there is a true story that training Consultants often refer to called the Abilene paradox there was a family that decided to drive 30 miles to Abilene Texas on a Dusty dirt road on a hot human day in a car with no air conditioning just to get ice cream the grandfather had made the suggestion to go on a Sunday afternoon and no one wanted to disagree so they all went along with his idea no one would Express their honest opinion when they returned someone said well that was miserable whose idea was that they all looked at
Grandpa and he said it was just a suggestion why didn't you say you didn't want to go sadly this is what happens in families and in organizations people do not want to honestly Express their opinions or deal with conflict in companies this means valuable insights are hidden and mistakes are made or financial profits plummet if team decision making is going smoothly and employees or supervisors are silent the best decision is probably not being made if viewpoints are diverse with multiple perspectives opinions and answers then the result will be long-term innovative solutions mastering difficult conversation starts
with you some difficult conversations you might incur in the future or maybe already have are a roommate that doesn't share cleaning responsibilities a student who says something offensive to you or to your friend a boss who is not treating you fairly a team member who is not doing his or her share of the school project or a direct report who has an attendance problem the first rule for managing difficult conversations is for each person to hear the other as Stephen Covey author of first things first says seek to understand first and then seek to be
understood a method recommended in the textbook for handling conflict is called the islets model let's review I is for introduce the topic don't beat around the bush let the person know the concern by stating simple facts for example for the past four days you have been 45 minutes late would you like to share what is going on or how about that derogatory comment you just made made me very uncomfortable could we talk about it L is for listen to the other person let him or her completely share their perspective listen actively ask questions and paraphrase
and clarify what you heard e is for empathize empathy means trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes show compassion and concern without getting caught up in the emotion of the conversation demonstrate caring and respect T is for talk now that you have listened it's your turn to talk tell your perspective share how it made you feel or the impact it is having on the team or organization be calm and objective emphasize that you want to work to solve the problem together s is for solve the problem now the information is on the table
two people or the team can brainstorm Solutions and find options that meet the needs of all concerned example I'm sorry to hear that your mother is in the hospital and that is why you have been late to work we need to find a solution because it's impacting the workload of the rest of the team how about we adjust your work hours to start late and work later until this situation passes in the future always communicate with me any challenges you are having and I'll do my best to support you see that was easy this week
in the course you are going to take a conflict resolution assessment found in canvas it will identify your natural style for dealing with conflict it may be competing avoiding accommodating compromising or collaborating sometimes competing might be used in emergency situations or in Union negotiations but it typically means there is only one way your way avoiding is the norm for many of us because let's face it we don't want to have difficult conversations with accommodating you are always letting the other person win but it will not solve the problem or get to long-term Solutions if you
are an intimidating manager people will avoid or accommodate you but eventually they will leave the company you must create a safe space for employees to talk it is true that most employees will lean into their natural style and conflict but as a manager you have to flex in all the styles to move people through work challenges and honest communication no matter what your natural tendency is your goal is to work toward compromising and ultimately collaborating compromising means win-win and each of the parties gets a little of what they want that may be okay for Union
negotiations but only lasts a year or less collaboration takes longer but a solution emerges that both parties feel good about or the team fully agrees on and is best for the company remember no matter what your natural tendency your goal is to work toward open communication honest dialogue evaluating pros and cons and reaching a solution or agreement In The Biz Cafe simulation there are going to be differences of opinion and possibly some conflict if someone is not doing their part don't get frustrated and angry and don't avoid the conversation simply say can I talk to
you about our team coffee company last week each team member was supposed to write one section of the rationale before Friday midnight you didn't get your section turned in on time and we all each lost five points were you aware that that is why we got a lower grade allow the person to explain and then say do you think you can get your section in on time this week I guarantee this will solve the problem and you can conclude with the team with the most profit gets the most points I know we can do this
and we need you you're valuable to our success that's how a leader would handle the situation Matthew 18 15 in the Bible says if your brother or sister airs against you go and tell them you're concern between you and him or her alone if they listen to you you've gained a friend why because people want to do what's right and do better they appreciate the honesty and you are doing the right thing to not let someone get away with not being their best leadership takes tough love and don't forget one of the most important characteristics
of a synergistic team is one that has open and honest communication and can self-correct
