The Rings of Power is an ABOMINATION - Amazon Hates Tolkien

[Music] shut up shut the you have no right to take me will you shut up shut up shut shut shut shut shut up shut up nero.com greetings you over 1 million Helens and the 40% who haven't subscribed yet thanks to the complete destruction of our beloved intellectual properties like Star Wars Star Trek and Doctor Who there's a relatively new saying around modern Hollywood no it's not male and pale is stale or survive until 25 it's things can always get worse and they have for Amazon including losing half of its audience dropping to number eight on

Som TV when the rings of power's budget eclipses the cost of all the other shows on this list combined and getting its ass beat by the penguin but there I go thinking that the penultimate episode of season 2 being touted as the big battle episode might not be as bad because there'd be a lot of action what an idiot oh what a loser now that I know even at my ripe old age that I can still be a sweet summer child I think it's prophetic That season 2 episode 7's title is doomed to die but

as I've said in the past Amazon's the rings of power being the most expensive failure of all time is not due to just incompetence you have to put in some effort and they really outdid themselves because this was by far the worst episode of the worst television adaptation of all time and if it wasn't abundantly clear to you before it is now Amazon hates tolking previously on the rims of power the greatest of Elvin Smiths is consumed by his work he asks that I handle all matters of administration in his stead I'm just fatigued you

are the Lord of Aron you have responsibilities until the nine are complete Nothing Else Matters without me the remaining rings of power may never be complete we need more or perhaps khazard Doom would prefer something more [Applause] precious have you gone mad take off the ring I have nothing to prove to you by this is all his Design This is what Sauron wants for she is more fair than all the jewels beneath the Earth you are so dumb you are really dumb for real I don't want to bury the lead here how does this particular

episode sink to a new low well one of The Shining examples is elron makes out with his future mother-in-law gadriel and tolk's Grave just blew up again and we'll get to the details of that believe me but once again we start in Aion where we're still still waiting for Grandma brimo to figure out that anatar is Sauron I mean they've been so subtle about it and yes he's still trying to make those rings for men to put their fingers in Sauron is now convinced all the Multicultural gen Z room temperature IQ elves of regon that

he's in charge now and this provides an opportunity for more repurpose dialogue calin's mind is gone we are alone not alone you have proven your quality you've shown your quality sir the very highest and yes the forging of the nine rings for men to put their fingers in and all these conversations are going down while Aon is being attacked including mity hanging out in the battlements while it's being firebombed on top of that mity and the rest of the Elven window lickers of Arion sit around and witness the Orcs very quickly and precisely turn their

trebet around so they can fire rocks at a cliff that dams up the river yet somehow they're having trouble knocking down this wall but while all this is going down it allows enough time for Don Lemon list to show up and do absolutely nothing for half the episode other than report that this is a mostly peaceful sack of Aon meanwhile back in Moria dudan III standing behind bat diesa who always needs to put her leg out for some reason who somehow held off all the Dwarven miners from Kaza Doom when they ran like [ __

] from bats last episode does it again now to be fair apparently there's only a dozen dwarfen miners in all of kazad Doom and there is a real danger of bats flying out of de's open legs after throwing down his hammer narvi informs dudan that his man has returned after is walk a shame and who could forget their last meeting from season one give me the meat and give it to [Music] miror Elrod my heart sings to see you old friend you tidle haired flowery tongue FL Pole have you any idea what I've gone through

since you left I need your axe old friend homosexual you know what my favorite thing about reviewing garbage television is sitting and watching the most idiotic character finally catch on to what the audience has known since the first episode of season 1 Hal brand and anatar are saaron W which technically makes him a they them which answers another question I had from season 1 what are s pronouns and you know how Grandma bmore finally figures out he's in an illusion remember the Matrix [Music] remember oh I remember except this time it's totally different because it's

with a mouse and once Grandma bmore figures this all out Sauron who still needs him lets him go and almost gets him killed then he gets up and leisurely walks around Arion while it's being attacked and throws mity off the battle granted he was under sauron's power but I still shouldn't have found this scene to be as funny as it was this is the point where elron finally shows up to the Battle of Aron now how in the hell did he get here so fast from Kaza Doom I have no idea and what the hell

is up with those bell end helmets but not to worry ladies and gentlemen elron has brought a secret weapon my producer x-ray [Laughter] girl they are also joined by high district manager Gil Gaddy a lovely individual called me gil Gaddy in a coffee shop which I took as a huge it made me emotional Gil good daddy who elron clearly acknowledges there and I want you to remember that and I can hear you now dear viewer why isn't Gil galled formidable and wise warrior king not leading the charge yet is still part of the battle that

will be a good question my guess is he was added in later during re-shoot and there's some more evidence of this to come but it's hard to tell because this is some of the worst editing and directing I've seen since while the acolyte but the bell and hended Warriors of Lyndon are stopped in their tracks when it's revealed that the Orcs have gadriel as a prisoner and despite all her rage she's still just a rrap back in her cage and at this point why not have another Elven orc parlay because Orcs are well known for

sitting around unarmed elves and not killing them I keep forgetting that these are Kinder and gentler Orcs And because people can't stop hitting on l on this episode it's adar's turn you have the beauty of your forother Millian of the fell this Robinson you're trying to seduce me but there is a line from Adar that I like if she speaks again cut out her tongue the Amazon original character Adar wants the ring NAA which canonically no one's supposed to know about in exchange for killing Sauron how does a Dar know about the ring NAA and

the fact that Sauron is in a region well girl boss gadriel took charge and told him everything Doogie elron turns down adar's offer and the first stupid thing to happen is the Orcs didn't kill the elves right away the second stupid thing to happen is Doogie Elon is allowed to say goodbye to gadriel because he's unarmed although this guy is clearly armed the third stupid thing that happened is elron asked for galadriel's forgiveness cuz he's leaving her to die go ahead there's absolutely nothing to forgive because everything is galadriel's Fault oh honorable mention of stupidity

where in the hell is High King Gil galled during this parlay this is Follow by what could be best described is nothing short of a creative atrocity the worst crime against imagination the worst atrocity against the Beloved professor's work in the Cesspool of a [Music] [Applause] show Jeff Bezos got his Game of Thrones and he got it minus all the cultural impact the notoriety and viewers but it did cost more am I surprised that the show that took one of the best female characters from tolking and turned her into a manspreading [ __ ] or

took the embodiment of evil and turned him into a thirst trap would do something like this actually yes put simply this is an indefensible perverted and subversive act against everything the professor believed and wrote and not that this show ever had a prayer there's no coming back from this one and I'm really looking forward to the SC ERS and tolking professors who are going to run out there and try to defend this I look forward to all their honest reviews in about a year I mean canonically this would make for some awkward dinners in lauran

and Rivendell but to be fair this actually does bring to mind a couple of alternate deleted scenes from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings um I want you to know that tonight I am going to pleasure myself to the image of you doing that to dere I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina you could just live there [Music] anyway after the Kinder and gentler Orcs decided to let Doogie elron leave after their parlay doie elron goes on to kill some Orcs including putting one in a trebuchet and

then firing it on his own City oron this is followed by by the only character I actually care about in this show dying Doogie elon's horse all within a show known for actually killing them and this is where things get really stupid I mean the battle scenes are just embarrassing everything's a mess you have no idea how many Orcs or elves there are you don't know where anybody is I don't know what the hell this guy got hit by and then we get this line from an orc Noak KAC and if you guys worried about

gadriel of course she was able to escape in her very clever disguise of a robe with her blonde hair hanging out walking through an orc camp and while your guest will be the same as mine she is obviously going to save herself no she's saved by deusex Don Lemonis who's been hanging around for a couple of days not doing much of anything other than waiting to save gadriel and the rest of the episode turns into a fever dream we finally get to see the troll based on Mike man Trout from Breaking Bad and Better Call

Saul and then he dies by the hands of doie elron Don Lemonis and High King Gil galled who elron is surprised to see High King you should not be here the king's place is wherever the need is greatest which he shouldn't be cuz he clearly acknowledged him right before his charge on adar's forces and if the feared Warrior High King gilgalad wasn't supposed to be at this battle what the hell was he doing at the last one and there was a lot of gaps this episode so much I didn't catch them all but that's why

we have the internet including but not limited to Adar stating elon's forother melan is of the Valor you have the beauty of your forother melan of the Valor when a simple Google search will tell you she's Maya they also had a little trouble spelling Middle Earth and remembering what regon looked like to be fair keeping track of continuity is expensive and Amazon only had a budget of a billion dollars and this episode marks the passing of our beloved diverse elf Renne Johnson played by x-ray girl it's like we hardly knew her but she goes out

like borr after getting a shot off like Braun from Game of [Applause] [Music] Thrones now back in regon Sauron finds time to share a little bit about his past to Kell brimborn making it sound like he got by morgoth or melor or according to the geek website Screen Rant meloth you must know it pains me treating you like like you've treated countless others like Moro treated me sometimes pain almost became a reward became a game anyway after saon finishes sharing his past trauma he leaves and Kell bmore instead of using this tool to maybe I

don't know cut his chains decides to cut off his thumb to escape who's saved by guy ladri who just magically shows up and now all the elves of Aion like Grandma bmore again because gadriel told him to anyway both of them apologize to each other for completely screwing up simple earth when Amazon should be apologizing to anyone who watched this then Kella bmore who canonically should be an Aon gives gadriel who canonically should not be in a regon the nine rings for men which canonically gadriel never touched to keep them from Sauron who canonically shouldn't

be in Aon and when Grandma bmbo brings some Elves to go and confront SA he uses his power to get the elves to kill themselves and man that would have come in handy when he was getting cizar by half a dozen Orcs now when dogie elron took the high-speed Middle Earth rail to kazad Doom to go meet his boyfriend during the third he was asking for an army and they were supposed to come at first light just like the two towers and in an inverted scene from The Two Towers the dwarves the dwarves are coming

look to the north [Music] they don't show up because apparently now dud in theii is killing his own people your father his a on my man cut through them like struck we and it looks like the dwarves of Moria are completely aware of the bog he's going to take going to loose that Beast R of your stupidity and now all seems lost for the nine elves left in Arion after that AAR guts Dawn lemon lless and we've lost two elves of color this episode Amazon you bigots and then Adar who I have to admit even

though it's an Amazon original creation the character starting to grow on me gets the ring NAA that canonically elron is never supposed to have and although I would love to play this but I can't because of the copyright gods and believe me you'll be thanking me if you ever heard it they roll the credits with Cookie Monster metal I would thus ends this abomination of an episode epis and I don't have much to say other than this is the worst episode of the Rings of Power by far a show that will go down as the

biggest most expensive failure of all time and ultimately a cautionary tale so let the lesson be learned you can have all the money and resources in the world you can have a billion dollars and these idiots at Amazon can't properly adapt much less equal a work that was written by hand from a dude who was doing it in his spare time from his day job nero.com if you like what you heard please like share and subscribe if you didn't like what you heard and thank you for listening this long I will see you in the

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