He: my spiritual and physical life appeared to be at odds T: ohh. . .

in what way? He: um I have a. .

. I feel biased towards spiritual and I have a lot of shame about the physical T: physical aspects? He: Yeah T: which aspects specifically?

He: money and sex, T: ok He: getting, like the reasons for getting pleasure and. . .

I feel at odds with my. . .

T: spiritual beliefs? He: spiritual life yeah. T: "giggles" T: okay He: This is a dream come true T: Can I have a moment Something that has driven me nuts is that for thousands upon thousands of years human beings have separated their humanity from their divinity.

They have separated their spirituality from their physicality and its complete, and total BS most of this is religious in its origins, which has nothing to do with spirit it has everything to do with social control Why does it benefit society to control your sexuality? He: "laughs" So I don't go wild T: What if you go wild sexually? What's the consequence for society?

I need you guys to see this clearly, how this is developed. Should I make this make more sense? It's the year 200 BC What's the problem in my society if you are screwing every woman?

He: Lots of kids T: mhum now what happens to them? He: They have to be fed and cared for and schools have to be built T: Are women free agents? Not back then?

So if a woman is owned by a man thus she is property and she is knocked up by another man what kind of problem does that represent in society? Now whose property is she? Now whose property are the children?

Now there is social unrest because I can tell you that the guy who is married to that woman is going to kill you T: "laughs" Do you see what I'm saying? He: I'm not sure how it relates to. .

. T: because it's in your DNA and it's not just that it's bred into your. .

. You regardless of how awakened you would like to think you are We are all programmed with societal constructs It happens all day every day and you even come into it genetically before you're born He: I feel a lineage aspect to the suffering that I feel like . .

. T: Yes He: . .

. the men in my family worked very very hard and the women didn't have to He: " laughs" . .

. and I don't feel capable of putting that much effort into. .

. my . .

. . career .

. . it feel antithetical to my spiritual.

. . T: Ok, but let's just.

. do you wanna stick with work or sex first? He: Ohh they feel intertwined to me like if I could be successful I could have a wife, you know then that's how it feels.

. . .

T: and than you'd probably be getting less sex than in the first place Everyone: " laughs together" T: I had to. " laughter" He: ummmm. .

. He: But yeah they feel intertwined to me, so. .

but I don't know what do you sense? T: but, I'm sensing where I'm taking you, He: ok Your construct around the concept that there is a contradiction between spirituality and sexuality have to do with thousands and thousands of years ago women were property and children were property and so it was a societal concern if you were fornicating He: I really feel like that's where it starts for me, yeah He: Why is it so strong in me and not other people? T: Oh it's really strong in a lot of people Its really strong in A LOT of people.

He: like for me it feels like a particular thorn. T: Well, how where you raised? What type of family?

What type of beliefs around sexuality ? Did they have a conversation with you about sex? How did it go?

He: Oh, . . .

umm. . .

wow there was a lot of shame and abuse. T. So there is a particular thorn.

So, so, do you see why it's an issue for me if you're sitting up here and saying "Why is it such a big issue for me? " when you are like: "well in my childhood there was so much shame and abuse relative to sexuality" How can you be confused about why it is an issue for you then? because of that He: So where do i go?

T. By unraveling your mentality around it, this is what I'm doing, part of awakening you to the reason that sexuality is seen as a contradiction to spirituality (Thank you religion), is because. .

. He: I'm feeling some resistance T: why? He: umm.

. . .

Like we're not getting anywhere and. . .

this isn't. . .

I don't know. . maybe.

. . this isn't it or something like that you know?

T: but this is the thing. . .

so this is resistance you see? T: What I'm handing you is a brand new way of thinking about sexuality If you knew that the only reason that sexuality was made an enemy based on religious practices, trying to maintain property rights of a man then can you ultimately say that sexuality is a contradiction spirituality? or is it a contradiction socially?

He: wait, I'm not sure I heard what you just said. T: Can you consider that you want to keep it wrong? do you understand why I just asked him that?

Because you can see the resistance he has to what I'm even saying right now. Often times when it is difficult like when I'm saying something and you're like I don't even know what you just said the conscious mind is saying: ~ gesture ~ So this we're gonna take a different road ready? He: Ok T: I want to ( I'm being you) I want to keep sexuality wrong.

Why? He: It's safe. T: So then we're fucked.

I'm serious you guys, you have to look at this because this will. . .

obviously if he's up here this means it relates to you it means that there is some aspect of your life where you've decided this is, (regardless of whether injuring you) you've decided to plant your feet and there is a special plant around something that you are convinced is going to assist your existence "This helps my survival. " You're gonna be so attached to that it's gonna be impossible to change your mind. So I'm making you aware of that aspect of yourself it's safe.

it's safe to make sexuality wrong. He: ahhh. .

. it's. .

yeah it's better to just shut it down. so that it doesn't make any mistakes T: Ok He: So I don't make a fool out of myself. T: but if that's the decision and you can make it.

. . there's nothing I can do about you making that decision, but it's a decision.

The only thing that I can work with is somebody who's made the decision to change their mentality around something but just doesn't really know how. That's workable Unworkable is: "I've made the decision not to change my mind about this". He: well.

. I've really wanted to change my mind about it. T: That's not what that part said.

like, this will be fun for you to re-watch. because. .

. He: Oh my God! I'm one of those people who's totally in resistance when he's up here.

T: yeah Everybody: ~ laughs ~ He: Fuck! He: Oh my God! He: What the fuck?

What's my problem? Yeah, I can't see how sexuality isn't wrong. like here you are, you're very beautiful and I'm trying to like shut it down.

T: Yeah. He: I can't just allow it. T: Yes.

He: So what do I. . .

? T: Even when somebody gives you permission to do it. He: umm.

. . oh my God, I'm like.

. . well yeah.

. . Like so if you give me permission I'll just like.

. . Like you know, be a puddle or just do the wrong thing, I'd do the wrong thing I'll hurt someone.

T: When were you taught that? He: well. .

. so (showing when he was small) So how do I like. .

. ? T: It's like one of my favorite scenes it's like a little boy is exploring his little bits for the first time, right?

and then like mom comes in and is like " Oh there are angels watching " for the rest of his life he's like: ~ spooked out ~ Everybody: ~ Laughing ~ T: you were put at war with your sexuality very early by people who were just as terrified of their sexuality. you were taught that it's bigger than you. but it's your personal energy.

sexual energy is no different than creative personal energy. you were put at odds with your own personal energy. but there has to be a decision that you're done being safe.

this makes sense to you guys right? because like. .

. He: what does that look like? T: even if, regardless of whether it's sexuality or something else the person who said for example, the last woman who was on stage.

. . it was safe you get in childhood to give her life to everyone.

She has got to be willing, in order to shift, to feel very unsafe. It's never gonna feel safe to change a mental paradigm so if you want me to introduce you to the path of awakening get ready for a lifetime of terror. You are gonna have to be super freaken' brave.

Don't worry it's not all bad. He: I feel like I'm trying to analyze so that I don't have to access it right now. T: I know.

He: but I wanna. . .

I'm gonna. . .

I wanna access it. . I want, I want.

. . to.

. . I want you to help me.

I want to receive. Help T: Why are you guys laughing? No, I'm curious because he needs the reflection, why are you laughing?

You're laughing because it's sweet? You are so in resistance you don't even understand that I'm trying to help you as we speak He: Oh fuck! Everybody: ~ Laughing ~ He: God I'm so critical of people.

who resist when they're talking to you. ummm. .

. T: yeah. He: all right so I just have to feel it don't I?

T: yes He: Ok all right. T: Well specifically what you have to feel is your own refusal to change your mind about sexuality right now. He: I'm in touch with the part of me that feels like its unsafe to change my mind.

T: How much validation have you given that part? He: Like 5% of. .

. T: ok feel what happens in your body are you ready? Me talking to the aspect of you that feels like it's more safe to just cut off from sexuality, right?

I'm talking to that part in you just watch how it feels. I think given what you've experienced you have every reason to feel that way towards sexuality every reason! and I'm not here to try to force you to change that.

It's completely up to you you could decide and I think it might even be healthy for you because the other parts of you I notice drag you around all day basically tell you that you're wrong right? He: Yeah. T: So here's the thing; if you wanted to just stand up and get of the stage and say: " you know what, No.

I'm still committed to making sexuality wrong" that's ok. He: No way. T: that's actually ok He: No I don't want that T: but you could do that.

He: I'm very afraid. T: ahhh He: like terrified. T: yeah He: I'm afraid of being killed by it, like the clan 3000 years ago.

like one false move and I'm dead. that's how it feels T: What if that's because in your childhood there was no possibility for repair in relationship. What if it's not the reality?

It's just the reality of the particular people you were with? He: There was no forgiveness. or.

. . T: I know.

Ok so let yourself listen to this; because this is validation for why you feel the way you feel You guys understand that in relationships rupture, meaning in this moment I've lost that magic sense of connection it's inevitable. I want everyone to sit with that because we don't accept this. We like to think that relationships, if they should happen, should never have repair have to happen.

It's like conflict shouldn't occur. Rupture shouldn't occur. That's total BS.

You'll have rupture in every relationship therefore what makes a relationship good is not about there being a LACK of rupture it's about repair. How is repair handled? How quickly is it handled?

How much trust do you have that it can be? That is what makes a good relationship. The reason that he is in the state he's in in this level of terror is because in his childhood he was in a family that did not allow for repair, when there was rupture, there was condemnation.

rupture = isolation. rupture = now I'm gonna remind you of what you did to me for 20 years. you see?

So, the majority of what I'm trying to teach people is: repair. Repair is what makes a relationship super super safe. That's what makes a relationship strong.

It's the knowing that. . .

like if we were in a relationship, it's the knowing that whatever happens I have your best interest at heart and you have my best interest at heart and as a result of that. . .

I can't let that rupture happen for long. so we will find resolve. It's inevitable.

Could you imagine that level of security in a relationship? He: yeah At least some part of it I can. I'd like that (small) part to know it.

like part of me wants to just forget the whole thing. but. .

. there just seems to be so many rules about. .

. He: rules regarding sex T: mhm He: it feels embarrassing to say. T: well there is so many rules about sex and that depends which group you're in doesn't it?

The rules in some societies are like: "never have sex ever unless procreation " other groups it's like never have sex with someone other than your partner, unless it's a Sunday. ~ laughter ~ He: or unless you're. .

. I feel like it almost killed me at one point this monogamist picture that in order to have sex with a woman I had to be holy, committed to her. I feel like I received that early and I felt like that almost killed me.

T: Why? He: because it was so painful and there was no energy flowing T: Why why is it so painful? He: I think because of the expectations?

like the feeling that I have to fulfill a demand. T: It's strings attached and you have just defined the main reason why men get into polyamory instead of monogamy It's because they were entrapped in relationships in childhood. and so.

. . do you understand what commitment is?

this would be an interesting conversation for everybody. Commitment to commit is to put your energy into something without commitment you have literally nothing you cannot manifest without it. it's not possible.

He: humm. . .

yeah T: so to commit is to put your energy into something. When you are in a dysfunctional family home when you commit, meaning put all your energy into something what is the result? He: pain T: they own you.

He: rejection? He: they own me? Fuck yeah I felt owned.

like my whole life T: yeah so you will avoid intimacy and you will avoid commitment you will be a commitment phoebe He: I think I'm avoiding success. also because I equate success with. .

. sex. .

marriage T: because it's your personal energy. He: so I don't understand T: sexual energy and personal energy is the same thing. success = sexual energy same thing He: ahhhh T: it's personal energy being poured into something, that's committing.

you are a commitment phoebe He: oh my God. T: for a good reason He: yeah T: for a good reason. He: yeah T: but this is the thing; with no commitment there is nothing.

no manifestation. I'm talking no manifestation not just no relationship. like nothing.

Did Blake tell you his little baseball story that he was gonna talk about this morning? Blake Dyer I hope you see your reflection. ~ laughter ~ He: I've often felt some similarities between me and him actually, so.

. . he's a nice guy .

T: yeah he's a wonderfully nice guy just like you. he's a wonderfully nice guy who doesn't manifest shit. ~ laughter ~ T: I love Blake we have a 15 year relationship I can talk like this Blake Dyer doesn't manifest shit because he doesn't wanna commit and guess what happens?

this is what happens; it doesn't matter whether you're around narcissistic individuals anymore or not other people will make your life for you. and then you will resent them for it. He: yeah I don't want anyone to control me, but T: but they will and not even because they want to you could be controlled by a rabbit if you have no commitment.

all the rabbit has to do is make a choice. I'm not kidding you, like If someone around you makes a choice, you're controlled. because you're going to go with whatever they're doing.

but then you're going to be in a state of rebellion against it which by the way, that's no more free He: right. . .

ahhh. . .

oh, yeah like I actually have to feel what you just said. and I know that's the truth. that's the part of me that I've been hiding from other people I didn't want them to see it.

I'm embarrassed T: Ok, are you ready for this? we all saw it today. you made a huge leap because you're sitting here look how many people are a witness to this.

~ giggles and laughter ~ ~ clapping ~ T: you just got had -laughing- He: See like even you saying that I'm like no T: Ok but it happened, you've gotta accept it We have all seen it we all saw your shadow it`s done You're exposed as a person who can't commit He: Wow T: but look at this see like I'm joking with you but at the same time, I get it I can stand up here and say Blake Dyer doesn't manifest shit but I can also say and I get entirely why. Looking at his childhood looking at everything that he went through looking at his preferences today, I understand it So it's not like, it's not like You can't manifest shit and so you're such a horrible, pitiful person He: that's not how it feels T: I know but that's what you were taught to feel I'm giving you a different experience in the room today Its exposer of shadows with the understanding of the shadow I'm calling it out and saying and let's be here with it He: I have this feeling that like I've been protecting that part of me with like a knife just stabbing anyone who came near it T:Yess T: which is what you just trying to do when I just tried to change your attitude about sexuality. He: I did it to you?

T: yeah ~ giggles ~ T: but this is. . .

He: when? -laughter- T: about a half an hour ago but this is the healing you need today It's to own the fact that you are somebody who has a very very difficult time committing to anything He: ummmm alright T: and it's not even about fixing it right now, because if you try to fix it right now you're making it wrong He: yeah T: I'm going to explain something else to the group Self-help backfires a lot because it's very difficult to try to change something without having the attitude towards the thing be of disapproval If I walk up to him and I and the attitude I'm giving him is I just really wanna fix you cause you are so messed up He: part of me likes that T: what about the other part? He: the other part feels, ummm I'm not even accessing that right now T: Ok, well that's a bigger issue but um.

. . The majority of people, if you walk up to them He: fix all my problems T: oh yeah but it's because you don't want responsibility.

This is the pattern with people who don't want to commit It takes intense amounts of responsibility to commit If you commit you can't blame anyone else it's not possible If you commit it's like, yeah I freaking chose that like hook line and the sinker. . .

so even the lack of responsibility is a refusal to commit but for the average person If you approach them with the attitude of You need to fix yourself because of x,y,z How are they gonna feel about that? So, self-help often backfires because it's a very different frequency we're working with nuances but it's a very different frequency when you approach a shift because you love yourself and want to help yourself in some way it's a very different frequency than, I want this to change So, you are so not Ok with the aspect of you that doesn't want to be responsible So not Ok with the aspect of you that doesn't wanna commit that trying to change it right now is coming from a self hating space He. yeah T: it will backfire He: So I love it?

T: if you can, yeah. but like. .

am not asking you to graduate all the way there my God, if you're capable of that then maybe you should be teaching instead. He: you're great T: So I'm not requiring you to love it I'm requiring you to see it as valid I'm requiring to consider for a moment being gentle with the part of you who wants to not commit who wants zero responsibility to think that maybe it has a valid reason why. I mean if you experience committing and having your arm cut off when you commit in that way cause, you see what am saying like to commit is to put all your energy into something So if you've experienced committing and it is like 'wham' of course you're gonna have a panic attack around committing He: yeah T.

See this is Blake, I mean in his childhood he committed to individuals they didn't give a shit back So now, in his life, same as in your life it's. . .

I'm not really gonna go one way or the other. and what he needs, same as what you need is to spend some serious gentle time with that part the terror and the trauma behind not ever wanting to put your hand in the glass again. He: yeah T: maybe you guys should be friends He: wink and laughs (to Blake) T: seriously, sometimes what the universe does if you can't see yourself clearly enough it's like, here is your mirror go play He.

mmm (breathing out) like I. . .

I'm seeing myself fenced in by a. . .

and the fences is the word wrong. T: you're yea, and you are fighting like crazy Do you feel him fighting? Audience: Yes Do you feel the parts of you that are fighting, like this?

because we all have these aspects You are fighting me like crazy up here on stage He: aaa man my image was that we were gonna have this authentic conversation but we are, so. . .

I donno I was like I wanna have an authentic conversation with Teal T: this is authentic you are being authentic about your resistance it's being flashed to the surface for sure audience: we love you for it. T: yeah. ~ clapping ~ You represent the part of us that is terrified to commit and as a result it's not moving at all and it's wondering why year after year everything is the same He.

yeah I've given myself permission to have very slow movement. T: ok He: decades T: well so here is your next slow movement. You need to be spending time with the part of you who doesn't wanna commit, with compassion for it conscious awareness of it and compassion for it He: yeah oh God ahh Ok.

Ok. T: that is your assignment sound good? He: ya, thank you T: thank you ~ clapping ~ Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.

tanyaduarte.