I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for watching.
Thank you FOR JOINING US. WELCOME to our viewers around the world. But we are coming to you from Hollywood, California in the highly dysfunctional United States of America where uh as of just about an hour ago, we're again staring at another government shutdown.
The last shutdown was only two months ago in November, went on for 43 days, and we almost wound up with another one because Republicans were reluctant to make an agreement that would require ICE to comply with the same rules that other law enforcement agencies have to follow, for example, not murdering innocent people. The Democrats were refusing to fund the DHS until that happened. And the good news is uh they were able to make some kind of an agreement without having to p pull an allnighter to bad news is that means they had no excuse not to go to Melania's documentary premiere tonight.
The good news is bigger than the bad news. MELANIA MELANIA Trump as you know got a movie deal. Amazon paid her $28 million for her doctor.
Everything is just so deeply corrupt but also preposterous. Case in point, Donald Trump has a new celebrity friend. I don't know if you've seen this, but her name is Nicki Minaj.
Nicki Minaj is in the Oval Office. You can see her there grouping with a a group of men who would normally call the police on her. And Donald Trump just delighted taking it all in.
He's so happy. This relationship has been brewing for quite some time, ever since um CO nearly exploded Nikki's cousin's friend's balls. And of course, Trump was delighted.
He uh he's never happier than when a rapper shows up to lavish him with praise. >> Hello guys, I'm with my favorite president, the best president of all time. >> And I'm with the queen of rap.
>> You know, in a better world, that would have been the open to a new reality dating show on VH1. Of course, this is all very puzzling, especially because of what's going on in Minneapolis. Nicki Minaj, not only is she not a US citizen, she came here undocumented as a child from Trinidad.
She is exactly who ICE has been rounding up, he invites her to the Oval Office, but if you're Nicki Minaj and you pledge allegiance to Orange Julius, it's different, I guess. So different, in fact, that Nicki Minaj is now in possession of a Trump gold card. there.
She posted that these are the visas Trump has been selling for a million dollars a pop. If you buy one, you get lawful permanent resident status, but she didn't buy one. She said she got it for free.
He gave it to her. She gets a gold card. He gets a famous black friend.
It's it's what you call the art of the deal. But this is just nuts. Those cards are they are supposed to cost a million dollars, which is crazy in and of itself.
But also that money, it goes to us, not to him. He can't just comp someone because she kisses his big white ass. I mean, he really thinks that he owns the country.
Is he going to start handing our stuff out now? Like, Nikki, how do you like a monument? What do you want?
Washington? No. Lincoln.
Lincoln. Take a Lincoln. What about a nuclear weapon?
You want You could use it on Cardi B. What do you think? You know what Obama used to give out?
M&M's. You go to the White House, you get a little box of M&M's. Trump's swag bag is full of citizenship.
Trump also has a new word he's been using a lot lately. You're going to be hearing it regularly. It's boom.
He and his minions uh keep saying, "Look out, economy. Get ready for the Trump boom. " >> They gave us doom and gloom, and I'm building the Trump economic boom.
It's a boom. >> When America booms, the entire world booms. >> Booming like it never bmed before.
You go here and boom, boom, boom. It goes up. Boom.
Just before we landed, boom. >> It just went boom. This guy gets up.
Boom. You go boom boom. And now you're in guitar.
>> It's called President Xi. Boom. Abdul is the head of the Taliban.
Boom. Get out of here. Get out.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Boom. Boom. The other day I made a boom boom.
Well, that's something you'll be proud of. That's good. Trump's FBI, you know, the FBI that had been working against him for so many years under Obama and Biden, the liberal FBI.
Well, now he has the FBI raiding the elections office in FY count Fton County, Georgia as part of an investigation into his widely debunked and ridiculed claims of voter fraud in the 2020 election. Yesterday, the FBI went in, they seized all the ballots in the voter roles in a predominantly black county, a county that voted for Joe Biden. They took all the private information and transported it to an unknown location even though we already had an investigation into these allegations.
Georgia did an audit and their Republican Secretary of State said they found no evidence of fraud. In other words, their election in 2020 wasn't rigged, but it's about to be. It is highly unusual for the federal government to do something to intervene in an election.
They're supposed to be run by the states. And to make things even more suspicious, look who showed up to watch them take the stuff. That is former Democrat turned conspiracy theorist turned national director of intelligence under Trump, Tulsi Gabbard, whose department should have nothing to do with something like this lurking in the shadows on her phone.
And no one knows why. Actually, we do know why it Trump didn't fix the economy or grocery prices or healthcare. So now he has to fix the midterm election so they can win, which has local officials in Fulton County concerned.
>> Now we do do not know where our election records have been taken or what will happen to them. While they were here, they were safe and they secure. Once they left Fulton County, our election center, I don't know where they are.
I don't know who has them. I don't know what they're doing with them. >> Don't worry.
I'm sure they're safe and sound in a room with the Epstein files. They're going to be okay. And then we have the new sheriff of ICE, Trump's borders are Tom Holman, who is in Minneapolis now doing his best to write the ship.
>> Um, President of the United States called me Monday morning and asked me to deploy here. Um, got here Monday evening and I'm staying. So, the problem's gone.
>> Wait, but you are the problem. The problem can't stay until the problem is gone because the problem is the problem. It it's just physically impossible.
Homeman spoke very highly of his Proud Boys in ICE, but also gave his word that officers who don't act with professionalism will be dealt with like any other federal agency. Oh, good. The guy who took a bag of cash with $50,000 in it is going to make sure they behave professionally.
A smattering of Republicans have stepped forward to criticize the damaged brains behind this operation, including Senator Tom Tillis of North Carolina, who is not running for reelection and also not getting an invite to the Mara Lago Super Bowl party this year. They're discrediting what I consider to be a very um a very wellorganized operation in ICE. But they're discrediting even these officers.
They're going to make their job more difficult and more dangerous with this incompetence that I'm seeing out of N and out of Steven Miller. The president called you a loser, I believe. >> I am thrilled about that.
That makes me qualified to be Homeland Security Secretary and senior adviser to the president. >> What you talking about, Tillis? I'm guessing Tom Tillis was not invited to the big movie premiere tonight.
The main event in Washington, the uh premiere of Melania's documentary. Not since the Terminator has there been this much excitement for a movie about a European cyborg. Among the luminaries in attendance were Beyonce, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lady Gaga.
Oh, no wait, it was Dr Phil and Waka Flock of Flame. In addition to President Ceel Binmill, the guest list included disgraced former New York City Mayor Eric Adams, Dr Oz, Todd and Julie Chrysley, RFK. It was either a movie premiere or season 35 of Dancing with the Stars.
The premiere did it was not without controversy. Poor Eric Trump. He kept yelling chicken jockey at the screen.
They had to throw him out. I of course I have no idea if this movie is any good or not, but I will say I've thoroughly enjoyed Melania's press tour. Fox News in particular, they've really been able to show us a side of this woman that we we have not seen.
>> Can I ask a question I've been dying to ask? >> Yes. But it's you're going to think that it's kind of you're all might think it's a kind of a weird question, but I've always been curious.
What is your favorite time of day? >> Can I I've always wondered that, too. What is your favorite time of day?
Is it 10? Is it 2:15? Only the softest of balls for our first lady.
What's your favorite time? Her favorite time of day is anytime Donald is taking a nap. Amazon, by the way, man.
Oh, man. Amazon shelled out $40 million to make this movie and another $35 million to promote it, which is so much more than probably any documentary ever. But they want you to know that this had nothing to do with the fact that her husband is a petty, vengeful blood sucker.
A spokesperson for Amazon said, "We licensed the film for one reason and one reason only, because we think customers are going to love it. " And then she laughed and laughed until they had to carry her away. It is so funny watching these suckups like Maria Bird or Romo act like this woman like Melania is some kind of business genius because of how much money she got for this.
>> This is the highest paid documentary ever. How did you negotiate such a deal? When I had an idea, I approached my agent and he went out and bid to many streamers and um Amazon was the best one because what I wanted to do is to put um the product the film into the theaters.
>> She wanted to put the film into the theaters. And is that is that so wrong? and they're at the teeters tonight.
For whatever reason, they keep bragging about how Melania was involved, how involved she was in every aspect of this film. As if that's a good thing for a documentary about yourself. I'm sure the Tiger King would have liked to had final edit, too.
But God bless her. She does seem to have spent a lot of time on it. >> People will see it will see fashion.
They will uh listen incredible music uh that I picked for every scene. I wanted to set up a mood and also I I got the special score for that movie, my original score that it's called Melania's Vaults. >> Wow.
And where does that original score come from? >> It's specially made for the movie. >> How wonderful.
>> Oh. Oh, the original score is original. How wonderful.
That's the director of the film, Brett Ratner, has been out of the business uh for quite some time after being accused by multiple women of sexual misconduct. So, uh Melania felt right at home on set. It was like family.
There appears to be some kind of an embargo on reviews of the film. They are not allowing reviews, which is what the studios typically do when a movie is really good. But reviews alone don't always mean success at the box office.
So to give our first lady a hand, we sent our team to the local theater. We asked people passing by to be part of, you know, those audience uh response commercials that people come out of the theater and they say, "I love. " We asked people to do that for millennia, even though they haven't seen it yet in the the best edition of Lies, Camera, Action.
We're shooting one of those commercials where people come out of a movie theater, they've just seen the movie, and they're talking about it. This is for the new movie Melania Third Wives a Charm coming out on the 30th. So, can we get you to act like you just came out of the theater?
You just saw Melania and you loved it. Okay. >> There's no way.
>> You did you just see Melania? >> Sorry. I'm so anti-Trump.
It's not even funny. >> Oh, no. No.
This isn't pro Trump. This isn't pro Trump. >> I don't.
>> It's pro Melania. You, sir, did you just see Melania? >> I did.
It was amazing. >> What did you like about it? That's >> pretty good.
>> What did you think of that intimate scene in the bedroom where Donald asked Milani to spank him with the Epstein files? >> It was uncomfortable but appropriate. >> You know what?
For people who haven't seen it, can you do me a favor? Can I just get you to reenact it for a second? Here's the Epstein files.
And let's bring in our Donald. Now lean over. Donald, >> you are a disgusting pige.
You are >> You are a disgusting pig. >> You are a disgusting pig. >> Talk a little bit about that bedroom scene.
Were you surprised by the length and the color of the president's nipples? >> Yes. His nipples were very long and I was very impressed.
>> So, they have one of those collectible popcorn buckets for Melania. >> Oh, wow. >> But since it's Slovenia, they don't eat popcorn there.
They eat sauerkraut. Just pop that open and take a bite of the sauerkraut. I'm a Melaniac.
>> Big bite. Big bite. >> It's all about the crowd.
>> It's It's all about the crowd. >> We're trying to appeal to all the different conservative groups who might go to see the movie. I got it.
>> Can I get you to throw in a costume or two as all the different demographics who might go see it? >> So, here. Put that on.
>> Oh god, this is going to be the death of me. So, you're going to say, "As a diehard MAGA, this movie makes Melania great again. " >> As a diehard MAGA, this movie makes Melania great again.
>> Okay, we're going to change up. >> As a proud boy from Peoria, I'm storming the theater to see Melania. As a flat-earther from Fargo, I'd follow Melania to the end of the earth.
As a gay conversion camp counselor from Cukamonga, I'm going straight to see Melania. As a Q Anon from Carolina, Melania made me horny. As an antivaxer from Annapolis, I'm not immune to Melania.
As a tread wife from Tampa, I'd love to see Melania if my husband says it's all right. As a Cracker Barrel Karen, I demand to see your manager and Melania. >> Okay, now let's try a couple groups from the left.
>> As an antifa from Atlanta, I say no kings, but yes, queen. As an illegal immigrant from Illinois, >> right this way. Let's go.
>> I want my daughters to grow up and be just like Melania. >> Our melanin melts from Melania. >> I can't believe how long the president's nipples were.
>> Melania, it grabs you by the and never lets go. >> Brett Ratner's done it again. And this time, I don't mean denied multiple assault allegations.
