let this icon represent 100 000 tinder users this is what one million tinder users looks like this is what all the girls on tinder looks like and this is what all the guys on tinder looks like [Music] and then there's you how do they do it you ask yourself seeing all these couples all those instagram pics all those love stories it baffles you it makes you angry they got lucky it's a rigged game they were born with good genetics they're not happy i don't want a relationship anyway i just don't have the time i'm an
introvert i'm unlucky love hi getting married that all seems like a distant dream so as a last resort you download tinder because it's better this than nothing you tell yourself maybe this will be fun maybe you'll finally feel something maybe you'll find the one some hope with fancy photos and tactical pickup lines they'll find love through sheer force others hope by filling a dad-shaped hole they'll become confident and empowered and the rest they're falling down the spiral of loneliness of doubt depression or divorce desperate to feel that spark they felt before you look for quick
fixes you look for apps to find love because deep down you're living a life of quiet desperation but meanwhile all you really want is someone to laugh with someone to share those memories with and you don't have long until it's too late but as months and years go by you come to a harsh realization those dreams you had of meeting that girl traveling around the world escaping your virtual reality having your own family they'll forever remain that way just dreams nothing more nothing less tinder is creating the biggest psychological and technological change in human society
and you you're on the losing side of it but what if i told you you were wrong what if you didn't have your emotions cut up and sold back to you for a profit what if you didn't have to turn to tinder what if you didn't have to always send messages grasping at straws what if you didn't have to abandon those dreams you had of traveling the world to that girl or having a happy family by the end of this video you will understand there's a side to the coin that you're not being shown but
i warn you the road is tough dating apps are a multi-billion dollar industry they are profiting from your loneliness and doing everything they can to keep it that way their main goal is to reprogram your mind to think that you need an app to date that you need the next swipe in the next match all whilst giving them billions and leaving you more alone and isolated the road out to the online dating world is becoming harder by the day but at the end of this road lies relationships beyond what you thought you could attain at
the end of that road lies the ingredients for a healthier happier and more socially connected life [Music] 52 percent of 18 to 24 year olds and 13 million 30 to 44 year olds are on tinder at the same time the number of single adults in the us and many other nations is unprecedented with reports estimating that one in four people will be single for their entire life why truth is media and society have a habit of telling you that being single is empowering that being atomized is healthy but not having children are stopping climate change
that tinder is helping you that tinder is changing dating for the better and that tinder is empowering the question is have you bought into these ideas in the longest study on what makes a good life they found loneliness is the biggest indicator of a shortened lifespan it turns out that people who are more socially connected to family to friends to community are happier they're physically healthier and they live longer than people who are less well connected all religions since the dawn of man have known this taoism hinduism buddhism judaism islam christianity paganism but instead our
society will tell you that long-term relationships and meaningful lives can be found on apps like tinder society tells you being alone is a virtue to abandon monogamous relationships for the toxic hell escape of online dating and that's when you might take the baits and trust these new ideas in your head maybe you should get tinder maybe it's worth it everyone else is doing it maybe that's the only way and that is when you become blind to the traps the line wait there are three traps on tinder and if you download tinder you will inevitably fall
into one more of these traps the first trap the self-help route now i'm not talking about authentic self-help i'm not talking about the people like jordan peterson joe rogan david goggins or whatever i'm talking about the world of dating gurus dating forums and all the other quick fixes online ukraine so you do your research you watch all the dating gurus and fall down the rabbit hole of self-help and after every self-help post that you read after every self-help video that you watch there was a shot of dopamine rushing through your brain you go on and
on using these texting games from tinder girls you race to get more of that dopamine rush every single time the online dating world can put you under a massive illusion the illusion of progress after watching that video you feel accomplished after getting that match you feel accomplished you feel like you're moving closer to your romantic dreams you're motivated by the matches you watch the next video read the next post but it's only when you take a moment to pause and reflect when you realize you're just addicted to the feeling of progress and this is why
tinder is a facade for the real adventure of life in which you learn who you truly are by grabbing yourself by the balls and facing real world rejection you become overprotective from the negative stimuli that is a part of finding deep relationships instead you're just turning to the dating gurus for tricks from discombobulating girls to get laid always at arm's length from real rejection and so as you follow this path you push yourself further and further away from your original goal because how can you find a meaningful relationship when half the process is taken away
but as this process continues the dopamine rush from self-help and tinder slowly fades tinder dries up your mattress by design the rejections pile up you may start to conclude that you just can't do it anymore the finding a partner is a waste of time and energy you put so much work into getting this right and yet you have nothing to show for it maybe they were right maybe love is an illusion maybe you're ugly maybe you're just better off on your own way and then see how that turns out when you're 60. so let this
be your first warning you don't need to read every post you don't need to overthink every text every movement and every action you take you don't need an app this is the first trap that so many guys get lost in and it has dramatic consequences at the end of it all tinder becomes a substitute for the action you need to take in the real world going on tinder will only make you more lonely more insecure with this trap ultimately leading you to the gut-wrenching realization that you haven't made any progress you only got better at
convincing yourself that you did the second and most dangerous trap the hedonist trap let's say you're doing well on tinder you've got tons of matches coming in you feel confident you're taking people out for dinner you've never had it so easy all these people all this potential all this dopamine your ego swells people want you when you want them tinder is great this is what was missing in your life untold matches coffee dates bad days so many one night stands it feels too good to be true it's what society tells you to do be empowered
be sexually liberated be adventurous tinder one night stands are an ingrained part of modern dating which makes this trap so dangerous and so hard to escape but the engine behind this is tinder's design itself the endless amounts of profiles you find on tinder creates an infinite choice conundrum you think to yourself that you just need one more swipe before you find the perfect match one more hot match to feel like a baller one more day to find that goal one more one-night stand to feel connection and so on and so on and so on you
end up always chasing the dragon for the next perfect match or the next potential lover paralyzing you from finding a deep relationship with so many options to choose from people find it very difficult to choose at all and the business of online dating knows this in fact they rely on this to keep you hooked oh and they're very aware of how addicting infinite choice can be one of the schedules which is very effective with raster pigeons is what we call the variable ratio schedule and that is at the heart of all gambling devices and has
the same effect a pigeon can become a pathological gambler just as a person can and even if you're one of the lucky ones who does sustain a long-term relationship from tinder your chances of breaking up are almost 30 percent higher than those you met outside of tinder when there are lots of alternatives to consider it is easy to imagine the attractive features of alternatives that you reject that make it you less satisfied with the alternative that you've chosen one of my favorite authors dostoevsky wrote that if you had nothing to do but eat cakes and
busy yourself at the continuation of the species you would eventually want to smash all these bubbles of bliss for something unique to happen easy pleasure makes life miserable because what makes you happy right now won't make you happy in the next hour so here's your next warning the online dating industry is a huge business and it relies on you not being content for you to continue consuming its services be careful question how tinder is making you feel over the long term question the real value of all these matches of one night stands you have ask
yourself what did i gain from any of this the final trap the self-doubt trap this is the trap lying in wait for the vast majority of people on tinder the people who don't get matches like their friend the people who struggle to keep a superficial conversation going through text the 80 of men who are made to feel against the odds the ones who are made to feel that they will never have a chance of finding a normal girl male users of the popular dating app tinder appear to have lower levels of self-esteem and all users
appear to have more negative perception of body image than people who don't use the app at all men who were actively involved with tinder reported significantly lower levels of self-esteem than female users and yet this trap doesn't just apply to men far from it this trap may even be worse for all the women who can't find a guy that wants more than a pump and dump the women who are made to feel that to find a partner they have to be promiscuous they have to have a one night stand on a first date for them
to retain any of their value they have to pause it doesn't matter which trap you fall in all of them are taking you to the same place each of these traps rely on your addiction to this depressing drug dispenser this drug that inhibits you from the rewards of real connection but what if tinder success is only symptomatic of a much larger endemic problem of society tinder usage is increasing in the millions every single year and at the same time more than one in five americans will report that they're lonely which poses the question how do
you escape these traps how do you get these deep social connections well the possibilities are practically endless it might start off as something as simple as replacing screen time with people time it can mean going to an event going to a hiking group a running group a gaming group a meditation group going to meetup.com and finding people similar to you it could mean just taking that call to adventure it involves transformation it means grappling with your fears of being rejected it means grappling with your social anxiety means grappling with your laziness and excuses the people
in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates you see loneliness isn't just about being alone and struggling to find a partner or get a hot match it's not the number of friends you have and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters in life you need someone to communicate with you need someone to tie yourself with so your lives make a rope you need someone to communicate with when times
are good and share your triumphs you need someone to share your catastrophes you need a framework that's stable and it's strenuous and hard you'll face heartbreaks you will face anger annoyance sadness to spare moments of self-loathing so then what was all this for anyway [Music] from the start this was never about tinder escaping your virtual reality meeting that goal hi hi traveling around the world [Music] having a family it was the real life experiences you were looking for it was a feeling a sensation the ability to look back on your life without ever having to
cast a thought towards why didn't i live life to its fullest have i wasted my life how did i become so lonely and depressed would i ever get to see my kids smile the most important lesson from this video was never about tinder it was about the one thing you will never regret having the most valuable thing in your life relationships has tinder ever helped your life is your life settled on swiping texting briefly meeting waking up the next day and repeating the same cycle for years how many experiences how many chances to grow do
you let step through because of this pattern or perhaps you're fine with that reality and if that's the case there's nothing to worry about the most you got from this video was little entertainment and maybe a change in perspective but there are those of you that understand the other side those of you that understand the price of cheap fixes the value of never needing to worry about what you didn't do if you're going into your 20s or 30s you only have one shot at this let finding a strong relationship be the meaningful struggle of your
life does it mean you'll be happy at the end of this road only you can answer that question but if your struggle is meaningful then perhaps it's worth pursuing you
