Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Jos Johnson. We've got so much to talk [music] about tonight.
France is judging us hard. Donald Trump gets a certified pre-owned Nobel Prize. And America can't take the hint that Greenland just wants to be friends.
So, let's get into our ongoing coverage of President Trump's international diplomacy. >> [music] >> We should go to war with them. [laughter] >> For the last year, Donald Trump has been fiending for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Like a humanitarian award addict. He's tried everything from whining to pretending that he ended eight wars to offering to suck Norway's fuel in the parking lot. [laughter] But the Nobel committee gave the prize to Venezuelan opposition leader Marina Karina Machado.
And Trump was so buttth hurt. He said that she should give her prize to him. And because that's the stupidest possible thing that could happen.
Guess what happened? Venezuela's opposition leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner Maria Karina Machado saying she presented her prize to President Trump. >> Wow.
This is one of the saddest images I've seen in months. And I follow one of those hairless cats on Instagram. You know, the metal is only a symbol, right?
Like just because I steal ASAP Rocky's wedding ring doesn't make it so I'm married to Rihanna, unless it would. I guess I I mean, I guess it's really what she thinks. Like, it's it's kind of her decision to make.
And I'm waiting. So, look, earned or not, his or not, Trump has the Peace Prize. And who knows, having the Peace Prize might make him a man of peace.
What if he spends the rest of his life devoted to living up to it? >> President Trump turns up the heat on Greenland. The president refusing to rule out military action.
You just got the peace prize. [laughter] It's insane to immediately do the opposite of what you get a prize for. That's like if right after the Olympics, Michael Phelps drowned in the shallow end.
>> [laughter] >> But when I saw this, I thought, "All right, that's insane. " But it's also Trump. Maybe it's just one of his jokes.
I'm sure he'll back down. >> Trump refusing to back down overnight, posting this fabricated image of himself planting the American flag with a sign that says Greenland, US territory. >> I love how even the AI version of JD Vance and Marco Rubio are still like, "Yo, this is a bad idea.
>> [laughter] >> No, we going to get in trouble. And I'm not surprised AI Rubio looks like this because AI is trained on real images. And every image of Marco Rubio looks like this.
This man's body language is consistently screaming, "Man, fuck. " [laughter] When it comes to Trump, you might be thinking to yourself, "Why is Donald Trump so gung-ho about going to war over Greenland? " And I promise you, the answer is dumber than you would have guessed.
>> President Trump's escalating push to acquire Greenland, now linking it to a perceived Nobel Peace Prize snub in a text message to Norway's prime minister. Dear Jonas, considering your country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped eight wars plus, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of peace. [laughter] There are a lot of reasons to think Trump is out of his mind.
All right, the first one here is who starts a text message with dear [laughter] because you know this dude is also sending completely blank voice memos too. [laughter] You can tell Trump doesn't deserve the peace prize because nobel Peace Prize winner thinks this way. Let's say MLK didn't win it.
He wouldn't have been like, "Oh, so that's how it's going to be. All right, I'm coming for that ass whiting. It's crazy to have someone admit that they were only being peaceful because they thought they were going to get a trophy.
This is some incel [ __ ] All right, Trump is basically like, I never would have bought the Nobel Committee dinner if I knew they weren't going to give it to me. Peace isn't even hot anyway. [laughter] So, it doesn't look like Norway can calm Trump down.
France, you want to give it a shot? >> Trump now revealing private text messages he received from French President Emanuel Mcronone, saying, "We are totally in line on Syria. We can do great things on Iran.
I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland. " [laughter] These are the same texts Kanye got like [laughter] just like, "Hey man, great album. Uh, one question though.
" [laughter] So, Trump is posting the French president's text. He is reading Marco Rubio's notes out loud. The only secret he can hold on to is how he keeps those ankles so juicy.
[laughter] But fine, Trump, you want to take this argument to the streets, that's cool. Macron will take it to the streets. By which I mean the World Economic Forum in Davos, the nicest street in the world.
So, President Mcronone, time to deliver a speech that is focused and cleareyed. >> We need more stability in this world, [laughter] but we do prefer respect to bullies. >> I'm sorry.
[laughter] Those glasses are very distracting. I can't tell if you're the president of France or the lead of CSI Paris. [laughter] Now, to be fair, he said he wore sunglasses because there's something wrong with his eye, which is disappointing to learn.
Like, why can't you just be cool for a cool reason? [laughter] That's like if you saw a bulge in someone's pants and just as you were getting impressed, they were like, "I see you've noticed my diaper. " [laughter] But this [ __ ] is getting out of control.
Trump is threatening an invasion. Le top gun is saying we won't be bullied. Does Donald Trump have any way of getting Greenland without a war?
>> The Trump administration is reportedly considering paying the people of Greenland to get them to separate from Denmark. White House officials are discussing the possible lumpsum payments of up to $100,000 per person in Greenland. >> $100,000 to join America.
I joined America. I've been joined America. Where's my signing bonus?
Like, [laughter] I thought the reason we couldn't have healthc care and stuff is because we were broke. Like, if you think Greenland needs this money, let me introduce you to a place called Detroit. [laughter] [applause] Cuz I know America would do a lot of strange for that much change, but Let's see how the people of Greenland feel about it.
>> So, I think Trump doesn't know about Greenlandic people. Um, we don't really value cash and Kardashian lips and fake boobs and stuff like that very highly. >> Damn, [laughter] that was uncalled for.
>> First thing, we're not all about fake lips and boobs. I'll have you know, we're mostly into butts now. It's one thing to dog Trump, but you're talking about America.
Americans could slam you, too, if we, you know, knew anything about Greenland or or where you are. Soon as we find you on a map, consider yourself roasted. All right.
But if the bribes don't work and the invasion doesn't pan out, Trump always has his fallback plan. >> Trump has threatened eight NATO countries with punishing tariffs. 10% in February, jumping to 25% in June until a quote deal is reached for the complete and total purchase of Greenland.
>> Of course, it's tariffs. This man has no other moves and no imagination. This is getting sad.
And I mean sadder than Marco Rubio holding one of those hairless Instagram cats. For more on Trump's tariff threats, let's go to Davos with Michael Costa. [cheering and applause] >> [applause] >> Passa, what's the mood over there?
The mood over here is very glum. And that means America is back, baby. Okay.
Europe's running scared because America's got its nuts out right now. In a good way. Not the way that got me that indecency charge.
We're kicking ass, Josh. How exactly are we kicking the world's ass? All we're doing is threatening our own allies with tariffs.
>> It's called warfare. Okay. And this is how you win.
Like it says in that old Chinese proverb, hold your friends close because a smile is a rainbow on a cloudy day. Lucky numbers 12 8 6 and 14. [laughter] That's the thing, Michael.
Americans are the ones who pay the tariffs. It's a tax on us. How is punishing ourselves supposed to get us Greenland?
You know, I don't like your tone, Josh. Maybe you need to experience how America fights. You want to go, dude?
>> No. Come on, man. I don't want to go >> because I don't think you're ready for this.
[groaning] You had enough. You had enough. >> Dude, dude, what are you doing?
Stop. Stop. >> You had enough, Josh.
I knew you would tap out. Just like Europe. >> No, [laughter] you're hurting yourself.
That That doesn't convince me this is a good strategy. >> Oh, you're playing hard ball, huh? Well, maybe it'll change your mind when I do this.
[laughter] >> No, that did not change my mind. [laughter] >> Are you okay, ma'am? >> No, I can do this all day [laughter] cuz I have a concussion now and I probably shouldn't sleep.
>> Kasa Kasa, you've got to call a doctor. You You need an ambulance that bad, huh? Costa.
>> You're Costa. [laughter] >> I'm Josh. >> Okay.
So, you're going to give us Greenland then? >> That's not even up to me. >> Okay, then.
Looks like I'm going to have to really bring the herd on you, >> honey. Yeah, I want a divorce. That's right.
Take the house and the kids. [screaming] I know we're soulmates. I don't care.
It's over. You ready to give up now, Josh? [laughter] >> Costa, why would you divorce your wife?
She's the only thing people like about you. >> Oh. Oh.
Oh. [laughter] Oh, you mean my ex-wife. I didn't have I didn't want to even do this to you, but here we are.
Just me and you in a room that's spinning. I smell toast. Does anyone else smell toast?
[laughter and cheering] >> You really should go to a hospital. >> Well, jokes's on you, dumbass. I can't.
I was on my wife's health insurance. >> [cheering] [laughter] >> God, I miss it. >> Look, this is all irrational.
It's not just the tariffs. We're destroying our own alliances. We're hurting our own reputation.
America is just shooting ourselves in the foot. >> You read my mind. [laughter] Say goodbye to my foot, [ __ ] >> No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO.
OKAY, OKAY, I give up. We can do the tariffs and break up NATO. Just please stop hurting yourself.
>> See, I knew you'd see it my way. And that is how America is going to get Greenland through strength and smarts. >> I'M SORRY.
[screaming] MICHAEL C. EVERYONE.
