The Most Valuable 40 Minutes You’ll Hear Today

That's it. It's unbelief. Not just belief in God, but I think it's in short supply.

And I think more of us need it. And if we don't have more of it, doubt's going to win. If doubt wins, we all going to lose.

And uh we got stuff out there to believe in. I think people are looking for it. I know I am.

I don't want it just [music] because I get it. Hang on a minute. Right.

What is it that I really want? What is it that I really would like? I want to be [music] scared of the role that I'm going to take on cuz I'm not sure where it's going to go, but I'm going to trust that [music] I'll come up on the other side.

We have to define success for ourselves and then we have to put in the work to maintain it. >> And there are a lot of men that I know who were looking for that [music] definition that feel like >> I've been told what it's not and now I don't know what it is. Let's say someone has been [music] kicked in the nuts a good bit by life.

How do you advise them to sort of become the hero of their own story again? >> Man, that's a tough one. That's a great question.

You know, I sit here with a life where I have the the luxury to project to ask myself and ask others. No, [music] make a sacrifice today. Sacrifice a plastic ring today for a gold crown tomorrow.

Sacrifice something today for more freedom tomorrow. [music] Sacrifice something today for a possible healthier future for your kids. I understand that's a luxurious [music] position.

I'm not going to apologize that I'm in I'm in it. But I understand to someone in misery, they're going, "Good for you, man. I'm trying to feed family tonight.

[music] I'm not thinking past that. I can't think past that. " What do you ask them to do?

My [music] indirect thing I would say and understand is well, if you don't have the hope or believe in something, [music] you're going to end up you're going to definitely going to remain where you are. And if you have hope and faith in something, I'm not saying it's [music] 100% get out of jail. You're going to absolutely get out, but you got the best chance to.

>> Yeah, the book's about [music] belief. That's what I'm pedling here. I need more of it.

I personally believe in God but the whole thing is not for if people that just believe in God. Believe in trying to pursue your better self transcendent self. If you believe in the future, you believe in your kids, you believe in the past, something don't know what that is, ask yourself what you die for.

Start there. Everyone kind of believes [music] in something. There's an argument that even Nile do believe and nothing.

Nothing's even something. I I I I've never been able to really live with by hook or by crook. I'll get it how I can get it.

I'll lie, cheat, and steal to get it. I got the prize. And I'm still okay.

I got it. My own shadow [music] chases me down in the middle of the night. And those nightmares do become my own daymares.

I have to I think I I naturally [music] come back and look, I I I hustle. I'm a hustler. I I I'm not puritanical.

I'm not making not I'm not trying to preach a [music] absolute straight and narrow way to go things. I bullshitted my way into things and faked my way into making things, [music] pulled off stunts. Well, wait a minute now.

So, we're saying if success is [music] the key, if success is the measurement and you can get it by lying, cheating, and stealing and still be rewarded the gold medal. [music] We That's what's happening. Are we Are we Are we ready to say that's okay?

Are we ready to say that's just how it is? We have leaders in positions now [music] that are saying, "Yeah, just win. " Well, ju just just win.

Just succeed. But yeah, I don't care how you get there. You did it.

[music] Congratulations. Come to the front of the line. So, what are the ethics?

I don't know. What' the winner do? Well, but they wait.

What about What about rules? Oh, yeah. By the way, the rules, if you follow them, you're a sucker.

Uh, I started to find myself going, "No, wait a minute. I'm not ready to wave that [music] white flag. Are we ready to wave that white flag and go, [music] we can see that's what it is.

" Cuz there's many reasons to do so. And [music] so I'm looking around at people and going, I'm not finding things people to believe in, [music] and I'm finding it harder to believe myself. that although those people might get [music] to the front of the queue and be awarded the medal, the medal it that you're awarded or [music] the queue that you get to the front of might not actually give you what you want.

And [music] you you start by sort of reframing success, which I think is a really important thing, especially for a young generation, especially for men who are, you know, the first to want to get to the top of the pyramid in certain pursuits in life. Okay, you can get to the top of the the pile or you can get the gold medal, but be careful what that medal represents. And a medal in what, >> right?

And >> relevant [music] for what? We all want to be relevant. Okay.

Like relevant for what? We want to succeed, >> but when we [music] succeed, do we act? Is it worth it if we don't profit?

>> Yeah. [music] You said, yeah, >> you know what I mean? >> If more we we're we're trained to go the quantity >> is the is the is the goal.

>> That's it. Well, then if that's sacrificing quality >> Yeah. >> or value, what we actually value, >> what are you really winning?

>> Sometimes you can do everything right and still not get the result that you wanted. [music] And that seems like a really tough pill to swallow for people. I think that's why people become uncomfortable with fully feeling their emotions.

>> Yeah. >> So, [music] where do you go? What do you think when I really I I gave it my all that I bared myself and I still got kicked in the nuts?

>> Yeah. >> Not only did I feel like I deserve it, I feel like I earned it and I still didn't get it. >> Wait a minute.

But you said that's the playbook and I followed the playbook. You said these were the rules and the regulations. I followed it [music] and I was good at it.

I still didn't get it. Is there something that you tried to remember about the upside [music] of a crisis during a crisis or do we just need to ride that out? Zooming out would be so [music] beautiful and in retrospect if only you could give yourself the gift of distance of time.

>> Yeah. >> Yeah. And yet [music] you know something hard is going to come again and you're going to be swept away by the wave.

I mean, for me, I it's it's an obvious dance of the both because you can't jump to the objective right away [music] and go, "Inshallah. Oh, fate will have it. This two shall pass.

I'm all I'm fine. " No, cuz then you don't deal with the the crisis. Um, I do have a good I do have a [music] pretty quick threshold for being able to laugh, like honestly start giggling when I'm in the because I found that I'm able to handle the better.

If I just start quicker, I start going, "Are you kidding me? " I'll [music] get objective and remind myself things like you going to die mak which gives me that ah so what this is not as big of a deal as I thought if you're going to do it do it say what you can do what you say if you can't do it don't say you can do it don't overleverage yourself don't overleverage a decision and then jump in and [music] kind of dip a toe Oh, I think I'll try it out. No, think if you're going to try it out beforehand, but when it's time to go dive, finish it.

Find out. Come out the other side. Don't leave it and go, if I just Uh-uh.

That keeps me up at night. I think it keeps a lot of us up at night when [music] you halfass something and you just don't know whether you failed or succeeded, got what you want or didn't get what you want. Finding out and looking and in the mirror and going, "I didn't halfass it.

I went all the way. I found out and that ain't for me. " or I found out and you damn [music] right that is for me.

That's a great place to get to. I think part of the challenges in life is a lot of us are running around [music] halfassing ourselves, half fooling ourselves, not full of ourselves, not [music] studying oursel enough, not holding oursel to task enough, not patting our own self on the back when we do get what we want enough, not cracking our own whip on our backside when we do get out of line even though we knew better. [music] I wish we were more full of ourselves that way.

that someone said this [music] to me before, "Matthew, you're so full of yourself. " And I without thinking, I was like, "Well, who else am I supposed to be full of? [music] That's a good line.

" >> And I stopped. I was like, "That's exactly what I meant. " And I went and wrote that down.

I wish more [music] people were more full of themselves. I think we should take some time to be able to look in [music] the mirror and own that thing that we pulled off and go, [music] "Good job. That's what you wanted.

That's what you got. " At [music] the same time, be able to, as we do more often, look in the mirror when we [music] fail and go, "Ah, bogey. " You want to let off.

>> Give others and yourself more [music] credit. Happiness, you can't guarantee it, but there is a [music] science to satisfaction there. You can look at habits that engineered less pain in your life.

Maybe more pleasure, but at least less [music] pain. And that's that's a win. So much easier to be supportive and [music] gentle of other people >> than of ourselves.

You know, you will happily bestow [music] this sort of gentle, reassuring pat on the shoulder when somebody succeeds or falls short when [music] they tried their best. Yet, given the fact that you tried your best, you give yourself a kick on the way out of the door and a harsh word to follow you. Yeah.

because I [music] got myself in the pickle because things didn't go how I wanted it to go or how I believed it could go. Life's the ironic [music] tragedy. Life is pain.

I'm the reason that I stepped [music] in which is also an asset. Even if someone go, why are you giving yourself so much credit for screwing that up? [music] We're going to make mistakes.

You got to own them. [music] Then you got to make amends. And then you got to move on.

Guilt and regret kills many a man before their time. [music] So turn the page, get off the ride. You are the author of the book of your life.

There are [music] habits that I notice of things I take care of in my life, health-wise, faith-wise, father-wise, husbandwise. If I'm doing that consistently, there's less valleys. >> The ironic tragedy is that life has to be lived forward but only makes sense in reverse.

But when you look back, we go we can all connect every single dot. It's mathematical, scientific how we got to this table right here. It's it's it's all connected.

If we go back and look at it, [music] there's a whole lot of I thought that was the end. Well, it was the end, but it was the beginning of this thing. What you're leaning into is that mystery going forward, right?

That ironic tra that you have something to push off the, well, I don't know what I do want, but I do know I don't [music] want that. You have leverage. Yes.

>> You know, it's it's there. >> You know, we always say, "Well, who are you? " You know, I want you to figure out who you are.

And we ask [music] I tried to I try not to ask my kids that now. Well, I want you to know who you are. And a part of that who's helped me is Bob Dylan's lines like, "I don't know what all this talks [music] about who we are, man.

We are all just what we create ourselves to be. " And that gives me a little Oh, that's relaxing. But the it's so much easier [music] to figure out who you're not.

Then if you start eliminating the who I'm not by sheer mathematics, you end up >> moving towards who more of what feeds [music] you and who you are. And it's a hell of a lot easier thing to go, how can I get rid of some in my life than it is to go, well, how do I go to my true self? Do I want to press the accelerator more quickly or do I want to take my foot off theinging brake?

Sometimes the [music] hard work and the endurance and the elbow grease, the work harder. We were talking about that hustle is not the way out. Sometimes it's I need to back up, laugh, have a sip of my favorite whatever and dance my way through the [music] raindrops out of this sun.

[music] and even looking at the things that are bad and going, "Oh, thank you. Appreciate that. " I think one of the themes of your worldview that I've become familiar with is alchemizing bad times into good ones.

A reminder that things that seem bad can end up being good. How can people or how do you have more of that perspective during a hard time? I probably start off intellectualizing something that I know I probably should believe in but don't believe in it and convince myself even to an extent to trick [music] myself that you know to sit here and go well you just tell yourself this too shall pass.

Okay, great. Well, what the hell's that mean? Even [music] if it's true in the moment, you're like, "What are youing talking about, man?

I'm in the debit section. I'm in I'm I'm in a warning section. I'm I'm This This sucks.

" I I think that how much I'm conscious of it or not, my undeniable optimism and faith, that this isn't all it is. And if it is, so what? That that that's okay.

Well, then really, so what? You know what I mean? What's the big deal?

Two, it minimizes. I don't I I seem to have a tendency not to [music] make a bigger deal out of things that other people make a bigger deal. [music] Drmas.

I don't like to create false drama. When it comes to the I am affected. I I I I get the blues.

I get sad. I get mad. I'm a to be around.

I can't get to sleep. I got demons in my own head trying to work trying to work the riddle out. Why did this happen?

That's the other thing that's tough for me is I think that any bad thing that happens to me, my initial reaction is, well, what did [music] you do wrong to to lead to this? Heard a quote recently that said, [music] "Every man knows reflection and introspection when he's at his lowest. Bad times, you can't do anything other than wallow in retrospective assessment.

" Yeah. Uh, but one of my favorite things I've learned from you is when things are going well, given that that's presumably what you want to have more of, maybe worth deconstructing that. Yes.

Can I b can I try and bottle some science here to why things are going well? And I did find consistencies. You were appreciating more.

You were pointing out beautiful things and [music] not taking them for granted. And so I found a list of things I'm like and when I get off track I try to remind myself ah you've been slacking on some of those. I've definitely found [music] consistencies and I think we all have them if we just notate them along the way that they're not by accident.

Let's cheers. Let's have a cheers [music] on the way for all the things that are work for when we have going right. Also knowing that it's not forever that it will we will have a mountain to climb here shortly.

What's my best advice I need to give myself right now is listen to my own damn advice. [laughter] you knew that there is something to be extracted from living life. How did you get that frame of reference?

Like that's so useful, but I don't think most people have that. >> I you know, I don't know exactly where where I got it. I mean, I would say again to call back that Australian year where I did not have a choice [music] where I was forced into that situation and saw the green light assets [music] from being alone and quite lonely.

Um, I do think uh that there's great value in being [music] alone. And if we are alone and we get bored and we don't like the company, ding, may that light go off to say that does not mean we need to pick up our phone to get some attention or go to the bottle to to ease the anxiety or [music] go online to get some feedback to entertain ourselves. No, it's actually a great time to say no.

sit here in that discomfort [music] long enough to go okay until you come out the other side to go all right I'm good with me again now it's it's part of that I write about it when about traveling in general ideally you don't go to a place you don't I always say this don't I don't want to leave a place I travel to [music] until I get to the point of going ah I could live here this [music] could be my existence and soon as I get to that point then I'm like okay you go now I can go. That's the same thing in the personal journeys. [music] Stick with it till you get through the discomfortable to uncomfortable times until you go, you know what?

I can spend time with myself. I could do this. I could do this forever.

Well, then it's okay to go re-engage, pick up your phone, go see your friends, go have a drink, what have you. Go look for those things that are other relationships in life. But hopefully not until there's great value in not doing that until you go, I'm good with me and me for right now.

Now, why do you pursue things that scare you? Why seek the role that's hard? >> Because it costs me something.

Because it cost comes with a price. It's it's a bit of that line, don't pick a fight, kid. It's not really a fight unless you can lose it.

It's not really, you know, don't it's not really a risk unless you can lose the fight. I feel more alive in them. I have an experience in the making of them.

I'm nervous every day I come to work. I feel like when I nail a day and I knock it and I know I did, I feel like yes, I get I I have a measure at the end of the day like you set out to do something. You prepared for it.

You had intention and you did it and maybe even became found some magic in the day that I sleep good knowing that I accomplished that day in uh building the architecture of a character's arc through a story. [music] And then if I can put the whole thing together and it comes out the whole one whole performance turns out to be a beautiful song an original song of that character then I'm like yes [music] and I know that I was highly responsible for that. I was not solely responsible but the most responsible for that and that gives me pleasure that gives me gratification that makes me feel gives me significance that gives me confidence.

If I don't pull it off and I do have a day where I'm like no you didn't and it was my fault I still I would rather with these kind of roles I can look in the mirror and go so guess who's responsible for not pulling it off you Kanye. In the same way when I go guessess who's responsible pull it off. I like knowing who you and and and and and it was also again work that challenged the vitality of my life.

Drma dramatic roles allow you the actor to [music] have as high of a ceiling or as low of a basement from love to hate from happiness to pain as that particular actor wants to bring to it. That's what's inherently beautiful about dramas. Okay, you're the part you're playing the role.

How does how is are you going to emulate that person through yourself? Um, that is a vital thing that I feel that makes me sweat. [music] That makes me sleep better at the end of the day.

That gives me a sense of accomplishment. I'm like, yes, I did what I intended to do. I prepared for it, was ready.

Oh, the day didn't go how I thought it was going to go, but I I called audles along the way and rolled and still told the truth on my man, the character. That gratification feels good. Unbelievable [music] is the stupidest word in the dictionary.

should never come out of our mouth. Think about it. To say, "Oh, wow.

What an unbelievable play. " Uh, it was an unbelievable book, an unbelievable film, an unbelievable act of courage. Really, it may be spectacular.

It may be phenomenal, most excellent or outstanding, but unbelievable. Uh-uh. Give others and yourself more [music] credit.

It just happened. You witnessed it. You just did it.

Believe it. give your obstacles credit. [music] >> That there's a responsibility to freedom and that there is freedom in [music] responsibility, you know, and that earn your way there.

We remember the stuff we earn, [music] the stuff we experience more than what the teacher tells us or what someone gives us for [music] free. We just do. We broke a proverbial sweat on it, whether it was mental or physical or whatever.

We we we we built it. We we understand. and we felt how we got it, how [music] we achieved it, how we got what we wanted.

Those stick with us whether we forget them intellectually, they were written in our lineage [music] and they build resilience and they and and and they build a healthy true optimism going forward to know that, oh no, I've I've I've worked for something before [music] and achieved it. Delayed gratification. Oh, there are choices I can make today for myself that will pay me back later in life.

So, there are choices we make. If you're going to say right now, I'm going to lie, cheat, and steal to get what I want. And I got it.

I got an immediate green light for me. That's a battery powered green light. That's not a solar powered green light.

Why? Because now everywhere I go, I got to look over my shoulder to see if someone's there that I lied, cheat, and stole from. And when I'm doing that, I'm stealing whose time?

My time. Now, I'm not freedom. I'm not free.

I don't have the freedom. I didn't create freedom in my future because I chose to be an make an irresponsible act that I left crumbs. I've now got reasons to look over my shoulder.

And the more things we do to create in our in our future that we got to look over our shoulder, the more of our most precious thing we have in our lives time that we're stealing from ourselves. So, it's not puritanical. It's just like it's actually self- serve.

It's a very selfish choice. Um and and I'm a fan of the word selfish. I've re helped redefine it.

Um, but I believe that there are selfish choices we can make that are the most [music] selfless that there are selfless choices that we can make that are the most selfish choices. Those two are not a contradiction and we see them that way. Responsibility is is appreciation of a past.

It's building of a lineage. It's investing in ourselves. It's investing in something we started to build yesterday that we want to take into tomorrow.

There's respon that gives us freedom. I'm going to talk to you about some things I've learned in my journey. Most from experience.

Some of them I heard in passing. Many of them I'm still practicing, but all of them I do believe are true. Now, they may be truths to me, [music] but don't think that that makes them mine because you cannot own a truth.

[music] So, please think of these as signpost, approaches, paradigms [music] that give some science for satisfaction. They're yours to steal. are yours to share, [music] liken to your own lives, to personally apply in your own lives, in your own way, should you choose to.

So, here we go. Unbelievable [music] is the stupidest word in the dictionary. Should never come out of our mouth.

Think about it. To say, "Oh, wow. What an unbelievable play.

Uh, it was an unbelievable book, an unbelievable film, an unbelievable act of courage. " Really? It may be spectacular.

It may be phenomenal, most excellent or outstanding, but unbelievable. Uh-uh. Give others and yourself more credit.

It just happened. You witnessed it. You just did it.

Believe it. Give your obstacles credit. you know, once you do find [music] your frequency on something is go forward if you're a non-tyrant and don't ask permission.

And that's the not giving a damn part. I found that the world will actually acquies and go, "Yeah, I'll give you a green light on that. " If you [music] actually go forward and mean it like you're and you're going to do it by hook or by crook and not ask permission.

Life is not easy. It is not. Don't try to make it that way.

Life's not fair. It never was. It isn't now and it won't ever be.

Do not fall into [music] the trap, the entitlement trap of feeling like you're a victim. You are not. Get over it [music] and get on with it.

And yes, most things are more rewarding when you break a sweat to get them. Sit here in that discomfort long enough to go, okay, until you come out the other side to go, all right, I'm good with me again. I don't want to leave a place I travel to until I get to the point of going, ah, I could live here.

this could be [music] my existence. As soon as I get to that point, then I'm like, okay, you can go now. I can go.

That's the same thing in the personal journeys. Stick with it till you get through the discomfortable to uncomfortable times until you go, you know what? I can spend time [music] with myself.

I could do this. I could do this forever. Well, then it's okay to go re-engage, [music] pick up your phone, go see your friends, go have a drink, what have you, go look for those things that are other relationships in life.

But hopefully not until there's great value in not doing that until you go, I'm good with me and me for right now. So to any of us, whatever those things are, whatever it is we look up to, whatever it is we look forward to, and whoever it is we're chasing, to that I say amen. To that I say, all right, all right, all right.

[cheering] I say just keep living. Huh? Thank you.

You see, happiness is an emotional response [music] to an outcome. If I win, I will be happy. If I don't, I won't.

It's [music] an if then cause and effect, quidd proquo standard that we cannot sustain because we immediately raise it every time we attain it. You see, happiness demands a certain outcome. It is resultant.

[music] And I say if happiness is what you're after, then you're going to be let down frequently and you're going to be unhappy much of [music] your time. Joy though, joy is a different thing. It's something else.

Joy is not a choice. It's not a response to some result. It's a constant.

Joy is the feeling that we have from doing what we are fashioned [music] to do. It is just as important where we are not as it is where we are. [music] Look, the first step that leads to our identity in life [music] is usually not I know who I am.

I know who I am. That's not the [music] first step. The first step is usually I know who I am not.

Process of elimination. [music] Defining ourselves by what we are not is the first step that leads us to really knowing who we are. South of New Orleans uh a few years ago and I went to a voodoo [music] shop uh and they had this this this wooden partition against the wall of these columns and and in these columns were all these vials of these magic potions, [music] right?

And the headings above each potion defining what they would give you were things like fertility, health, uh, family, legal health, energy, forgiveness, money. Guess which column was empty? [music] Money.

Let's admit it. Money is king today. It's what make the world makes the world go round.

It is success. The more we have, the more successful we are, right? Now, I would argue that our cultural values have even been financialized.

Humility is not in vogue anymore. It's too passive. It's a get-richquick on the internet richest 15 minutes of fame world that we live in [music] and we see it every day.

But we all want to succeed, right? So, the question that we got to ask ourselves is what success is [music] to us? What success is to you?

Is it more money? That's fine. I got nothing against money.

I don't. Maybe it's a healthy family. Maybe it's a happy marriage.

Maybe it's [music] to help others, to be famous, to be spiritually sound, to leave the world a little bit better place than you found it. Continue to ask yourself [music] that question. Now, your answer may change over time, and that's fine.

But do yourself this favor. Whatever your answer is, don't choose anything that will jeopardize your soul. Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don't spend [music] time with anything that antagonizes your character.

Don't drink the Kool-Aid, man. It tastes sweet, but you will get cavities tomorrow. All right?

Life is not a popularity contest. Be brave. Take the hill.

But first, answer that question. What's my hill? there's a responsibility to freedom and that there is freedom in [music] responsibility, you know, and that earn your way there.

We remember the stuff [music] we earn, the stuff we experience more than what the teacher tells us or what someone gives us for free. We just do. We broke a proverbial sweat [music] on it, whether it was mental or physical or whatever.

We we we we built it. We we understand. we felt how we got it, how we achieved it, how we got what [music] we wanted.

Those stick with us whether we forget them intellectually, they were written in our lineage and they build resilience and they and and and they build a [music] healthy true optimism going forward to know that, oh no, I've I've I've worked for something before and achieved it. [music] Delayed gratification. Oh, there are choices I can make today for myself that will pay me back later in life.

So, there are choices we make. If you're going to say right now, I'm going to lie, cheat, and steal to get what I want. And I got it.

I got an immediate green light for me. That's a battery powered green light. That's not a solar powered green light.

Why? Because now everywhere I go, I got to look over my shoulder to see if someone's there that I lied, cheat, and stole [music] from. And when I'm doing that, I'm stealing whose time?

My time. I'm not free. I don't have the freedom.

I didn't create freedom in my future because I chose to be an make an irresponsible act that I left crumbs. I've now got reasons to look over my shoulder. And the more things we do to create in our in our future that we got to look over our shoulder, the more of our most precious thing we have in our lives, time that we're stealing from ourselves.

So, it's not puritanical. It's just like it's actually self- serving. It's a very selfish choice.

And and I'm a fan of the word selfish. I've re helped redefine it. Um, but I believe that there are selfish choices we can make that are the most selfless [music] that there are selfless choices that we can make that are the most selfish choices.

Those two are not a contradiction and we see them that way. Responsibility is is appreciation of a past. It's building of a lineage.

It's investing in ourselves. It's investing in something we started to build yesterday that we want to take into tomorrow. There's respons that gives us freedom.

>> [music] >> So be brave, have courage. And when you do, you get stronger. You get more aware.

You [music] get more respectful of yourself and that which you fear. the [music] result which we know there isn't really one and we cannot imitate someone else's exact result. We're going to have our own thing way to get there.

Um the the approach is all I think that's that's that's the best our life can get is one constant approach or and with many different approaches but knowing we never there is no result. H you know the story of Seisphus man gets cursed I think he was a demigod gets cursed to roll a boulder up a hill heavy heavy boulder he rolls it uphill and just as he gets to the very top he stumbles and it falls down and crushes him and he needs to walk back to the bottom turn around pick it back up and Albakimu's famous line [music] is we must imagine Cisphus happy that this pointless pursuit >> uh that he finds joy in the process of doing So I grew up only knowing sort of the courage of the persistence. You're resilient, endure, get up, dust yourself off, go.

The problem [music] with that, the Achilles heel with that is if you get up and you have the courage to keep on going every time and get up and dust yourself off, you make the same mistakes [music] each time around cuz you never backed up to have what I've now learned and still learning is the courage to go, "No, I'm going to let some people pass me in the race right now cuz I'm going to look at why I keep stepping in that damn same pothole and twisting my ankle. [music] The same spot. why I keep failing when I try to get that next spot [music] in this relationship or failing in this place to get this product of my craft to the next.

>> Would that be uh the relinquishing of the romcom era in in [music] a a small part for you? >> Small part? Yeah.

Yeah, [music] it was definitely courageous. I did I did honestly think I'd written myself a one-way ticket out of Hollywood. [music] people close to me.

Basically, almost everybody besides my wife was like, "What is your major malfunction, little brother? " You got it made. Why Why are you throwing a [music] jack knife in this?

You're tripping yourself running downhill, man. You You You did it. And I had my wife and [music] myself to remind myself of that 4:00 a.

m. clarity that [music] I had in tears when I was like, "No, I'm I'm I'm I'm rolling the dice. [music] I'm sticking with it.

" Yeah, man. I did think I wrote myself a ticket out of Hollywood. I did look at [music] other vocations, become a teacher, a wildlife guide.

I serious seriously look at those things. But over time, and it was about 20 [music] months, it was gone long enough, had found anonymity enough, was not in your living room, in a theater, in a romcom. You didn't seem to beat shirtless.

Where is he? Turning down the 14. 5 million offer.

Many people go, "Oh what's he up to? " You don't just you don't just step out of Hollywood and unless you get you turn that down cuz you got a plan. You got somewhere you want to go.

And I think that made me more attractive as a new novel idea. But that was yeah that risk took a I think it's [music] fair to say that took a fair amount of courage from me. >> We often see resistance as a form of failure and something that we should endeavor to avoid.

You think about the avoidance of like people building families or even many people consider that we're living in a bit of a comfort crisis. This is slightly a different sort of analogy but most of the diseases that we have today whether they're diseases of I don't know the mind like you know people feeling lonely and isolated [music] or physical diseases 80% of Americans getting back pain but no one in the had a tribe in Africa getting back pain they're all a consequence of us continually choosing comfort >> y which is a short-term friend but long-term enemy and resistance I think is um is something increasingly we can choose opt out of >> oh and and and we we've outconvenienced ourself self. What's AI going to do to us?

Talk about convenience. How much, and I want to keep hearing studies. I wonder if you have an opinion on this.

How much of you coming up with an idea and then writing and rewriting it, thinking about it. No, no, no, no. That's not an expert.

Oh, no. This is what I really mean and how to get it done. How much of that is really valuable to get it beyond just an intellectual idea?

more valuable than just going ah there it is cuz what comes out of it incredibly impressive hunch is that yeah we can use it for like signpost to help us oh that's good or that will help thank you for help me organize but there's a value to us going through the [music] sweat equity of learning something >> but I mean yeah I mean for through history people like Richard Fryman the physicist has said the best way to learn something is to learn it and and then to go through the pain of writing it, condensing it down to a simple truth like you do so often in your new book poems and prayers [music] and then sharing it with the world >> and then getting the feedback and if if the world understood it like you meant it [music] like that poem you just shared you you you understand it that's evidence that you get it >> right >> so I think AI is going to be great for me saying something to you but not learning something myself [music] and I think if you know if you want to defend creativity and innovation and the ability to think you actually have a huge opportunity >> [music] >> which is to go left when everyone's going right. >> Well, now we're going into I have that I got that thing in there. I said what what's better?

Take eight. Take eight eight big risk in life. Sin once, miss the mark once, but get seven, achieve seven, seven out of eight or take a hundred risk >> and achieve eight of them.

My hunch is that there's a God, he's saying go for the hundred and [music] get eight >> rather than eight and get seven. Mhm. >> If you're not take if you're not taking enough risk to sin or miss the mark, [music] which is what sin means, to fail, then >> what are you doing?

Don't come back with even money. Come back with the safe bets, which that can become a sort of recessive peace, namaste. No, [music] it's a it's a it's almost a it's I don't think it's what the mystics meant when they were like be disattached.

Mhm. I think it mean go embrace but for highs and lows and pains and pleasures [music] understand that those outward things are not the things to be attached to for your own identity. It's got to be inward first.

Enjoy those. Partake, but don't become attached to [music] those for your measure without complacency. Trust that time is on your side.

>> What do you mean that? >> Yeah, man. Don't get ahead behind it.

and I can get in a rush and I [music] haven't found looking and I know how to hustle and let's go. The clock's ticking. We're all behind.

All hands on deck. We got to bust out. It's no time for pause.

There's no sleep, no nothing. Get the caffeine [music] out. Let's go.

>> Sometimes we got to do that. But that is usually because an unforeseen circumstance has happened that there's [music] a crisis we got to deal with or we've uh procrastinated and I put myself in that position where I got to we got to cram. But it's not those two circumstances.

We got to watch oursel getting ahead of time and it's on your side. It's a little what I mean about the living longer and living more quality. Time's on our side [music] and we're forced to think and feel especially today with how fast things move.

That more productivity, faster [music] pace, more information, faster pace, it's better. We're we're ahead of we're ahead of time a lot. It's the John Wooden, a great basketball coach for UCLA.

Be quick, but don't be in a hurry. [music] That was his note to the his basketball players. Like, be quick, but don't be in a hurry.

You will miss things. You know, it's it's it's it's the Lego set, man. And you sit there and you get in a rush.

You don't read the directions. You get to the end and you've got 12 pieces left and you're like, "Shit. " Because you got in a hurry.

you got ahead of time instead of just that feeling of [music] I've checked out what I need to do and it's all adding up and this thing's built right and the foundation's right and boom there's the last piece it fits voila was with time's on our side it's not an enemy the end death is not the enemy I do believe that part of you know not in a rush to get there and we can stave we want to stave it off sometimes and that it can be a screaming fight and partially denial can help us get there. I understand that. But still, it's on her side.

It's going to happen. And since it's going to happen and there's [music] that's non-negotiable. Might as well go, well, I'm not going to rush to try and make more of it than there is.

I want to try and spend the time I got as well as I can produce succeed, achieve all whatever those things are, but also at a pace that [music] I'm me that I that I that I like I like the dance to. I I I like the give and the take. I like the reverb.

I like the the the the cause and effect of how things are happening at this pace. Like start now. That doesn't mean time's on my side.

Yeah, dude. Inchy. When it happens, it'll happen.

No. Like, [snorts] wake up. The clock's ticking.

It's on your side now. Just move with it. Dance with it.

Put some soul with the the facts.