the the social pyramid and inside that social pyramid it talks about how societies develop over time a a rudimentary Society is very individualistic which means you hunt and you eat what you eat

what you hunt I eat What I hunt we don't collaborate you live on your side of the river I live on my side of the river the end the next level up is called tribalism and tribalism is like hey you're a really good Hunter I'm actually better at making jelly so how about you do the hunting for both of us I'll make the jelly for both of us and we'll put a wall around both of our Villages and we'll share the river right so tribalism is when you share resources and you Begin to capture some

efficiencies you move up the social Triangle Well at the very top of the triangle is called civilization the state Society at the state level who teaches your children the school who keeps you safe the police who's there to put out a fire in case your house starts on fire the fire department right you we start gaining social efficiencies but at the cost of our individual freedoms so now if your child breaks a rule that somebody else Set you're you're responsible your child's responsible they could get kicked out of school and you have no education option

if the police don't come and help you you don't know how to help yourself so that's the that's the the cost of going up that social ladder so yes teachers have a certain responsibility and that's why they get the title and that's why they get get afforded the trust that they get but if you move down the social triangle that's When you start having more capable individuals with more freedom oh so I can imagine as you're going up that triangle then you do need to almost develop the trust because if you're then saying to someone

hey you H and I cook I'm trusting you to go and hunt and I'm going to stick to my own you know my agreement but then as you keep going up to your point you're now trusting the police to turn up and you're taking that responsibility off your plate yep you're Trusting the bureaucracy to work which is why even though it's a very simple triangle but it's a very complex execution because every society in Western in the Western World handles it differently Canadians do it differently than the Americans Georgia does it different than California you

can see how even at the top of that triangle it sounds so simple but the state executes the state's priorities in its own way and we have very little say and what That is and we trust the government's system to put people in the right position I don't actually if you've heard of the case Dr Death he creates these plastic um tubes for the throat for people to breathe and he makes up the craziest lies but he's a doctor and one person says oh no no he's great and then another person then here's that person

before you know it this guy is operating and he ends up just killing multiple people because the the thing That he supposedly developed he said like could adapt to your body and create your own like wiring and stuff and it was all fake it was literally he developed this plastic tube and convinced people to put them in their throats and then 6 months later they would die and they would extract it and realize it was like um toxic and it had just like eroded in that person's body but he convinced hundreds and hundreds and hundreds

of doctors to be in the Room while he's operating he convinced the people to actually have this operation where he didn't do any freaking studies to back them up what you're talking about with a like this unfortunately it's it's it's a unique story but not a unique case right there are multiple cases of people who can fabricate or lie what we call fabricated CIA they can fabricate a message and that message can be adopted over over a group of people and from that group of People once the a message is basically just an emotional statement

once that message is shared with that group of people at each individual in the group is now hearing the message multiple times over not just from The Source but from the other people in the group right this is a fantastic example of this is whenever you go to like a local restaurant when you find like a like a local haunt you go to your restaurant because you love it everybody else who's In the restaurant guess what they're thinking they love being in the restaurant so then when you tap somebody on the shoulder like hey isn't

this the best coffee hey isn't that the best pie hey isn't this the best stake you've had in a while of course they're all going to agree with you right it from somebody from the outside coming coming in that outside perspective is what tells you if you're actually dealing with something that's that's quantifiably or Objectively better which is why we all trust reviews of restaurants online more than we trust individuals who just say oh you should check out that restaurant nowadays somebody's like oh you should check out that Greek restaurant down the street you're like

oh I will Google Map check that restaurant oh it's only got 3.2 stars that lady didn't know what she was talking about that's how we work now because we're we trust an outside opinion more than a micro opinion inside The community I think that might also be then why Cults work right because you've got 10 20 maybe 100 people all saying exactly the same thing to you and so it's not just hearing from one leader it's hearing from their followers as well so let's just take everything we've talked about and apply it to a cult

because it it's super valuable to understand how Cults are developed a cult is a perfect example of no like trust happening in real Time you don't even know the cult exists at first right and honestly you might meet a member of the cult before they say the cult's name at all so you meet somebody who's already part of an organization that has an ideological belief system that is not in line with best interests of health or mental health or physical health or even social norms so somehow you come to know of a person who's connected

to that ideology and then as you learn to as you like That person more and more you essentially fall into trust with that person and then what do they do they introduce you to the cult hosting women of impact showing up and crushing the show every single week and being mommy to this little one right here and being an amazing wife to my hobby and showing up for my business and and and there's so many things I'm so busy but in all of that and mix up with aging I am starting to actually lose my

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well give it a chance and then once you're inside that cycle then the cult is a giant organism that's designed to basically ful fill the needs of the right target of people the right age the right life experience the right whatever and once and and Cults are a unique case because they're totally happy to let the wrong people out right So as soon as somebody comes in and they're like you guys this is a cult everybody in the cult says no it's not and you're an [ __ ] so why don't you leave so then

all the people who know what it is get kicked out and all the people who believe it's not a cult stay in and then you have this Echo chamber of bad ideas and once you are part of that cult you're afraid of being rejected because if you're rejected from this you don't belong anywhere else That's the right kind of person to be targeted for a cult and you can very quickly see how they fall from like into trust because they trust that this is where they belong this is what they deserve this is what they

this is their fate this is their Destiny right they they already had for the most part they already had a negative opinion about themselves they already thought they were an outsider they already thought they were a reject this is the place Where rejects are accepted this is where I belong even if I don't like it even if it's weird even if it's what my parents told me not to do if I if this rejects me then I'm truly rejected and you can see how it all just it festers and it lives in that space and

that's why so many Cults can be abusive it's interesting actually as you were talking it hit me that um trust is kind of the poison to gut instincts correct gut instincts are something that We train at everyday spy we train people do not trust your gut instincts you can't because your gut instincts is tied to your emotional brain your right brain your right brain is developed by uh by Evolution right by biology it's designed to make fast rapid decisions well the last thing you need is a fast rapid decision when new information is presented to

you what you need is a slower more calculated decision so when your gut instinct kicks in that gut Instinct is based off of right brain thinking right brain thinking is shortcut thinking it's not objective thinking so while a lot of people out there love to disagree and be like oh no I trust my gut I trust my gut I trust my gut instincts you can trust it all you want Professionals in the field have been trained not to trust their gut instinct you will not find a Navy SEAL that trusts their gut you will not

find an FBI officer that trusts their gut They might listen to their instincts and pursue something like explore something but that's completely different than making a decision in a lack of information based off of what your gut instinct is that's what I was going to ask like if you use it as a source of information but you don't make decisions based on just that alone that's the way to do it that's we were talking earlier about trained versus untrained people what trained people will do is they will Understand that there is something catching their attention

about a situation there's something about this that's interesting to me but why remember how I talked about no like trust when it happens too fast it's a red flag for CIA officers that is an version of an instinctual reaction I've trained myself to identify when I like somebody too fast do not trust them there's I lose Nothing by taking an extra three weeks before I trust Somebody I don't lose anything right but what I do do is I take the power away from them to abuse or manipulate me all the advantage comes to me so

when your gut instinct is there to flag something to your awareness by all means trust that something was flagged for a reason but then explore what that reason was explore what the reaction is do not trust the reaction uh fantastic example right um when a when a boy meets a girl for the first time I mean it happens in Romcoms all the time Boy Meets Girl girl thinks boy is cute what's the look on the girl's face when the boy approaches her she's like so what does the boy think she doesn't like me she doesn't

like me what does the girl think oh God he's why does he like me yeah but the communication is totally right both gut instincts are wrong both gut instincts are wrong right so when when a boy walks up to a girl and she Makes that face of disgust the boy has to recognize what he just broke through was the no barrier no like trust she didn't know he existed before now she knows he exists so she's got a process through that existence do I like his hair do I like his voice what is his face

do I like how close he's standing to me how do I feel about being approached In This Moment oh my God I have morning breath oh my God I just broke up with my other boyfriend or I'm Running late for whatever else or I have to poop who knows what's going through her head right if he can just give himself the the confidence con man confidence man if a genuine person can just give themselves the confidence to stand in that awkwardness for a few seconds that woman will process what she needs to process and then

have a response right vice versa the same thing goes with women approaching men or women talking To men especially strong women when strong me women approach a man for any reason to make a purchase to ask a question to make a complaint to hit to make a pass he's going to do the same thing he's not accustomed to being approached by strong women so when he makes that face of disgust or when he makes that face of surprise it is not because he's sexist it is not because you know he's masochist or anything else it

could just simply be this is new you Didn't I didn't know you before you just broke the threshold of no which means now my brain has to process whether or not I like what's happening and they very well could like it you just got to give them a few seconds to process well there's two scenarios though that I was thinking about when you talking because one it it feels like it can be life or death like as a woman I remember I was 12 years old or something walking down the street and I start hearing

a car and It's really slow and I'm like maybe they're looking for a house right my first thought keeps going it's going at the same Pace as me and so I turn around and in that moment I was totally insecure so it's not like I had the confidence to be like oh my God could this be something serious I was like okay I don't want to look stupid and run of course that's my first thought as a kid like I care about what other people think of me so I'm like I don't want to Look

stupid and run but in that moment I was like but even if I'm wrong I'd rather be alive and so I just ran now a lot of women have those stories where they trust in their gut instinct and they just flee you don't know um to your point it could be absolute nothing could be paranoia could be you know but we don't necessarily have the moment or the time to pause and in that moment don't you think it's better to run than to pause assess if it is a gut instinct if It's accurate or not

I'm always one who favors ering in the direction of the most conservative got okay right eror in this eror in the direction of survival error in the direction of protection by all means yes there's no reason for you to be unprepared and force yourself to stay in an unprepared situation so I think what you did was right right if you're uncomfortable get off the X that's the term that we use at CIA get off the X Because when you're off the X you have options off the X means out of the area of danger you

gain more options by getting out of the area of danger staying in the area of danger reduces your options so by running you opened up say three new options right whether not that was a threat or not you still gave yourself more options you were untrained at the time right compare that to a trained person right a trained person would have the same experience the same Situation and what they would do is they would recognize that there's um there's increasing assessment that what's happening right now is not normal the car coming up moving at the

same Pace being creepy this is not typical of what I would expect and you will process that and then you would take specific actions to gain additional assessment while also giving yourself more options so I'm assuming you were walking on a sidewalk If the car was Close To You Right perfect time for you to step up a pair of stairs into a doorway does it have to be your house no but what's if it's a threat what's that threat going to think it's your house now when you step up the stairs and go to that

door natural time to look left and look right while you grab the door handle you don't even have to turn the door handle and especially as a female if you do turn a door handle at some stranger's house you're most Likely not going to be perceived as a burglar or somebody breaking and entering you're going to look like somebody who just walked into the wrong house maybe you're confused who knows what right maybe you're scared so by doing that you've just taken yourself off the X giving yourself more options and giving yourself more information because

you can look around and see what's happening and now when you look back in what you see is a you know a Minivan with a mom and a dad arguing and three loud kids in the back you're like oh this is they were not about to mug me but if what you see is some scary car with some scary guy who's staring at you and driving by you just got yourself off the X and even better you can now make a phone call to friends family police whatever and you can report an incident that caused

you concern when you ran away you have no way of reporting what you just saw that same car could have Gone another block and a half down found another woman who was not running away and made a different decision hopefully they didn't I I agree but no yeah you're right that's the so when you're trained and when you're untrained the the real difference isn't your survival you can essentially ensure your Survival by playing cautious Betty all the time you can hide in your basement and keep your survival up high a trained person recognizes we have

a a Power to fight bad guys there's a famous saying out there that says that all evil needs to succeed is for good people to do nothing so when good people are trained to do something and still choose not to use that training all we're doing is allowing evil to succeed so we have to constantly exercise what power we have to improve the lives of others not because we are morally obligated to others but because we are Mor morally Obligated to fight evil God okay so going back to that you were saying about the um

if someone's approaching you if it's a guy or a girl and you have a weird look and you're like oh God it is counterintuitive to what they're feeling and thinking so now let's take that let's say you've built trust with somebody and they start to show you things that don't align let's say they're saying one thing but their body language is saying the other or Vice versa what are some signs that we can maybe just look for if you were to have a polygraph right like if you were a human lie detector what would you

actually be looking for to see if they're lying or if it's just one of those moments where it's like no they're just they're confused of why you're approaching them and that's why you're seeing those signs really when it comes to detecting lies you're looking for three different categories you're Looking for a category that we call consist which means is their behavior consistent you're looking for a category we call effort which means how much effort is going into whatever they're doing or whatever they're saying and then you're looking for a category of Time how long has

passed right if there's inconsistent Behavior over a long period of time that can be explainable right today was a good day tomorrow is a bad day you know Women go through a monthly cycle that changes hormonally and changes their behavior hormonally right imagine I'm sure you've seen moments where Tom's having a good morning gets a bad phone call has a bad afternoon right change over time right inconsistency over time over long periods of time is not something to cause you alarm inconsistency over short periods of time is so when you see people who have spikes

and happiness spikes and sadness Over a short period of time it should it should catch your attention that should be a sign of of disingenuousness right or Poss fabrication or lying right that's one sign the other thing to consider is effort how much effort is going into what somebody is doing if you see someone doing something that does not take a lot of effort you can usually air more towards the fact that it's natural for them and you can trust them or you can you can like them moving on The no like trust cycle because

there's very little effort when you and I have a conversation it flows because there's very little effort involved but once we start like struggling to talk then we should be asking ourselves a question like why is this so hard to talk about I can almost guarantee you that you can talk about very difficult things with Tom and it's not hard to talk but it's maybe your mom or your dad or your brothers or your Sisters it's hard to talk to them about easy things because you don't trust them right or they have not earned your

trust in that category so when you've been with somebody for a while you know what they look like over time you know what consistent looks like for them so now what you're looking for is effort if you see a change in their consistency especially a change in a short period of time and you see what looks like effort huge red flag that what you're dealing With now is somebody who's becoming more dishonest with you or possibly somebody who's been dishonest from the beginning but you weren't aware of the signs yet because you didn't have enough

time to capture what we call a baseline of behavior how do you then see that without using trust as your mechanism to believe them because when I think about relationships as especially like a lot of my audience have been in abusive narcissistic relationships and one of The thing I hear time and time again is they were really nice to me they were very kind at first and over time it started like one by one one little thing um to the point where they're just blatantly lying to your face and you don't necessarily be you're not

able to see it maybe because you have all of this preconceived notion of how you feel about them and the fact that you've already they've earned your trust already cuz I don't know if I would Notice it day after day I think I to point I would notice it a long period of time but the problem is when you give someone a long period of time they may have indoctrinated you already this is where it becomes really important to track consistency and effort when someone is inconsistent in their behavior meaning they're nice to you and

then they get less nice and then maybe even over time they get straight up mean or abusive right or even worse They were nice to you all the time at the beginning and now you're at a place where they're nice on Monday mean on Tuesday nice on Tuesday Morning mean on Monday night nice when you're in public mean when you're in private that's massive inconsistency huge that should be a red flag and here's what's so hard Lisa I think to most people that is a red flag I think most people sit there and they know

that something is not right they May not assume that the person is narcissist they may not assume that the person is abusive they they may give that person every benefit of the doubt but they know something isn't right often times this is why women blame themselves why they say I must be doing something wrong I must be making them upset if I just change this or if I just do this or if I just don't talk about this or if I just don't talk to that person right I'll make everything better Or they'll they'll explain

away that their partner or the the other person in relationship is going through something oh it's just a hard time at work oh it's just a stressful period with their parents or oh you know uh whatever they're just not dealing well with the recent news who knows what they'll explain away what they already know are signs of inconsistency a trained person and anybody hearing this conversation needs To understand that when you see the inconsistency you've got to call it what it is it's inconsistent Behavior not your problem a change in the behavior pattern of the

person that you're with if that's coming from you that's one thing but don't leap to the conclusion that their inconsistency is because of you focus on the fact that it's an inconsistency first because then when you look at the effort next that effort is going to give everything does more Effort go into them being nice does more effort go into them being mean does more effort go into them trying to ignore you right where does their effort go there's a great saying at CIA that we all we all care about the things where we put

our time money and energy our effort so if you see somebody putting a lot of effort into being nice chances are that's what they're trying to be they really may be stressed out if you see them really trying hard to be Nice but if all their effort goes into ignoring you and being mean that's what they care about right the being nice thing is just convenient and Easy in the moment so if you were with somebody let's say I gave you two hours with them and you started to notice that let's say their body language

and their verbal communication weren't in line how would you start to decipher whether they're just awkward or they've got anxi or they're trying to lie to you and They're just bad at covering it up there's multiple layers to this because in in some ways two hours takes away my benefit of time remember I need time consistency and effort yeah exactly that's why I did it so if you take away my if you take away my time then what I the only two things I have now are consistency and effort so what that means is I

need to step out of the role of being passive and into the role of being aggressive or assertive Instead of letting them talk I need to ask questions I need to direct questions I need to probe I need to uh control the situation often times one of the fastest ways to crack a con is to take control when they're used to having control right so let's just take a real quick example con man is trying to lure an older woman into trusting him with her money right more than likely that con man is going to

show his confidence by controlling the scenario we're going to Go to this restaurant you're going to love it I can't wait to show you this wine and you're going to love the escargo that's not him being nice that's him creating a box where he can control the experience inside that box if that woman wants to test to see if that's genuine or if that's conman behavior all she has to do is be like I'm not really feeling like that tonight what I'm feeling like is tacos how does he respond to that if What you see

is him be like no no no I really put this together for you're like I really want you to experience this it's important to me that's a man panicking when a guy's like tacos that's interesting like really I'm I'm open to Tacos but I don't know any good taco joints that's him giving you control conmen do not give up their control trained Fabricators and manipulators will fight to keep control it's natural to them because they don't know how to Handle themselves outside of control right they have to give up control and that makes them uncomfortable

where somebody who's genuinely interested in you will let you take control because what's their number one priority giving you an experience that's that builds your confidence and Trust in them genuinely not in a fabricated fashion this may seem like a silly question but I really do mean it genuinely people who have OCD are control freaks so what's the difference between someone that's just got OCD and gets nervous about change or someone that's genuinely trying to control you you that's where you have to trust um body language and verbal cues when you're talking to somebody with

OCD and you try to take them outside of what they're comfortable in you physically see their physiology change you can see them start to shake you can see them get really uncomfortable you can almost see A fear response because this is this is too far outside of what they're comfortable with that's OCD Behavior you might also see them uh make a shift where they want every detail about where they're going right because if they're going to go to a taco Jo they want to know what's the name what are the reviews when was the last

time somebody got food poisoning let me ask a friend like who do you know that's been there that's those are OCD behaviors When you see somebody who doubles down on on keeping things their way that is the sign of a dangerous control freak that's not somebody who's OCD OCD is still they are Mal malleable right but with a lot of effort whereas a person who just fully resists that is a sign of somebody who's trying to maintain control when it comes to relationships especially if you run into somebody who's fighting for control you don't want

that person doesn't matter how Polite they seem doesn't matter how much other people like them that is not what you want for the rest of your life if they can't let you take control of tonight's movie if they can't let you take control of the restaurant if they can't let you take control of what day you get together if they can't let you take control of when you have sex if they can't let you take control of those things especi I'm not saying do it every time I'm saying just periodically test The relationship to see

if control is really something that's shared right if they're not willing to do that now you really want to have kids you really want to marry bank accounts you really want to have life insurance policies like it's a huge sign that you can't trust the person if they are too immature to share control you still don't want them let them go gain some maturity or keep your distance right keep yourself safe but you got to look for the red flags And and understand that they are red FL legs when you see them that was so

well said okay I've got another interesting question for you so if I was to hook you up to a polygraph machine and I want you to imagine pretend that you have cheated on your wife and now I've got you hooked up to a polygraph and I ask you questions how would you pass the polygraph the polygraph is one of the least understood tools by the American Public I don't know if you knew this polygraph is not accessible it's not acceptable evidence in a court case polygraphs don't actually tell you if someone's being truthful or dishonest

they're called a lie detector test but they don't actually detect lies what they detect is something called sensitivity so the idea is that a human polygrapher will be able to interpret the data from a polygraph and make a conclusion about whether or not you are Sensitive to a certain topic meaning you're sensitive to a topic about drugs or you're sensitive to a topic about murder or you're sensitive to a topic about abuse and then that sensitivity is supposed to be what a trained interrogator can dig into right that's why polygraphs are not admissible in court

because they're not actually detecting truthfulness they're detecting sensitivity so when you think about that you realize that passing and failing Don't really exist you can't pass or fail a lie detector all you're doing in a polygraph is you're creating a b Bine of what you are and are not sensitive to so using that understanding anybody who wants to beat a polygraph essentially can you beat the polygraph by making the polygraph results null and void essentially what that means is you show sensitivity to everything Oh I thought you were going to go the opposite don't show

sensitivity to anything it's very So remember we talked about liars you can tell when someone's lying because they put a lot of effort into something a the amount of effort that goes into acting calm is much less effort than the effort that goes into actually being nervous so when somebody is on a lie detector trying to act calm there will be a physiological tell that gives them away I don't know if you've have you ever done a polygraph no I'm fascinated we should get you Oran oh my God I would Love to they're so uncomfortable

so just some of the elements they measure your heart rate they measure your body temperature they measure your sphincter control they measure your muscle movements and then they also measure like your eyebrows or your facial movements so all of those to control all of those things simultaneously take so much effort that your heart rate would increase and your body temperature would increase right whereas if you sat down In a polygraph and all you did was just think about all the most uncomfortable things in the world think about ants crawling up your shorts think about cold

weather think about whatever else and all of those different body parts are going to start to react in inconsistent ways right you're going to you're going to move in your seat because you don't want to like you can feel the ants crawling on you that's going to throw off your sphincter control you're going Feel your muscles tensing sometimes it's your calf sometimes it's your shoulder sometimes it's your forearms that's going to throw off the muscle detention heart rate's going to increase decrease increase again decrease again blood pressure is going to increase decreasing that's going to

make the polygrapher look at the polygraph results and say I can't interpret any sensitivity it has it's totally independent of the questions I ask about drugs they're Weird I ask about abuse they're weird I ask about what's your real name what's your real birthday and the physiology is different so I mean what the bad part of a polygrapher or the bad part of a polygraph is anybody can beat it by simply making the results null and that's what polygraphers have to deal with and that's why FBI CIA DEA we all hate the polygraph because it's

just it's an impossible tool when you when they use it against you you're like dude I had bad Indian food last night I swear I'm not a that's why I'm sweating that's why my heart's racing but the polygrapher is like no we caught you in the ACT you're like no you didn't catch me in [ __ ] you're going to catch me and [ __ ] if you keep me here much longer that's amazing okay so we actually said something they're looking at the facial expression so explain to me a few things because I mean

look you've heard I think there's so much Myth out there as well about and I've heard you say if you look up to the left it means you're lying if you look up to the right it means you're telling the truth like there's just a lot of myths out there but what are like some of the universeal like okay these actually are true it's not in and of itself an example of yes they are lying but yeah I'm really trying to think about that woman that's listening right now and when you trust someone and you

give over That trust and then they lie to you you do blame yourself and then sometimes you never trust again so I understand it's never black and white but what are some of the things that we can maybe look out for especially oh God I hate infidelity but that's the biggest one that really wrecks so many of us women where we trust our partner we believe them we believe some crazy idea when when we're out of that relationship we're like I can't believe I believe that right but When you're in it you as a woman

you do tie your emotion to that person so are there any things that we can just in general look at that can be signs that they're not telling you the truth so yes there are and and here's what I would say I I'll I want to use kind of a a very simple three-part solution that works 90% of the time okay but not 100% of the time because cultures are different people are different right if you're if you're dating somebody who's On the Spectrum oh yes they will be totally different than somebody who's highly emotional

if you're dating a creative person but you're an accountant you're going to react completely different to things right so that's why there's three steps there's three steps because you can never trust any one piece of data the goal is always get yourself to a position where you have more options and can collect more information if there's A rule of thumb I would have for every woman out there put yourself in a position where you have more options and collect more information as long as you have more options and more information you will always have what

we call information superiority over the situation right so whatever choice you make more options more information so you're you're with somebody you want to know if they're lying you you suspect infidelity the first kind of question I Want to teach people to ask is a time-based question the human brain it Works in a very rational very logical way whenever time is presented because time is one of those things that is universal doesn't matter whether or not you're like of of a tribe that's undiscovered in Africa or whether you're part of you know Western High Society

everybody knows time is a oneway direction and most most of us visualize time physically visualize time As a chronology that goes in the same direction as we read so you see time going from left to right MH Chinese see time going from top to bottom right Japanese is from right to left right there you go so you got all these people who are going to see time through the lens of a chronology that is the direction that they read have you ever watched somebody read a book yes you can literally see their eyes move you

can do the same thing when You ask someone a Time based question a so I'll just give you a real quick example um Lisa when was the last time you had a really good steak stop right there everybody who's watching just saw all needed to see your eyes moved to the left yeah they did your eyes moved to the left because you were referencing the chronology from today when was the last time I had a good steak so if you're asking somebody a Time-based question and you see their eyes move to the left up down

is indifferent but if you see their eyes move to the left you know they're referencing their chronology in their brain because that's how they read for for Western Society so whatever you were about to say you were in you were genuinely trying to find the right time if I were to say what was this what was the last time you had a good steak and your eyes were to just stay still or Even get bigger now I know you're fighting Your Instinct fighting Your Instinct takes effort effort is one of the three things that you

look for when you know that someone's lying to you or when you suspect someone's lying to you right so the first kind of question is a Time based question you think someone's having an affair where were you last night um I wish they just St right in your eye that can be a sign that can be a sign or if they look to the right Because when they look to the right looking right um gets your creative brain your creative brain means you're coming up with a story right so where was I last night H

well I was I was obviously working out at the gym right I'm trying to find a story I'm trying to be creative I'm not trying to reference my true chronology right even worse you see someone I'm trying to reference oh that's what I was doing no what I mean Is anybody who's still listening to this conversation can literally rewind just a few seconds and watch how fast you looked to the left it happens that fast which is why I don't tell people that it's a One-Stop shop the second kind of question to ask is a

feelings question an emotional question because when you ask somebody feeling questions you see all sorts of micro expressions in their face because they react to a feeling right so I was telling you a story Earlier just neutralize your face if you want to you can close your eyes right TR keep them open keep them open all right what was it like the first time you met Tom that's it that's it that's everything we need right there whatever you're about to say it's going to be true I didn't say anything that's all we need why because

everybody watching just saw your eyes move to the left and as soon as your eyes moved to the left you landed On a memory and as soon as you landed on the memory all of your smile muscles started to kick in yeah you're so right I was just like oh when did I first meet him oh my god when I saw him like that's so wow that's what happen so feeling questions are almost impossible impossible to control because once you have a feeling your face starts to represent the feeling right so if you think someone's

being in like uh un untrustworthy if you feel like someone's Cheating on you you can ask them a feeling question and see what their response is right you can ask them like uh you can say something like I was feeling really lonely last night how does that make you feel and if you see them have a flat face that's a warning sign if what you see is concern in their face right away if you see is is worry in their face right away that's how you know that they're they're empathizing with you Which they're supposed

to do because they care about you if what you see on their face is the opposite of empathy if what you see on their face is surprise or shock or or that's stupid or that's silly or something humorous right that's another red flag that they're having a they're putting effort into a response that is inconsistent with the question right especially if I felt really worried last night where were you if their IM immediate response is like Surprise and then they're like oh I'm sorry to hear that right all that effort into changing the direction of

their face you're looking for that effort and then if on top of that you see them look to the right or if on top of that you see solid eye contact now you've got two indicators that that person is lying right so feelings questions and time based Chon chronological questions the third thing that you want to look for is you want to look for change in the Consistency of their voice patterns so what you're doing is you're you're you're listening to see how the tempo of their voice changes potentially how their vocabulary changes because now

what you're doing is you you're asking a question and you're introducing a topic and you want to see whether or not their consistency shifts remember we talked about effort time and consistency now you're testing their consistency So when you say something like I think that you Were out last night with a different person tell me why that's not true right if you want to be confrontational if you don't want to be confrontational you can be like tell me about your night last night so I can distract myself oh well I was playing golf with my

nineiron and I had a fantastic 300t you know whatever 150 yard hit on on hole number eight you're like this is all vocabulary that you don't normally use with me this is a a word a Tempo that has changed you went From a a flow of a certain number of words per minute to now you're slowed down or you've sped up right you're showing signs of Panic or you're showing signs of of active creation these are changes that that originated from the question whereas when someone's being truthful their Tempo doesn't change their Pace doesn't change

their level of vocabulary doesn't go up or down they don't start speaking at a ninth grade level they don't drop down to a third Grade level they keep right with you right right where they're at you don't start to see them use technical terms this is something I catch my mother in all the time mom if you're watching I know when you're lying right because my mom gets into very technical terms very technical terms myom why is that she's a nurse and what she's trying to do is she's trying to compensate for her fabrication by

demonstrating Expertise so when I ask my mom like how do you feel about the fact that you're whatever your brothers or your sisters or my sisters and my my cousins how do you feel about some situation when she's like oh I think it's fine I mean it's obvious that they're dealing with their own pain from Grandma's death and and this is the XYZ of ABC of whatever else I'm like you're not okay with it you lied right out of the gates you're not okay with it you have major problems With it and this is you

hiding your pain by overwhelming with expertise you've heard of mansplaining that is what mansplaining is mansplaining is men often times Lying by getting overly Technical and making you feel bad about yourself for even asking the question oh seriously dude that was such an amazing breakdown and I I love how specific it is to like there has to be the combination if you just see one Thing because I never want someone to go oh my God you're lying right now because you've just did that one thing but being able to um use these tools as part

of our tool Bell in order to make sure that we can protect ourselves I think is so powerful I've got some cases now actually that I'd love to go over where people have legitimately lied and I'd love to actually just hear your expertise on why it people fell for it and and just like that you're thinking About how it got to that point so the first one I actually want to bring up is sadly in today's news about P didy so he was accused of sexual assault from Cassie the singer and multiple women including past

artists that he managed he was also accused of sex trafficking and domestic abuse so the producer accused Diddy of grooming him to have sex with another man Diddy told him don't worry this is totally normal in the music industry a model called Crystal mckin also accused Diddy of drugging her and forcing oral sex and after all of these accusations came out Diddy finally released an Infamous now IG video that just says enough is enough and and what he says in this video is for the last couple of weeks I have sat silently and watched people

try to assassinate my character destroying my reputation and my legacy sickening allegations have been made Against Me by individuals looking for a quick payday Let me be absolutely clear I did not do any of the awful things being alleged I will fight for my name my family and for the truth and then a week later the video of him actually abusing Cassie came out let's just look at this through our lens of effort time and consistency clearly Diddy is lying without a doubt he's lying you can even empirically conclude that he's going to lie because

he has a team of attorneys and what are those attorneys all saying They're all saying that what he needs to do is remain consistent cuz attorneys know how this works so by seeing didd he go back and forth enough is enough but then he also comes out and he's like well I did actually do that that bit of abuse because it was the the my all-time low point that was when I hit rock bottom I so he gave a reason to why he did it but he's breaking that consistency so the fact that we see

the inconsistency is a big part of what Makes this story so interesting to the public because he's violating consistency which immediately makes you distrust him because you're like well you said that you didn't do it now you're saying that you did do it which one is it buddy and obviously if you said that you did do it you did do it once does that mean that you did do it multiple times right so so you have to we have to assess based on the information he has lied in the past he Will most likely lie

again in the future and he is being coached to lie because he is being coached to remain consistent by his team of attorneys that's just Natural Evolution of things right so over time you've had multiple Witnesses with multiple Stories the stories are unique and different with common themes drugging is a theme sex is a theme um large social parties is a theme short temper is a theme right when you look at the themes over time for multiple people You have multiple bits of evidence and going back that far in time that wasn't always public knowledge

that video that happened in the hotel that was recorded in the past came out in the present right it's rock solid evidence to show there's inconsistency over time that's what we're looking for right and then effort didd is putting a whole hell of a lot of effort into this not only is he putting physical time he's putting his fortune into it he's got great attorneys Into it I mean he is working so hard to try to make people believe that he's innocent that kind of effort is a huge giveaway when you're deal de with a

known liar really you wouldn't think that let's say Diddy was innocent you wouldn't think that he would do that he would put his money behind it that's so what trained people are trained to do is let time do the work for you right think about huge controversies from the past right when Bill Cosby was accused of What uh sexual misdion and and abuse and all that other stuff when that gave that like the date rap drug and then he would have sex with them right so when that happened for Bill Cosby there was a short

period of time where the accusations were made but then what you saw was silence and that's why now while you and I are talking about it I can't even remember his name right because trained professionals so a very good attorney team or a very good leg uh Litigation team for him let him know like hey the best thing to do is just stay quiet do you know why you never hear CIA defend itself no I never thought because they already know you're going to forget when once you defend yourself you bring credibility to the accusation

so the best thing to do is not even defend yourself right one of the things that I think the the best influencers online do and that I try to emulate is people Attack the best influencers all the time they attack them with all sorts of things and the best influencers don't respond they don't react because they know that two things by not reacting they're not validating the claim and two they will always be people who want to attack so professionally trained you let them attack and you ignore their attacks and you recognize that them attacking

a wall is going to either bore them over time or it's going to turn into more People who are attacking and more people who are attacking is just more engagement the algorithm likes it more people like the attention you know whatever else so uh there was Bob sagot was oh yeah remember he was a wholesome family man in in and was it family matters is that what the the sitcom was it was something like that Full House thank you very much he was a wholesome family man in Full House and then it came out that

his comedy was actually Really like uh uh gross it was sexual and it was full of swear words and everything else and there was controversy about it for a long time he didn't say anything about it he was just like this is my comedy and there's a difference between my comedy and and my uh role in Full House the End now people Let It Go people don't even think about it people don't talk about it now it's totally normal when you see a comedian who's vulgar in one situation and Totally normal in another situation trained

people know that low effort is going to be perceived as honesty so Diddy is putting a whole hell of a lot of effort into if he was truly innocent let the evidence carry the route for you let the lawyers let the process do its thing and you'll be fine but instead he's got to put effort into it because he knows he's fabricating wow so how much of the um him being powerful was part of what he' potentially because Obviously he hasn't been convicted yet or anything like that um is part of how he was able

to maybe hide the lie so how does a lie get hidden so is it the power that's behind it yes in short it's the power that's behind it but let's be honest here we like lies oh go on we like lies we all like lies give me an example you won't tell people the truth about the things that you're the most ashamed or vulnerable about even if they Ask directly right but if you ask someone else a direct question you don't like it when they avoid your question that's so true so we like to because

we know inherently that lies protect us lies are a shield lies um we have a saying at CIA that lies are valuable but the truth is powerful right lies are valuable because they hide an advantage they hide an informational Advantage they protect an informational Advantage they hide sensitivities they hide Vulnerabilities they hide weakness they increase your survivability they increase your your strength for longterm survival right so lies are a good thing and we all like lies we lie to our kids we lie to our spouses we lie to our jobs we lie to our bosses

we even file false claims for insurance and for all sorts of stuff we love to lie because we know that lying Will Keep Us Safe what we don't like is being lied to and that is a that is a disconnect in the cognitive Brain where we feel entitled to lie when it protects us but we do not feel comfortable when we're being lied to in a way that prevents us from getting what we want essentially threatening our survival because now you have information I don't have and I don't like the way that feels right so

the reason that this is important is because CIA teaches every field officer out there there will always be lies and everybody will Forever lie just accept it understand that truth and then that's going to make it that much more powerful and that much more effective when you have tools to find the truth like the three questions that we talked about like understanding that people's Instinct instinctive response is to lie first I think the average person tells two to three lies a day and people who fabricate excessively tell between seven and 12 lies a day right

so what that Means is even the most honest people tell two to three lies a day right and those can be White Lies where I don't like your pants but I tell you I do or those can be big lies where I tell you that I was at the gym when I was really with another woman how does that connect them to the power let's say so p didd i I'm trying to grasp at how do people just not speak up when they see the lie or the manipulation immediately and it made me think about

credibility title so He's famous he's a rapper he's been around for a long time so you kind of feel like you trust him because you know him same with R Kelly like the same type of situation where they're a singer you like them they're good-look they're talented and so it's almost like which is terrible but you kind of trust them more if it's true where people have been hiding PD's lies what is that contribution is it the power that he holds in society is it the power he Holds over that person remember how we just

talked about how everybody likes lies yeah one of the things we like about lies is because lies give us an advantage mhm right what is that Advantage when you can align the advantage somebody wants with the lie that they keep then you have the ability to keep a li secrets so if you're paying somebody the the Diddy story is a fantastic example because some people kept the lie Because they were scared they had seen the abuse they had seen the violence and they didn't want to be next on the list some people kept the lie

because they didn't want to lose their job they had a fantastic job and a big company they were making tons of money the sky was the limit so they kept the secret because they wanted to protect their job some people kept a liive because they wanted an opportunity an opportunity to be at the right hand side of of Diddy to Be the next featured artist to be the next you know Billboard top hit right so they kept the lie because they wanted the opportunity the lie was the advantage they all had and they all kept

it secret because it was feeding an advantage that they needed here's the thing that nobody wants to really talk about we think that Diddy is an exception we think R Kelly is an exception we think Michael Jackson is an exception folks how many times do you Have to see a super wealthy celebrity completely meltdown completely fall apart before you realize they're just people and we are all equally [ __ ] up and if we had the kind of resources that Diddy had with the kind of demand that Diddy had we would all lean into our

whatever our unique [ __ ] up in this was for some people that's drugs for some people that's sex for some people that's who knows what right gambling we all have something that Makes us a little bit [ __ ] up when you mix incredible Resources with human nature and then you start layering in the fact that I mean I am not defending Diddy but let's be honest about the dude's circumstances there were other people pulling the strings to make Diddy who Diddy was attorneys investors labels like promoters there were all these people who were

who had to keep the secret and all they cared about was hey Keep the guy happy he keeps producing keep the guy happy he keeps quiet keep the guy doing this those parties those those freak offs I can almost guarantee you Diddy did not put together one detail about any one of those things it was five or seven other people that knew he liked them they were the ones that did all the work they were the ones that found the girls found the drugs prepped the hotel rooms cleaned the hotel rooms wiped the blood off

the coffee Table teams of people were involved in this all because there was something about the lie that gave them an advantage and that is the way the world works that is the way it will always work and it has always worked I mean obviously I being a woman I'll be like yeah if anyone even said hey Lisa like let's get a bunch of dudes let's hide them let's like manipulate them like [ __ ] no like get out of my house I'm calling the cops so there is a Responsibility of the leader that I

think is very important so P did if you see that then you just you fire people you let people go so but I hear that I hear what you're saying that it's not just one person it's feels like it may be an army of people but they have that one person at the top that is everyone's pointing out now just spoiler I've been to a p did a party before I've been to his house and I was like oh God like I was trying to Rack my brain to see if I Knew of anything and

there was nothing wrong it was like it was a massive party it was his 50th birthday like Rihanna was there and Jay-Z was there but in going to the party there was an energy I've never seen not to like for the tra sex trafficking at all but the the way that people act around power the way people acted around P Rihanna and Jay-Z when they were there it's like I actually I agree but I do see how people just like I'll do anything for you and so it kind of almost goes back to the cult

thing where it's like you have the leader where people admire the leader so much they're willing to do anything that that leader says I would even go beyond that to say it's it's not just about the leader it's about the ideology because really when people are at a party with Jay-Z Rihanna and Diddy at a visceral level at a survival survival level what people were excited about is they were In the music industry they were in the top of the music industry they were invited to that kind of event whenever you get to go to

and I'm sure you've been if you haven't been we can get you to one um I'm sure you've been to some sort of major political event no I haven't we've got to get you to one so I'm not saying like Democrat Republican political I mean like national day for Mexico in Washington DC right or 4th of July at the White House in Washington DC When you're when you're in an environment like that the institution is the ideology that creates the energy just like you were talking about in a cult very very similar it's the ideology

that makes people believe in it the cult leader is just the figurehead right um there's a strong correlation between cult behavior and extremist Behavior right between terrorists and Cults unfortunately that's same kind of infectious behavior Is the same thing that exists at a church uh Tent Revival it's the same kind of energy that exists at the Republican National Convention or the Democratic National Convention it's that mass psychosis of such incredible faith and dedication to the ideology that ramps up the energy big time and then when you have big figureheads Jay-Z Rihanna Diddy in a huge

in a setting like that the Energy's Off the Wall nobody wants to be the one that kills The party right not excusable not justifiable not legal but you can kind of start to understand what led to all the bad decisions what led to all the lies not saying you would do the same thing or I would do the same thing what would happen is just like with a cult remember we talked about how Cults are so powerful because they let everybody in and then they very quickly are okay with people leaving who don't belong right

you've heard of a term Called the inner sanctum yeah inner sanctum is a very real thing in a cult there is an inner sanctum the circle of influence that is closest to the leader that inner sanctum you don't get to that inner sanctum until you've earned the TR Trust of the larger cult so people are kicked out by the first layer of cult before they can ever reach the inner sanctum which is where the real Secrets lie in this case same thing with Diddy there was an inter sanctum that inter Sanctum wasn't one man that

was attorneys producers promoters that was a whole bunch of people involved and that's one of the reasons why everybody's okay with him fighting because if he falls there's a whole slew of people falling after him before we even get to the [ __ ] customers of the sex trafficking and guess who's going to be on that list more entertainers more professional athletes more businessmen more millionaires it's gon to be a mess Well I never even considered that Holy Smokes can't believe I didn't even think about it but you're right yeah if you're getting a prostitute

from Diddy you're not like Jo yeah you're not Joe Blow from Michigan yeah no holy oh my God okay I've got one more case I'd love to go over and I'm always trying to be very honest that it's not just men so I don't know if you've heard of Gypsy Rose blanch yes so a quick description in case People don't know who she is so Gypsy Rose was actually born healthy and at 3 months old her mom DD suspected Gypsy was sick but despite multiple ex examinations doctors found no issues with her health but over

time DD is convinced that Gypsy suffered from a chromosomal defect leukemia and muscular distrophy then claiming that Huracan Katrina destroyed all of her medical records and bir certificates habitat of humanity built them a a small house they Put a wheelchair access home and her story was so heartfelt around the world that it got got media attention and she was started to receive gifts cash donations concert tickets celebrity meet and greets and got a free trip to Disney World courtesy of Make A Wish Foundation now it turns out that years later gypsy's uh Gypsy says that

none of that was true and that she wasn't sick at all it turns out her mom is suffering from munchow and syndrome by proxy and Gypsy Says that she physically chained chained her to the bed and put bells around the doors so that she can see if Gypsy was going to move because then her secret was going to be spoiled so she couldn't escape now it turns out Gypsy ended up meeting a guy and they killed the mother stabbing her 17 times that's an incredible story right so munchow and by proxy is where a parent

says is convinced falsely that their child is sick so the fact that she Not only lied to the doctors somehow convinced people she was in hospital she was having operations I mean there were photos of tubes coming out of her daughter's uh you know stomach and all along Gypsy says I could walk but my mom threatened me my mom wouldn't let me walk so how does somebody pull such a big audacious lie over so many people for so long for something so serious and convinces doctors to operate on her child she believed it she believed

her Own lie and that's what's so dangerous about lies is that we believe our own lies Munch Housen by proxy is an extreme example Gypsy Rose D Blanchet ex the extreme example of what happens Decades of believing your own lie believing it so much that you're willing to put your child through pain through surgery like DD Blanchet must have literally looked at her daughter in the eye and said I know what's best for you and you don't and you will go under The knife and you will have tubes coming out of your nose and your

mouth and whatever else you are sick stop telling me you're not sick you don't even know what's best for you that's what it takes for a for a mother to chain her daughter to bells and to a bed in the house think about how unhealthy mentally that person must be but what it really boils down to is is a simple fact where we believe our own lies the biggest flaw in a liar is that a liar believes they're good at Lying they believe it it's a lie they're not good at lying right even if you're

trained to lie you're still better at telling the truth it's easier it takes less effort it's easy to recall it's much easier to carry out than to tell a lie but they believe the lie and that's what makes them vulnerable it's what makes them weak right the people who carry out Affairs the the vast major majority of Affairs happen scientifically empir empirically they Happen because the partner who's having the affair believes that something is missing from the relationship they believe the lie and they believe that the thing that's missing can be found somewhere else affection

attention validation money who knows what they believe it can be found somewhere else rather than being found at home where originally it was right all that is is them believing the LIE most Affairs that are that are repeated over and over Again right is a spouse who knows their partner is having an affair and then believes that they'll change believing the LIE right this is lies are so easy to believe because lies are a marriage of the left brain and the right brain simultaneously we logically believe that we can control the lie or understand the

lie and then we creatively find ways to rationalize why we believe that the LIE will change or the LIE is something that we can adapt right so with with Gypsy Rose you have an extreme example that makes for a very good case study on something that can be even at the micro level you believe that your kid's a good kid even though they're a bully in school you believe that the person you're dating is a good man even though he's inconsistent and maybe even hits you like you tell yourselves a lie and you believe the

lie and sometimes starting with a small lie is what ends up with with being stabbed 17 times wow So it seems like then it's it's easier to believe a lie from a liar who truly believes their own lies then it is from somebody who's pretend or just trying to lie to get themselves out of a situation this is why we use the word fabrication right CIA uses the word fabrication instead of lie because lie is a catch-all term if somebody's telling you something that's false that's a lie if somebody's making something up that's false that's

a lie if somebody's telling You something they believe is true because they're uninformed but it's not true that's still a lie right lying is lying is a catchall term CI has different terms for every single one of those lies have you heard how Eskimos have 17 different words for the word snow no and and the Greeks Greeks have what four different words for love oh probably that sounds about right it's because like it's because there you I'm like counting in Greek yeah so but we Only have one word right so lie in English is a

catchall term so what CIA us there more professional terms to describe it so fabrication is when you create something that isn't true are three rules that I taught you about time consistency and effort that's how you find fabrication if somebody truly believes that what they're saying is true when it's not those three rules will break down now you're dealing with somebody Who has an actual psychosis issue we talked about uh uh we talked about Diddy we talked about um Gypsy Rose weed talked about you know other violent offenders they almost all break down to having

some sort of psychosis that makes them as dramatic of an example as they are antisocial personality disorder APD often times the term that's applied to people with sociology or psychopathy that's what we're dealing with is people who actually have a chemical imbalance In their brain that's what I was going to ask if it seems like Gypsy Rose I mean um I don't know enough but because I don't have the condition it's so hard for me to understand how a woman I mean because I'm a woman that really hits me how a woman could do such

heinous things to their child think about what must have been done to that woman yeah I know you're right Dei must have come from such a horrible background cult leaders we love to villainize cult leaders they Often times come from absolute villainy that's where they were that's where they were born and conditioned right there's a fantastic cult example called the children of God right children of God was a cult leader who forced sexual behavior among his team uh you know women had to seduce men they they abused children it was sex everywhere right even though

it was a religious cult that leader grew up in a house with essentially two cult Leaders with two People who were kicked out of every former religion every church and they basically developed their own religion and he was raised in the middle of that it's the only thing he ever knew right most experts agree that DD Blanchet Gypsy Rose's mother most likely came from a house where she also had Munch housing by proxy from her parents or serial sexual abuse that made her convinced nothing that could come out of her body wouldn't be flawed oh

that's Interesting that never dawned on me yeah I mean hearing the story she starved her because she was saying that she couldn't eat CU she had leukemia so she literally was starving her daughter while she was stuffing her face with food and Gypsy said even though I could eat even though I could walk I it it didn't even dawn on me to try and walk in public and when Gypsy did stage her Escape how did she do it she had an internet boyfriend kill her mother not help her Escape not incapacitate her mother not break

in why her mom was you know just expose her be like guys I can walk I can eat it's all been a lie gypsy's solution was murder that is not how a normal brain thinks but we don't blame Gypsy for that necessarily the law will blame Gypsy for that but we don't personally blame her because we're like such horrendous things were done to her like that's not Justice horrendous things were done to her and those conditioned Her to believe that the only solution that was viable was murder and it was and to her mind it's

probably totally moral and acceptable clearly she was able to convince a man she had essentially never met except online to come in and do that and like I have a stabbing that killed my father oh God so there's a history of stabbing of theary being of CIA one of the one of the only Ty of intimate killing that's what stabbing is called is an intimate Killing one of the one types of intimate killing they never encourage us to participate in is a stabbing because it is so emotionally damaging to repeatedly penetrate somebody's body with a

physical Implement that blood gets all over you it gets all over them it splatters it sprays you hear screaming and begging it's not fast like stabbing is a horrible way to kill and it's a horrible way to be killed so to think that gypsy's solution to get out of this Situation wasn't any of the other more reasonable things that we talked about it was I need you to come stab my mother to death and somebody else said yes to that that means Gypsy had to cultivate that person to get them to say yes to that

wow I'm so sorry to hear about your father I had no idea it's so it's it's not a it's not a well-known story but it's it's a story that I share when relevant is very relevant to this because it is it is a was he in the Service he was in the Air Force um it was a it was a violent crime actually here in California uh and uh and in many ways like part of the reason why it doesn't upset me too much is because my my dad made bad decisions leading up to that

event he was drunk he chose a conflict with a person who was clearly high on some sort of illegal drug 1981 like and and a conflict broke out and it's it's hard to beat somebody who's a drugie with a knife it's just hard to go To you're not going to win that kind of fight and that's what ended up happening to my Dad wow I'm so sorry is that part of why you do what you do it's a big part of what shaped who I was after I found out the story my mother didn't share

that story with me actually my mother never shared that story with me my grandmother shared the story with me when I was about nine or 10 years old cuz I was raised by a stepdad I knew that my father had died but I never knew Why and for whatever reason my grand mother told me when I was a little bit older um and it just when you're that age when you're 10 11 12 years old and you have all the time in the world and all the Creative Energy in the world to kind of work

through things I mean I remember there was a long period of time where I was just trying to grasp who would do that why would they do that what would it be like to have that happen to you why would my dad make Those decisions right why I'm 10 years old and even I can be like if someone's high on cocaine or crack or whatever else you don't talk [ __ ] to them and when they pull out a knife if you don't make fun of them right you run the other way you do something

but oh he was drunk too and why would you get drunk so it's a big part of why I don't drink heavily it's a big part of why I don't do drugs it's a big part of why I'm very committed to fatherhood because my dad's Bad decision cost him the chance to be a father and I can't let that kind of thing happen to me or my kids I mean going back to how much of the of what happens in your childhood then Echoes you as an adult so obviously it's not the same thing but

you saying I bet you Dei had he was either a a victim of munchas syndrome by proxy or had something else done to have her to do this that can either Echo into something horrific like what Dei ends up doing to Her child or it can actually be beautiful in that in your experience it probably did shape what you do and who you are today and why you show up so much for people in your life and people you know who are watching that don't even know you in trying to give service to maybe to

that that doesn't happen to somebody else CIA specifically trains us to Target people who are Legacy traumatizer people who were traumatized and who are now in a cycle where they Will traumatize others because that person is highly vulnerable so whether it's a dictator or whether it's a general or whether it's some sort of like uh you know extremist leader there's a cycle of trauma that will continue that's the easiest organization to penetrate the cycle of trauma and lots of people understand what the cycle of trauma looks like because they watched it happen to them they

watched it happen to their parents they might Even be watching themselves still traumatize their kids and they don't know how to fix it they're like I I hate it when I yell at my daughter it's just like when my mom yelled at me and I never liked it but I don't know what else to do cycles of trauma are just they're very difficult to break but the people who understand that it just takes one to break a legacy of trauma and when you break a legacy of trauma you start a completely new chain of events

events so If I can break the legacy of Trauma from my childhood and I can give my children a healthy beautiful family to grow up in guess what they will then have as their Foundation when they become adults and now all of a sudden I may have two three five 12 generations of healthy supported like um connected family where I came from a broken family that came from a broken family that came from a broken family right Thank you for sharing that Andrew booster Monte dude we're doing something super freaking special so um thank you

obviously for being here and giving so much wisdom if people want to though find out more information and knowledge and train like a spy me and you are doing something together so if you don't mind telling everybody what that is where they can get the tickets um and they can come join us in person absolutely so uh so I'm super excited at Least to host you in Las Vegas uh the first week of November anybody who wants to come and join us can find out more at everydays spy.com Lisa yeah buddy go my own URL

but I'm going to take you to Las Vegas and I'm going to teach you uh a spy technique a spy series a skill set on how to defend yourself against aggressors that are three times your size uh with a system that was trained to CIA officers so that we can defend Ourselves protect ourselves in the field foreign field domestic field and we can do it in a very simple very predictable self-defense system that doesn't take weeks or even years to learn it takes minutes to learn right CIA trains us to defend ourselves um quickly and

and in a way that we don't forget because CIA spies look and and come in all different shapes and sizes some of them are 24 year old females that weigh barely 100 pounds some of them are 60y Old Men Who Weigh 280 pounds right some of them are football players some of them are footballers right we're all different sizes different shapes different ages some people have actual like bad eyesight or missing limbs the way that you keep such a diverse group of people safe is by giving them the same simple and effective self-defense system and

that system is based in something we call biomechanical Advantage so that's what I'm going to teach you in Las Vegas I'm going to give you a little bit of it behind the scenes here when we turn off the cameras to show you how you can use your biology as a mechanism to defend yourself against anybody else no matter how big they are no matter how much TR skill or training they've had so that you can do it yourself and people can join us in Las Vegas in the first week of nov in the first week

of November by joining us at the URL everyday spy.com Lisa and we'll also include that here in The description if you want to learn the science that he's a psychopath conman or serial killer then click here right now many of them are less smooth than Bundy but they all have a way and they all have a place where they lure victims in