order order in the council High Admiral cric steel scale's Voice boomed through the crystalline chamber bouncing off the Prismatic walls with an authority that made even the most stubborn council members shut their various speech appendages Commander Vex bloodclaw suppressed an amused snort watching the smaller species scramble to attention his massive scaled form towered over the other Representatives Crimson scales gleaming under the artificial light of the council chamber these meetings usually bored him to tears or would if draconians had teared Ducks but today's agenda had caught his interest we have received disturbing news cricks announced his
claws tapping rhythmically against the hovering control panel our long-range Scouts have discovered an inhabited world in the unexplored Orion sector another primitive species squeaked representative picks their gelatinous form quivering with excitement how fascinating perhaps we could a CL last 12 death World CCS interrupted causing immediate chaos in the chamber vex's head snapped up all four of his secondary breathing vents flaring with surprise that was impossible the draconians were the only species to evolve on a Class 12 world it was their claim to fame their source of Pride the reason they held such high positions in
the galactic federation's military Preposterous Vex found himself standing his tail causing a satisfying crack as it hit the ground our sensors must be malfunctioning no other species could survive conditions like our home World counil member Zara brightest her luminescent form pulsing with calm blues and greens raised a tendril the data has been triple verified Commander bloodclaw but that's not the most surprising part she paused her colors shifting to an uncertain purple the inhabitants they call themselves humans and their world it's actually classified as a class 13 the chamber erupted again but Vex barely heard the
cacophony of shocked voices and alarmed whistles class 13 that was theoretical a world so harsh that even draconians would struggle to survive there show me he demanded using his override codes to access the main holographic display the image that materialized made his scales itch with disbelief the creatures looked soft fragile even no scales no natural armor no visible defensive capabilities they walked on two legs like some of the prey species with laughably weak looking skin exposed to the elements this has to be a joke he rumbled turning to cricks these humans they evolved on this
death trap not only evolved Zara continued her colors now a mix of Fascination and concern they've thrived they've built civilizations in every hostile environment their world offers from Frozen wastelands to scorching deserts from the deepest oceans to the highest mountains that's nothing Vex scoffed we draconians do the same Commander cric's voice held an unusual note of was that fear they do it without biological adaptations they haven't evolved specialized forms for each environment they just build things make tools change their surroundings instead of changing themselves the implications hit Vex like a plasma first a species that
could adapt without adapting that could survive by sheer force of will and Ingenuity rather than Natural Evolution there's more Zarah added her color now a deep red of warning they've already detected our presence and there while they're requesting a meeting they sent a message would you like to hear it Vex nodded his secondary heart beginning to race with anticipation a new voice filled the chamber speaking in perfect translated Galactic standard greetings friends from the Stars we noticed your ships trying to hide behind our moon next time you might want to account for our primitive radio
telescopes we've got coffee and snacks ready whenever you'd like to stop by fair warning though our gravity might be a bit much for you folks the message ended with a sound that made vex's scales stand on end human laughter they were treating first contact with the Galaxy's most feared Warriors as a casual dinner invitation well Vex said finally finding his voice this should be interesting after the council meeting Commander Vex bloodclaw stormed through the crystallin corridors of the Galactic Federation headquarters his claws leaving tiny scratches in the floor several smaller species pressed themselves against the
walls as he passed their natural survival Instinct screaming danger good at least some things still made sense in this universe Commander Zara brightest voice chimed behind him your report on the Draconian home World conditions is due before we make contact Vex turned towering over the luminescent council member you want me to explain why we're Superior fine follow me to the hollow room his voice carried the pride of a species that had conquered the impossible the hollow room hummed to life projecting a massive image of dror prime the planet was a Nightmare made real three Suns
cast Perpetual daylight across red tinted wastelands while massive electrical storms wrapped around the equator like a glowing belt this Vex gestured with a clawed hand is what made us who we are triple gravity environment constant radiation atmospheric pressure that would crush most species into paste he paused watching Zara's colors shift to an impressed yellow the weakest Among Us can lift 10 times their body weight our scales deflect energy weapons we breathe nitrogen and filter toxins that would kill most species instantly the Hologram shifted to show a Draconian Hunting Party taking down a Titan beast a
creature that made Earth's extinct dinosaurs look like pets the hunters moved with lethal Grace their enhanced muscles and reinforced bone structure allowing them to fight in conditions that would reduce other species to puddles our secondary Hearts provide backup circulation Vex continued warming to his subject we can survive in vacuum for 30 minutes radiation hey we drink it for breakfast literally our young absorb radioactive minerals to develop their scales Zara's colors swirled with curiosity and the humans survive in similar conditions that's what makes no sense Vex slammed his tail against the floor causing the hollow projectors
to flicker look at their world the image changed to Earth beautiful terrible Earth their gravity is higher than ours their atmospheric pressure would make our scales crack they have extreme temperature variations That Swing from burning heat to freezing cold sometimes in the same location their planet is mostly covered in corrosive dihydrogen monoxide for stars sake you mean water Zara's lights pulsed with Amusement don't get smart with me Vex growled the point is they shouldn't exist we draconians became what we are through millions of years of evolution each adaptation carefully crafted by survival look at me
he spread his arms showcasing the Perfection of draconian Evolution 4 M tall frame covered in nearly impenetrable scales massive muscles designed to function under crushing gravity multiple redundant organs retractable claws that could tear through Starship Hull plating and yet Zara's voice held a note of Fascination these humans survived worse without any of this impossible Vex muttered but doubt crept into his voice we are the Apex species the Ultimate Warriors when the graan Empire tried to invade us we ate their battle Cruisers literally ate them our digestive systems can process metal the Hologram showed historical footage
of that famous battle Draconian Warriors leaping through space with minimal protection tearing apart enemy ships with their bare claws it was their proudest moment the day the Galaxy learned to fear them which reminds me Zara's colors shifted to a teasing pink did you read the full report on human Warfare what about it Vex ask suspiciously they split atoms for fun created weapons that can destroy planets by accident they call it nuclear science playing with the fundamental forces of the universe because they were curious vex's scales itched again that's concerning oh and they poison themselves for
enjoyment they call it spicy food literally eating chemicals that cause pain because they like the sensation now you're just making things up and they drink liquid containing ethanol a substance that literally kills their brain cells slowly for recreation Vex stared at the Hologram of Earth feeling a newfound respect mixed with horror perhaps he said slowly we should approach this first contact with more caution scared Zara's lights danced with Mischief draconians don't get scared Vex replied automatically we get strategically concerned the Hologram flickered One Last Time showing a human child playing in something called snow laughing
while being pelted with frozen water crystals that would give a Draconian severe thermal shock Wright Vex muttered strategically very concerned indeed the cloaked Draconian Scout ship Shadow Fang hovered behind Earth's Moon its Advanced stealth systems rendering it invisible to most forms of detection or so they thought Commander Vex bloodclaw stood on the bridge watching the Blu green death trap of a planet through the view screen status report He barked at his science officer Rena quick mind who was frantically analyzing data streams it's worse than we thought Commander Rena's scales had taken on a pale green
Hue of disbelief there they launching themselves into space using controlled explosions they strapped themselves to tanks of liquid Fuel and just blast off that's insane Vex muttered show me their space Vehicles the screen displayed various human spacecraft primitive held together by what looked like metal rivets in hope no gravity generators no inertial dampeners just pure mathematical calculations and raw courage sir Lieutenant corg steel tooth called out from his station you need to see this the humans are they're playing in their oceans The View shifted to a beach scene humans of various sizes were willingly entering
the corrosive dihydrogen monoxide some riding on its waves using primitive boards they were laughing laughing while being tossed around by liquid death perhaps there an aquatic species Vex suggested weakly negative sir look at this they're also climbing Frozen mountains without equipment for fun they call it free climbing according to their information Network vex's tail twitched nervously at least tell me they avoid their polar regions amena pulled up more footage they live there sir they built cities on ice and when it gets too cold they they cut holes in frozen lakes and go swimming swimming in
ice water for recreation Vex felt his secondary heart skip a beat what about their hot regions they built cities in their deserts too and and sometimes they gather in small rooms to pour water on Hot Rocks to create steam then they sit in it they call it a sauna deliberately subjecting themselves to heat stress and humidity for relaxation the bridge fell silent as the crew tried to process this information these humans weren't just surviving their death World they were playing with its deadliest aspects for entertainment sir Lieutenant corgs voice cracked slightly we have a problem
they're hailing us what that's impossible our cloaking technology is hello up there a cheerful Voice boomed through the ship speakers this is Houston Space control we've been watching you watch us for the past week nice cloaking Tech but you might want to account for the coffee stain you're leaving on our radio signals coffee stain Vex whispered in confusion oh right you probably don't know what coffee is yet the voice continued it's this amazing bitter Bean Juice that we drink to make us more productive highly addictive totally legal definitely not a drug anyway would you like
to come down for a proper chat we've got some spare landing pads at Kennedy Space Center Vex turned to his crew all of whom looked as lost as he felt this has to be a trap not a trap the human voice chimed in again though I totally get why you'd think that tell you what we're having a barbecue this weekend it's where we gather around controlled fires to char animal flesh before consuming it you're welcome to join we even adjust the gravity in The Visitor Center for you how do they know about our gravity requirements
Ren a his oh we've been studying your ship's structural Integrity field outputs the human replied casually based on the reinforcement patterns we figured you folks must be from a high-gravity world don't worry we deal with variable gravity all the time some of our astronauts even grow a bit taller in space drives our medical team nuts Vex felt a headache coming on these humans had not only detected them but had been analyzing their technology while making casual conversation about their bizarre Customs sir corg looked uncertain should we Retreat and request reinforcements before Vex could respond another
human voice joined the conversation hey if you guys are worried about the atmosphere don't be we've got these awesome things called pressure suits the basically portable environments we invented them because we really wanted to walk on our moon you know for science four science Vex repeated weekly yeah speaking of which our sensors show your ships using some really interesting Quantum field manipulations for that cloaking effect any chance you'd be up for a technology exchange we've got these things called memes we could trade the entire Bridge crew turned to Vex waiting for his decision here they
were the Galaxy's most feared Warriors being invited to a casual meal by beings who treated lethal environments as playgrounds and discussed Advanced quantum mechanics in the same breath as whatever memes were very well Vex said finally trying to maintain some dignity we accept your invitation send us the landing coordinates awesome fair warning though Dave from propulsion insists on showing everyone his hot sauce collection don't feel pressured to try it last time he shared it with some visiting physicists they spent 3 days in the medical Bay convinced they could see through time as the communication ended
Vex turned to his crew remember he said Gravely we are draconians we fear nothing Serena looked up from her console they just sent us their music collection as a welcome gift they have something called Death Metal should I play it Vex considered his options carefully perhaps he said with what remained of his dignity we should start with something lighter the sound that filled the bridge moments later was called Never Going To Give You Up by someone named Rick Ashley somehow Vex knew this first Contact was going to rewrite everything the draconians thought they knew about
the Galaxy the Kennedy Space Center had been transformed into what the humans called a sporting Arena though to Commander Vex bloodclaw it looked more like a death trap obstacle course perfect for draconian combat trials after 3 days of increasingly biz bizar cultural exchanges including something called a hot dog eating contest that still gave him nightmares Vex had finally convinced the human delegation to agree to traditional Draconian strength testing so let me get this straight Captain Jack Reynolds said munching on his fourth bag of something called Flamin Hot Cheetos apparently humans like their snacks to cause
pain you want to challenge us to a series of physical trials to prove your species superiority exactly Vex proclaimed trying to ignore the orange dust covering the human's fingers our Warriors against your best cool cool Jack nodded reaching for another bag hey Marina you up for some alien Gladiator games a small human female stepped forward and Vex nearly choked on his own surprise she couldn't have been more than 1.7 m tall with a build that suggested she'd snap like a twig in dror Prime's gravity Marina Chen she extended her hand a gesture Vex had learned
was not in fact a Prelude to combat Olympic decathlete retired marine and current holder of the world record for the ultra death Marathon through Death Valley the what through where now Vex asked his tail twitching nervously oh it's this fun run through one of Earth's hottest deserts 50 Mi no support crew carry your own water I did it in 7 hours flat she grinned bouncing on her toes so what kind of Trials are we talking about Vex straightened to his full height trying to regain control of the situation three challenges first a test of strength
and triple gravity then a radiation filled obstacle course finally combat an our toxic atmosphere chamber neat Marina's eyes lit up can I wear my regular gym clothes or should I go full Hazmat you you understand these trials could be fatal Vex asked concern mixing with confusion oh honey she patted his armored forearm I did CrossFit for 3 years nothing's fatal after that the next morning the arena was ready the Draconian Engineers had outdone themselves creating a hellscape that would challenge even their most hardened Warriors the human Spectators rather than showing appropriate fear had set up
what they called a tailgate party complete with grills cooking various Meats in something called nachos first challenge Vex announced to the gathered crowd weight lifting in triple gravity Marina stepped into the gravity chamber wearing nothing but shorts and a tank top with the word Suns out guns out printed across it the Draconian Warrior facing her grunt rip jaw was covered in protective armor and breathing apparatus quick question Marina raised her hand is this like Olympic lifting rules or can I use any technique you must lift the ceremonial Boulder of ancestors Vex pointed to a massive
rock that had been imported from dracor prime it weighs 2,000 kg in normal gravity oh so it's like Strongman Competition rules Marina nodded pulling some chalk from her gym bag cool by the way has anyone here heard of Leverage in pivot Points what happened next would be talked about in Draconian bars for Generations using something she called basic physics and good form Marina managed to shift the Boulder using techniques that made several Ian physics experts need to lie down that's not that's not how it's supposed to work Vex muttered as Marina did Victory laps around
the stone next up the obstacle course Vex announced hoping to salvage some dignity you must navigate through radiation levels that would kill most species radiation Marina was applying sunscreen of all things like a Chernobyl I did a documentary there last year beautiful place lots of wildlife now the mutation are fascinating you voluntarily went to a radiation zone for entertainment well yeah plus I needed content for my Instagram speaking of which hey Jack get some good shots for my followers the obstacle course was a disaster not because Marina failed but because she treated it like something
called American Ninja Warrior complete with unnecessary flips and what she termed parkour moves for the audience final challenge vex voice had taken on a slightly hysterical Edge the toxic atmosphere chamber Marina was taking selfies with some of the defeated Draconian Warriors oh cool like that time I climbed Everest without oxygen or more like when I did that free diving competition in the Mariana Trench the what in the where Vex felt his scales itching again you know what would make this more interesting Marina suggested strapping on what looked like disappointingly basic protective gear we should add
some spice to it I brought some Carolina Reapers there these Peppers that make you feel like your face is melting veex looked at his fellow draconians then at this tiny human who treated their most extreme challenges like a fun afternoon workout something deep in his ancestral memory some primitive survival Instinct told him that backing down might be the better part of valor perhaps he said carefully we should call the trials complete for today a really Marina looked genuine disappointed I was just getting warmed up hey who wants to try this new pre-workout supplement I've been
developing it's only mostly illegal in three countries the mighty Draconian Warriors Terror of the Galaxy took one Collective step backward despite Commander Vex blood claws attempts to end the trials early the humans led by an increasingly enthusiastic Marina Chen insisted on completing all planned events the massive viewing screens displayed both species vital signs which only added to the Draconian confusion your heart rate is elevated Vex noted with concern as Marina bounced on her toes before the endurance trial oh yeah that's the Pre-Workout kicking in plus the coffee and the energy drink and maybe those weird
mushrooms Jack gave me she grinned pupil slightly dilated by the way who's doing the commentary we should live stream this the first real test was the lava pit Traverse a 50 m crossing over actual molten rock with temperatures that would melt standard Federation Battleship Hull plating the Draconian Champion Sergeant Ash fcil stepped up in his thermal protection suit wait Marina called out rumaging through her gym bag let me just change shoes my regular CrossFit ones might melt you you're not wearing a thermal suit Vex asked mandibles clicking with stress nah too restrictive besides I did
that volcanic ultramarathon in Hawaii last year now that was hot though the views were totally worth it she pulled out what looked like ridiculously inadequate Footwear these are my heat resistant parkour shoes only slightly experimental What followed was perhaps the most stylistically different Crossing ever witnessed flamis scale moved with practice Draconian Precision carefully testing each step Marina well Marina treated it like something called the floor is lava game which apparently human children played for fun. parkour she shouted launching herself between platforms with unnecessary flips hey this is way easier than that hot coal walking Retreat
I did in Peru next came the acid rain chamber the draconians had specifically designed it to simulate the most corrosive storms from their home World their Champion entered wearing fully sealed environmental armor Marina walked in wearing what she called her regular Tuesday running gear and carrying an umbrella you know she said conversationally as costic droplets sizzled around them this reminds me of that time I ran through a category 5 hurricane because my power went out and I really wanted a breakfast burrito you faced a planetary storm for food the Draconian Champion asked voice crackling through
his protective Gear Well yeah it was from this amazing food truck and make their own hot sauce speaking of which want some I always carry a bottle she pulled out something labeled death sweet Embrace from her seemingly bottomless gym bag the underwater survival test should have been the Draconian moment of Triumph their enhanced lungs could process the oxygen from liquid far more efficiently than any known species 3 minutes is the record Vex announced proudly no n Draconian has ever lasted that long cool Marina said doing some light stretches but quick question are we allowed to
use controlled hyperventilation and the mamalian diving reflex or do you want me to just wing it the what and the what now 4 minutes later the draconians watched in stunned silence as Marina finally surfaced looking mildly inconvenienced sorry about that she said ringing water from her hair I got distracted counting my heartbeats did you know humans can voluntarily slow their metabolism super handy during those winter survival courses I teach though the students usually tap out when we get to the icebreaking portion the strength trials weren't much better for draconian Pride while their Warriors could indeed
lift massive weights Marina introduced Concepts like Leverage mechanical advantage and something deeply disturbing called CrossFit Kipping that's cheating protested one Draconian judge as Marina used a complex pulley system to move a boulder really she looked genuinely puzzled then what do you call those powered armor suits you're all wearing Standard Environmental Protection uhuh Marina nodded sagely while setting up another pulley you know humans invented simple machines while still living in caves right along with throwing Spears which by the way totally revolutionized hunting speaking of throwing want to see how far I can toss this Boulder using
rotational momentum the aerial agility tests in the high-gravity chamber were next the draconians had expected their natural advantage in dense atmospheres to finally show instead they learned about human sports like gymnastics parkour and something called interpretive dance which Marina insisted on incorporating into her routine so you're saying Vex tried to clarify watching Marina do a triple backflip for seemingly no tactical reason humans regularly throw themselves through the air spinning multiple times for entertain oh yeah you should see the X Games that's where humans do even crazier stuff usually while chugging energy drinks and yelling YOLO
which means actually never mind that might break your brains the final event was supposed to be a simple survival challenge in varying atmospheric conditions the draconians had prepared Chambers with different mixtures of toxic gases Marina brought snacks want some trail mix she offered to the increasingly despondent draconian officials I added some extra spicy wasabi peas really clears the sinuses how Vex watched as she casually adjusted her oxygen mask while solving a Rubik's Cube in the methane chamber how are you so calm about all this oh this is nothing you should see Black Friday shopping at
the mall now that's Survival horror though I did once use my card as a battering ram which technically got me banned from Target totally worth it for 60% off off running shoes though as the day Drew to a close the Draconian Warriors gathered around Marina their earlier superiority replaced by something approaching religious awe but seriously one young Warrior asked how do humans do all this Marina Shrugged chugging something that smelled like liquid radiation we get bored easily hey want to see some videos of human toddlers talk about indestructible they bounce right back up unless they're
tired or hungry then they become weapons of mass destruction Vex watched as his Mighty Warriors crowded around Marina's phone alternating between horror and Fascination at videos of tiny humans doing what appeared to be their best to defy both physics and self-preservation instincts one last question he said are all humans like you me Marina laughed oh no I'm pretty average you should meet my grandmother she still goes skydiving on weekends and her spicy dumpling recipe once sent through three people to the hospital we had to sign a waiver to get it included in the family cookbook
the mighty draconians Terror of the Galaxy collectively decided that perhaps being the second most dangerous species in the universe wasn't so bad after all two weeks after the trials Commander Vex bloodclaw sat in his office aboard the shadow Fang staring at the final analysis reports his scales had taken on a pale Almost White shade a sign of profound Draconian distress Commander re been a quick mind entered carrying even more data tablets you need to see this we've completed our comprehensive study of Earth's historical records how bad Vex asked already reaching for his stress relief Rock
sir they survived multiple extinction level events ice ages super volcanoes meteor impacts and that's just the natural disasters Rena's voice quivered they had something called the Cold War where they built enough nuclear weapons to destroy their planets several times over just to prove they could but surely they've evolved specialized adaptations for no sir they simply figured things out they saw cold they invented clothes they saw Darkness they made light they wanted to fly Rena pause dramatically they built machines to do it anyway Captain Jack Reynolds chose that moment to stroll into the office somehow having
bypassed all security protocols he was carrying two cups of what Vex now recognized as coffee the human stimulant that would probably classify as a biological weapon on most worlds hey folks brought you some jet fuel Jack grinned setting down the cups Marina is sad she couldn't come she's busy testing some new thermal suits in an active volcano something about wanting better breathability for extreme yoga Vex looked at the human really looked at him no natural armor no enhanced strength no backup organs just a soft squishy being with an alarming tendency to smile in the face
of certain death why Vex finally asked why do humans constantly push their limits challenge death itself oh that's easy jack sipped his coffee which Vex knew was hot enough to scald most species we get bored plus someone usually says I bet you can't do that in well you know how it goes no Vex said firmly I don't know how it goes look Jack leaned forward suddenly serious you draconians evolv to survive your world that's impressive but humans we got tired of adapting to our environment so we learned to adapt our environment to us can't breathe
underwater build submarines too cold create heating space trying to kill us strap ourselves to rockets and go say hi anyway Rena scales were now also showing signs of stress whitening the reports say you did most of this before developing advanced technology you crossed oceans on Wooden Boats yeah that was fun did you know we didn't even know if there was anything on the other side we just got on boats and said that way looks interesting and went for it vex's Mighty Draconian brain finally put it all together humans hadn't evolved to survive their death world
they'd simply decided that death worlds weren't allowed to tell them what to do one one last question Vex said holding up the coffee cup this beverage our analysis shows it's technically poison oh yeah totally Jack nodded cheerfully but it makes us more productive so we just kept drinking it until we developed immunity same with spicy food extreme sports and reality TV shows at that moment Vex understood a fundamental truth about the universe the draconians might be the Galaxy's apex predators but humans humans were what Apex Predators had nightmares about want to come to Marina's volcano
yoga session Jack offered she's calling it Hot Hot Hot Yoga Extreme Edition Vex just buried his head in his claws and whimpered softly one month after the infamous trials Commander Vex bloodclaw stood before the Galactic Federation Council delivering what would become known as the humans are scary speech in conclusion he said his voice carrying a mix of respect and residual trauma I oppose an immediate alliance with Earth not because we need to protect them but because someone needs to protect the Galaxy from there enthusiasm the council murmured in agreement especially after watching the video of
Marina Chen's latest Expedition deep sea cave parkour which she insisted was just a fun weekend project furthermore Vex continued glancing at the human delegation I recommend we create a new classification Beyond class 13 death worlds perhaps something along the lines of humanity hold my beer class point of order Captain Jack Reynolds raised his hand Marina is starting a new extreme sports League next month something about racing Starships through asteroid Fields while doing Tick Tock challenges any takers the entire Draconian delegation took an instinctive step backward very well High Admiral CCS announced the alliance is approved
May the stars have mercy on any species that tries to invade Earth op pleas Marina grinned from her seat where she was casually juggling plasma cores the last time someone tried to invade us we turned their scariest weapons into Christmas decorations speaking of which who's up for extreme orbital skydiving I brought extra parachutes the mighty draconians once the Galaxy's most feared species simply smiled nervously and pretended not to hear her some battles they had learned you win by not showing up at all
