[Music] gay welcome to the big poie podcast rahill hi Paris so you know this is one of the things why people talk about this so much why are gay boys having all the fun now he's also very proudly a part of the LGB community both of us are flag bearer but R and my story is kind of similar same same but different yeah yeah same same but different exactly same same but different so one of the things that I'm struggling with at the moment and I thought you know uh you you're the best person to
ask these questions because first of all in India there very few people who are open about their lives right we talk about this angle of how easy it is for guys to have sex how easy it is to hook up but we never talk about the fact that it is so difficult to find a guy if you don't want to have sex but want to get settled down I mean you know it's so interesting because in I I mean like I remember I was just um a few months ago I was at my boyfriend a
friend's house and uh he asked me you know you you know you are like in your 40s right now what is the gay scene like in the 20s you know and I my instinct answer was it was fabulous and he was oh really and that reaction stayed with me I was like why did he seem so surprised why was he so surprised I could me the scene was fabulous I realized later when I was thinking about it and you like I I realized that oh what I was talking about was my experience in New York
cuz I was in New York when I was 18 I was in New York was 21 so uh it I it really isn't it really isn't and at that point it wasn't at all because I think that there was a there was so much chaos in our community where we didn't have like a community sense you know I mean every everything was behind walls this is recent the sense of community is very recent it's very recent absolutely it just come I think in the last 5 7even maybe 10 years where you know I mean there
are organizations people that bring G people together you know lesbians together they have parties they have you know the ways of you know getting to know each other getting to spend time together so but I think our um I I shouldn't say it's I I don't know everything is drawn to just finding a hookup finding a hookup you know you uh on the Spectrum like I'm by I'm generally horny so I just want to with everyone but I'm by like I'm attracted to men and women but I'm attracted to men a lot more than women
what's your situation are you attracted to guys guys girls only attracted to guys and uh that fortunately I got to know very very early in my life and uh and honestly I was just telling you the other day uh it might actually my believe is not true but this is honest throat when the day I realize I was gay is like it's I I didn't have any closet time basically I didn't spend any time uh you know wanting to be gay or you know being attracted to men and not knowing what to do about it
I just did not know I was gay I so when I was in high school I'm pretty sure the boys behind me must be discussing it but no one you know no confronted me no one made me feel I'm Different awkward I went to New York and uh I was was studying there and the first day on campus I obviously walked into campus you know my first time in New York I mean as an adult you know and I go to campus and I I just felt entering the building I see two guys kissing and
I thought this is what people do in New York you know I said that's how they say hello you know that's how they greet you know mean that's how friends greet and I'm like oh my God I'm not doing that like this is really awkward I mean if I make friends out and they kissing me my lips and no that's not happening I did not know in two men actually are together two women can be together I wasn't I completely uh shielded from the whole thing I don't know why you know this is so funny
how but you identif at that time as someone who was gay you didn't really know no I identifi someone as straight because I thought that's the only way of being baby now you know that's so funny how you're saying that because the one question which a lot of people ask me and ask I'm sure several people is why are you gay what do gay people do now that and I always say this very often people are not asking they're trying to offend you they asking they really don't understand there's so many people who say but
listen one second but what does the two boys do together where does it go what happens and you know a lot of that questioning is not out of discrimination out of spite out of anger because they don't understand cuity pure CU yeah pure curiosity so as I also feel sometimes that activat is also important for us to understand where there is someone's intention is to understand you and somewhere it is to maybe troll you whatever but trollings are very better but speaking of New York I love New York because uh I was staying this particular
time had gone I was staying in an N called H H's kitchen and and and if you're if you're someone who likes to have a lot of guys around and stuff it's the best place walk around Place absolutely even for me I by Mumbai standards I feel I'm quite EXP expent Al yeah the kind of hookups I did Rah in New York I would go to the gym and I of course chose the fanciest gym which has all the cutest boys if you ever if you go to a new city you want to find guys
you go to yoga class or you go to a new gym a nice gym absolutely yes I would just be at the Grocers guys would just walk up to say hey you're so cute whatever whatever whatever and we just whatever I slept with guys I slept with guys who have boyfriends I slept with guys who got husbands I SLE with guys who's got wives I slept with single guys and everyone I thought in New York was so chill about stuff and it wasn't Shady now the reason I was so interested in talking to you today
was you know I I between you and me we know half the industry and everyone people could be gay bisexual it's their choice whether or not to front it but the incredible part about someone when they discuss it openly is you open the portal for a lot of people when they have questions they don't know who to ask ask so I have a couple of questions which I know I to keep ranting the whole time but you know my question to you is now you and me are mostly of the same generation I think there
must be very few between the two of us this generation there's no coming out but we are in the same boat today where we I think you and I both like younger guys now the trouble I'm beginning to have for the first time in my life is to find a hookup is very easy yeah some guy will come and S suck my dick in like 3 seconds exactly but for me to find a guy who can be a partner I'm attracted to guys who look a certain way I'm attracted to guys who speak a certain
way I'm also not attracted to guys who identify as women so I'm not pansexual I'm bisexual so the moment I I see they them on a bio I'm not interested sexually I'm not compatible with that but my question is why is it that finding love in the gay community is so difficult rahil I you know I I it's an interesting question and uh I I it's it doesn't just a spectrum to it I think uh the whole idea like I when you say like you are into younger guys I have been with a much younger
guy right now uh he we had a 20-year age Gap but um for me it was never the AG thing I I I I never realized I could be interested in younger guy also uh before him I I you know it's funny I mean this guy was 20 years younger the guy before him was 7 years younger to me he was the first guy who was actually younger to me you know and uh before that I mean when I when I pushed right behind my history I mean all the guys older to me MH you
know so I don't know when the transition happened uh it it was not necessary because I'm I like younger guys that i' I've gone for the previous times I've gone with a guy who 20 years younger the guy who 7 years younger I never felt that age difference also you know for me I think and I and I I think that's why why when you say why is hard to find love that is what I'm seeking that is what I seek in a person you know for me it is not gratification it's not a one
night stand I really cannot I'm I'm totally bad at doing a one night stand until I don't get to know a person for me a one night stand also be very traditional you meet me off for a drink let's at least spend some time let's at least have a drink together let's you know like let get lose let's get to know each other before we can actually do the one night stand have you also like me had which is quite kind of cute because now I'm sure you've gone through this we've been there done that
but when I meet a lot of these 19 20 year olds you know they have these fantasies in their head okay and I really have and sometimes I play with the fantasy I really have guys who come and say you know my back is so sore like you know like whatever can you give me a massage or can I do this to you sometimes the role play is also kind of fun but I know what you're saying as part of the date those Cho Chou things also sort of add to that intimacy it kind of
makes it more playful for me it's it's I think it's very important if you're looking for love and you're seeking love it's not it's not available in the gay community it's not in fact now it is it's a lot more easier than in a city like in Mumbai to find love for the gay community for a gay guy than it was 20 years ago because 20 years ago it was it was literally like all what would happened happened behind walls you know you in a dark Cinema Hall and there was a guy on the other
side side sitting and you know I mean and and he gave you eye contact and you you I mean that is how whether that's sley whether not but that is exactly what it was I want to know this eye contact I'm terrible at it I do not understand it my way if I like something hey what's up but there is a gay look there is a what I've never understood this gay look what is you know the the intentional 7 Seconds of staring to a guy's eyes with like hit me I want to see this
I'm so bad at it you know I've had people do that to me but I've never had to do that to fortunately never had to do that to someone and I'm too shy person to do that to anyone but I've seen it all around so for me if I see a good-looking guy like hey what's up talk okay so when someone is I've also realized a lot of people who give you the look when you say hi hello to them then they're confused then they don't know what to do they only know how to do
all of that but when you say hey what's up they have no conversation beond because for them the next step is uh at that point what's in the mind is sex right now if you uh deviate that from sex to like oh you know you see on my mind but you you're still deviating it you're not like you don't give a look back to him and and then walk to the men's room looking behind and giving like listen I'm available now come be follow me and we're going to get get on to it right you
don't do that you still try to make conversation you still try to take it forward or maybe you know I mean walk to a guy try to talk to him ince yourself a lot of guys like oh this is not what I was prepared for but okay but I've also never done this I've also never done those kinky things in a washroom and have you ever done that what's the kinkiest play had SE I mean I have in New York you know because see now what happens is out here like I said when there is
when people do this they they have this entire um they carry this entire weight of I'm doing something that is uh SES and it's wrong and it's wrong and you know I'm carrying the shame on me while doing this but I just want to do this and then forget about it it seems so like deviant in a way you know I mean it the energy you get is like you know like you know even if you're cute looking guy like I I I may have met a guy in a in a in a train station
you know and he may actually be someone like you know I would not be getting on with but you know it is with him the the energy is like you know like you know like he'll walk away and CH chop you know and he look at you like you're following him it becomes like a spite you know done this you've done this I had I mean when I just got back from New York what happened is like I said when I came out I really didn't come out but when I got to know I'm gay
it was in a in atmosphere in New York I I mean right besides my school there's a gay coffee shop called Big Cup few blocks down there's a gay gym you know it's all right there you know what I mean so I I didn't really had to do things like that but when I came to Bombay I must been in my mid 20s and uh I was like you know like where do I find you know just a nice boy just to have nice conversations or just like hook up with or you know do something
crazy with you know like hang out with I I you know you go to the normal clubs or the bars and all that stuff and you surround your straight friends and straight people and there is nothing as such so uh then when you are suddenly like traveling you know what I mean and uh we had just Shi from South Bombay to North Bombay so I mean I start using the train and now suddenly I get to come a you know look you know I mean and like oh my God okay this is interesting this guy's
cute but then everything that follows up with that you know I mean you're like okay I don't know if I want to do this because this is seeming too sketchy so that's where the risk assessment is very high when comes in a nightclub you know you are uh you know you're ready for it you know then at the same time that guy walks away and he walks away with this entire like I'm not doing anything wrong I'm not doing anything bad you know but I want like you know make out with you I want I
just want you to give me a blow job whatever it is fine it is what it is then you know but suddenly it becomes like a crime scene and you're like I don't know anymore I don't understand this look if you want to flirt with me you come and say hey what's up I think you're C I think the best keep me look is the best way to do it but I I and I think a lot of that has changed now because now like we we have those platforms we have those places where people
guys can still meet guys and you know actually find love like I said the reason I said there was a time when it was very hard to find love for a gay person today is not that hard it's not you know you know one of the reasons I've never been in a situation of doing these hookups in malls and shopping complexes and hotels is because I've always lived alone since I was 16 so for me it was never about I I've done a lot of really crazy sexual Adventures but it's never been these things now
the reason I'm asking you this is because first of all the good part about this conversation is about 5 years ago we were talking some part of it was like seeking validation saying if you get offended but now we don't care if you're a straight person who has a problem with the educ commit that's your issue it's not us not sure so I mean you know that's the one big change which has happened but the other thing which I really liked about what you said is and this is so weird for a lot of people
this is a question which seems ridiculous but you know how many DMs I get of people asking me and it's very cute how people call me Paris because I think they they're really young and they watched a lot of my videos they'll say gay how do I know I'm gay now I'm asking you because you just said you didn't know you were g i now you had the visual stimulus of watching people in New York you seeing what you're attracted to for a lot of people I think that struggle with themselves is very hard but
how do you know you're gay and when they ask me I'm like you are attracted to a guy you want to F interesting part is when I say I didn't know I was gay uh I don't know subconsciously how deeply embedded it was I mean it I I can't and I you're seeing a good-looking guy your body is reacting you're getting a boner right you're physically yeah so in yeah so uh when I found a guy attractive or I I I saw girls attractive I saw guys attractive it was not always sexual for me for
me I especially at that point sex came after falling in love you know so I think that uh I it wasn't an instant boner when you just see a hot guy it and if it was was it was that also I didn't realize it was sexually I mean like that makes me gay that just I just thought maybe you know I mean this guy is really hot looking you know and uh wow he means he's sexy and and and I don't know I've I've always asked myself this also like how did I not know how
was I so naive how was I so deeply subconsciously in dead that I mean someone had to actually remove it out of me I'll tell you the day I came out I mean when I realized or I accepted being gay uh I used to walk down my school and my campus to the gym you know and at that point you know you pass you I mean the entire Street was gay you know the entire Road 8th Avenue of Chelsea is fully gay gay clubs and gay bars and gay coffee shops and gay ST stand stores
and everything gay gyms and um this is this one Standalone store I to go to you know because I love the clothes first but that the the sales boys always hit on me I love that attention you know I should love I intentionally keep going back to the shop because attention he gave me you know but I as soon as and he should come behind me when I'm make me try something come behind me hold me by my waist you know do something flutatious do something sexy and I should love that I should enjoy the
attention too much uh but uh one of those days I went to the store and you know I mean and uh now this is happening a period of time that been been going to the store chatting with him he's being very sexy sweet cute and all those things that I mean and I'm liking all of it I don't know what it means I don't know what I'm supposed to make out of it but I'm just enjoying all of it I was changing the change room and he came inside and he turned me around he kissed
me now this is a true story my sister me be a witness to this my first guy kiss absolutely and I I pushed him away I walked at the store I went storming to my dor room which is a few blocks down I called my sister and I was like you know M I'm like and I gas like what the just happened I feel molested and I feel like you know like my you know someone just invaded my space and uh I I I called him was all hyp listen M you know this happened and
this guy just turned me around and kissed me and she kept quiet for a second sheing did you like it and like M did you not hear me like did you not just hear what I said a guy just turned turned me around and kissed me saying I heard you did you like it and I'm like M what are you talking about and she's like did you like it I'm like I don't know she go back and kiss him and I'm like are you kidding me what are you to tell I mean what are you
do to say I should go back and kiss a guy yeah that's what you like and that's what you are go back and do it and find out and I'm like M you know I mean you know what this means and you know what this could be all of that none of it means anything none of it has any value if you're not being too honest to yourself so go back kiss the guy is cute date him and I M this Mak this would make me gay and she yeah what's wrong with that I'm like
no nothing wrong with that I mean I have gay friends around here now this is this is for a lot of people I think this itself is the biggest thing that they need to get over where they don't accept it because they don't want to be called gay yeah and I think that is a big uh you know the one thing I which is burning question in my mind because you and I again like the younger boys tell me if this is something You' also be noticing a lot of guys who 19 20 they don't
want you to make love they want you to beat the out of them they want you to choke them spank them hit them spit on them and I've seen this most certainly with this generation I was reading a lot of psychology behind it yeah first of all I'm into guys who look a certain way I am I'm quite shallow and elitist and we all are and I'm very I'm very open about it I like guys who come from a certain background you're clean you come in a nice fancy car and all whatever and you that's
a type call it a latst but listen I will sleep with people not to make you happy I sleep with Fair we all have a time now now but where I'm getting to that with this I realized if I was sleeping with a guy who's 1920 who comes from a very rich family they want to be abused dominated hit spat on spank but if I was with a guy who was 1920 but maybe not perhaps that well off who's probably a struggling actor they don't want abuse now that started happening a lot and then I
got into the psychology where I started reading about that I thought was fascinating and I want to check with you if that's also your experience now the psychology behind that is the fact that a lot of even women a lot of really powerful women want you to Ill treat them in bed they want you to treat it saying treat me like a because women who are in power want to be dominated they feel good this only happens to people who off a certain class but someone who's not in a position of power the whole day
anyone any they don't want to be abely absolutely now when I read this psychology I realized this is probably why a lot of the rich guys who come to my house or guys who are doing well they want you to really they already say stuff like like spit on me do this do that I'm like okay what do I clean but have you also noticed this newer train with the younger guys where there's a lot of it's not so much love making it's a lot of BDSM have you also noticed this sex making sex making
have you also noticed it's white I mean uh I I mean I really don't know if it's happening more now in today's generation but uh I think yeah it it it it's there it's it's I mean with with the entire the differentiation about you know being with the rich guy and the poor guy who's not that rich I won't say poor but someone who's not that rich or wey or you know I mean I've noticed one thing is any of these guys who I have met on a dating app now which never existed I mean
20 years ago but now on hook up at you know I mean I've always noticed the guys who come from more uh uh you know um you more humble backgrounds you know they are a lot more caring and indulgent and they more there to uh the more there to give you happiness then seek happiness you know they more there to tell you ask you what you want I mean how do you like and then and the more that to like you give you that hugle hug and the snuggle and all of that also more than
uh you know the the guy I meet who is uh maybe not as I mean who is actually that uh you know I mean well to- do and come well to do family who becomes very very uh you know Cutthroat about you know like these are my lives this what I do are you into this are you not into this you know I mean if you into this then this works you're not into this then this doesn't work so that I guess I noticed yes the one the one thing I want to ask you before
we wrap up two things actually what what is the obsession with a lot of and I hear this from a lot of guys and I hear this from a lot of bottoms where they almost say it like a chip on their shoulder saying I'm only to straight guys yes and every time I hear this I have this biggest eye roll saying you're just pleasing Yourself by saying you're into straight guys but any guys who's sleeping with you is obviously not a straight guy but what where does this come from I've only I really don't know
part is very interesting but I I really don't know if this is a a thing only in our country or I mean in our country because this entire only attracted to straight men you know I mean no you could very well be attracted to straight men but saying I only sleep with st men then sleep straight men or only attracted straight men and I only like this I mean that confuses the hell out of me also because but what where is that coming from how are they f i i i don't know the fascination of
why uh but they say like a chip on their shoulder saying you know like and it'll always be you know at the risk whatever at the RIS of caricaturing someone it will always be these guys who identify as perhaps they them or F whatever but where does that come from how then how do you actually believe that person I mean how do you actually call that person straight when he if he's actually sleeping with you so I'll tell you why I'm asking that question and this is a problem I have with you know I've always
been vocal about this because I'm an activist doesn't mean everything our community does is great the idea of being equal is if we are equal and we're human we are also humanly good and bad and this is the trouble I have with the straight part because somewhere every time you say I'm only in love with straight guys you're always making it sound like but someone who's gay is lesser than a straight person I think you know I mean uh what I've always felt is we are so uh I mean we so CAU on to wanting
to be wanting to be attracted to straight looking guy because I think we come from uh a place where we have had a history of hiding our own identity uh or you know feeling self shame you know that if we are with a a guy who is straight or straight looking you know that sort of perception of whether we are gay or not gay also sort of gets hidden in the bargain and that's where it comes from you know I really think that our own insecurity of being exposed about our sexuality back in the day
you know has sort of you know like just passed on with his whole idea of being with a straight guy or being with a guy who actually looks straight because um it's sort of you know sort of seals your own troat yeah yeah like my perspective on that for example you must have never seen me with f boys that's not been my thing because I'm bisexual if I want femininity I'm happy to be attracted to a woman now in my case also I remember you know when I would be very vocal about the fact this
is my type I don't have to make anyone happy so I remember somebody was trying to troll me once say but you why you bottom shaming or why you trying to be anti boys I said this is not bottom shame I saying just like when you ask a gay person saying you want to sleep with say this hottest Indian TV actress they would say no I'm not attracted it's not shaming not attracted I think that's getting stuck with the cliches that every bottom is feminine you know every top is masculine you know I mean so
the the bottoms you take the part of the woman and the tops take the part of the man again it us holding I mean you know I mean holding on to those you know uh the stereotypes of you know one has to fit one Ro and other has to fit another role you know I mean we I have met so many botoms now who uh are very straight looking very straight in their behavior but they like to I mean that is a preference yeah I was you know I always come back to gender and sexuality
are two different things like I have Li in my head of course you can all turn around and say which is totally true I'm also not the most most masculine person and that's fine but I'm saying in my head I've never had any intention of being a woman so my gender I'm very like happy being a guy someone like you I'm sorry I cut you out here but so someone like you that may be thrown a lot less on you because you're not feminine for one like me when I tell SP when I generally tell
people that oh they ask me you know like uh you're gay but I mean do you they always assume because I'm on the feminine side I'm feminite in my ways of talking in my hand movement my hand gestures my walk everything my voice I think I have the most gay voice I think there's a gay voice and that exist and I had most gay voice that I mean that there is and it can possibly be you can anyone can identify me being G just by my I also identify so I also the voice I had
you no but uh when so when I tell someone that I am gay but I'm very happy being a man they look very puzzled like are you sure because I mean they just assume because you are maybe feminine that you you do want to but 50% order 50 be here and I'm very happy with the Mur very happy with that part of it I the order part I mean I satisfy with way I dress with what I do and all of that stuff but I have no desire in trans iing now there are people who
desire to transition I not one of those people when someone like I say that compared to someone like you say that you people myself believe that AA you're just a gay guy with me they're like n you know I mean you're such I mean you're so girly or and I'm like no I'm I'm very happy with my biology with my parts I'm very happy I've never had those identif identity crisis enough my identity crisis or whatever has never come to me from the straight Community it's come to me from the gay community but the gay
community when they talk to me they'll say stuff and I would be like what is this and it's okay for people want I I don't want to be called This is why you go wrong on the one hand as a community we are fighting for get our pronouns right on the other hand you are not respecting and I say but listen I have no interest in me beh so please you know whatever lastly before we wrap this up why what is this funa with people saying I am a side now if you're for a side
side is basically someone who doesn't want to have penetrative sex now in my head I'm just like I remember when I talked about this people said but listen sex is not everything to which my answer is maybe not for you but for me sex is very important so if I have a partner who I'm not like actually like actually penetrating to me that can't go beyond the point what is your take on sides I mean I I get that part you know I mean because for me um for me penetrative sex is like I said
it gets very attached and that maybe the in my Indian are bringing or you know my old school are bringing I don't know which part of what it is but uh for me penetrative sex is it gets closely and runs par with the amount of emotion I have for a person I've tried this entire hookup or you know I mean just meet a guy randomly and try to have pent sex with him and I like want to jump out of the bed and run because I if I don't feel connected to the person then I
think um I'm just not I mean I'm not ready for it I'm like the flower that's not going to open you know what I mean you know it's not going to open I'm not ready you know then it's assault because you're doing something that I'm just maybe I'm not showing it to you says not assault but inside I feel I'm being assaulted because you I'm not ready for this but yeah no I wasn't talking about that that is about consent because when you meet a guy you may not want to have sex the first time
you might I wasn't talking about that that is different that you might take three times to I was talking about people who say I a side only I don't have penetrative sex only and the only thing extend to me is cuddling and kissing so but for them it's not about three days down they will have sex with you it's fact that I am aside that's the part I don't understand you know the good part about this conversation and I see the evolution of of of our country and and I think we're we're a brilliant Nation
we I think I'm transitioning to be a side I'm sorry I'm transitioning to be a side okay so then maybe you can give me more insight on this latest thing why do you not want to have sex I'm like what am I saying I'm trying to understand I get but what I was saying was I'm so proud of our country because we're also one of the handful of countries in the world which recognize the third gender we are one of the handful countries of the world which have decriminalized I know a lot of people say
India is not forward we are very forward I mean look at look at Russia look at there's a whole bunch of countries where it's very very you know different absolutely but but uh the good part about the conversation today is we've also moved 5 years ago somewhere we would say I hope you don't troll us I hope you don't do this now we don't care you have your own opinion everyone gets told for something you are you're an ally great if you don't support the LGBT course no problem you live your own life we have
nothing to do with it and I think that's the best part about these conversations you know the reason we do these chats and reason we do the big pie podcast like this not let we talking about something Earth chattering but the good part is hassy maak it normalizes a lot of stuff because you could be a young kid who's sitting in in in a small town and people youing is what it as as you are I keep saying I think the best way to shut people up is be successful be an incredible human being yeah
and be awesome are you you're currently single I'm currently single recently single he recently single he might turn into a side before he turns to a side if you want to slide into his DMS and whatever please Li to rahil and he's a great guy I can watch for him and I'm so glad we spoke because again we never have an agenda or whatever but these discusss just open up a portal and it's quite nice and I hope you will come back on the podcast again absolutely par this is a lot of fun I clearly
I was a bit nervous and was unprepared for this but I think I could do more of it I'll get a hang of it and I'll start liking it a lot more I like it I I I hope you come back soon but I enjoyed myself thank you so much me too I the whole time I was fing my plateus too much I should get it big p guys
