Tim Allen's Huge Cat

- CAN WE SHOW THE PICTURE OF THE CAT THAT YOU HAVE? WHICH IS ENORMOUS. - GO.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN A CAT AS BIG-- crowd: OH! - HOW MUCH DOES THAT CAT WEIGH? - 732 POUNDS.

[laughter] IT LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF A WATER ANIMAL, DOESN'T IT? - YEAH. - BUT LOOK, HE'S SO EMBARRASSED, HE TURNED HIS HEAD.

- YUP. - HE WILL NOT LOOK. - HE DOESN'T SEEM FAT.

HE JUST SEEMS LARGE. - WELL, THE GIRLS CALL HIM "GATO GORDO. " AND AS A RUSSIAN BLUE CAT, HE HAS A THING CALLED FAT SACKS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND CATS, BUT-- - I HAVE THOSE, YEAH. - [laughs] DON'T WE ALL? BUT I FOUND HIM ON A MOVIE SET WHEN MY OLDER DAUGHTER WAS YOUNGER, AND SHE BROUGHT HIM INTO THE TRAILER, AND I SAID, "WELL, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

" ONCE YOU HAVE A CAT, IF YOU KNOW CATS, ONCE YOU BRING THEM IN, YOU OWN THEM. BUT I THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE STOLEN THE THING. NOW AS THEY GET OLDER, I SAID, "YOU--THAT WAS A STRAY, RIGHT?

" AND SHE GOES, "IT. . .

MIGHT HAVE BEEN. OR IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON SOMEBODY'S PORCH. " - I GO, "OH!

" SO DON'T SHOW THIS TO TOO MANY PEOPLE. - WELL, WE CAN'T SEE ITS FACE. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

- PEOPLE KNOW. - HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THE CAT? THERE'S-- - HEY!

JOEY! - HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD JOEY? - JOE IS ABOUT-- ABOUT 13 YEARS OLD.

- WOW. - HE'S OLD. JOE'S OLD, AND HE'S-- - AH, THAT'S A GREAT CAT.

- BUT UP IN THE HILLS, THEY GOT COYOTES, SO I CAN'T LET HIM OUT. - HE'S BIGGER THAN A COYOTE, I GOT TO TELL YOU. - BUT HE'S NOT REAL FAST.

- WELL, NO. - THE COYOTE CAN GET HIM. HE'S A BIG MEAL.

SO IN THE HOUSE I GOT NOW, I LET-- I LOVE CATS THAT, THEY TAKE A NAP-- HE GOES DOWN SO HEAVY. LIKE, I WAKE HIM UP, AND EYE PARTS DON'T OPEN. LIKE, "OH, GEE.

" LIKE, "WHO ARE YOU? " AND HE HAS TO TAKE A SHORT NAP AFTER THE LONG NAP, 'CAUSE IT WAS SUCH A-- IT WAS SO HARD ON HIM. - YEAH.

- AND ONE TIME I LET HIM OUT AT THIS HOUSE. I DIDN'T LET HIM OUT WHERE I USED TO LIVE, 'CAUSE THERE'S COYOTES. THIS IS A HOUSE I'M RENTING, BECAUSE I MOVED THE MICROWAVE.

[panting] WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY. LIKE THIS. REMEMBER ALL THIS?

I REMEMBER ALL THAT. AND I LET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE, 'CAUSE HE'S LIKE, SCRATCHING. "I'M GONNA GET OUT THERE AND BRING YOU A BIRD.

I'M GONNA JUST DO WHAT CATS DO. " HE'S THIS BIG, MEAN CAT. HE WALKS OUT.

HE LOOKS AROUND. HE GOES, "YEAH! ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

" RIGHT BACK IN THE HOUSE. - YOU'RE LUCKY, 'CAUSE ONCE THEY GO OUT, THEY WANT TO GO OUT ALL THE TIME. HEY, I LOVE HAVING YOU HERE.

YOU'RE VERY FUNNY, AND COME BACK ANY TIME. - VEB-- HOLD IT. HOLD IT.

I JUST WAS-- - I'M SORRY? - DO WELL THIS WEEKEND. I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH YOU ON TV.

- THANK YOU, TIM. THANK YOU. "LAST MAN STANDING.

" HE'S ON TV! IT'S ON FRIDAY NIGHTS AT 8:00 ON ABC.