-Good evening, everybody. I'm Seth Meyers. This is "Late Night.
" How's everybody doing tonight? And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. President Trump said in a new interview that border czar Tom Homan's immigration enforcement operation will be, "Maybe a little bit more relaxed.
" Yeah, he seems chill. He looks like -- He looks like if a canned ham was mad at you. [ Laughter ] President Trump was set tonight to walk the red carpet at the premiere of First Lady Melania Trump's documentary, "Melania.
" Well, not walk. [ Cheers and applause ] That's right, President Trump attended the premiere of First Lady Melania Trump's documentary, "Melania," and he would have applauded, but these things are hanging on by a thread. "Oh.
Oh, no. " First Lady Melania Trump's documentary, "Melania," is set to open tomorrow across 1,500 theaters in select markets. Great news if you're looking for a place to hide out from ICE.
[ Laughter ] House Speaker Mike Johnson met yesterday with rapper Nicki Minaj. Oh, my God. Have there ever been two people with less to talk about?
Oh, right. "So like, a documentary is like a -- what kind of movie? " [ Laughter ] In a new interview, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said that he has a DrPepper for breakfast and added, "Don't tell Bobby Kennedy.
" Oh, yeah, if RFK heard that, he'd spit out his possum. [ Laughter ] The footwear brand Birkenstock this week unveiled a new bridal collection, which features six sandals made with higher-quality materials. And for the groom -- Just kidding, there's no groom.
[ Laughter ] A cat that escaped from his owner's camper at a gas station in Spain was recently found less than a mile from his home in France. He was able to make his way home by following the stench of cat piss. [ Scattered laughter ] Our head writer, Alex Baze, hates cats so much.
[ Laughter ] And finally, today was actor Tom Selleck's 81st birthday. He'll spend it like all 81-year-olds, by being tricked into a reverse mortgage. [ Laughter ] That was a monologue, everybody.
We have started our show. We got a great one for you tonight. You know him from shows like "Community," "The Bear," and "House of Villains.
" He's currently starring in "Animal Control," which airs Thursday nights on Fox and streams the next day on Hulu. My very good friend Joel McHale is back on the show. [ Cheers and applause ] She's a fantastic actress you've seen in "Saltburn," "Task," "Conversations With Friends.
" Next, she's in "'Wuthering Heights,'" which is in theaters February 13th. Alison Oliver will be joining us. [ Cheers and applause ] Before we get to all that, after Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar was attacked at a town hall event, Donald Trump did his usual thing where he couldn't help but say something insane about it.
I guess it's just a normal part of our lives now that whenever something happens in the news, the president will just have a crazy take on it. Timothée Chalamet wins the Oscar, Trump will probably tweet, "Marty's mustache is a fake! " For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look.
" Trump held a meeting with members of his cabinet today, which you might think is important given that several of them are under fire for being incompetent and/or unpopular. But actually, the president wanted to make clear, if you see him close his eyes at this meeting, it is not because he's asleep. It is because he is bored.
-We're not going to go through the whole table, because the last time we had a press conference, it lasted for three hours and some people said "He closed his eyes. " Look, it got pretty boring, but I didn't sleep. I just closed them because I wanted to get the hell out of here.
Some of them -- I didn't sleep, by the way. -Well, it sounds like you put together one hell of a cabinet. At least it's nice to finally find some common ground with Trump.
"I mean, when these weirdos start talking, I want to literally be anywhere else, am I right? " No, if you read the news when you woke up this morning, you might be wondering why there were so little social media activity from the President of the United States. Well, according to senior sources inside the White House, the president was up all night in his study, scouring briefing books on complicated geopolitical topics and consulting trusted experts on thorny scientific and sociopolitical issues.
And I'm just [bleep] with you. He was posting, like, a lot. Like all night.
That's only half of what he posted. We couldn't even get to the rest. Our graphics team didn't have the time or the space.
Now, most of it was the usual brain worm stuff -- attacking Canada, obsessing over Greenland, accusing Barack Obama of treason. But he also reposted some rando claiming that Walmart is closing 250 stores in California, citing the state's $22 minimum wage. Now, Walmart has about 300 stores in California, so closing 250 of them would be a huge deal, mainly because it would mean California would suddenly have 250 Spirit Halloweens.
In reality, California's minimum wage is $16. 90, not $22. And Walmart says the mass closure claim is fake.
In fact, it just opened a new store in California last month. It is deeply and consistently a bummer how often the president is wrong about [bleep] because there is no excuse. You know who you can always get in touch with when you're the president?
Someone who knows what the [bleep] they're talking about. But of course, he doesn't care about being wrong. He throws slop into the world confidently, knowing it'll stick to some people and not to others.
And then we'll all forget because we have to focus on his next insane lie. The office of the president should be a trusted public resource. It should be like Google Maps.
Instead, our current president is like Apple Maps, the old one. You know, you type in point A and point B, and it says make a left, drive 50 miles to the nearest lake, swim to the bottom, find the missing ballots that Obama stole from Georgia, then merge onto the interstate, but get off before California because all the Walmarts are closed. Just take -- Please, for me, just take Trump's recent claims about Ilhan Omar.
-"Congresswoman Ilhan Omar is worth over $30 million. There is no way such wealth could have been accumulated, legally, while being paid the salary of a politician. " -President Trump posted on Truth Social that the DOJ is "looking at Omar.
" He claims she left Somalia with nothing and is now worth "$44 million. " -Wait, she went from $30 million to $44 million? She made $14 million in one week?
What did she do, invest in some Trump family crypto? Oh, you know what? Maybe she finally sold all those Labubus she's always carrying around.
Each of those bad boys is worth at least $1 million on the secondary market, especially Chestnut Cocoa. I have been buying those and hoarding them as an investment to pay for my kids' college education. Unfortunately, I have since discovered that many of them are knockoffs.
Turns out, someone just glued the head of a Cabbage Patch doll onto the body of a Tickle Me Elmo. I was worried something was wrong when I tickled it and instead of laughing, it said this. -Get your [bleep] hands off me!
[ Laughter ] -The right has been spreading deranged lies about Omar for years. And then on Tuesday, someone who reportedly believed those lies tried to attack Omar at a town hall. -Breaking news here in Minneapolis.
Just moments ago, a man rushed Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar while she was speaking at a town hall event. The incident captured on video. You see he approached the congresswoman, sprayed or squirts an unknown substance toward her.
-DHS Secretary Kristi Noem must resign or face impeachment. [ Applause ] -[ Speaks indistinctly ] -Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Wow.
She was ready to throw down. I don't think I've ever seen a member of Congress square up like that. I mean, Josh Hawley raised a fist on January 6th, but when they actually got near him, he ran away like he heard a bear in a woodshed.
Omar explained what happened afterward and sought to reassure everyone that, yes, she was in fact ready to kick some ass. -There was like some liquid thing that I at the moment thought it was like a spit. And so I, you know, instinctively tried to, like, punch him basically for trying to spit on me.
-You thought he was spitting on you? -Yes. Because there's some liquid that hit folder and the podium, and then I could feel maybe something.
-So you thought a guy had come up and spit at you. -That's what I thought. -Obviously, security tackled him.
It looks like he -- -Yeah. I wasn't able to make contact with him. -You did not.
Yes. Although that image has gotten everywhere today. -Yeah.
He was saved by the security. -He. .
. [ Laughter and applause ] He was saved by her security. Whatever you think about her politics, you got to admit, that's pretty baller.
It's like in a "Fast and Furious" movie, when Vin Diesel drives off a cliff and says, "Don't worry, the cliff was fine. " [ Laughter ] Compare Omar's reaction when an actual person attacked her at a town hall to Trump's reaction when he was attacked by a bird. [ Laughter ] "Get this bird out of here.
He thinks my hair is a nest. " And that's a classic 2016 Donald Trump hair joke. -Classic 2016 hair joke.
[ Air horn blows ] -But of course, in Trump's mind, only he can be a victim. If anything happens to anyone else, it must be a fake or a conspiracy. -President Trump responding overnight, saying he has not seen the video of the incident but calling Omar a fraud, telling ABC News, "she probably had herself sprayed, knowing her.
" -Hey, man, I wouldn't make accusations with regards to having yourself sprayed. You always look like you just got sprayed by one of the Joker's poison flowers. You think the whole thing was staged?
That a sitting member of Congress and her allies planned a fake attack to, I don't know, create sympathy for her, and the best plan they could come up with was to have a guy spray liquid and then immediately get tackled? "Yeah, we had weeks to plan the whole thing. We filled a spray bottle with apple cider vinegar and to make sure the guy got tackled, we hired a former quarterback for the New York Jets.
" Trump was also asked if he had seen the video, and he showed his usual level of curiosity. -When asked if the president had seen the video of this man lunge and spray what a law enforcement source believes is apple cider vinegar at the congresswoman, the president said, "I hope I don't have to bother. " -"I hope I don't have to bother"?
I'm sorry, are you too busy with something more important, like posting 50 times in one night? Or tracking the number of Walmarts in all 50 states? Trump and MAGA always think anything that doesn't fit neatly within their preconceived worldview must be fake.
The same way that Trump thinks the 2020 election must have been stolen, even though he lost over 60 court cases, or how he and his cronies claim the resistance to brutal ICE tactics in Minnesota must be orchestrated by some shadowy, nefarious group. -I think, frankly, they're professional agitators. -[ Speaks indistinctly ] -And I'd like to find out, and we are going to find out who's paying for it with their brand-new signs and all the different things.
-Our Steve Harrigan, you know, who's covered many wars, said that in his own observations, it feels incredibly organized. These people know each other. They know where to go.
What do you know about this? -That's right. And I can tell you what I observed when I was there.
It's extremely organized. The signs they have are all matching. They're well written.
And look at what's happening today. How did these people go out and get gas masks? These protesters.
Would you know how to walk out on the street and buy a gas mask right now? -All right, first of all, you can literally go on Amazon and buy a gas mask right now, which is great because I can go to Amazon to rent the new Melania documentary and also buy a gas mask when I watch it, because I bet it's gonna stink. Also, I have to go back to this part.
-The signs they have are all matching. They're well written. -Your smoking gun is that the signs are well written?
That says more about you than it says about them. "It must be organized. For one thing, unlike our ICE agents, they can actually read and write.
It's an unfair advantage. The signs don't have any typos or misspelling. No one accidentally wrote Make America Grate Again.
" [ Laughter ] But my favorite part by far is this. -It feels incredibly organized. These people know each other.
-It feels organized because they all know each other? Are you all just now discovering the concept of friends? [ Laughter ] "It's incredibly suspicious.
They all spend time together, meeting up at their secret headquarters, a place called Chili's. Who meets at a restaurant named after a foreign country? The secret organization behind them even has a name fomenting riots and insurrections every night and day secretly.
They go by their acronym. " [ Laughter ] This explains everything about MAGA. Any piece of information that doesn't fit into their worldview must be fake or a conspiracy, whether it's the number of Walmarts in California or the resistance to ICE in Minnesota, or the results of the 2020 election.
And if they have to, they'll just lie. The president will spend all night posting those lies, and then he'll come into work the next morning and tell everyone. .
. -I didn't sleep. -This has been "A Closer Look.
