I know you probably think it's Marilyn Monroe, right? >> I'm not. >> Oh, it looks like Robert Diro.
>> Oh my god. >> It's Robert Dairo. >> That is unanny.
>> Crazy. >> Wow. >> Look at you.
Who Who are you? >> Yeah. My name's My name's Robert.
How you doing, >> Dairo? It's Robert. What do you want?
Uh, what will you be doing for us today? >> Well, you know, I'm typically acting that people see in the movies. I thought today I give you a little something different.
A little something I put together that you never seen before. >> I'm talking to you. You know that.
I'm talking to you. >> Yeah. You're a funny guy.
>> You're very good. Do you make a living doing this? >> I'm living.
I'm breathing right now. This is nice. >> You ready for this or what?
>> I don't know. >> What do you mean? No.
I just asked you. You said you want me to do it. What are we doing over here?
>> [cheering] >> Go do what you do. >> All right, ladies and gentlemen, this is Wise Guys Nursery Rhymes. >> Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. He took out a loan and all this What the hell was that? He got two weeks to pay and next time he's dead.
Old Mother Herbert went to the cupboard to fetch a bone for her dog she didn't reach. She pulled out the bone. The dog said, "Maron, I told you I WANT TO REPRESENT SICH.
" >> I didn't want to buzz you, [cheering] but didn't go that well. >> Simon, go ahead. >> Look, Robert, uh, if that is your name, >> you're funny, but the act was terrible.
>> Why is it so terrible? What do you think? >> Because they booed you.
>> Yeah, right. >> We're going to vote. I think you know the way it's going to go.
Um, Simon. >> Yeah, I'm going to say no. Robert, >> thanks, Simon.
>> Heidi, you're rat. >> I'm sorry for me. It's a no as well.
[laughter] >> Well, >> I'm sorry. It's a no, too. Sorry.
>> I don't want to be called a name. I'm going to say yes because it doesn't matter. >> That's because you are very good.
You I'm watching you. >> Thank you, sir. >> Guys, thanks so much.
[music] All right. >> What did he call you? We call it a rat.
>> Well, that's good. >> A rat. >> Yeah, I like that.
[cheering] >> Ladies and gentlemen, you won't believe your eyes. Elvis is back in the building. [music] So, what's your name?
>> My name is Joseph Hall. >> Hello, Joseph. And uh obviously your act is >> Elvis.
>> And so, what's your dream? >> My dream? I'm living it right now, man.
I just hope I don't wake up. You know what I mean? >> All right.
Well, you got this far. You got the ladies. Knock us out, man.
It's your stage. Have fun. >> Let's have a good time, folks.
[cheering] >> [music] >> You ain't no hell no. [cheering] Well, [music] you ain't no high [music] class. Well, you ain't You ain't no You ain't nothing.
You don't know how you ain't no [cheering] [music] friend. [music] I knew he was just hiding out. >> [music] [cheering] [music] [music] >> You ain't got no [music] [cheering] [cheering] Carrie, you want to [cheering] go first?
You know what? [cheering] Hang on. Okay.
All right. Quiet, please. Try and control yourselves.
I've got to be honest with you. I normally hate Elvis impersonators. They normally come out, they're fat, bold, and sort of impersonating him just before he died.
and you come out. I thought if you sing how you look, then we're going to have a great act here. And you did.
Great. >> No, I don't want you to go. I just want to keep staring at him, that's all.
[cheering] >> Um, anyway, you don't have to sing. You don't have to do anything. Just stand there.
>> How old are you? I'm 23 years old. [cheering] >> I have said this many times before, but I have shoes older than you.
>> But I'd like to try you on. [cheering] >> You know what I think? >> You got the look, you got the moves.
[cheering] You got it, brother. I'm going to say yes. >> [screaming] >> We know what Sharon's going to say.
So, >> it's a yes from me, too. You got it. [cheering and applause] Hello.
>> Hello. >> Hi. >> What is your name?
>> Danny Shay. >> Danny Shay. >> Not Justin Bieber.
[cheering] >> You look like Justin Bieber. >> Justin Bieber looks like me. How >> How old are you?
>> 22. >> 22. >> No, you're 22 now.
It's a young lady. >> Yes, it's a young lady, but 22. Wow.
>> So, has it been a hindrance or a help to you? >> At first, I it was a hindrance because I didn't have a response to the whole thing. It was just kind of like at my own shows, people would be like, "Play a baby.
" And I was like, "Are you kidding me? " So, this is my response to that. >> Oh, okay.
>> Yeah. Thanks, guys. >> Oh, wow.
Oh, [screaming] I guess you noticed. I guess you care about the way I flip my hair. You say it's hot, but let me tell you, it's not.
Am I on TV? [music and singing] Girl, quit playing. He looks just like me.
[music] What are you saying? [singing] Said there's another who looks and sings like you and he's on every single channel of YouTube. And I was like, "What the hell are you talking [singing] about?
" I was like, "What the hell are [music] you talking about? " I [singing] was like, "What the hell are you talking about? [music] This space has always been mine.
Mine, you better watch out. She's coming for her spot. >> All right, Danny.
>> Danny, >> you're truly amazing and you're you're funny and you got a sense of humor and you have a talent. >> Thank you. [cheering] I think you are a very talented young lady.
I love the humor you brought to this. But I actually think in your own right as a singer, songwriter, very talented. So, I'm a yes.
>> Thank you. [cheering] >> You're fabulous. You light up the stage and it's a yes from me.
Thank you. >> So, Danny, [cheering] >> Danny, I love your attitude. I love everything you do.
You have three yeses. You deserve it. You're going to Las Vegas.
[cheering] >> Thank you. [music] for the pianos out. They're usually a good singer, aren't they?
>> Yeah. I shouldn't wait. >> Me neither.
But >> anybody there? >> Hello. [music] [cheering] Saturday nights a rough fight and get [music] a little mine.
We gather battles out as a diesel train. Come and say this dance alive. That's all right.
All right, >> EVERYBODY. SATURDAY. SATURDAY.
SATURDAY. >> Guess what? It's Saturday.
>> Oh, it is. >> It's actually Saturday. Saturday.
It's Saturday. Saturday. That's all right.
I don't want to know I'm still standing after all this. >> I'm still standing. Yeah.
Yeah. [cheering] [applause] Thank you. [music] Thank you very much.
We we didn't actually get to say hello to each other. So, your name is >> Elite Elton. [music] >> David, you know Elton the best.
What do you think? >> Well, it's a Yeah, it's a wonderful tribute to one of the greatest entertainers this country [music] has ever produced. >> Exactly.
He's fantastic. Yes. >> I just guess we're looking for something just a little more original.
That's all. >> Well, if I went to the end, I would have created something called [music] a space fusion. Elton John's music meets dance.
Maybe some songs rap. >> It' be a real chemistry. >> What a shame we're never going to see that.
>> Yeah, I know. >> Uh Amanda, >> to start with, I kind of enjoyed it. I thought this is a good thing to get everyone going, but it went on a bit long, >> just a little bit.
>> It wasn't Rocket Man. It was more like sparkler man. >> Yes.
>> But thank you for coming. >> Thank you very [music] much for having me. >> Have a great day, everybody.
Thank you. [music] What a shame. >> Also, Elton wears a wig these days, not a hat.
>> That's where he's going. >> Thank you very much. >> Thank you very much.
>> Cheers. [cheering] [cheering] >> Okay. What is your name?
My name is Derek Barry. >> Derek. >> Derek.
>> Derek. >> Yes. >> I think I'm in love.
Now tell me, Derek. >> Yes. >> What do you do for a living?
>> I impersonate pop princess Britney Spears. [screaming] [cheering] >> Derek, darling, how old are you? >> I'm 24 years old.
>> You just do your thing. Go. Baby dangerous.
[music] [music] Heat. Heat. [music] Heat.
Heat. Heat. [music] >> [music] [cheering] >> I'm going to hand this over to David.
>> Okay, great. >> Derek, >> are you a guy? >> Yes.
100%. [cheering] >> You know, >> David, his name is His name is Derek. >> I'm just uh I know, but it [laughter] could be >> it could be a Bo Derek.
>> How many women do you know called Derek? David, [laughter] >> you know. Uh I I I'm questioning my sexuality here.
>> Oh my god, you're hot. Um >> likes you. >> Yeah, but uh but you're the wrong sex.
Um, Derek, uh, I I did actually think you were very like Britney Spears. >> Thank you. >> Yeah.
A complete and utter train wreck. >> Thank you. >> Thank you, >> Derek.
Darling, take no not tunnel vision here. Now, he doesn't see the big picture like I do. And you shocked me.
You're brilliant. >> So, let's [cheering] take a >> I'm an absolute categoric not in a million years. >> I can't.
I'm honestly I am in shock because I think Derek IS SENSATIONAL. THANK YOU. >> Thank you.
[cheering] >> You know, this show is so whacked [laughter] >> that I'm going to say yes. [cheering] >> [cheering] >> Copy that. [cheering and music] [applause] >> Good to see you.
What's your name? >> George. >> George, what was your day job?
>> I was a uh a government uh civil servant. >> Oh, good. And see, I'm I'm just looking in my retirement to find a way to continue to serve that's civil.
>> Are you going to sing? >> Uh not tonight. I'm I'm uh I'm not in the shower.
Sophia, I want you to know I'm so proud of you. I [music] love Colombia. I used to work in uh the District of Columbia.
>> Thank you, Mr President. >> You know, I'm married to a girl named Laura. She's my heart problem.
When I first met her, she was a librarian. That's why I [music] checked her out in the first place. Communication starts with the letter C.
And I like the letter C because it's also a word. But D is my [music] favorite letter because D is the first letter in the word W. You're really good, but the material didn't hit.
>> Okay, [music] George, I'm sorry didn't happen, but thank you very much. God bless you guys. [music] [cheering] >> [applause] >> What a beautiful welcome.
I know you probably think it's Marilyn Monroe, right? >> I'm not. I But I've been impersonating her for 20 years.
>> But if you're from the Inland Revenue, that's 7 years and two months. So anyway, I've now the worst thing about being a lookalike is is dating. I'm terrible at dating because, you know, I look like a woman who's been dead for 50 years.
I did get worried when a guy turned up and instead of perfume, he bought me embombing fluid. So, it wasn't going well. But I did decide to join a dating app.
Are you enjoying this time? Are you just staring at me smiling? [laughter] So, I wrote a song about my life in a dating app.
Here we go. >> Hit it. >> Hit it.
>> When I got super liked [music] by you, I knew what I had to do. I swiped [music] right back to you and it was a match. Woohoo.
>> [laughter] >> you send me what's [music] maybe on Saturday. I replied with an [singing] emoji wink [music] and said okay. I got on my best [music and singing] attire.
I was filled with desire but dating an app full of liars. [singing] Don't [music] trust that group shot. The hot one you was not.
I [singing] wasn't swiped by you. It was your grandad standing next to you. Knew I shouldn't date by phone.
And now he he won't leave me alone. Simon, have you ever been on a dating app? I would definitely swipe left on you.
I mean, right on you without question. >> Which one's Which one? >> I don't know.
I drive on the left. >> But I still go back on that side. Swipe left and I swipe right.
Cuz you never know who you might like. You may end up with Marilyn tonight. Well, that's my dating life.
But there's only this one thing before I go. >> [applause] >> The worst thing about dating is men realize I don't actually talk like this. I talk like this.
I'm Marilyn Monroe, known as Susie Kennedy from South London. >> And there was all in South London. [cheering] [music] >> [music] [music] [music] [music] >> be careful what you do.
Don't go around breaking young girls heart. [music] [music] [music] >> [music] [music] [music] >> Oh yeah. [music] [music] >> [music] [music] [music] >> Nobody Oh, [music] [music] George rec.
>> [music] [music] >> Ch. [applause] [cheering] [music] >> Okay. So, in a minute we're going to go around and have a little chat with Anton.
>> Well, this looks interesting. [music] >> Dog act. I don't know.
It's big big for a dog act. >> Right. Let's do a big deep breath together.
Breathe in. >> Breathe out. [screaming] >> You got less than >> Yeah.
That's the best thing. >> That is the best thing ever. >> Best thing ever.
>> Are we ready to do this? >> Yes. >> Let's go.
[music] [cheering] >> Hello. [laughter] I think I know where this is going. >> One of you is very, very, very handsome, by the way.
[laughter] >> What's the name of this wonderful group? >> MCPA Communication Party Academy. [cheering] >> Why did you decide to audition for Britain's Got Talent?
>> To win the money to get a big slide, a roller coaster, and a swimming pool for our school. >> Love it. Do you think you can win?
>> Yeah. [cheering] >> Wow. Go for it.
>> Good luck. Thank you. [applause] >> Where's my book?
>> It's quite chaotic, which I like. >> I'm looking forward to it. This is a bit all over the place.
>> Once upon a time, many, many years ago, there was a very old man called Simon Cowell. >> Don't buzz. Simon Carol worked very very very hard to come up with an amazing TV show that would entertain the nation.
>> I've got it. Britain's got talent. >> Hey, that was my idea.
I'll give you a job if you don't tell the teacher. [laughter] >> Simon now had to find the very best people to make his show perfect. >> This my audition.
>> Who's up first? >> P Morgan. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah blah.
[laughter] >> Yeah, THAT'S EXACTLY HOW WE TALK. [screaming] >> NEXT. [cheering] >> WOW, ALICIA, I didn't like it.
I loved it. >> She's got the right hair, isn't there? >> Next.
>> [applause] >> You need me cuz I'm the best fighter in all the universe. H Okay, you're in. >> Simon, that's everyone on the list.
I'm afraid he's seen them all now. >> But there must be someone who can fill in the last spot. >> I can do it, Simon.
>> It [music] basically how it was. >> And so that was it. His pedal was truly complete.
But there was still something missing. >> [cheering] [cheering] [cheering] >> Yes, [cheering] yes. [laughter] >> Yes, that was brilliant.
Brilliant. >> And over the 10 years they spent together, they became the very best friends. [screaming] >> Simon Simon.
>> Very good. [music] [cheering] >> Well, that was chaos, but brilliant. Brilliant chaos.
Wow. Yeah. [cheering] [music] [music] [cheering] >> I had a dream so big and loud.
I jumped so high. Cute. >> Well done.
How long have you guys been rehearsing that? >> Two weeks. >> I could have done with another week, but it was brilliant.
[laughter] >> David, what did you think? >> It was so true to life. Incredible.
[laughter] Very original, very funny. Wonderful. >> I absolutely loved it.
It was hysterical. Look at Simon's hairy chest. >> I mean, what can I say?
They like girls like the hairy chest. [laughter] >> Such a cheeky bunch. >> I just wish we got on as well as you did.
>> Well, look, uh, we've now got to vote. Let's start with David. >> Let me kick this off with a humongous yes.
[cheering] >> So adorable and funny. It's a yes from me, guys. [screaming] [cheering] >> It's a yes from me.
>> Now you've got four yeses. [cheering] [music] >> Little debt looks very confused out there on stage. It's like the real thing.
>> Ladies and gentlemen, >> on behalf of the Palladium Theater, I invite you to stand and welcome her Majesty, the Queen. What? That's why there's a throne.
[applause] [music] >> Is it up? >> I think it actually is. [music] Well, this is an unexpected treat.
That's right, Mr Cal. The boss is finally here. [laughter] It's so good to see a member of the royal family sitting next to Simon.
It's lovely to see you, Camila. [laughter] >> [applause] >> It is rare indeed for the sovereign to appear on such an insignificant occasion. But as I look down on you all, I'm happy to patronize you.
[laughter] Queens have always patronized the arts and the arts have relied upon the support of Queens and [applause and cheering] it is with regret ladies and gentlemen I have noted that recently Britain's Got Talent has suffered enormously. There have been far too many below average variety acts and I'm not referring to Alicia Dixon. >> [cheering] >> I beg your pardon.
[laughter] [cheering] [applause] I'm sure you all agree that plastic is the modern scourge on the face of this planet. Of all the men and women of these islands, no greater innovation has been made than by our judging panel who have stored a great amount of plastic in their faces. Oh, >> that direction [laughter] >> for their services to the entertainment industry and and de as well as David Williams have been awarded obbe [cheering] Simon there is only one thing standing between you and the nighthood and that's the golden buzzer.
I have much pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, uh, in declaring the search for talent in Great Britain officially open. [music] >> Oh, your Majesty, [applause and cheering] what a treat. I was on the bus recently, right?
I was on the bus um and this old lady came and came and sat next to me and I started ticking, right? I started ticking and she moved, right? She literally moved and I thought to myself, "Excellent.
Another victim. " Right? When you're disabled like me, swimming doesn't come easy.
The life god hates me. >> Before I even start, Alicia, thank you. All right.
You gave me the golden buzzer. You changed my life. I'm famous now.
>> Hey, >> but I'm still broke and [laughter] I still live in the hood. I'm getting recognized in places I don't want to get recognized. >> I see her coming out the corner of me eye.
And I thought, I don't want her to see me. You know, I'm all tizzed up. I'm on telly tonight.
And we've all done it. And if you've never ignored somebody, you know, in a supermarket and run away from them, maybe it's you they're running away from. >> Met a guy the other day with bad breath, Alicia.
HIS BREATH WAS BRUCE LEE. AH, YES. His breath was kicking.
His breath was so bad. He breathed out, I breathed in, forgot to breathe out, and nearly died. >> One of my girlfriends, when she found out I was getting married, she said, "So, are you going to lose weight for your wedding?
" >> No, I know. I was like, "No, but I'm going to lose girlfriends. " [cheering] >> Let them know.
Let him know I wasn't going to torture myself for my wedding. No, I wore Spanx like a grownup. I bought a juicer on a weight loss website.
My first juice ever. I juice kale and cucumber with spinach and celery. And I would rather have diabetes.
It's the nastiest thing >> cuz it's hard losing weight, you know, cuz when you lose weight, what they don't tell you is that it's never really lost. It's kind No, it's like a demon stalker waiting in the shadows for you to just have a moment of weakness. Just like [screaming] [groaning] You don't really like kale salad, do you?
>> Baby, I love to I know y'all can see I love to eat, baby. I think about food all the time, baby. This woman came up to me the other day and said, "Do you know how to get to the DMV?
" I said, "Yes. " You see McDonald's, you go to McDonald's, you make it right. You going to see Jack in the Box across the street and Taco Bell.
You going to make it left. You going to see Dennis across Steven Little Soul Food Place got some wonderful potato style next to us at DMV. >> I joined Weight Watchers a year ago and lost like 45 lbs.
Right. I gained it. I GAINED IT BACK.
PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN. I gained it back. [laughter] BUT THE POINT IS when I first joined the program, I was down like three lbs in two days.
It came off real fast. But the problem was I thought I was Jennifer Lopez. You know how you lose two pounds?
Like, "Oh my god, YOU CAN BARELY SEE ME. I'M WASTING AWAY. " I WASN'T.
I LOOK EXACTLY the same. >> I can't wait to see what she's got in store for us tonight. Here she is.
>> MARO. [cheering] >> Oh yes, I'm back. Did you miss me?
Did you miss me? Look at you all the judges sat there on your little kiosks. I don't know whether you're judging a competition or shellacking my nails.
>> Uh before we start, just a little warning. I do talk quite quickly. So if at any point you reckon I'm talking too quick, all you've got to do think a little bit faster.
Please tell us your name. >> Barbara nice. Barbara's in strides that nice as in the biscuit.
Dave. >> Oh, they are nice, those biscuits, aren't they? >> Yeah.
[laughter] >> My name is Gatis Scandis. And in case you want to follow me, uh, this is what they look like from behind. >> Thank you.
>> And how old are you? >> 40. >> And are you married?
>> Is that a proposal? [applause and cheering] No, not married. Not to my knowledge.
Heat.